The Gift of Time

                                                     

 There are 24 hours in a day. Just 24, no more, no less. Often it feels like there isn't enough of it to go around.  But, I would ask, Is there any gift more precious? The gift of one's time, passion, and energy are among the most precious gifts that we can give.  I think that's one of the things missing from many "modern" couples.  Sure we all have work to consider and then there is our own individual interest and stress to relieve. But there is one thing that I try to remain vigilant about.... that's love.  It's pretty easy to say that one loves another, but then again it's quite another thing to show it. Do I still go out with the guys after work and catch part of the game and take in a brew? Sure, but I also realize the value in giving people rain-checks and giving my family the time and attention that they require to grow.

                                                   

 It can be pretty easy to fall into a rut at times, or dare I say it... take each other for granted, but giving each other the time and attention that couples need.  Sometimes our domestic responsibilities and our schedules get hectic. Having two active school age children is a challenge at the best of times, but when you account for winter weather, the morning pokieness of our oldest, work, vehicles, people being under the weather, breakfast, lunch, bills, work  hmmm I'm sure I left some things out, but it's easy to see how even the most dedicated and vigilant could be overwhelmed and out of sorts at the end of a long, busy day.

                                                 

   

Sometimes the only real solution is to make time. No, I'm not a wizard and I realize that not everything is as simple as all that, but sometimes making the time to do even something just small can have HUMONGOUS benefits.  That's where it falls on us guys.  As an HoH I feel that it is my duty to assess the situation in the home, monitor stress and fatigue levels and when necessary to make time for my children or my woman when it is clear that they  need me to do so. My suggestions?  Kick her out of the kitchen and finish dinner, Take the kids out for a while so she can have a few hours to herself. Take the laundry basket from her and tell her to put her feet up and relax. 

                                                                                         

Sometimes making time means saying no to friends, canceling plans and knowing that sometimes  the best thing to do is to do nothing... No, no, I'm not sure you understand, nothing.  Sometimes nothing is disastrous, sometimes a weekend  of relaxation, and snuggling on the couch can be more productive than traveling too and from, running around like chickens without heads, and generally adding stress to the two days of the week where stress just don't have  a place.

                                                                    

Sadly, I can't just add 5 more hours or tack on two more days to the week, but what I can do is be attentive to my lady and her needs, spend time with my children and use what time we do have to bolster and nourish our ever-tightening bonds and feed the spirits and minds of the ones I hold dear.  I would encourage you all to find a way, or make a way to give each other and your families the attention that they require, need, deserve, and thrive from.  Who knows what you will discover?  Who knows what priceless moments are just waiting to be had?   Let each discovery you make bolster your efforts to be the best you can for each other.... Time's a wastin'

                                                               

Her POV: 

 There IS no greater gift we can give to each other. We all understand that principle with regard to our children. Better to give them your time, to show them they are worthy and valuable, than to buy all the latest gadgets. Why then would we give less to our families and to our partners? As our time nourishes our children, increases intimacy, increases trust and communication, so it does when we devote time to each other and to our relationships. When we give the gift of time, we also give the gift of understanding, we give refreshment to the soul, we relieve and wash away stress and strip away the world and all the things that do not belong and give shelter, safe harbor to our loved ones and let them be their best and most authentic selves.

Distancing

Stormy wrote a wonderful, insightful post yesterday Go The Distance. She and I have talked about distancing before here on blogland. We both have rules against distancing. We both struggle with it.

Stormy wrote:
"He says Distancing is Dangerous. He says its Disobedient. He says its Defiant. He says its Deceptive.
Eeeeeek! Stop, you're freaking me out now, Dude."

 Dang, yes, please, stop - you're freaking me out too - that's every single basic rule we have.....but Ogre's right - sigh.

"What does distancing look like to a man? It looks like distrust. I was staggered a bit when this thought hit me suddenly. WOW. So I am telling him that I don't trust him?"

I was staggered, too. That's what it is. Oh my goodness. My response to Stormy was:

Wow, Stormy, I never thought of it from Ward's POV,and I don't think we've ever really talked about it specifically beyond the fact that distancing is damaging and has no place in our relationship.

I got warned about distancing last week, and still I thought it was about wanting to know what I am thinking so that he can help - which it is - but I don't think I ever realized that it meant I was withholding my trust. But that's exactly what it is, isn't it?

We all know the saying that our actions speak louder than words. I tell him all the time that I love him and I trust him - and I do, more than I ever have another person. But if I distance, when push comes to shove, I prove that I don't.

That's a powerful insight. I think Ward and I need to talk that out....and I think I owe him an apology. Thank you, Stormy. 

Daddy had called from work, and we spoke in the few brief moments about the post and I asked if we could discuss it last night. He said of course. 




When Daddy got home he took my hand and whispered in my ear that it was time for a spanking. It was firmer than usual and none of the lovely little breaks to rub, and I thought it was stress relief for Daddy. Then he finally did pause and he whispered "I won't let you drift away, little one." And at his words I pulled back into focus, "Was I drifting, Daddy?" He rubbed, "The last day you were, a little." And tears came because I didn't know I was. I should have felt it and I didn't. He soothed and said he didn't expect me to be perfect, but he wouldn't fail me. And then he said it was time to finish up and he did, and then took me in his arms. Some lovely things followed that come with reconnection (not correction, thankfully, he pulled me back before I got too far away - just discipline) and it was lovely and sweet. 

Then the evening chores presented themselves, laundry to fold, homework and dinner to make, baths for the boys, bedtime, and finally, our time. We cuddled up and talked about the things in Stormy's post that had struck me - hard. I said that I hadn't even felt that I was distancing, how in the world do I stop something of which I'm unaware? Daddy gave me a forehead kiss (those are yummy!) and said that's what he's there for. But I don't like feeling like I do things I don't understand. He said not to think so much (that should be HIS mantra - I know I think things to death). And he asked me how it felt.






Wow...how does it feel? Well I feel small and scared....maybe despairing....insignificant.... and totally irrational. I didn't think to ask, but Daddy probably knows - the times I have distanced seem to coincide with absence - he went back to work - it's not 9-5. They can call at any time, any day he could come home and have a 4 or 5 day mission - blech. And let's not even talk about deployment. When we were talking on the phone, when he felt more distance, he had just sent me an email that he had to work late...on the first day back. It's not anything over which he has control. It's distressing nonetheless, and irrational because we're both at the mercy of the forces that be there.




All of that sounds whiny, and weak, and because of that I resist  it. I'm his little girl, but I'm his woman, too, I'm supposed to be his partner, his helpmate. How bloody annoying is it to have a whiny helpmate? So I stuff it down instead of sharing how very much I miss him, how very much I need him, how essential he is to my existence. And in rebelling against that weak and whiny voice - am I also rebelling against him? You know, guys, this is just getting worse and worse and worse. Sometimes I hate blogging... because I have to write it out and ruminate, and think, and figure it out, and see it and - oh please no - accept it so I can fix it...I don't know if I can fix it - it happens outside of my conscious mind - it's an undercurrent - probably because that is how I've coped most of my life.....okay, yes - my life before Ward - sigh.....


For Daddy's part, my sweet Daddy-love said I am a priority, this family is a priority, as well as his duties as it's head.  I am very lucky, and sometimes I don't feel that I serve him as well as I wish to. So I guess it's a good thing that we do TTWD, so that I don't have to feel that way for long. Daddy's lap is a magic place, and his love is my miracle. 

HIS POV: 
June is my life, my strength, my inspiration, our family is a priority, not an option and it is my honor and privilege as well as my   greatest accomplishment.  Sometimes life gets to her, to us and it is my work to ensure that our home as well as all in it are well cared for.  It is a pleasure to listen and to help, it is an honor to give guidance and clarity and it is a true labor of love to build a loving home for such a lovely, genuine person.  I am humbled to share a life with this lady, and even though our thoughts aren't always soft, quiet, easy ones I am glad I can be her strength and comfort.

When she begins to put distance between us, I feel disquieted and it alerts me to her needs, and the needs of our relationship. I don't allow distancing for a lot of reasons, the biggest of which is the health of our relationship. I think through vigilance and constant positive reinforcement we can both provide the stability and comfort that we both need and crave.

I am a bundle of need

I need my Ward.
I need to be in his arms.
I need his scent.

I need his lips pressed to my forehead.   
I need his strength.
I need his smile.
I need the twinkle in his eye.
I need the 'I love you'.
I need the 'I'm proud of you'.
I need the flare of light that surrounds us.
I need to feel his control.
I need to to stand before him, to express my submission in ways that he finds pleasing.
I need to feel his eyes roaming across my body.
I need that breathless anticipation.
I need his hands on me.
And yes, ladies and gentleman, I am a spanko. I need to be across his lap.
 I need the good girls. (the correction, not so much, but hey, that's part of this life if earned).

I need his discipline. I need his firm and gentle hands to push the worry, frustration and hideous longing from my body. I need to feel his energy, his presence, sliding my pants to the floor, the pounding of my heart in my chest. I need his fingers to tilt my eyes to his. I need to see the warmth and love radiating from this being that I love with all that I am, and that I cannot believe that I have been blessed enough to deserve in my life. I need his voice, thick and sweet like honey soothing the deepest parts of my soul, "You need this, my love." I need his lips pressed to my forehead. I need the grace that comes only from bending to his will, in submitting all of who I am to this good man. I need his hands to guide me across his lap. I need his hands caressing, wordlessly speaking love and care. I need to feel him lean across my body to plant a kiss on my hip, my back, my shoulder, my neck, then a whisper, "This is not a punishment, but it will be firm, because that is what you need, and because I love you."

I need to feel his hands fervently, reverently tending to my needs, to his own needs, feeding us, filling us. I need the heat that he brings. I need the explosion of trust in my chest that I can lay my body, heart and soul bare to this man, and that he will raise me up and heal that which diminishes me. I need the pain that he gifts me to wash the hurt and the loneliness from my heart. I need to lose myself in him. I need him to open the gates that allow me to wash my burdens away on cleansing tears. Because he loves me enough to burnish me, to polish me, to turn me into something beautiful. Because he is my world, he is my heart and my soul and without him, I am incomplete.

      I need my Ward.

Examining Submission Journaling Exercise - Day 21

Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?

There are two, it will be interesting to have Ward's view as to which position gives him a deeper sense of my submission.

One is across his lap,be it for spanking, or just because he can ask me to and have me comply willingly and he can take advantage of the position for other pursuits.

The other is in his arms, with my palms pressed flat to his chest or under his arms and my forehead pressed against his lips, his hands on my waist or hips and his breath on my hair. Absolutely heaven.