DD/TTWD, Spanking, and Self-Discovery

                                                        

                                                                    

DD/TTWD is truly an amazing, vibrant lifestyle. We get the benefit of learning and being even more mindful of our partner's ideas, thoughts, dreams and desires. Even though June and I came into our relationship "as is", we have also discovered much about each other. When we were at the "feeling out" stage of our relationship,  there was certainly some trepidation about some of the things that we both felt and enjoyed. We have routinely  been delighted to find out that our communication has  led to us  being completely and utterly on the same page. June and I have come to realize that we probably belong to a sub-category of DD/TTWDers that may in fact be all our own.  We have alluded to, suggested, and even plainly stated that we are in fact spanking enthusiasts as well as a practicing DD/TTWD couple.

                                                                  

 I guess to some that might seem like an oxymoron, but June and I couldn't imagine life any other way. We also know that there are quite a few professed "spank-nos" out there.  I would also go a bit further and dare ask a question.... What if the line were blurred? What would happen if spanking wasn't used strictly for correction? What would happen if you discovered a wonderful tool that led to you talking more, touching more, kissing more, and making love deeper and stronger?  I'm sure you're all saying that it's easy for me to say and that my own backside isn't on the line, but truth is that far beyond correction or even discipline, there is something about spanking that calls to our shared sense of intimacy. It's more than just sexy, it's more than just something we do, it's who we are and what we share with nobody else. It brings us clarity, focus and speaks deep of the devotion that we hone daily.

                                                                                                 

                                           

 It doesn't necessarily have to be spanking.  We realize  that everyone is different, unique, special. That is in fact part of the magic of relationships. Romance, dedication and communication can unveil more than what simply passes a passionate fancy... No, sometimes intimate, connective time unveils a deeper side of our relationship. The kind we guard, the kind we have a thirst for... Those defining intimate moments that you savor while you are at work and pop into your head while you are doing a load of laundry. Even now typing this I am reminded of the thirst I have for June's love, affection, touch and sweet, soft kindness.  Every day in every way this energy, this intimacy defines a relationship.  June and I just happen to think that spanking in it's many sumptuous forms happens to be a perfect vehicle for this.

                                                              

Self-discovery begins with but a few words, communication is the key. Do you have a unrequited passion that you long to share with your partner? Tell them, show them how you feel, and that it's more than that tingly feeling  or something that curls your toes.  Trepidation much?  Sometimes the only way to gain new ground is to take the first step and give voice to our thoughts, dreams, and yes, desires.  Likewise, take the time to give ear to the voice of your partner... Work together to find that special place that belongs to you as a couple and you as a couple alone.  Find that spark, let if blossom into the beautiful flames of deep intimacy. 

                                                  

 Knowing these things, DD/TTWD has actually improved in every aspect for us.  That connection we speak of, that intimacy drives us to be our best. June is the best woman that I've ever had the pleasure to know, and she puts everything into being loving wife, mother, and best friend.  DD/TTWD also makes me want to be a better man, to be a good father and to bring love and light to our family. Who would have thought a teensy, tiny little spanking would do all that?!





                               

Her POV:

I was raised in a culture of guilt. I accept the blame for everything, and I mean everything. I stress from life in general, I didn't do well enough, I didn't give enough, I shouldn't have been annoyed at the children, the laundry wasn't done, I didn't finish an assignment, dinner was delayed or something happened along the way and a step took longer than it should have. I am my own worst critic.

I take things to heart. Sometimes I am overly sensitive. Things are said that are innocuous, but I get upset. Or just the trials of life, things beyond  our control, I fret, and knowing how much is on his plate, hold them in, effectively building walls. I rely on him to help me. Spankings break down those walls and keep us stripped and open, close and communicating.

At other times there is nothing as intimate as laying yourself bare across his lap, open for his touch, in all the ways he chooses to touch you. It is a wonderful, warm, soft, surrendered, vulnerable, cared for, loved, protected feeling. It, too, is stripped away intimacy.

Spanking for us is the tool, the vehicle that we use to drive our relationship. I look to him to support me as I support him, to elevate me as I elevate him, to hold me accountable, to change my 'stinkin' thinkin', to correct me when I stray from our truth, to help me be open, soft, feminine and vulnerable. For us, these things often start with me across his lap, with his leadership and my trust,with my vulnerability and his acceptance, and with the gift to each other of authenticity, of his Dominance and my submission.

What is Discipline?

In a post a while back Blue Bird asked what was discipline to us. I haven't forgotten, I promised  to expand on it in a future post. It just took some time to get here :)



We've outlined the kinds of spankings we employ, but I guess never really went into lots of depth about them. So I guess I need to describe how Ward administers each, a little. In the event that I have broken one of our rules Ward will administer a correction spanking. Correction is given hard and fast, with a greater level of intensity for longer periods of time. He will pause and lecture, so that I can hear what he is saying. He will tell me he is proud of me for taking my correction like a good girl. It is correction, but the message that it comes from a place of love is very clear. During the pauses he will rub my bottom in the pauses, but there will be no sexual touch. There will be no sexual intimacy immediately after, but we do cuddle and snuggle and talk to affirm forgiveness and the clean slate, and then sometimes nap. It is all emotional reconnection.





I don't think I have to tell anyone the purpose of a good girl/pleasure spanking. This is given slowly, luxuriously. Every spanking starts and ends with discipline, but in a GG, it's not quite as vigorous,  nor is it quite as long, and as soon as Daddy breaks out the Angel Maker, it's almost forgotten....okay, the owww, is almost forgotten. but not the message. I am his. I belong to him. My pain and my pleasure belong to him. Even in the vigorous part, Daddy talks sweetly, and say the things that make even the most intense of sensations bearable. There are lots of pauses, for rubs, sensual touch, intimate touch and other attentions (ahem).





Discipline, that's kind of our catch all. It generally means that one of us needs to feel my submission, or his Dominance, I'm toeing the line of breaking a rule and he is reigning me in before I cross it, one of us is stressed beyond belief, I'm premenstrual (okay, I hate to admit that, but hey, we're all being honest here), and again quite frankly, perhaps because one of us has a deeply visceral, primal need for intensity. I guess you could say that for us discipline is a no-reason-necessary balancer.






Discipline is much more intense than a good girl. It does not preclude the use of my GG toys, they will just be used much more vigorously. The stretches between touch are longer, but the touches are a definite and delicious claiming. There will be very sensual connections made during and after the spanking. Sometimes the spanking will be paused for love-making, and then resume. The entire message of this is that he owns me, and that I belong to him in every sense of the word.



Even though discipline for us might appear as severe as correction to some others, it is something that is necessary in our dynamic to allow me to be who I am, and allow him to be who he is, allow us both to blossom and grow in the depth of our devotion to one another. It is something that connects us at a very deep level.





 HIS POV: 

Discipline for us is a very nourishing and sensuous experience that puts an emphasis on my dominance, her submission and the unified dynamic that we share. At the heart of it all is love, regardless of when or why June is over my knee, love is the chiefest and greatest reason for spanking and the many motivations that we use it for.

Pleasure, correction, affirmation, nourishment and understanding are all worthy and excellent reasons to share spanking with the ones we love.  DD/TTWD, love, affection are all beautiful and vital to our process!

June's Journey and What Spanking Means to Her

You've seen in some previous posts that Daddy will often give me submission exercises to help me feel my place, to expand and understand my submission. These can be physical tasks, or they can be to investigate starting a blog, or to write an essay. Recently he texted me from work and instructed me to write an essay detailing how I feel about spanking, what it feels like, what it does for me and what it means to me.

What emerged was something of my road-map to our dynamic, my road-map home. I asked Daddy if I could share this here.

         

We've talked about how I came into being a spanko before. I just came this way. From my earliest memories, I was fascinated by it, read and cut out all the Dear Abby & Anne Landers posts about it (I can still remember one of them by heart - how weird is that?). As a young adult, I sought stories about spanking. No Internet then, so harder to find people to connect with, or articles, forums - anything where I could have discovered more about myself and my desires. 

Then came the Internet and access to videos - and really? - . Not those crazy contrived scenes, naughty school girls,  or really heavy BDSM  There was a small percentage of them that appealed to me, and most of them had to do with discipline. And not those crazy guys who bill themselves as disciplinarians, bringing all the recalcitrant girls of the world to toe. And not the ones where girls bratted to get spanked, being deliberately disrespectful and defiant - shudders. The ones that appealed to me were the ones that addressed discipline within a relationship, where there was calmness and talking, not anger and yelling and cruel words.

When my ex left and I decided to go in search of what I wanted - needed - I had come to a basic understanding about what spanking did for my emotional state. You already know that I tend to assume responsibility for everything that goes wrong.... hence our newest rule. But I discovered that for me spanking was a way to take that intensity of emotion that I felt pretty regularly, all the stress, all the feelings of having wronged, anxiety, all those negative things, that pain inside and allowed me to transfer it to flesh and - poof - magic. I didn't know yet about DD/TTWD. Where did one go looking for someone willing to spank them?

So I started in the place I thought was the only place to start, with various BDSM 'dating' sites. Everyone just looking for a hook-up & I'm not a hook-up kinda girl. Then I found some spanking dating sites, and pretty much more of the same - I'm  going through your town, can I stop by and spank you? Excuse me? But ummmmm, NO! Then I found Fetlife, not quite as creepy, more like a social network. I found a local group and found someone I could engage with, and do a little exploring, with lots and lots of limits, and it being somewhat of a learning experience, but missing the spiritual component. It gave me some of what I was looking for, but it did not feed my soul. I found some groups with people that I could identify with, and learn more about myself and my desire to submit. I found a mentor, a very nice gentleman, who had a girl, but was willing to answer my questions, and help me understand what and who I was, and to redirect me when people tried to tell me that I was something different.

That niche from the videos, and stories -where could I find that? I kept seeking, and following leads off Fetlife, and came across the concept of DD. There was that thing that I was looking for. There were some factions that were just not for me, I'm not into the whole regimented, formulaic mode, I wanted something organic, something as easy as breathing. There I found another mentor, a woman who identified as a little, and who told me that just because I was submissive didn't mean I had to be an open book for everyone, but only for my one, when I found someone worthy of me. Worthy of me? What a foreign concept.

Then I found you, because the cosmos aligned and because I believe in an attitude of gratitude. I thought you were taken, but you weren't. And all the while I thought you were too good to be true, and certainly too good for the likes of me. And here we are. And you are perfect for me...my puzzle piece. And for the first time, everything is as it always should have been, different than I have ever known, and what I have always dreamed of. You asked me to write what spanking feels like to me, what it does for me, what I think about it. But I had to tell you all of that first, and if you didn't know, if by some chance I have not communicated well enough what you mean to me - you're very different, you're what I have waited for all my life. And everything with you is like nothing ever before. With you I have the spiritual depth that I craved. The first time we spoke, your voice was a key that reached deep down into my belly, into some visceral place that no one ever imagined  and I felt the first turn of the key in what would be the release of my truest self. You gave me the gift of being who I was meant to be.

So for us, it is something deep that we share. For me, spanking is a very deep expression of my submission to you. It is my saying that I trust you with my body, but also with my heart, my mind, my emotions. It is saying that I trust you to understand what I need, and to be diligent in giving it,even if it might be hard, even if you might be tired. I trust that you will put us ahead of everything else, to clear away the barriers, and to ensure that we both feel our places.  I do feel safe in your hands. I feel loved and treasured that you would take the time to give me relief, take the time to establish our roles and allow me to feel soft and submitted, value us enough to clear the air of resentment and petulance and give us the gift of a clean slate, or just engage in this most intimate of acts with me. I feel honored in your acceptance of my humility, and that you lift me and show me that in your eyes, this makes me radiant and beautiful.

In terms of my submission, I don't fear any implement, they are only extensions of the hand of my love. I  lay willingly across your lap, or at your side, and even if I have transgressed, your touch is soft and full of love, your words are soft, sweet, affirming, comforting, and I would take anything that you choose to give me. I relish those little moments of intensity when I feel I might crack, and am able to breathe out that resistance and offer that to you.  I relish that you will feel that intensity, and choose that moment to extend your hand and whisper - Daddy's right here, love, here's my hand - or stop to rub and stroke my bottom, my back, my hair, to stop and speak soft words, to encourage me and speak of your love and pride.

In terms of the physicality, does it hurt? Yes, it does. It's deep stripped-down, nitty-gritty, pain, but it is pure and it is purifying, and I can offer that to you. I love you enough to bear any pain...you know that, and that knowledge is enough. Under the pain, there is the luxury of that deepest of connections. There are the moments, even in the midst of correction that speak to love, devotion, unconditionality, and forgiveness. In discipline, I feel the safety of your Dominance and control, I feel the security of my place, I feel your guardianship, I feel the pleasure that only you can bring. The pleasure is you inside my head, I feel us, pure energy, it's intoxicating and I want more. 

In terms of my emotions, I still believe it takes conflicts and anxieties inside of me and delivers them to flesh where they evaporate. It is a cleansing of all that does not belong inside me, or between us. It is the tool by which we become closer, share more, and by which I become the strongest, best person that I can be.

For us, spanking is part of the thing that defines and continues to refine us. For us it is devotion - your Dominance is your devotion unto me, and my submission is my devotion unto you. For us it is our sacrament.


HIS POV: 

As perfectly stated above, spanking is an engrained and analogous part of our DD/TTWD as well as our life as a fully functioning and communicative couple with a deeply intense bond that is further enhanced by something that is truly, uniquely and totally ours.  June and I both had the unique advantage of having not only a deep understanding and need of dominance, submission and spanking, but also a thirst to affect each other in the deepest and most heartfelt ways.

Spanking itself is a many splendored thing that even now after all of the exploration that June and I have done continues to delight and find new relevance and true comfort in the face of the chaotic world around us. Spanking unlocks June's submission and reveals the tenderest thoughts, brings emotion to surface and purifies both of our hearts.

June m'lady, I am humbled to call you mine and it is a true pleasure to be the facilitator of pleasure, pain, passion and growth in our relationship. I relish the gifts of submission and control that you honor and entrust me with. It is a true honor and the deepest of pleasures to fulfill your desires and needs... Even in correction you know my deepest love and affection. When given in pleasure my body  sings to yours and yours echos pleasure in the deepest.... it is a beauty that I've never known and don't deserve. I will guard your heart and plumb the depths of our love and because of this... this beauty within us, we will grow ever stronger in love and life.

Why I submit

I defer to Ward in our everyday life. There is a softness in my heart for him. I do things that serve him and our family. I take pleasure in making our home a place of comfort and respite. I enjoy them coming home from school and work to a home filled with warmth and the smells of good foods cooking and baking, and the underlying scent of lavender. I enjoy the looks of pleasure on their faces when they sink into home. That is this thing that we create. It doesn't matter where it is. It can be on vacation. It can be with family. Where ever we four are together, we are home.

In this place, in our home, we serve each other - it is our way. I will bring laundry into the living room and he will pull the basket between us and fold. I will see his glass empty and get up to refill it. He will pull my feet into his lap and massage my feet and legs. I will sit at his feet and take his boots off when he comes home and do the same, or slide behind him and massage his neck and shoulders. This is us. This is everyday.

He builds trust. He shows honor. He keeps me safe. He keeps us safe. He lifts and holds this family on his very broad shoulders. I look at him and I can see a bent and white-haired me in his eyes. He is who I was made to be with. He is my today, he is my future, he is my eternity.







Who he is calls to me. It is not just that I hear him, it is that his voice resonates deep in my soul. When he speaks, I soften and open to him. It is not just that he touches me, it is that his touch fills me with joy. It is not just that I offer him my deference, it is that I am fulfilled in bending under his hand and under his will.






I have lived my life, not enough for anyone, not the woman who bore me, not the father who sired me, not the half-brother who had the privilege of growing knowing his own worth, not the three with whom I shared my life before I met my Ward. I have stood strong and cold because I had to. I built walls that kept the hurt outside. I was strong. I was capable. I was dying inside. Then my Ward spoke in the dark. He spoke to me. His voice resonated. He gently uncurled my fingers, and took my hand. He showed me beauty I denied, suppressed because I could not bear it's rejection another time. He patiently took one brick at a time until I was exposed to his eyes. He pronounced me beautiful. He pronounced me loved.....and then he began to show me, every single day. He unlocked the secret places, and oh, how I shined for him.

He sees what no one else has seen. He accepts what no one else has ever invited. He accepts my service and calls it a gift. I am bound to him in ways I have always desired and never before realized. And in the binding he sets me free. There is nothing I would not give him. I prostrate myself before him and he lifts me up. I belong to him...completely...lucky girl.

HIS POV:      

June's love for me shine's brighter than the stars.  I gave her my heart, when I was most afraid and in kind her response was beyond expectation, beyond what I deserve, it was like a cold glass of water after being lost in the desert.  Her submission called to me when we were little more than friends, and in kind my dominance sought her out and made itself familiar to her. She knows my dreams, my fears, my shortcomings and what I struggle with... and yet, she still loves me anyway.... I am blessed beyond measure and I thank the Lord that he sent June my way... She is my greatest blessing!

Tested

 

The life of a submissive woman is full of tests. There are the conscious tests that our men present us with to help us learn to bend,  to help us stretch our limits, our horizons, our trust. These come as expectations of deference, expectations of obedience, expectations of grace. We are expected to follow the rules we establish for our relationships. As we all know sometimes just everyday life makes simple compliance a test all in itself. And we are tested to take that moment to compose ourselves and not reply with that knee-jerk snappy response, or eye-roll. There are the tests designed to deepen our submission - those calls or texts, with instructions, so that we can feel ourselves under their hands. There are those deepening tests that call us to make more public displays of our submission, wearing some symbol of his control or our submission in public, be it visible or invisible, it is there and we are acutely aware. There are the tests in discipline, a hated implement, a more vigorous than normal spanking, and our efforts to yield gracefully.




There are the tests we give ourselves, in submitting gracefully,  even when it's hard. We try to be anticipatory in service. We try to provide those things that make home refuge without being asked, to provide extraordinary comfort before he knows what he needs. We test ourselves when given the choice to choose an implement and we choose perhaps not our favorite, but his - or one that presents a challenge to us, because doing so signifies our trust and our desire to give him that. We test ourselves when we sense that he needs to feel our submission and we offer ourselves freely to him. We test ourselves in giving our willing hearts, and our softest demeanor.


And there are the tests that life throws our way. These may be the hardest of all because maybe they shake our men as well - the ones that are our anchors, the ones we lean on, the ones we depend on. And it's disconcerting to see them struggle - we want to think that they have all the answers...right now. What happens when they have career decisions to make? What happens when you are in financial negotiations? What happens when someone else holds the future of your family in their hands? This is where you must put your trust in the hands of your HoH. This is his job to handle the negotiations to the best of his ability and steer the ship in the best direction for your family. It is hard, and when you worry and obsess it is the same as saying you do not have confidence in your man.



I can speak on this with confidence because this is where we have been. I give Ward my deference in all things. It is my place to do so, and I relish the giving. There is talk periodically in blogland about layers. I've spoken before about being dismayed to feel I have given my complete submission, and finding another layer... finding a place of resistance... finding a place where I fail. This is my latest layer. People who administrate the process make promises and drag their heels, change the offerings, put things on the table that would cause our family to be separated. And instead of handing my worries to him, I allow distance to grow... so he cannot see my worry, don't you know.

Except that's not what is happening. I'm not shielding him. I am depriving him of comfort and support. I am not being his soft place to land. He needs to know I am in his corner. He needs to know that I trust him to make the right decision. He needs my confidence in his vision for our family. So my darling, I unclamp my fist, and I put this in your hands. I trust you to lead us. I open my heart and give you the love and the need that fed this fear. I acknowledge that this fear was unfounded, because you will always have this family in the fore of your mind. I submit my fear to you.

Worries are nothing more than little puffs of nothings when we are together, when we love and support each other, when we have each other's backs and the best interest of each other, our relationship and our family at heart.

HIS POV: 

June's trust and faith in me shake me to the very core. The thoughts of an HoH, the thoughts of a future more blessed are heavy and browsome indeed. Practicing and honing the art of deference, submission when it is not an easy thing to do is a crown of light unto June and a wreath of stars around her neck.  She is the apple of my eye and again my greatest blessing. The life I lead is not an easy one and I am not always such a easy man to know. Even on the hard days I recognize the effort that she places in her emotion and reaction to things that aren't always easy to hear or when perhaps fatigue has gotten the better of me.  She is always there, always trying, always deepening her submission and always quenching the rampant thirst of my dominance.

Layers of thoughts, dreams, worries, fears are only natural, especially when the sum of the future is held by a larger entity.  But that's it! In this I have found that with June's love, confidence, submission, deference, input, and energy and my determination, strength, dedication and commitment there is no wrong path... As long as she has my back, and as long as I can show her that I have the best interest of our family in mind. The future brings many questions but one thing that is not in question is our love... it grows bright and hot like a curling flame devouring kindling, it swells like a cresting wave, and quenches like cold water on a hot day. Responsibility is a burden, yes, but one that I bear with joy in my heart and determination to see my family lifted and blessed the best way I can.  I may yet continue in service to this country, I may exit and focus on education and the future while working to provide in many other ways...either way this is for my family, all of us, and I will not falter...

"Oh love! Where you are close, I'd hear the beating of your heart... My ear would hear the soft whispers of your heart... your worries, your dreams, I must demand them... I will take them and I will not fail you. I will guard your heart, as you would guard mine and in our love we will shake the very heavens." ~BTL

The No-Shutdown Rule

                                                      

    There are times in a DD/TTWD relationship that discipline and correction will be a dreaded but  necessary action that  requires a clear mind, a firm hand, and an open, honest heart.  I've talked about discipline and correction in other posts before, but in this post I'd like to illustrate the importance of connectivity, even during correction, unmet expectations, or hurt feelings.

Sometimes it can be difficult to express the let-down that we feel in our partner's actions, non-actions and potentially careless words or deeds. That's why June and I feel that communication and expression are vital to us and our interpretation of this lifestyle. Sometimes irritation, disappointments, hurt feelings, etc. can cloud  the effectiveness of  what we are really trying to communicate. I know that I can be fairly adamant about my expectations and when they should be met. In most instances June and I are very much on the same page, but there have been a few occasions where she or I were off the mark and needed to take a few min to get emotion out of the picture, think clearly and not let hurt or anger get the best of us.

                                                      

 

We also believe that taking time is one thing, but drawing out an unresolved problem is unhealthy and unnecessary.  Shutting down is never acceptable in our house. I mean I have to think that if I am the HoH and I am to effectively lead and guide my family, that it is even LESS acceptable for me to start shutting down and be non-communicative. In the beginning this was something that I struggled with and no, I'm not proud of that. June got me thinking and talking and for me that was a major, major step, even outside DD/TTWD. I've never been in a relationship that made communication so easy, so fluid, and so welcome and even despite my attempts to clam-up and keep to myself, our love won out and I found my voice.  We think that it is far better to put things on the table, refine our thoughts, and turn towards the relationship in order to clear the air and move forwards before the sun sets.  Letting an issue stagnate can only lead to hard feelings, and cracks in the armor of our relationships and our own interaction.

                                            


  When  June and I discussed the foundation of our relationship we realized that one of the things that makes BOTH of us better is accountability and while I may not be the one on the receiving end of a good spanking, the standards of our relationship must, do and in fact apply to a higher standard for me. We often tell our youngest to "use your words" and that's something that I do in fact have to tell myself.... I'll be honest in that regard.  I'm like a lot of men, I don't want to talk about it... but being the man, the man my wife and children look to for answers, the head of our home, has taught me that I can't afford to do that anymore... That and June will, and in fact should, call me on that.  If it came down to it, she would place herself across my lap and have me spank her until I could communicate the emotions that I was feeling and how we can get to a better place.



                                                   

 Harmony can be disrupted fairly easily, sometimes we don't take notice of the small things our partners do to enrich our lives and our families. Sometimes it seems as if our partners don't care, or like what is important to us isn't important to them and that can and does hurt. Nobody likes to have their thoughts or feelings marginalized and I think that puts the onus on the HoH to ensure that there is no shut-down, no loss of communication and no distances that can hurt the relationship in either the long or short-term.  Take the time to put your emphasis on getting to a shared place of comfort that  has the strength and conviction to move forward despite discomfort, hurt feelings and/or anger.... The relationship benefits and let's be honest, folks, there are way better things to be doing at the end of the day than fighting or not talking to each other... just sayin!

                                                     

                                                         

Her POV:

This has been my greatest challenge. Because of my life, it has always been safer to shut-down. If you let them see how you were affected, or that you were hurt or bothered, it only got worse. I was very good at stuffing things down. Daddy does not allow this...not in the very least. The first time, during a conversation about the necessity of communicating what I felt, he used the phrase - passive-aggressive.....just cut me to the very core. He's right...he always is (sighs....schnoots to Daddy ALWAYS being right!....jk). It is passive aggressive. I wasn't aware of it. My tone was clipped, my answers short. "Yes, Daddy" became an eyes down "yes" .... shudders. But those were just the motions of our dynamic, it was not authentic.

Then we got to a different place. I would communicate... not right away. Sometimes I needed that moment to stuff down that eye roll, or that sarcastic remark and think about how I really felt and filter my emotions. It got me spanked. Why? I didn't communicate that I needed a moment to process, that I wasn't distancing myself from him, from us, but that I was using a minute to work things out in the framework of our relationship and be able to bring it to him respectfully. So I got spanked. Then we talked. He apologized. And I said if I need that moment, how about if I saw, "Daddy, I need a minute to process, please." Then he knows I am not shutting down.

It works. It lets us both know that we are present for each other, and for our relationship. He can do this too... and he has, "Daddy needs a moment to sort this out, lovey. We'll talk about this later (or tonight)." This space gives us the opportunity to enumerate our points, make sure we understand what we need, and frame them in the best possible way to serve our relationship.

I will call him on it. In TTWD I am very much accountable to him. But he is also accountable to me, to our God, and to our family as the head of our home, Distancing is so damaging. There is nothing in the world wrong with holding him accountable....respectfully. I did it wrong in the beginning..."You know what would happen to me if I did what you're doing?" YIKES! But as soft hand on his shoulder, or his leg, or just curling up beside him and winding my fingers with his, a soft kiss and a,"Daddy, distance is against our rules. I think we need to talk about what's on your mind.", or yes, laying across his lap... sometimes both. If the air needs to be cleared, this is the mechanism we have established to do so. No, not correction, discipline, we all need it... it goes hand in hand with accountability.

And the bottom line - heck yeah, there are better things we can be doing :)

Dominance and Submission Exercises

                                                      

Submission is a valuable and wonderful gift that must be nurtured, developed, maintained and recognized every day to obtain the most worth.  Understanding the lady of the house, what she values and what makes her feel connected and valued most is invaluable to receiving and maintaining her submission.  It could be as simple as a request. It could be as complicated as regular maintenance spankings that are designed and centered around what makes her feel submissive.  The impact that freely given and well maintained submission can bring to a DD/TTWD relationship is substantial, and speaking as a HoH, extremely rewarding.  June and I spend a portion of every day connecting to our  (My dominant, her submissive) sides and nurturing it in ways that provide an immediate and obvious benefit.  "Sweety can you bring me a glass of water?"  "Here let me do that, you go and sit down, rest for a while"   These things are simple, cost nothing and keep the focus on the relationship and the people in it.

                                                    

I recommend finding or making a time in your evening routine to connect.  Spend some time talking, and working on your dominant and submissive roles. Sometimes this might mean working hard to find the grace necessary to submit with a gentle and grateful heart despite the first thoughts and comments that may pop into one's head. It is also important that a HoH recognize and praise the effort. It isn't always easy to submit. Pain, exposure, and being outside one's comfort zone can makes submission a challenge. Improving communication is the goal here.  I'd also like to emphasize the importance of the individuality that belongs to each couple and the suggestions that June and I offer here can be easily reworked to fit your needs.

                                                 


Here are a couple of  dominance and submission exercises.

- Spanking - Well you knew this one was going to be here. Ladies, this is the time to show him that you can gracefully accept and yield to being under his hand. Take a hot bath, have a cup of warm tea, unwind or read for a little while before approaching him. Find something that stings... something that might not be your favorite, or something you don't enjoy. Bring it to him and place yourself right over his lap. Have him spank you a slow to moderate pace and let yourself feel it, embrace the heat and find your grace and submission.

I realize that this can be difficult to do, but that's why we do it. Building grace and accepting dominance when it is difficult is a hallmark of a strong  submissive.

                                                     

For the dominant partner, I recommend giving her praise and grace. It is important for you to let her know that this is in fact, a exercise in submission and that you very much appreciate it's difficulty.

                                                     

For HoH's - Take the lead, take  over when she needs you to.  Walk up behind her, whisper your appreciation in her ear and finish dinner or the dishes,  speaking of dinner, if you both need to decompress, turn dinner down on low, and go to your room and spend some time giving her your full attention and awareness.

                                                        

-Romance - It might sound odd, but a healthy well groomed sense of romance is a very good way to remind ourselves of our place in the relationship.  Write each other letters (pen and paper guys),  take her kisses  and give her the strength and warmth of your body.  We recommend the use of blindfolds, scented candles, molten wax, soft music, restraints  (I know, I know, I sound like a freak, but try it, it works...I promise). Make love like a man and a woman and do so with an unselfish hungry fashion... It will be a delicious experience.


                                               




Finding and nurturing submission leads to ease of communication, increased intimacy, a full and intimate understanding of each other and each other's dreams, ideas, fantasies, wishes and how best to fulfill them. We would encourage you to find and use what works for you to deepen your relationship roles, and greater contribute to the strength of your relationship!




                                            

Her POV:

We've said it before, and I will say it again - TTWD is not one-size-fits-all. You may already have an idea of the things that turn you into girl goo. And there may be others that you learn as you grow together as a couple. Don't be afraid to tell him when something makes you go weak in the knees, or gives you those delicious brain tickles..."I liked when you did ..." All I have to tell Ward is...mmm, that gave me brain tickles, Daddy. Generally, though, he is more than well aware of the effect he has on me by my reaction, and he is not afraid to capitalize on that.

Observe your partner, watch for what makes her softer and turn into you...watch what makes his eyes burn a little brighter, his verbal and physical response become clearer, surer, more confident...sometimes even take on that delicious dark little edge. Show your mindfulness, when you know he has had a hard day, slide behind him on the sofa, massage his neck and shoulders as he reads or watches TV (chances are he won't be doing either for very long), sit at his feet, remove his shoes and socks and massage his weary feet and legs.

We had a conversation after a very seemingly ordinary moment that cranked my gears...I could feel it wash over me, and I could feel myself bending to him. When I told him, he smiled and said that he knew because he could feel my voice turn inward and could see my submission surge in my eyes, in my manner, he could feel me bend. It is pleasurable to serve him.

One thing that I do is try to always be mindful that the things I do for him are a service in my submission... be it that glass of water, or stopping whatever it is I was doing to give him my attention... everything that I do, every look that I give, every response that I utter is an opportunity to express my submission to his leadership.

What would I give him...

...this man who has my heart?

I offer him my complete deference...my "yes, Daddy."

                        

I offer him my obedience with what I hope is not the slightest of hesitation.

                                                    

I offer him humble acceptance of his loving correction and the reassurance of his discipline...even when it's difficult, even when I struggle...then I offer him the triumph of my stillness.




                                        


















I offer him my pleasure, for surely he is it's source.

        

I offer him my hand, with which to lead me.

                 

I offer him  my unfaltering step in following him.

                       

I offer him my shoulder when his burdens become heavy.

                  

I offer him my heart, bursting with love - the eternal spring he brings to our lives.

                                

I offer him my soul, the essence of who I am, because only with him am I who I was meant to be.

I offer him, my very life, trusting that I am safe in his hands. 

                                                     

I offer him my gratitude for his acceptance of these very humblest of gifts, the only things I have to offer....he accepts them with fervor, with reverence, with joy... these simple, homely things - he looks upon as though their value knew no bounds.

                                                 



What would I give him?

Simpler to ask what I would withhold.....nothing. I am his.

                                                     

...and it does, my love

HIS POV:    

I am truly humbled by June's offering of deepest love.  The desire to fill my world with light and to become that world as surely and deeply as the waters of the ocean.. this is what my wildest dreams are made of. To traipse along the outskirts of heaven and to dance along the cosmos in true unity it puts tears of love and joy in this man's eyes.