Monday, November 26, 2012

Things I struggle with (HoH Edtion)




                                           


   I'm not a perfect person... no there are many things I wish that I didn't do. In this most beautiful journey I have learned so very much, not just about June and her needs, but my own as well. I have discovered that there is much more to me than even I would have dared to guess. June has been, and continues to be my greatest inspiration, my greatest blessing and the greatest gift the Lord has ever seen fit to grace me with. She makes me want to be a better man, and sometimes this leads me to take examine my heart of hearts and perform the sometimes difficult task of working on some of the things that I struggle with. I'd love to be able to say that I've handled everything with grace, dignity and an unselfish heart.  Sadly, this has not always been so. I have had to learn that being the head of home comes with a lot of responsibility and to fall short in this responsibility is to fail his family.




                                                


  I guess it doesn't exactly make me unique or shocking, but I worry about being the best dad I can be for our children. I'm sure that you recall June mentioning that our children are in fact special needs and this can be a challenge in the best of times. They are beautiful, loud, boisterous, active and engaging boys... I am loathe to admit it, but sometimes after work I find them challenging. Sometimes all I want to do is come in give June a kiss and a hug, sit down and watch Sportscenter.

I have learned that being a good dad means taking time to listen, and to be involved in a child's education. When I came into June's life, I knew that I needed to make a positive impact on the life of these two beautiful boys,  they were hungry for male energy, they needed discipline, love and the encouragement of seeing a happy, healthy relationship. I hope that one day they can say that I've done a good job of raising them into good men who are productive members of our society. I worry that sometimes I am too stern with them, and that I push them a little hard, but at the end of a long day seeing their smiling faces lifts my heart.




                                                             
                                                
  
June's love and affection have changed me for the better and as stated previously, she makes me want to be a better man for her. I recall the times when I could have used better words, or found a way to be more supportive, and I cringe at my rapidity and my  lack of sensitivity.  I want to be the man the Lord would have me be for her. To lead a family, to be a good father, a good husband is not enough... I want to be the best I can be for them and I hope that I grow to be a better leader and a better example.  The love of family is a sweet, spicy drug that I am addicted to... it's sultry essence flows through me and inspires my deepest heart.

                                                       

Discipline in this community often times has a negative or corrective connotation, but for us it is not always so.  For us discipline is  a choice, it is bond, it is that which draws us together, what helps us overcome our greatest obstacles and ensures we stay on a path that speaks to our love as a couple and family.  Sometimes this means recognizing the subtle signs of her stress at the end of the work day.  Sometimes it means her taking my hand and giving me the chance to shake off bad emotions before they can creep into our happy home. Sometimes, knowledge doesn't make things any easier does it?  Knowing what one needs or what one needs to do doesn't always make things any easier or fun.... but that's the beauty of it.  Seeing her smile, seeing that radiance... She's my reason and her love inspires even when task seems long at days end. She also knows me, she knows my heart and she knows that sometimes, stress can get the better of me.  Thankfully she doesn't let that happen any more than I do... many times she has put the hairbrush in my hand and lain across my lap, somehow knowing what I needed before I did.



 
                                                  


I know that I don't deserve any of this, my family is a gift, the highest act of grace from the Lord above and even when I struggle, even when I don't handle things well their love humbles and blesses me.  Even through stress and doubt and the scars of the past I continue to learn as much as I teach.It is an honor to be a teacher, a protector, a provider, to the finest woman in this land, and the two best kids anyone could ever ask for.  It isn't always an easy job, but in it I find my finest hours and my deepest blessings






                                               



Her POV
*Smiles*
I think that my Man is much too hard on himself. But I think that that is part of the magic that keeps us each serving the other. I am grateful for the things that he brings to us, and I completely understand wanting to be the best that he can be...I also want to be the best that I can be for him and for our family. He was not used to children. He was used to grown men who were pretty much unquestioningly obedient... and me, who is the same, lol. He had expressed this concern to me, so we worked out a system. I will not correct him in front of the children. I believe in presenting a united front. If he kind of starts shifting to the Navy Boot Camp kind of child-rearing method, I simply lay a hand on his arm, and he dials back. I think that's pretty awesome.
 He has also changed me for the better. He has made me stronger. He has made me a better, more confident mother. He has made me happier. My therapist remarked on what a difference from when I started therapy to now, and going back over the charts and her notes and things, the change started when Ward entered our lives. The deeper we fell, the better things got. For the first time in my life, I know that someone truly loves me just because I exist, that he has my back. He provides me with love, safety, security, structure, support...simple things that I am only enjoying for the first time in my life. 
I have seen both of us blossom with joy. Neither of us was a very...relaxed or humor-filled person before. Now we love to laugh. We find humor in small things. And it is amazingly freeing to collapse into giggle fits, both of us with tears running out of our eyes. Our children love to watch, they love to participate, and they love to tease us. Our youngest things it's amazing to see us kiss. He gets the wryest look on his face, a big grin and says, "I guess you're gonna kiss now!", or "AGAIN?!" Yup! lol!

Discipline, as Ward says, is an integral part of our journey, of our dynamic. We don't see it as a negative ... we don't even see correction as a negative, frankly, as it serves to restore order and equilibrium and to clear the air. We view discipline as essential to maintaining an even keel, to keeping our roles well defined, to keeping the need to serve each other at the fore of our minds. If I need his help with stress, he gives it willingly, and it is his choice if this comes in the form of pleasure, or simply cuddling, or discipline. I do seem to interpret his signals equally as well, and I will offer whatever comfort he needs, be it a massage, some gentle caressing and cuddling, or offering him my bottom. I am his woman, I am his little girl, I am his submissive, I am his to use as he needs, his to use as he sees fit. 

I am by no means perfect. But somehow I am perfect for him. I fill the needs that have left him empty for a lot of his life. And he - he completes me in ways I never thought possible. No, he may not be perfect. But he IS perfect for me. He is everything I have ever dreamed of and thought out of reach. He is love and healing and learning. He's mine. And I thank God every moment of every day for him.

29 comments:

  1. You two have worked it out to what is best for both of you. That's a wonderful thing.

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    1. HI, sunnygirl, it is a most wonderful thing. We all have our own recipe, and that is awesome!

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  2. We will never be perfect. And with a son who went blind from a serious illness at 21 I know a little about stress and trying to be a better person. I also have three other children one who has a disability. The last three years have been the hardest of our lives, the whole family watched as our oldest almost died. I thank God ever day that he didnt take my son. It has been very hard on my husband and I. but our Love for each other and our family is what kept it all together. I thank God my husband is such a strong man because I dont think I could have made it through the last three years with out God and him. My prayers our with you and just know that all we can do is the best we can and pray that some day we will hear our words thru there lips as they talk to there children. Then will know we did a great job. Its the Love they remember. My kids told me a secret during the hurricane we just went thru. They said the best times they remember as a family is when the power went out. That said alot. Sorry Im rambling. Take care Ward and June

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    1. I'm so sorry for your struggles, Annie. As a mother, I understand that fear, it is the most heart-rending, most fulfilling job we can ever have. There is never rest, we think...if they just get past this, I can stop worrying. But the truth is, there are only new worries with every stage. I am glad that you have been blessed with each other, and with your children, and that you find your strength in each other. If we can do that, there is nothing we cannot overcome.

      I love that, too, and yes, it speaks volumes, when the things they remember are the smallest thing, but it is usually in those small things that we find the things that speak of our love and commitment to each other.

      No worries, Sweetie, I enjoyed reading your comment. I'm having an emotional day here myself. Our blog is always open for you to speak your heart, and our mailbox, too, if you ever need anyone to speak to in private, or just to listen. Thanks for being part of our chosen family (((hugs)))

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    2. Thank you so much June. Yes some days are harder than others. Its so nice to hear of another couple who is keeping it together, thru all the hard times. After twenty five years of marriage all of our friends have divorced and its wonderful to read about another couple that is happy and so in Love Its very uplifting to read your words they help make hard days so much brighter.

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    3. Twenty-five years is AWESOME! A big congratulations! I can't wait till Ward and I reach that landmark, for now, I will enjoy every single second :) Thank you so very much, I'm glad we can make you smile.

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  3. I think every parent gets overwhelmed and start questioning the way they do things...is it too much, not enough, was I too hard, should I be harder ect. We too have a special needs child. (Spina Bifida) I find that having a special needs child tends to increase those feelings at times. Sometimes it becomes too much, and that's when I thank God that I have Steven to lean on.
    What you two have is simply beautiful!! You can do anything as long as you have each other to lean on and balance each other out.

    God Bless
    Emma

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    1. (((hugs))) Emma, I know exactly what you mean! I think it does that because people are always telling you what you should do, that how your child reacts is not normal (normal for them IS normal), and we can sometimes feel so alone, and question and second guess all the time. Ward is so accepting and understanding of the boys' differences, and makes them feel normal,and I could not ask for a greater gift for them.

      Thanks so much :) He is my heart. His love lets me find the joy in all things :)

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  4. Sounds like a beautiful thing... wanted to "officially" say hello to you both. June has stopped by my page a few times and left lots of encouragement! Thank you for that, it is so appreciated:)

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    1. Waves - hi, Jasmine :) Anytime, Sweetie :)

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  5. Beautiful post. It sounds as if you are perfect for one another. Reading a post like this after having a crazy day sort of being angry at my hubby... kind of makes me remember why I love him so.. AND may just soften my heart for him (even though I feel like strangling him today)I need to get a grip and remember the good things.

    Thank you!

    -Emi

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    1. Thanks for the lovely compliment, Emi :) No one was as surprised as me, lol. I thought I belonged on the Isle of Misfit Toys before Ward. I can certainly understand with twins (yikes!) how some days you might be a bit...flustered! (((hugs)))

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  6. Oh yes a beautiful post.

    I do think parenting is without a doubt the hardest challenge i have ever and will ever face, i worry for my children, realistically i know that they need to make mistakes to learn but i still want to stop those mistakes from happening.

    Im thankfully that i have a partner that supports me throughout and we pick each other up when we make mistakes.

    x

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    1. tori, that's the most important thing! None of us are perfect, we are all going to stumble, but how awesome to have a partner who knows us and supports us and picks us back up? It is priceless!

      And the children? Oh my, yes, they seem to think sometimes we are witless, lol,we surely don't understand their situations (yes even at 7 & 10...Lord help us when the teens hit!) But we love them unconditionally, too, and help them when they fall.

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  7. @ Sunnygirl - Thank you, it works pretty good for us!
    @ Steven and Emma - We love our children so much, it's a beautiful privlige to raise them into men, and we are so blessed to have each other.
    @ Jasmine - Thank you so much for saying hello! We are very glad to see you here!
    @ Emi Jones - Smiles, We are perfect for each other, and I hope that you get through the feeling like straggling him phase!
    @ tori - Thank you so much for reading. I just want to be the best dad I can be for them and I am very blessed to have June by my side!

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  8. @ Annie - Thanks so much for replying. I think it is all about the love and that is our philosophy. Thanks again for stopping by, we love to see you here!

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  9. Wonderful post, Ward - it is always encouraging to read posts by husbands who have a firm grasp of their responsibility as leader in the home. Your attitude highlights one of the key elements of a good leader: an understanding that leadership has a servant-heart at its core. Your family is blessed to have you lead (and serve) them. Thanks, too, for your perspective, June. I enjoyed reading about how you see correction and discipline: as something that adds true value to your relationship. You guys are good for each other, and I am sure your posts serve as inspiration and motivation for many couples who are not ready to settle for a mediocre relationship.

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    1. Thank you, OFM, he is a wonderful leader, and we are indeed, most blessed :) He is so very good for me, and I only pray that I bring him a fraction of what he brings me.

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  10. Hi Ward,
    For us "discipline" is also a positive word. It is connected with growing in our relationship and in our walk with God. We don't use the word interchangeably with punishment, that's for sure. In this Dd community it is so often linked with spanking, but that's only a drop in the bucket.

    I personally believe that you men who hold yourselves to such high standards make incredible family leaders. We wives look at you and say that you are too hard on yourselves but I accept that mine needs to be. He holds himself accountable and I admire it. June clearly admires how you do that as well.

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    1. Hi, Susie :)
      It's not interchangeable for us. Discipline is the thing that cements our roles in the relationship - things that make it clear to whom I belong, and correction is what clears the air when we stumble.

      I do so admire him, he is a most honorable man :) And it is incredible to have someone to look up to! I think I accept that he needs to be, I just don't like to see him mitigate the things he does on the very few occasions that he has a very human moment (maybe twice in as many years).

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  11. Ward & June - This is a beautifully inspiring testimony to your relationship with each other, which seems almost symbiotic, and resonates with your devotion to your family. Thank you for sharing. Blessings.

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    1. Thanks so much for your sweet words, Irishey :) It is symbiotic! That's another good word. My favorite since embarking on this journey has been reciprocity - I have never experienced that with anyone but Ward.

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  12. Ward - You are not perfect? Well color me shocked! You are human. :) Seriously, the fact that you strive and work to be the best husband and father and never 'rest on your laurels' shows me what an awesome leader you are.

    June - Not always so easy to get my mind there when my tushie is on fire ;) but I agree that correction and discipline are positive and should be viewed as a way to restore order, clear the air, reaffirm both roles and ultimately strengthen the relationship. (How's that for a run-on sentence. LOL)

    I've said it before - You two may not be 'perfect' (no one is) but you are just perfect for each other and I get such a lift each time I come for a visit. Thank you so much.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Hi, Cat :) lol, I do that all the time, so I followed your grammar :-P I think I have come to the realization that while I am a spanko, sometimes I may not want a particular kind of spanking - but as Ward says - it's not always about what I want, it's about what I need, and he is very good at interpreting that. So while I may not want it, I know that I do need it.

      Thanks, Cat! We are perfect for each other! And that is awesomesauce!

      Beannacht leat

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  13. This was such a beautiful post. You can feel the love you two have for each other and for your children. It just makes me smile and helps me along my journey to ready you two. Thank you!

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    1. Thanks, dancingbarez :) There is a lot of love under this roof, and for that I am grateful! I'm also most glad that we can bring you a smile!

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  14. I love stopping by here to read; I am never disappointed to be inspired and encouraged. Thank you very much to both of you for your openness in your words; for the raw honesty you share. Thank you.

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    1. Thanks so much, Jacquie, I'm glad you find something in our mutterings :) I loved your post, too!

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  15. @ OFM - Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragment and inspiration, it is a pleasure to have you stop by.
    @ Susie - Thanks, I try to get it right and I do hold us to a high standard!
    @ Cat - To be human is to er.... to love now that is truley devine! Blessings to you too!
    @ Irishey - Much Blessings to you, it is a pleasure to see you here, thanks for reading!
    @ dancingbarez - We have a whole lotta love for each other and our family!
    @ Jacquie - Thank you so much for stopping buy to read!

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