Monday, April 16, 2012

When submission is hard

I'm sorry for my absence this past week, and the disruption in our normal kind of posts. As I'm sure you've seen, Ward has deployed. He had asked for a story to hold him over, silly Daddy. Aside from the private one that I write for us, which is a fanciful fairy tale. And my own emotions poured out in poetry - I write when I am overwhelmed. Aside from that, I have been thinking how I am going to live the next several months when my heart is out of my body and floating the seas, and how in the world I am going to breathe.

I feel a bit lost and rudderless (no pun intended...with Daddy being a sailor). But my guide is gone. This is when submission is hard for me. How do I submit? How do I serve? How do I do all of the things associated with the family when Daddy does those things better? I've been coping by keeping a running commentary, on paper, and sending daily letters. But there are moments when I feel I could crumble.

It was during one of those moments when I realized that he is still my authority, whether he is in the same room, across the country, across the sea or sailing it. I know the things he wants from me. I understand the expectations he has for me, for us, for our family and for our future. I know that in all things I represent him. I am the reflection of all the things he has gifted me, of his love, and all the things he has taught me.So I can serve him by doing this well. I can serve him by making him proud. I can serve him by representing him well.

So please everyone, say a prayer that Daddy comes home soon and safe. I've already told him I am going to be like the world's largest marsupial. People will look at him, "Look at that poor man with that large creature affixed to his chest!" And I won't give a darn, I'll be too busy showing him how very glad I am that he is home.

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