Strength and Softness and Balance

                                                 

 Strength... The word has defined my life.  I understand it deeper all the time, and I respect it's something that I have had to have all of the days of my life.  When I was a child, I never measured up to the expecations of it... And now sometimes I have to learn that their are other things in life that mean so much more than mere strength.  I'm 6'4 275lbs and I am strong... sometimes, I let my youngest hang off of my arm and enjoy that expression of wonder and brightness that only exists in the very young. Still, next to mental, emotional, and spiritual strength, my physical strength is nothing. There are things I don't like to talk about, and I promise that I won't get into here, but I have definitely seen more than my share of hard times throughout my life. The battles of the heart and mind are the toughest for me and that seems to have been the case since I was young. Still sometimes I must remind myself that at times there are no easy answers and there are no shortcuts  when it comes to dealing with the minds and hearts of the ones that I hold dear, the ones that look to me for answers.

                                                                      

 Sometimes the physical expression of my strength comes in handy and in fact is quite useful.  I am a good one to know when there is moving to be done, I'm deceptively athletic and am often able to parlay these physical skills into completing work and work related task quicker and more efficiently. I am prouder still of the mental and  emotional strength that I am able to provide my family with. Our boys have special needs  and many times they need a stable, male influence that provides  mentorship, confidence, and a voice of experience. I know that they haven't always had that, and it thrills me when I am able to help them see the actualization of their own potential.  More than strength alone, I have also realized that somtimes, more than just goal oriented focus and a direct, stern approach, they also need my unconditional acceptance, patience, and wisdom.  As I pondered these things, It became abundantly clear that these concepts can and should be easily applied to a DD/TTWD relationship. 

                                                   

 Throughout our relationship, I have learned and discovered that sometimes my initial thoughts on a subject or experience often require a second look... We both put a lot of work into this relationship, and I am one HoH who is ready to admit that he cares enough to be worried about the message that he sends his Wife.  Sometimes I don't always communicate well... and while I'm not proud of the way that I've handled everything, I generally feel that we do a good job of giving each other the respect, honor and attention that we as individuals deserve, but also as a couple... Sometimes a direct, logic-oriented approach just isn't the answer. Sometimes we get the most mileage and growth by making ourselves emotionally available to each other when we are at our most vulnerable.  Our life is often hectic, loud, noisy, and full of interesting little twists and turns that often leave us frazzled... it goes without saying that a frazzled husband or wife does not make for a smooth relationship environment.  Thus, it behooves me, the HoH, to be mindful of his words and deeds and balanced in his approach to his relationship.

                     

                                                     

Sometimes being my June's soft landing place, her shoulder to cry on and her ear to listen when things aren't easy is a something that I am proud to be able to give her.  Balancing strength, discipline, love, and  reciprocity yields big benefits, and while I don't always get everything right... She loves me enough to let me learn, let me grow, and do the same for me when I need it... I really don't want to think about where I would be if it weren't for June.. Even when I am not at my best she shows me that she loves me, she doesn't just tell me, she shows that she has faith in me... faith in us and in turn, this gives me the kind of confidence that a HoH requires in order to be effective... I am blessed and thankful to be able to count on my June for love, support and understanding and I hope that she can say the same of me. 

                                                               

Finding the balance between strength and softness and recognizing these same qualities within each other is a very helpful tool when we are finding each other through stress and day to day life. It gives us a guide in the difficult times and highlights and accentuates the good times.  We hope that you all have an opportunity to see what Balancing strength and softness can do for your relationship... You won't be disappointed.


Her POV:

Have I mentioned how very much I like it when Daddy calls me 'his June'? How very warm and like an enchanted princess it makes me feel?...

I have never had any one I could depend on I was always the one who had to be strong for everyone. And it wore me out. I wonder sometimes that Daddy can continue to exhibit that strength of heart and of character I worry that it will wear on him as well. But he seems to thrive on it. And it is so lovely to be able to sink into him.

I know that we have very high and exacting standards for our relationship, but in all reality I think Daddy is too hard on himself regarding how he communicates. I have never had anyone who cares so deeply about hearing my concerns and communicating well.

And in those times when it is hard, when I shut down, and he pulls it out of me, and I'm sure he will run for the hills, he never does. He uses that strength to pull out those things from my heart, and then he holds me up when I am sure I cannot go another step.

I do have faith in my Daddy and slowly he's teaching me to have faith in myself. I am proud of my Daddy, and what he brings to our family. I am proud of how well we communicate, I am proud of this man who has been along so long, and never exposed to children, let alone sometimes difficult children, and a definitely difficult woman, can hold us up and steer us in the right direction as a productive, cohesive unit that moves with grace and unity.

Privileges

I have been struggling with this post for a while. Then today we had a moment, Daddy and I. It's actually been an ongoing moment. You see, we have been hoping that things would gel and conditions would be right to let Daddy leave the military early. Well, things have happened, and Daddy injured his ankle. So he is now disallowed from the process that would have allowed him to leave and be with us, without interruption. So this turned from a post I am struggling with, into a submission exercise. I don't know if this will get published

When he came off the sub, he went to a temporary command waiting for orders. We were rather counting on the process resulting on his being released. He accepted orders to the closest support facility. Because of the boys, and the problems they have with adjustment, and the relatively short time till his contract is satisfied, the boys and I will not be going with him. I'm having a hard time with this. I thought we were done with separation forever.

What does that have to do with this post? I get angry. It's very un-June-like. I apologize. I don't know, as I said if this will get published. Right now this is for him. If it does and someone gets butthurt, I apologize in advance. This is June unfiltered. I'm making this for him and I. Oh, right - the post - keep getting off track.

I get angry. I read sometimes and sometimes just walking in the world-  and I see women with the advantage of waking up with their men every single day, with no worries of having him ripped away. I see women who say they want to submit and then fight their mens' leadership. And I get angry.

   

I wonder if they know the impossible odds of finding that one person who fits out of all this vast sea of humanity?  I wonder if they the feel the fit of his puzzle piece against theirs, snugging  the places that were loose and vulnerable and insecure, and making them strong and unified and safe?

I wonder if  they realize that they have a privilege? A privilege to wake up in the night and feel his heat at their back, to hear his snore. To walk back in from the bathroom and see the lump of his form under the covers and hopefully feel that swell of love burst in their chest, as they race across the floor to curl up against him in the dark. I wonder if they know what a privilege it is to reach a hand absently beside them and have the security of brushing his?

I wonder if they realize the privilege of making dinner for their family, and setting a place at the head of the table, of not having to gaze at that empty space and feel their heart break and stuff it down so the children do not see?

I wonder if they realize that, in most cases they brought DD to the table, asked him to lead. And if they cherish that he takes that responsibility seriously? I wonder if they consider their art, their acquiescence, rather than that knee-jerk contention? I wonder if they know how tenuous all of life is?

         

I wonder if they realize that they have the privilege of having that man next to them in this moment, and how many women do not have that luxury? I wonder if they understand how many women live in fear of that distance, of that separation? It's a simple thing. It's something no woman - no couple -  who loves so deeply and so genuinely should ever have endure. And I get angry.

I am selfish. I want that privilege of lack of fear. I am selfish. I admit it. I am flawed. I own that. I want my man right next to me. I want his voice and his guidance, and his love, every moment of every single day. I want the absence of fear. I want the privilege of bowing to him, I want the privilege of submitting to him, every moment of every day. I want the privilege of feeling myself under his hand. I want it. I crave it. I need it. No amount of being his will ever be enough.

And I wonder, do you know how lucky you are? Are you aware of the privileges you have?
           

 

HIS POV:    
It is a privilege to wake up every morning to lead our family and to see your heart ache so, June, it makes my eyes mist and water.. One day the military chapter of our life will be over and new challenges and blessings await us. Indeed it is a hard thing to watch others struggle so with the blessings that we lack and in the wake of these emotions anger is a very natural and normal reaction.

This post is a post about pure honesty and without putting names to it, we'd like to say that the emotions so rawly and obviously displayed here are not directed towards any one person or persons, it is not our intent to cause hard feelings but  we do readily wish to convey how we feel.

Sometimes it is hard dealing with these things, the desire for assurance and family are desires I have held since entering the military over a decade ago.. Still, I do these things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard and one day, someday I hope that our children can see that even when it was difficult, even when it was heartbreaking that I did my duty like an honorable man... Giving way to sacrifice, I love my family and  though I grind my teeth I can understand how you feel, I love you and thank you for your support even when the night was blackest and day was longest... I thank you for being who you are and for contributing heavily to who we are... thank you, my love.