Healthy Tears and Emotional Expression

                                                                                                                                                                           

                                                     

 Crying is a natural and healthy part of life.  I must admit that like many men from my particular demographic, I was taught, and even conditioned not to display much in the way of emotion.  Emotional expression can manifest itself in a variety of ways and it is to the benefit of any relationship to not only observe and recognize these expressions of emotion, but to nurture and respond to them in an appropriate manner. Many emotions can take many different and even varied forms that might change from day to day, hour to hour and even minute to minute. The best thing we can do sometimes is really quite simple.... listen and be there for your lover. 

                                                           

Happiness is more than a smile, sometimes happiness is the contented sigh that comes from a hot meal and a full cup at the end of a long cold day. Sometimes happiness is cuddling up on a couch watching a favorite movie and sharing a bowl of popcorn. Happiness is not always soft or quiet. Sometimes happiness is tackling each other to the ground, belly laughing and  tumbling head over feet in a riotous, raucous expression of warmth and mutual delight. Sometimes happiness goes deeper, and when we accomplish something major, or we see those we love elevated, sometimes happiness means soft, sweet tears that express an inner triumph or is the culmination of a challenge met and overcome. 

                                                                                                              

                                                                                                           

Anger is a word that inspires intensity of both word and deed. Anger is not always negative, and indeed sometimes a bit of healthy anger is the catalyst to communication, true change and the betterment of the processes that make a couple effective, engaged and in love. Anger can also be destructive, irrational, and very much like emotional napalm. I've often described anger to June as a lot like "fear with more enthusiasm" and if one is not careful, it is very possible to cause or open up deep emotional wounds that are very difficult to resolve in a timely, healthy fashion. Tears of rage  are often an expression of deep frustration, pain and loss

                                                

Fear as said above, is a lot like toned down anger.  Like a wall that separates, fear can halt progress, and create distance if it is allowed to exist and lay in your partner's mind.  This is where being an HoH is especially significant. Soothing a partner's heart and knocking down those walls can be a process that takes quite a bit of time and effort, but in so doing we reveal the depth of our love and we express our own confidence and affection at a time when they need to see that most.  Fear is a tricky one, folks and it is our opinion that  fear should be dealt with early and not allowed to become unmanageable due to inactivity.

 We now see that tears come for many reasons and in many forms. Tears can be a beautiful outward expression of relief  or they can be anger, fear, hostility and pent up frustration that demand attention and in some instances not just words but action. We all know that actions speak louder than words, and sometimes in the midst of tension there is no greater comfort than knowing without a shadow of a doubt that our partners remain, thoughtful, cognizant and engaged even when things are chaotic, even when things are not easy or simple or fun. 

   

Many people have asked or wondered what the true impact of tears is in a TTWD/DD/spanking oriented relationship. My response is that, as an HoH even during the rare times that it was necessary for June to receive correction I never set my hands to task with the mindset that tears were desired or required. The intention was to improve the communication, right the ship, and correct poor behaviors. That being said, if I saw tears, I didn't necessarily stop either. Sometimes tears during a spanking tell us that a point is being made and that the lesson is in fact being learned.

                                                    

   

Through it all, I've learned that I CAN and MUST express my emotions in order to be effective. I've also learned that by being attentive to my lady's emotional needs, that a new level of love can be obtained and that both people in any kind of relationship must learn to recognize and respond to emotional output and prepared to do the labor of love that is managing and supporting their partner in all emotional expressions!

Her POV:

Tears for me have always been something to hide. When I was a child to show vulnerability/sadness/pain  was to encourage more abuse, it was a sport. As I grew, with partners, my tears were met with disgust, and again as a sign of weakness to be exploited.

With Ward, my tears are gently accepted as expressions of my heart. When I apologize for being weak, he gently shushes me, and gives me the freedom to purge. When he sees me trying to choke them down, he extends his arms and tells me to let it go. He has never run from my fears, my frustration, my weariness. For that I am so very grateful.

When Daddy must correct me, I rarely cry during. What he gives to me is what I have earned, it is what must come not as retribution, but to clean my heart - I hate having disappointed him, and I need the purge - but for our relationship, so that we can move forward clean with no stamps collected. I do cry after, heartily, in his arms. These are not tears of pain or fear, they come from feeling all the love and forgiveness that he gifts to me; feeling loved and accepted totally and unconditionally by a very good man.

Sometimes during discipline there are tears. These come from the delicious feeling of being held firmly and loving in his hands. They are tears of gratitude for having my truest self accepted and treasured and our love and devotion reinforced in this way. There are tears sometimes when we make love, when the overwhelmingly wonderful feeling of being loved and treasured. There are tears when I cook and I feel my blessings all around me. There are tears in the most mundane of things, that speak of who I am and who he is and what we have and the family we make for our children.

Every one of those he catches in his hands, and holds to the light so that I can see the beauty in them, when I might feel shame. He shows me that they are the gift of my vulnerability, of my truest self to him.

Insecurity and Self-Confidence

 Everyone has insecurities. From an early age we are taught to believe that we must attain the unobtainable, that we have to stay in the lines and have to be blond-haired, blue-eyed and perfect husbands and wives in order to see our true worth.  Society at large, the media, and even contemporary music and television shows depict the common person as lacking. Day in and day out we are bombarded with not so subtle messages and reminders that we'll never make enough money, that we're not attractive enough, not young enough, just plain not good enough. June and I had an interesting conversation the other day and I realized that fostering a healthy self-image and a positive self-mindset are going to be a lifelong endeavor that demands my finest vigilance and most selfless motivations.We know what sometimes causes insecurity, So why then are we still susceptible to it?  Why is it so easy to lift others up and yet doubt our own veracity? In my own case, I guess I've always feared never measuring up to what June desires and deserves in a man, I fear that I won't be a good enough father and that the kids truly deserve better.  June reassures me every day that I do a better than descent job, and when I see them smile, or watch them playing or check on them when they are sleeping, it gives me a confidence that bolsters me. Confidence is a beautiful thing and it is easy to take delight in it's design in our lives.  I have been told that confidence in a man is sexy.  June does indeed thrive when I take charge, not only in our relationship but in and around our home as well. Her confidence me furthers this, but I always try to remember that there is being confident and take charge, and there is being arrogant and dismissive, I try very hard not to be the latter. Observing these benefits, I face my fears with the intent on improving not just myself, but improving my leadership overall and leading by example. June does display beautiful confidence at fleeting moments, and that is what I seek to nourish. Her poise, her skill, and her intelligence are a delight to behold and they serve only to highlight the beauty that shines both inside and out.  June is a remarkable homemaker, a brilliant chef,and an outstanding mother add to that her intellect and it's no surprise as to how I fell deeply in love with her.  As I have told her, "So what you aren't bottle blond and 115lbs, you are beautiful, vibrant, and have a brightness that could not be duplicated. You have a real woman's body, a body designed for nourishment, nurturing and comfort. You have a few grey hairs to speak to your experience and wisdom and I LOVE it and would not change a thing... anyway, this gentleman doesn't prefer blondes."  She laughed and said it was good, and even if she thinks I'm crazy she knows my love for her is real.                                                            Self-confidence begins with understanding that we have our partner's back and that no matter what, they have our deepest and truest love. From there I would encourage you all to take a moment to reflect on what is positive in your world and about yourself.  Take delight in your individuality, marvel at your uniqueness and understand that there is beauty in the honest soft beauty in the display of soft openness and the acceptance of one's strength, appeal and beauty... especially when it is hard to see ourselves.  Despite the selfishness of others, even people we grew up with, shared a home with, or were once intimate with... No sometimes we must dig deeper and see not only our worth, but how our self-perception affects our partners. I'm sure that I am not the only HoH who takes issue and will vigorously correct self-degradation and unhealthy, sef-directed language that only hurts and adds to a layer of negativity.  June knows that I take no pleasure in the act of  correction. It is a painful thing for us both, but I also understand that sometimes, like the truth, the growth process can sting a little.

                                         

The funny thing about fear is, that it's very often not rational.  I realize that this does not make fear impotent, but often times fear is unjustified, and dealing with fear often requires the influence of love and patience. I would encourage the HoH's, the husbands and the leaders of homes to reach out, reassure, and display the earmarks of true love, great and unconditional.   If it took a hundred thousand forevers I would show her that she is beautiful every day and that is the kind of wholesome earth that happy, healthy thoughts thrive in.

The same is true of you. Walk tall, communicate and be confident in your family's confidence in you. Lead from the front and be a living, breathing example of  self-confidence and healthy male energy. It won't always be so simple or easy, but it will always speak to simple, solid leadership.. it all starts with love!

                                                                         

                                                      

Her POV:

Is my fear rational? No. Do I know that? Yes, Can I stop it? No. It's there, deep seated in the back of my mind. I have been taught from the earliest that I was unworthy. There was a fundamental lack trust building that should occur in babies (more psychology stuff), it changes the brain chemistry. It changes perceptions, and 'gut-reactions'.

Do I believe he loves me? Yes. Do I trust him? With my live and the lives of my children - our children now. Do I trust his veracity when he says he will never leave - I''mm 'stuck' with him? No, I know he will not leave. What do I fear? Not being worth it. I have never been worth it. What happens if when all the struggles are over he wonders what in the world he fought so hard for? What if some mystical thing changes and the inner darkness comes out and permeates our lives?

I have no answers. I wish I did. I wish I could gain the confidence. I hate sometimes that I am so needy. I worry that he will weary of that. When I am in his arms I feel that, I feel that confidence, that ....sense that I am ok. Then I so much as walk to the bathroom, and can be smiling and feeling full of him, and glance up at the mirror and the smile fades and I wonder just what he sees that I do not. And how long it will be enough.

I try, I do. I want to be better. It's hard. He'd have to tell you, sometimes I feel that I hold onto it a bit longer. My therapist and I talked about it not long ago. She said it may never go away, that I may have had my brain permanently altered. But she see's very positive results since Daddy - yes she knows exactly what kind of relationship we have, and she still thinks he's good for me :) I work, I try. I love him. That's all I can do.

What is Discipline?

In a post a while back Blue Bird asked what was discipline to us. I haven't forgotten, I promised  to expand on it in a future post. It just took some time to get here :)



We've outlined the kinds of spankings we employ, but I guess never really went into lots of depth about them. So I guess I need to describe how Ward administers each, a little. In the event that I have broken one of our rules Ward will administer a correction spanking. Correction is given hard and fast, with a greater level of intensity for longer periods of time. He will pause and lecture, so that I can hear what he is saying. He will tell me he is proud of me for taking my correction like a good girl. It is correction, but the message that it comes from a place of love is very clear. During the pauses he will rub my bottom in the pauses, but there will be no sexual touch. There will be no sexual intimacy immediately after, but we do cuddle and snuggle and talk to affirm forgiveness and the clean slate, and then sometimes nap. It is all emotional reconnection.





I don't think I have to tell anyone the purpose of a good girl/pleasure spanking. This is given slowly, luxuriously. Every spanking starts and ends with discipline, but in a GG, it's not quite as vigorous,  nor is it quite as long, and as soon as Daddy breaks out the Angel Maker, it's almost forgotten....okay, the owww, is almost forgotten. but not the message. I am his. I belong to him. My pain and my pleasure belong to him. Even in the vigorous part, Daddy talks sweetly, and say the things that make even the most intense of sensations bearable. There are lots of pauses, for rubs, sensual touch, intimate touch and other attentions (ahem).





Discipline, that's kind of our catch all. It generally means that one of us needs to feel my submission, or his Dominance, I'm toeing the line of breaking a rule and he is reigning me in before I cross it, one of us is stressed beyond belief, I'm premenstrual (okay, I hate to admit that, but hey, we're all being honest here), and again quite frankly, perhaps because one of us has a deeply visceral, primal need for intensity. I guess you could say that for us discipline is a no-reason-necessary balancer.






Discipline is much more intense than a good girl. It does not preclude the use of my GG toys, they will just be used much more vigorously. The stretches between touch are longer, but the touches are a definite and delicious claiming. There will be very sensual connections made during and after the spanking. Sometimes the spanking will be paused for love-making, and then resume. The entire message of this is that he owns me, and that I belong to him in every sense of the word.



Even though discipline for us might appear as severe as correction to some others, it is something that is necessary in our dynamic to allow me to be who I am, and allow him to be who he is, allow us both to blossom and grow in the depth of our devotion to one another. It is something that connects us at a very deep level.





 HIS POV: 

Discipline for us is a very nourishing and sensuous experience that puts an emphasis on my dominance, her submission and the unified dynamic that we share. At the heart of it all is love, regardless of when or why June is over my knee, love is the chiefest and greatest reason for spanking and the many motivations that we use it for.

Pleasure, correction, affirmation, nourishment and understanding are all worthy and excellent reasons to share spanking with the ones we love.  DD/TTWD, love, affection are all beautiful and vital to our process!

The No-Shutdown Rule

                                                      

    There are times in a DD/TTWD relationship that discipline and correction will be a dreaded but  necessary action that  requires a clear mind, a firm hand, and an open, honest heart.  I've talked about discipline and correction in other posts before, but in this post I'd like to illustrate the importance of connectivity, even during correction, unmet expectations, or hurt feelings.

Sometimes it can be difficult to express the let-down that we feel in our partner's actions, non-actions and potentially careless words or deeds. That's why June and I feel that communication and expression are vital to us and our interpretation of this lifestyle. Sometimes irritation, disappointments, hurt feelings, etc. can cloud  the effectiveness of  what we are really trying to communicate. I know that I can be fairly adamant about my expectations and when they should be met. In most instances June and I are very much on the same page, but there have been a few occasions where she or I were off the mark and needed to take a few min to get emotion out of the picture, think clearly and not let hurt or anger get the best of us.

                                                      

 

We also believe that taking time is one thing, but drawing out an unresolved problem is unhealthy and unnecessary.  Shutting down is never acceptable in our house. I mean I have to think that if I am the HoH and I am to effectively lead and guide my family, that it is even LESS acceptable for me to start shutting down and be non-communicative. In the beginning this was something that I struggled with and no, I'm not proud of that. June got me thinking and talking and for me that was a major, major step, even outside DD/TTWD. I've never been in a relationship that made communication so easy, so fluid, and so welcome and even despite my attempts to clam-up and keep to myself, our love won out and I found my voice.  We think that it is far better to put things on the table, refine our thoughts, and turn towards the relationship in order to clear the air and move forwards before the sun sets.  Letting an issue stagnate can only lead to hard feelings, and cracks in the armor of our relationships and our own interaction.

                                            


  When  June and I discussed the foundation of our relationship we realized that one of the things that makes BOTH of us better is accountability and while I may not be the one on the receiving end of a good spanking, the standards of our relationship must, do and in fact apply to a higher standard for me. We often tell our youngest to "use your words" and that's something that I do in fact have to tell myself.... I'll be honest in that regard.  I'm like a lot of men, I don't want to talk about it... but being the man, the man my wife and children look to for answers, the head of our home, has taught me that I can't afford to do that anymore... That and June will, and in fact should, call me on that.  If it came down to it, she would place herself across my lap and have me spank her until I could communicate the emotions that I was feeling and how we can get to a better place.



                                                   

 Harmony can be disrupted fairly easily, sometimes we don't take notice of the small things our partners do to enrich our lives and our families. Sometimes it seems as if our partners don't care, or like what is important to us isn't important to them and that can and does hurt. Nobody likes to have their thoughts or feelings marginalized and I think that puts the onus on the HoH to ensure that there is no shut-down, no loss of communication and no distances that can hurt the relationship in either the long or short-term.  Take the time to put your emphasis on getting to a shared place of comfort that  has the strength and conviction to move forward despite discomfort, hurt feelings and/or anger.... The relationship benefits and let's be honest, folks, there are way better things to be doing at the end of the day than fighting or not talking to each other... just sayin!

                                                     

                                                         

Her POV:

This has been my greatest challenge. Because of my life, it has always been safer to shut-down. If you let them see how you were affected, or that you were hurt or bothered, it only got worse. I was very good at stuffing things down. Daddy does not allow this...not in the very least. The first time, during a conversation about the necessity of communicating what I felt, he used the phrase - passive-aggressive.....just cut me to the very core. He's right...he always is (sighs....schnoots to Daddy ALWAYS being right!....jk). It is passive aggressive. I wasn't aware of it. My tone was clipped, my answers short. "Yes, Daddy" became an eyes down "yes" .... shudders. But those were just the motions of our dynamic, it was not authentic.

Then we got to a different place. I would communicate... not right away. Sometimes I needed that moment to stuff down that eye roll, or that sarcastic remark and think about how I really felt and filter my emotions. It got me spanked. Why? I didn't communicate that I needed a moment to process, that I wasn't distancing myself from him, from us, but that I was using a minute to work things out in the framework of our relationship and be able to bring it to him respectfully. So I got spanked. Then we talked. He apologized. And I said if I need that moment, how about if I saw, "Daddy, I need a minute to process, please." Then he knows I am not shutting down.

It works. It lets us both know that we are present for each other, and for our relationship. He can do this too... and he has, "Daddy needs a moment to sort this out, lovey. We'll talk about this later (or tonight)." This space gives us the opportunity to enumerate our points, make sure we understand what we need, and frame them in the best possible way to serve our relationship.

I will call him on it. In TTWD I am very much accountable to him. But he is also accountable to me, to our God, and to our family as the head of our home, Distancing is so damaging. There is nothing in the world wrong with holding him accountable....respectfully. I did it wrong in the beginning..."You know what would happen to me if I did what you're doing?" YIKES! But as soft hand on his shoulder, or his leg, or just curling up beside him and winding my fingers with his, a soft kiss and a,"Daddy, distance is against our rules. I think we need to talk about what's on your mind.", or yes, laying across his lap... sometimes both. If the air needs to be cleared, this is the mechanism we have established to do so. No, not correction, discipline, we all need it... it goes hand in hand with accountability.

And the bottom line - heck yeah, there are better things we can be doing :)

Dun-dun-dun - Correction and Discipline Implements - Part 1

Okay, you asked about implements that we use for discipline and correction. This post is titled part one, because other implements could well enter this...errrrr...arsenal. Some are bought meant to be toys, but on use it becomes quite clear that they are not as enjoyable as was thought when looking at the pretty pictures, lol. So, with that in mind.....

Meet Mr. Studly (YIKES!). Before Daddy's last deployment we talked about getting more leather, most of what we had was wood (Daddy's a wood man). We had some delrin, and lexan , but no real leather toys. I perused Cane-iac, because as GORGEOUS as the things at London Tanners are, they are at this stage, a major investment for us. Mr. Studly, as his name indicates is a stud weighted strap. He is gorgeous, and very well made, rounded corners, no sharp edges, nicely weighted in Daddy's hand (the phone is there strictly for scale)....and by golly Ned - he HURTS! He was intended as a play toy, but Daddy said my reaction to him was less than favorable, so he is now a correction/discipline only implement....GULP!













The Lexan paddle makes me twitchy just seeing it. Thin, flexible...owie! It has a large surface area, and the composition of the acrylic gives it.....quite an impact. I suppose you could use this for fun, but it takes a metered hand, and for us it's one of those things used to make a definitive statement.

This is a fairly thick silicone loop called The Howler. Holy crow that's aptly named. This is one of those implements for those of you who ask about quiet implements. The implement is quiet...you may not be.

This one doesn't have a name, and Daddy would have to tell you where it came from. It is my "sad Panda" implement because when it comes out there is no question that I have disappointed Daddy...not something I ever want to do.

This is a padauk Naughty Stick (we have a purple heart as well). This again was a toy brought for fun, but after trying it out, Daddy said that it would be correction and discipline only, it makes me winge:"> This is especially useful (so Daddy says) for paying special attention to a naughty girl's sit spots... he has been known to use a wooden ruler and wooden spoon - quite vigorously - for that task - sigh....




This is a delrin loop. This is another super OWWWWW! And another very quiet implement....except for perhaps the recipient


When we discover other toys that fall into this category, we'll add an update :) But they'll never be used *shakes head vigorously* nope, nope...cause I'm just a lil

 

HIS POV:

Sometimes a good hard discipline session or a bun toasting corrective spanking is necessary. These implements are tools to be used in the pursuit of a happy, healthy relationship. I don't enjoy giving June correction but she also means enough to me that I will do whatever is necessary to make sure our relationship remains on course and in harmony!

Things I struggle with (HoH Edtion)

                                           

   I'm not a perfect person... no there are many things I wish that I didn't do. In this most beautiful journey I have learned so very much, not just about June and her needs, but my own as well. I have discovered that there is much more to me than even I would have dared to guess. June has been, and continues to be my greatest inspiration, my greatest blessing and the greatest gift the Lord has ever seen fit to grace me with. She makes me want to be a better man, and sometimes this leads me to take examine my heart of hearts and perform the sometimes difficult task of working on some of the things that I struggle with. I'd love to be able to say that I've handled everything with grace, dignity and an unselfish heart.  Sadly, this has not always been so. I have had to learn that being the head of home comes with a lot of responsibility and to fall short in this responsibility is to fail his family.

                                                

  I guess it doesn't exactly make me unique or shocking, but I worry about being the best dad I can be for our children. I'm sure that you recall June mentioning that our children are in fact special needs and this can be a challenge in the best of times. They are beautiful, loud, boisterous, active and engaging boys... I am loathe to admit it, but sometimes after work I find them challenging. Sometimes all I want to do is come in give June a kiss and a hug, sit down and watch Sportscenter.

I have learned that being a good dad means taking time to listen, and to be involved in a child's education. When I came into June's life, I knew that I needed to make a positive impact on the life of these two beautiful boys,  they were hungry for male energy, they needed discipline, love and the encouragement of seeing a happy, healthy relationship. I hope that one day they can say that I've done a good job of raising them into good men who are productive members of our society. I worry that sometimes I am too stern with them, and that I push them a little hard, but at the end of a long day seeing their smiling faces lifts my heart.

                                                             

                                                

  

June's love and affection have changed me for the better and as stated previously, she makes me want to be a better man for her. I recall the times when I could have used better words, or found a way to be more supportive, and I cringe at my rapidity and my  lack of sensitivity.  I want to be the man the Lord would have me be for her. To lead a family, to be a good father, a good husband is not enough... I want to be the best I can be for them and I hope that I grow to be a better leader and a better example.  The love of family is a sweet, spicy drug that I am addicted to... it's sultry essence flows through me and inspires my deepest heart.

                                                       

Discipline in this community often times has a negative or corrective connotation, but for us it is not always so.  For us discipline is  a choice, it is bond, it is that which draws us together, what helps us overcome our greatest obstacles and ensures we stay on a path that speaks to our love as a couple and family.  Sometimes this means recognizing the subtle signs of her stress at the end of the work day.  Sometimes it means her taking my hand and giving me the chance to shake off bad emotions before they can creep into our happy home. Sometimes, knowledge doesn't make things any easier does it?  Knowing what one needs or what one needs to do doesn't always make things any easier or fun.... but that's the beauty of it.  Seeing her smile, seeing that radiance... She's my reason and her love inspires even when task seems long at days end. She also knows me, she knows my heart and she knows that sometimes, stress can get the better of me.  Thankfully she doesn't let that happen any more than I do... many times she has put the hairbrush in my hand and lain across my lap, somehow knowing what I needed before I did.

 

                                                  

I know that I don't deserve any of this, my family is a gift, the highest act of grace from the Lord above and even when I struggle, even when I don't handle things well their love humbles and blesses me.  Even through stress and doubt and the scars of the past I continue to learn as much as I teach.It is an honor to be a teacher, a protector, a provider, to the finest woman in this land, and the two best kids anyone could ever ask for.  It isn't always an easy job, but in it I find my finest hours and my deepest blessings

                                               

Her POV
*Smiles*
I think that my Man is much too hard on himself. But I think that that is part of the magic that keeps us each serving the other. I am grateful for the things that he brings to us, and I completely understand wanting to be the best that he can be...I also want to be the best that I can be for him and for our family. He was not used to children. He was used to grown men who were pretty much unquestioningly obedient... and me, who is the same, lol. He had expressed this concern to me, so we worked out a system. I will not correct him in front of the children. I believe in presenting a united front. If he kind of starts shifting to the Navy Boot Camp kind of child-rearing method, I simply lay a hand on his arm, and he dials back. I think that's pretty awesome.

 He has also changed me for the better. He has made me stronger. He has made me a better, more confident mother. He has made me happier. My therapist remarked on what a difference from when I started therapy to now, and going back over the charts and her notes and things, the change started when Ward entered our lives. The deeper we fell, the better things got. For the first time in my life, I know that someone truly loves me just because I exist, that he has my back. He provides me with love, safety, security, structure, support...simple things that I am only enjoying for the first time in my life. 

I have seen both of us blossom with joy. Neither of us was a very...relaxed or humor-filled person before. Now we love to laugh. We find humor in small things. And it is amazingly freeing to collapse into giggle fits, both of us with tears running out of our eyes. Our children love to watch, they love to participate, and they love to tease us. Our youngest things it's amazing to see us kiss. He gets the wryest look on his face, a big grin and says, "I guess you're gonna kiss now!", or "AGAIN?!" Yup! lol!

Discipline, as Ward says, is an integral part of our journey, of our dynamic. We don't see it as a negative ... we don't even see correction as a negative, frankly, as it serves to restore order and equilibrium and to clear the air. We view discipline as essential to maintaining an even keel, to keeping our roles well defined, to keeping the need to serve each other at the fore of our minds. If I need his help with stress, he gives it willingly, and it is his choice if this comes in the form of pleasure, or simply cuddling, or discipline. I do seem to interpret his signals equally as well, and I will offer whatever comfort he needs, be it a massage, some gentle caressing and cuddling, or offering him my bottom. I am his woman, I am his little girl, I am his submissive, I am his to use as he needs, his to use as he sees fit. 

I am by no means perfect. But somehow I am perfect for him. I fill the needs that have left him empty for a lot of his life. And he - he completes me in ways I never thought possible. No, he may not be perfect. But he IS perfect for me. He is everything I have ever dreamed of and thought out of reach. He is love and healing and learning. He's mine. And I thank God every moment of every day for him.