Opinions and the sinking of blogland?

  

Daddy and I have been kind of cocooned away in our little home. He's on leave, pending being away during the week, and only home on the weekend. So we've been soaking up all the 'us' we can. 

A friend asked Monday if I had seen the uproar in blogland, and I had not. She directed me to the article in the Daily Beast. It was hopelessly slanted, but you kind of knew it would be. The Daily Beast, while it had a credible start, is after all a reporting and opinion website founded and published by Tina Brown, former editor of Vanity Fair and The New Yorker, it is after all a news and opinion website. 

What does that mean? It means it presents credible news items, but it is not subject to the ethics of print journalism. It is an OP-ED news source, which is a source which presents newspaper articles that expresses the opinions of a named writer who is usually unaffiliated with the newspaper's editorial board.It is akin to paparazzi journalism... people sneaking around, digging through trash, twisting facts into fantastically contrived pretzel shapes which support their personal opinions.

Today I followed a link or two and see that some blogs have gone private, and I wonder why? Are you ashamed of the life you live? I am not ashamed of the life I live with Ward. It is genuine. It is real. We share a closeness for which the bearers of the opinions expressed in this particular piece have envy. It is simply my personal opinion that hiding, pulling up our shutters is giving this kind of vile black journalism more power than it deserves. 

Pulling our shutters tight makes it seem like we have something to hide, like we are ashamed of our lifestyle. I am not ashamed of our lifestyle. I am not ashamed of the fact that I am submissive to my husband. I am not ashamed of the fact that he leads our home honorable and well. I am not ashamed of the fact that I have given him the right of authority over our family, our children and me. I am proud of who we are and what we stand for, traditional marriage, traditional male-led relationships, a strong and centered family.

     

HIS POV:

It would seem that we are all feeling the impact of the recent "junk journalism" event.  I would like to be very clear when I say that I support not only the affected and named parties of this vicious, unfounded, and clearly slanted attack, but I also support the entire blogland network.  I understand that there are many ways of looking at this, and perhaps some folks will take exception to what I say or the words I use, but I feel that a clear, honest voice must be used.

Shutting the doors, or taking the ball and going home only lets the attackers win.  Yes, I said it, but - and now it's out, but that's how I feel. Standing together in support and going on with our lives in a honest and natural way not only grants each and every couple and person in blogland support, but we send a message... We don't hide, we aren't afraid to be ourselves and we don't bow to cowardice.

To the writers of these and other examples of slanted,  garbage-journalism... I hope you understand something beyond the damage that you have caused. Your  flagrant disregard for other people's lifestyles tells us everything we need to know about you. Ignorance is a contagious disease that  spreads like wildfire. I doubt you are the kind of person that can look past the surface and understand the deeper meaning of what true, unconditional love and true sacrifice mean and harbor.  You disgust me for not only your actions, but also your cowardly, limited intellect and your fearful, low, cowardly attacks on good people.  That said I forgive you... I want to be the first to tell you that.  It may not be what you expect but there it is.  I am past it, it's over and done, and perhaps people can grow past this and be something more. I don't expect you to understand or care, but as a Christian man with a backbone, I will be the one person that calls it like it is.  You are small, weak, and sickly both in thought and deed and with that I have only one other thing to say to you... Have a nice day.

Maintenance, Discipline, and Stress Relief

                                                                         

  June will tell you that she gets spanked every day. Often times two or three times a day.  Some of you may have a hard time believing that such a good, sweet girl  would require such frequent attentions... The truth is that June and I view maintenance and discipline a bit different than most.  We have found that daily spankings help keep us both where we need to be physically and mentally and we have both found that our relationship benefits deeply from this.  Besides being DD, we are both spanking enthusiasts and find spanking alluring, and we find them to be a soothing source of stress relief and a source of inspiration to the betterment of our relationship.

                                                                        

Maintenance even though we don't always call it that is a very special and very intimate way  of connecting and finding the comfort that  can only be found with each other. Yes we like it... Does that make it less DD? Less special? We don't think so.  It is more than a fascination, hobby, or fetish, it really is a way of living and thinking that makes us who we are.  June is hyper vigilant about everything, but especially her communication and the expression of her submission and desire to please me.  I am vigilant in responding to and facilitating her needs.  She honors me with her loving submission and her sweet and wonderful heart.  I try to honor her by being a man she can be proud to call hers.

                                                  

I've noticed that a lot of people seem to mistake or use discipline in conjunction with or interchangeably with correction or punishment.  For us Discipline is a way of refocusing and learning, discipline is very useful for reaching a goal, feeling our places and learning to communicate in a more effective, healthier way.  I just wish that perhaps there wasn't an immediate connection between discipline and punishment.  To some that would be semantics, but I guess I just see things a tad differently. While both valid, correction and discipline should both be used along with clear, focused communication that highlights expectations, encourages growth, and is affectionate and reassuring.

                                

 

                  

                  

                                                                                              

Stress relief comes in many forms. A long soak in a bubble field tub with a glass of wine, A relaxing foot massage, and yes even a good, long, firm spanking.  This world, this life are stressful and sometimes June needs me to help her find the balance in the interim.  Bills, work, kids and any other number of stressors can be handled, the trouble is, sometimes both of us have a knack for letting things "pile up" and then life gets overwhelming. June helps me with this as much as I help her... she's always ready and willing to drape herself across my lap and help me stop stress before it stops us.  Likewise, I'm always ready to give her the attention that she needs, be it  me distracting the kids so she can have some "Mommy Time" sending her out for a manicure/pedicure/massage or just taking time to listen, I've learned that it pays to put stress in it's place before it becomes unmanageable.

                                        

  

             

We've covered many topics on  spanking and have mentioned the differences between type and motivation, but I think sometimes it is good to get further into the many benefits that come along with the DD and spanking lifestyles.  Unceasing affection along with a unasuageable  thirst for fulfilment, growth and actualization.

                                                        

Her POV:
I hope I don't alienate all my new friends, yes, I get spanked every day, at least in the morning, it helps me start the day feeling totally owned, and at bedtime, it helps to blow away the stress of the day so that I can sleep (I have suffered from insomnia for years). Those are not always what some of our community that are strictly DD experience.

They vary in intensity, depends on the day, but there are lots of pauses, rubs and strokes, sometimes kisses and other lovely touches. They help to center me, give me the sense of my place in our relationship, his headship and Dominance, they let me feel safe and loved. For me, those are part of discipline. They firmly establish our roles.

Discipline might also be pulling me back when I start to range, when I feel a little our of control, or when stress is carrying me away... or carrying him away. I've said before that when I see Daddy stressing, I will offer myself to him, either handing him an implement, or simply laying across his lap. These - stress relief spankings- are always very firm, they may or may not bring tears.

 Correction is the only type that I would sell my soul to avoid. And not because of the level of spanking, but because I have behaved in a manner less than my man and/or my family deserves. In all ways I strive to represent myself, my Daddy and my family in a manner that brings him the honor that he deserves. When I have not done so, Daddy is far more gentle and forgiving with me than I am with myself. I may not like them, or want to earn them, but I am grateful that he loves me enough to provide them, so that we can clear the air and put those moments of being less behind us. He has never brought up one of those moments after they have passed- ever.

All in all, the ones I need, the ones I want, and the ones I deserve, I am grateful to Ward's diligence to our relationship, and for his insight and empathy in understanding what I need, what keeps me even, what keeps me feeling the way that I want to feel. I enjoy feeling submissive to him, I enjoy knowing that I am always under the shelter of his hand.

Want - VS - Need - VS - Deserve

Daddy and I are both great big honking poster children for spankos. It's something that we need in our lives. But we also have DD as part of our dynamic, and I know some people do not believe that you can correct someone who enjoys being spanked with a spanking. But I'm here to tell you that it works for us. I guess that you would have to consider the three basic kinds of spankings in our relationship. There are the kind I want, the kind we need, and the kind I deserve.

Want

These are those absolutely delicious, slow, long leisurely, intimate spankings that are..... well just really sexy. There is lots of touching, and rubbing, neck kissing, back kissing, delicious whispers of what is yet in store or that shiver-inducing, brain-melting "Mine" in my ear. Good girl spankings - yum! These usually dissolve into some beautiful soul-melding love making. Who doesn't want some of that?

Need

This is a funny one, and you notice I didn't say "I" need, I said "we". Daddy always says "They won't always be the kind of spankings that you like. But they will always be the kind that you need." Sounds rather like Daddy-double-speak, doesn't it? But it's not really. These spankings are long and firm. They likely end in tears, they're designed for emotional release. The very strange thing is, while I may not enjoy them in the process, I enjoy what they bring and I am grateful that we have that.

There are times when I am stressed and like everyone else, I act out, generally by beating myself up - which is against our rules. I'm supposed to stop myself before I say something negative about myself and try to think of something positive instead. There are times I am feeling just a bit distant, for whatever reason, and I need that pulling back.

What about that "we", June? Well, there are the ones that we need, just to reaffirm our roles, to center us and remind us of who we are and what our roles are. And because our relationship is built on reciprocity, there are times when Ward is stressed, and I will offer myself to him. I'm still not sure I can explain what he gets from it, but I know that he does he benefits from it as well, not just how it affects our dynamic and interaction, but from the physical act itself. If he is in a bad place, I can lay across his lap and I know that he will feel release. And because I love him, I try to meet his needs as fully as he does mine, it pleases me to be able to give him that.

Deserve

Oh good golly, this is the only one I seek to avoid with all my might. That's not saying that I will ever resist him, if I earn it I will accept it. For us, spankings for correction are effective. There is knowing that I have disappointed him, and that is worse than anything that could happen after. And while I don't want to deserve them, if I have done something that is detrimental to our relationship, this is what allows us to clear the air. So maybe correction spankings are really a hybrid deserve/need. If I transgress, I need to surrender to his correction to release the guilt. I think it would not work without a deep emotional connection.

In all of the different types, Daddy is loving and supportive and lets me know that he is proud that I submit myself to him. That makes it easier, I thrive on making him proud.



HIS POV: 
I think June has done a great job highlighting the different forms of spanking in our relationship. June is such a good, sweet girl that we both usually have the desire and urge to share spanking in many different splendid forms. Her beautiful, sweet nature appeals to me both on a physical and intellectual level, and she makes it very easy for me to want to touch and caress, and yes spank her, on a very regular basis. 

Sometimes what we want is not the same thing as what we need.  We both try to go above and beyond in the facilitation of each other's needs.  As good as it is, life is often quite stressful and I find that lady June is my anchor and my source of inspiration in the midst of a very hectic life. 

Correction is something that does exist in our dynamic, but I would be remiss if I didn't share how wonderfully rare this is for us. She knows that I will always keep our relationship at the top of the list of my priorities, and  when it is called for I think there is something nice about being able to clear the air, learn from our mistakes and grow stronger for it!

Spanking and Submission

Daddy got home from four days away today. Daddy's job sometimes mandates that he is gone for extended periods of time, during which communication is impossible. I've gotten somewhat used to it, if I am well prepared. This time neither of us was, he went to work & came home having been told he would be gone four days. Dread. But I'm a good girl. I can do this - except it's hard to be without my Daddy - it's really hard. He called as soon as contact was possible, and it was like the first breath of air in four days. We talked for a good long time. And he needed rest. He had been up at one point for over 30 hours during the 4 days - and he was sick when he left.         

He had a few things to do so was running around and I received a text "Be ready for a spanking later, love. I love you."  I got a little anticipatory thrill all through my body, and texted back - just a little breathless, "Yes, Daddy". I had wanted one. I started needing one yesterday, while he was still away. Why? I miss him. I need to feel his authority. I need to feel my place. I need the intimacy and closeness that it brings. I need the trust it implies. I need to surrender to him. When I can't, I'm just not myself. C's Loving Domestic Discipline Blog discusses several types of spankings, and Daddy discussed the reasons for some in a previous post. I guess this one was kind of a combination stress relief/good girl/submission/just-because spanking.

I've seen some posts on other blogs that I wanted to answer on just this subject - the just-because kind of spanking. And it kind of puzzled me. The HoH's request to lay over his lap was met with panic, and refusal, and assertions of humiliation. I wanted to respond, but I was afraid that my responses would be seen as judgment, and that is not the case. We're all different. It is not humiliating to me. Submitting is humbling, but never humiliating. But to me it's what I negotiated when I surrendered to Daddy, I gave him authority over me.

He understands me very well. He sees what I need, even when I don't. Don't get me wrong, I am not at all averse to asking for a spanking if I need one or want one. Daddy is always in control of discipline, even if I ask for it.  Just sometimes I think it's more important that he initiate the process, like today. So that text was very welcome. He needed to give and I needed to receive. And now everything is as it should be. Daddy's home again, and so am I.

Fear

In my last post I spoke about negative emotions that sometimes come with accountability. In this post I wanted to address fear. People not in this kind of relationship may misunderstand the origins of the fear. They might think, if you fear being accountable, if you fear correction, why would you submit yourself to it? 

It's not the physical aspects of correction that brings fear. Frankly, spanking can be quite yum! Sometimes all I can think about is:

We are spankos, we enjoy it. We use it in play. We use it in discipline. It allows me to feel and reminds me of my place in our relationship, safe, protected, treasured, held in the palm of his hand. We use it in correction. It allows me to offer up my guilt and allows us to clear the air. Some people don't agree that if you regularly use spanking in play that it can be a useful tool in correction. Thankfully, Ward is of the same understanding as I.

So if we like it, how is it effective as an instrument of correction? And what is it that I fear if I don't fear these:

I fear knowing that I have disappointed not only Ward, but our relationship. I fear knowing that I have given less than my best. I fear:

And even here, Ward is loving and supportive. It is not me that is bad, it is the course of action that I choose which was undesirable. I am not a disappointment, my behavior was disappointing. 

The ritual, his voice, his words, his hands carry his message of love, diligence, leadership, reconciliation and unconditional love. He won't let the fear come between us. He will carry us from that fear back to peace and comfort and closeness. 

Vulnerability

You will receive love only to your ability to be vulnerable enough to let it in. Love between two people is a fearless state of being where who you are and who they are is given and received without fear of engulfment or abandon. The underlying belief of this state is complete trust regardless of outcome."

~Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath~

I saw this quote in my FetLife feed this morning, and it struck me. I think it's funny how this, and in fact several of the other topics seem inextricably intertwined.

There is intrinsically a physical vulnerability in any lifestyle relationship. In the committed ones, there is also an incredible emotional vulnerability. The submissive partner is not the only one who makes herself vulnerable. Accountability makes her vulnerable. Obviously she makes herself physically vulnerable for discipline and correction. She also makes herself vulnerable with honesty, and with being open and willing to her partner and his leadership, to following with grace. 

Make no mistake, the Dominant partner makes himself incredibly vulnerable, I'd like Ward to expand on that. But he's not home from work yet, and has one of those killer 30+ hour shifts tomorrow, so it may be a day or two until he can post.

The Dominant partner steers the ship. He assumes the responsibility for the decisions, which means he also assumes the responsibility for mistakes. He accepts responsibility for the actions of those he leads as well. Being the partner who holds the other accountable, he becomes vulnerable to her emotions: fear, discontent, confusion, anger, self-blame, sadness, remorse. He has to help her past those emotions, to forgive her and show her how to forgive herself, to build something positive, constructive and edifying from the experience.

Ward has said that in all things he will not fail me, be that being the biggest cheerleader I will ever have, my support when I feel overwhelmed, or the one who upholds discipline in our family. He has to make himself vulnerable to present his vision for our family. He has to make himself vulnerable to express his joy, his disappointment and his pride. I trust and treasure that. I trust and treasure him. 

And in this, too, I see the symbiotic cycle of exchange. I feed and support his leadership, and he feeds and supports my submission. And those are the things which feed and nurture our relationship, intimacy and our family. 

I love you, Daddy, you're my once in a lifetime.

Balance

The last couple of posts got me thinking about balance. D/s relationships thrive on balance (well all relationships should). There does not have to be equality, there simply has to be balance. I don't have to be able to do all the things you do, I don't have to want to do all the things you do. I do have to accept your efforts graciously, and I have to complement and support you. In that way, we fill and surround each other, complete all that needs to be done, and we as a unit are stronger than the sum of our two halves.

The philosophy of yin yang illustrates balance perfectly. Two individual halves, each with the essence of the other at it's heart, filling the gaps, complementing and strengthening. Yin is female energy. Yang is male energy.
I love this quote from Crystal Links:

"Yin and yang do not exclude each other. Yin and yang are interdependent. Yin and yang consume and support each other. Yin and yang can transform into one another. Part of yin is in yang and part of yang is in yin."

Some women may need to bring male energy into their work-life. But when we go home, there is masculine energy in our homes, we can leave that at the door and take on the gender role that we are most comfortable with. I can let Ward express that energy. I can be soft and womanly. And that's okay, it does not in any way diminish me. 

And, yes, ladies and gentleman - I have just had a personal revelation - just this second, while talking to you. I said above - "some women". There are some careers that use more feminine skill-sets, nurturing, caring, less business-y kinds of work. So where is my revelation? I was in school, studying CIS. I am pretty fair with a computer. I enjoy logical reasoning. I figured when I went back to school that I could make it work. Well, as I got further into it, I found myself distracted, disinterested, bored and frustrated. I could not imagine myself doing this every day. 

So I changed - to what? Psychology - I want to do counseling. I like to listen. I like to help, to problem-solve. I like the human touch. I miss human interaction. This allows me to be truer to my gender role, it is where I am comfortable. I am service-oriented. I always have been. How about that....

Traditionally, in our relationships, we each have a role. Men are providers and protectors. They possess strength and honor and are predisposed to action. They enjoy surmounting a challenge. They enjoy having influence and a positive effect. When women try to hard to perpetuate masculine energy in our relationships, when we eschew vulnerability, we deny our partners the need to protect us and to provide for us. We strip them of their purpose. Women are intuitive, nurturers, caretakers. We possess a different kind of strength. We want to be precious and treasured. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable to our partners, we are allowing ourselves to be softer, allowing ourselves to be loved and protected.

Another quote I happened across that I loved in researching this post, from The Tao of Gender:

A basic rule regarding the relationship of yin and yang is:
YANG protects YIN
YIN nurtures YANG
Together they form a complete whole.

I am not less than Ward. I am not unequal to Ward. I have strengths that Ward doesn't. He has strengths that I don't. We complement each other. I can say I can't. I can say I need you. This doesn't make me weak. It makes me stronger because he balances me. He shores me up. And I do the same for him.