Healthy Masculinity

                                         

 What makes a man a man? Is it a fondness for booze, sex, sports, video games? Is it  the clothes he wears or the size of his bank account:? Is it something deeper than that? Is it how he treat others? His wife and children? Well folks I'd say it's many things, and I'd like to spend a little time today discussing a need for men everywhere to stand up and make their voices heard. I was discussing this very topic with June the other morning and it comes to my attention that nobody's teaching  today's boys how to be men, and frankly that makes me sad.

In the media driven culture we live in, we are taught to adopt an ideology that says  that a healthy masculinity does not exist, that a woman can't be happy unless she "has it all"... you know the high-level corporate position, fictitious waist size, the mini-van.... all of it.  We are also sadly led to believe that  men are hapless, juvenile idiots who have no hope of managing themselves let alone their families... you've seen it, you know the commercial where the husband looks like a clueless adolescent.  Even the way we educate children ... during recess (which is sadly a dying concept) boys at play are unfairly branded as troublemakers and even simple games  that where once commonplace are often prohibited or unfairly vilified (cowboys and Indians, tag, capture the flag.)  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that  masculinity has become a downplayed and unwelcome concept in modern society.

                                                                         

 

                       

                           

 

I would call out to my HoH brothers and entreat them to display the benefits of their masculinity in their relationships.  Healthy masculinity is thoughtful, balanced, kind, and courageous. These qualities, when nurtured by the thoughtful accentuation of a loving TiH make for a complete relationship dynamic that provides for the emotional needs of everybody under the roof.  Personally the way I see it, the onus falls upon me as the HoH to ensure that I not only be unapologetic in my healthy expressions of manhood... I must also do it right... I must be an example to two growing boys and show them that the way one carries oneself speaks volumes not just about themselves, but their families as well.  I want to teach my sons that being a real man isn't about being the flashiest or loudest, it's not about treating others poorly or walking with a "swagger" it's not about being boastful, it's not about having a self-centered attitude... Being a man is about confidence, poise, intelligence, grace, kindness, RESPONSIBILITY, and with a grace and thoughtfulness that speaks to the quality of person he is.

I will also admit that I do have certain hobbies and pass-times... I am an avid sports fan.... (love basketball and football)  I love reading, I love to cook. I also understand that as the head of my home, that sometimes these hobbies and interests that I have accrued over a lifetime, need to be put aside in order for my wife and children to benefit from my presence. Family time also seems to be an area where many modern families struggle in a variety of ways.  Just as surely as a child needs a mother, a child surely needs a father. Sadly,  one does not have to look very far in order to see the evidence displayed in homes where a father or father figure is not present. It really does break my heart to see children, but especially young men adrift and rudderless without the guidance, mentoring and a strong but compassionate voice of experience that helps guide and shape them.  There comes a time when we must put away the things that distract us, sacrifice our time, energy, and attention and provide a better product to the people that depend on us. 

                                                   

Now that we've discussed the responsibilities of men, there are a few other things I would like to say to the Media, to society, to our school systems and yes even to ladies everywhere... There are some things that many men do that, to put quite mildly, are ridiculous. Being inattentive to one's loved ones is obviously wrong. Some of the things I mentioned in paragraph one go beyond basic irritation at the media and society at large.  I recognize that the male sex does have particular challenges,  but I guess my question becomes: Why do we expect boys and men not to be boys and men? It even starts at school on the playground, and I know I've previously mentioned this, but why is it so wrong to play tag or cops and robbers?  Some would say that the trouble comes when boys stay boys and never become men.  Those people would be right.

In order to galvanize and develop healthy masculinity in boys and enrich them to the point of producing quality men, we must all play a roll.  Realistic expectations, firm guidance, and leadership, both male and female is a requirement for male children.  Jumping forward to the future, men must recognize the characteristics that make masculinity important and relevant.  These are some of the things that a man, (especially a man in a DD/TTWD relationship) must espouse on a daily basis.

- Integrity

-Intelligence

-Honor

-Discipline

-Fidelity

-Courageousness

-Experience

-Love

-Thoughtfulness

These things and many more are what defines how a man is perceived by not just the world, but his family as well. By being thoughtful, thorough, and tangible we not only better ourselves and our families, we improve the world around us as well.

                                                                                             

Her POV:

      

 Ward is without a doubt the finest man I have ever known. He is kind, he is sweet, he is considerate, he is empathetic and compassionate. He is strong, and he is unquestionably the leader of this family.

You will have heard me say before that he is possessing of quiet command. He is not loud, he is not boisterous, he is not vulgar. He doesn't have to be. The man only needs to walk into a room to garner attention. He exudes confidence and a certain very masculine magnetism.

He would, as the song says, walk on water, walk through fire, and literally give up his life to be all that he could. My Daddy is a man who does not need to sing his own praises (I'll do that for him), he proves in every thought, every deed, every word, ever action what kind of a man he is, and the great capacity of his heart.

He took a woman so broken, and he made me whole. He took two children with greater than average challenges, and he loved them in a way they have never, ever been loved by another man. He is teaching them about truth and integrity and honesty, and what a man's word means. Daddy is the greatest gift I have ever been given, and because the creator saw fit to put him in my life, I am able to give our children a gift of immeasurable value.

The ripples of my Daddy's strength and goodness will spread gently through the future in the actions of our sons, who learned what it means to be a man in the heart of this man I love with my all.

Strength and Softness and Balance

                                                 

 Strength... The word has defined my life.  I understand it deeper all the time, and I respect it's something that I have had to have all of the days of my life.  When I was a child, I never measured up to the expecations of it... And now sometimes I have to learn that their are other things in life that mean so much more than mere strength.  I'm 6'4 275lbs and I am strong... sometimes, I let my youngest hang off of my arm and enjoy that expression of wonder and brightness that only exists in the very young. Still, next to mental, emotional, and spiritual strength, my physical strength is nothing. There are things I don't like to talk about, and I promise that I won't get into here, but I have definitely seen more than my share of hard times throughout my life. The battles of the heart and mind are the toughest for me and that seems to have been the case since I was young. Still sometimes I must remind myself that at times there are no easy answers and there are no shortcuts  when it comes to dealing with the minds and hearts of the ones that I hold dear, the ones that look to me for answers.

                                                                      

 Sometimes the physical expression of my strength comes in handy and in fact is quite useful.  I am a good one to know when there is moving to be done, I'm deceptively athletic and am often able to parlay these physical skills into completing work and work related task quicker and more efficiently. I am prouder still of the mental and  emotional strength that I am able to provide my family with. Our boys have special needs  and many times they need a stable, male influence that provides  mentorship, confidence, and a voice of experience. I know that they haven't always had that, and it thrills me when I am able to help them see the actualization of their own potential.  More than strength alone, I have also realized that somtimes, more than just goal oriented focus and a direct, stern approach, they also need my unconditional acceptance, patience, and wisdom.  As I pondered these things, It became abundantly clear that these concepts can and should be easily applied to a DD/TTWD relationship. 

                                                   

 Throughout our relationship, I have learned and discovered that sometimes my initial thoughts on a subject or experience often require a second look... We both put a lot of work into this relationship, and I am one HoH who is ready to admit that he cares enough to be worried about the message that he sends his Wife.  Sometimes I don't always communicate well... and while I'm not proud of the way that I've handled everything, I generally feel that we do a good job of giving each other the respect, honor and attention that we as individuals deserve, but also as a couple... Sometimes a direct, logic-oriented approach just isn't the answer. Sometimes we get the most mileage and growth by making ourselves emotionally available to each other when we are at our most vulnerable.  Our life is often hectic, loud, noisy, and full of interesting little twists and turns that often leave us frazzled... it goes without saying that a frazzled husband or wife does not make for a smooth relationship environment.  Thus, it behooves me, the HoH, to be mindful of his words and deeds and balanced in his approach to his relationship.

                     

                                                     

Sometimes being my June's soft landing place, her shoulder to cry on and her ear to listen when things aren't easy is a something that I am proud to be able to give her.  Balancing strength, discipline, love, and  reciprocity yields big benefits, and while I don't always get everything right... She loves me enough to let me learn, let me grow, and do the same for me when I need it... I really don't want to think about where I would be if it weren't for June.. Even when I am not at my best she shows me that she loves me, she doesn't just tell me, she shows that she has faith in me... faith in us and in turn, this gives me the kind of confidence that a HoH requires in order to be effective... I am blessed and thankful to be able to count on my June for love, support and understanding and I hope that she can say the same of me. 

                                                               

Finding the balance between strength and softness and recognizing these same qualities within each other is a very helpful tool when we are finding each other through stress and day to day life. It gives us a guide in the difficult times and highlights and accentuates the good times.  We hope that you all have an opportunity to see what Balancing strength and softness can do for your relationship... You won't be disappointed.


Her POV:

Have I mentioned how very much I like it when Daddy calls me 'his June'? How very warm and like an enchanted princess it makes me feel?...

I have never had any one I could depend on I was always the one who had to be strong for everyone. And it wore me out. I wonder sometimes that Daddy can continue to exhibit that strength of heart and of character I worry that it will wear on him as well. But he seems to thrive on it. And it is so lovely to be able to sink into him.

I know that we have very high and exacting standards for our relationship, but in all reality I think Daddy is too hard on himself regarding how he communicates. I have never had anyone who cares so deeply about hearing my concerns and communicating well.

And in those times when it is hard, when I shut down, and he pulls it out of me, and I'm sure he will run for the hills, he never does. He uses that strength to pull out those things from my heart, and then he holds me up when I am sure I cannot go another step.

I do have faith in my Daddy and slowly he's teaching me to have faith in myself. I am proud of my Daddy, and what he brings to our family. I am proud of how well we communicate, I am proud of this man who has been along so long, and never exposed to children, let alone sometimes difficult children, and a definitely difficult woman, can hold us up and steer us in the right direction as a productive, cohesive unit that moves with grace and unity.

The Difficult Conversations

                                             

Have you ever had to talk about something hard? Did you dread the potential reaction? Well folks, it's as inevitable as a rainy day or taxes.  There is unpleasantness that must addressed in a timely fashion.  As an HoH, I'm aware of many different things, and I do indeed attempt to keep "The Big Picture" in mind when I have to make decisions or have conversations I must be mindful of my choice of words, my own emotions and her reception to, not only my words, but my intent.

Admittedly, my natural inclination is going to be to look at things from my own point of view.. I've learned over time and through observation that  a black and white view isn't always conductive to a healthy conversation... especially if it isn't an easy or fun one. It's not a state secret that men and women tend to think and react differently on different subjects... but in all honesty that is a very valuable thing.  Sometimes June's honest, open feedback has been the difference between a good decision and a decision that could have potentially adverse effects on our family's well being and our relationship's well being.

                                                                        

There are a lot of different subjects that can bring stress merely by being broached. Money, school, life, kids, even and especially DD/TTWD.  Stress can and sometimes does make it hard to see past our own ideas, opinions and fears, I don't need to tell anyone how much harder that this makes communication. If I'm honest, I can admit that sometimes I am wrong. I depend on June to not only keep me honest, but to bring a much needed point of view that can help me make the best decisions, work through my own personal issues and help our relationship improve and grow.

                                                                

                                        

Along with knowing how to listen as well as talk... sometimes environmental factors have to be considered as well. We all know how hard it is to talk about something serious when there are a thousand distractions in  the environment around us, and sometimes it's not quite as simple as simply turning off the tv, shushing the children or asking someone to call back later.  Every day beckons and finds a way to distract us as well.... After school sports, PTA meetings, play dates, errands, grocery store trips etc... I believe these things, while a vital part of living and raising a family can add to an already packed schedule... we have a responsibility to each other, our children and our relationship to remain at the highest levels of functionality.  We don't like to let problems or issues  stagnate and, generally we are pretty good about handling things before the sun goes down (we make it a point) but sometimes, our kids, being the kids that they are, keep us on our toes.

                                              

Sometimes we find that quiet place between loving and sleeping... We talk about our day, the next day, work, the kids, bills and sometimes even those things that aren't so easy to confront. We hold each others hands, give each other a chance to speak without interruption and look deep into the others eyes. We talk.  We talk about everything and even when we have to talk something that isn't easy to hear or respond to, we find ourselves. We find each others honesty refreshing.  Prior to us, both of us had been involved with people who weren't so good for us, and in many instances not invested in the  communication like we are with each other and again this change is very exciting for us, and it never gets old.. We find and make new opportunities to make our relationship better, grow past our own limitations and become better people for each other and our families.

                                                 

It's not always easy to find the opportunities that make communication let alone the difficult conversations possible, but we would encourage everyone to find or make time to do so. Not only will you gain better insight of your place in your relationship, but you will also gain greater insight to yourself!

Her POV:

Maybe because of the the lives we lived before 'us', maybe because of the way we started, maybe because of his career, maybe for countless other reasons, we hold the privilege of communication in almost a sacred place. We have not always had the ability to just reach out for assurance, for help, for love - oh we always knew it was there, but those tangible things, touch, a kiss, a look across the room, a soft smile - we missed those things, and we held onto each other.

We did that because in the times we had, we filled up on each other. We made sure the other knew that without them, there is just no sense to any of the other things... they are hollow, and vastly meaningless without your One. We go through the motions, and we wait for the day we can take a big deep breath and feel like we're living again...that day when we fill our lungs with the scent of each other, and breathe for the first time in months.

So when those opportunities come up to communicate, to grow, to learn, to back up our words with action, we relish it - even when it's hard, even when there may be tears, even when we have to take a breath and hold back that angry tone, even when we are tired, even when it may result in discipline, even when it might result in correction. Why? Because when we communicate, when we allow ourselves to strip down before our One, we become stronger. We become us. We become beautiful, and burnished and we shine.

Renewal (Spring has Sprung!)

                                                          

                                          

Unless the robin with a worm in his bill is confused, it appears that spring has indeed sprung!

After a long winter, cold, dark, wet, etc, winter, it is indeed good to see signs of warmth and life returning.  The sky is a lovely robin's egg blue complete with fluffy white clouds. The grass has become lively and green suddenly overnight  (a reminder that soon I and our oldest will be mowing it) I can almost picture the first cookout of the season and I can't wait to break out my trusty old fishing pole.  Indeed life is good, and with in a few short weeks in addition to shorts and flip-flops, we will have the first faint visions of summer.  Spring is often associated with the rebirth, refreshment, and renewal of life and resources.  We consider the concept of renewal and it can easily be applied to our lives and our lifestyle.

                                                     

Renewal speaks to the effort that we give our relationships, it speaks to our desire to seek that which is greater than common and yes, it speaks to what we hold closest in this world. This won't be an overly long or wordy post, but as spring dawns and we shake off the insulated grip of the winter blahs, we would encourage you to seek the sunny warmth of  each other.  Winter with it's short, dark , wet days can sometimes have more than just a negative visual effect, it has been proven that winter and emotions tend to magnify each other. Ever had a day that shouldn't have been so difficult? Unnecessary communication hiccups? Arguments about nothing? I won't put all the blame on winter, but as you can probably atest, the darkness and rough weather don't help either.  Thus we turn to each other for light and warmth. The comfort that men and women find each other is often a superlative source of  confidence and strength.

                                                            

Spend some time this weekend rediscovering, and reawakening to each other. Go for a long drive, fire up the grill, spend some time outdoors with each other. Spend some time sharing with each other and renewing the bonds that you have developed, along with a deeper closeness, and a richer communication. From our family to yours, we hope that you all enjoy and delight in the first fruits of the season. Celebrate not just the time of year, but the commitment you have to each other in your hearts!

                                                 

        
Her POV:                    

I have recurrent major depression, so lack of sun sometimes weighs heavy on me. By the end of a long winter, it feels like I am swaddled down so deep under piles and piles of blankets. When the weather becomes more mild, and I see those hopeful little blossoms poke their heads above the ground, I feel like those weights slide down my arms and off. And I look forward to having my hands in the dirt. It's kind of emotionally symbolic...kind of  a physical expression of the renewal of which Daddy speaks.

Those are things we love to do, plant, do our chores to brighten and renew our environment and then sit in our garden,  smell the good smells of earth, and green, and hold hands watching the kids do acrobatics on the slip-n-slide, and welcoming cold wet little bodies into our towel lined arms. And then there are hose fights washing the car or water the gardens. Finishing up the day with a cool breeze and Daddy's grill skills or a cold picnic on the lawn.

It's funny, but none of the things that we value cost a cent. It's that connection. It's the value of time that we give each other. It's the investment in each other. Taking that time to listen, to actually hear, to connect with no distractions, to touch, not only an arm, a face, but hearts and souls...what a wonderful way to rededicate ourselves to the ones that matter most.                          

Asking for Help vs Topping from the Bottom

                                                    

                                               

Today I would like to spend a few min talking about two topics that I feel can have profound effects on  DD/TTWD relationships. Topping from the bottom and asking for the help we need in order to not only function properly, but to feel comfortable in the roles of our dynamics.

Topping from the bottom is more than simply making a suggestion or two during the discourse of expressions of dominance and submission, spanking, maintenance or other activities designed to enhance our relationships, clear the air, maintain or express roles. Topping from the bottom is also emotional manipulation, talking over someone else, being deliberately passive aggressive, emotionally distant and or blatantly disobedient.  Thus defined, it becomes clear that topping from the bottom is a huge negative that cannot be allowed to create distance or emotional unrest.

                                                 

I guess from my own HoH perspective, I find it to be indicative of a lack of attention properly applied and paid to the one that we love the most.  I try very hard to make sure that I give June the attention that she needs in order for her to feel loved, confident and assured.  A cursory glance throughout the DD/TTWD/Spanking  lifestyle and relationship universe confirms that in many instances topping from the bottom occurs in a disrespectful and unhealthy fashion as well as disturbing frequency.

Topping from the bottom in a TTWD/DD relationship is not only disrespectful and rude, but it often times masks real emotions and hides the needs of all of those represented. When the time comes to express my role in our relationship I understand that I must be remain emotionally available, attentive and prepared to receive June's needs. Even when there is a need for correction or stress release, I know that more than just giving her what I wish her to feel, I must use my judgement to ascertain  what will be of the most benefit to not only her, but our relationship as well.

I am sometimes humbled and left in awe of the great gift of trust and responsibility that she places in my hands and I assure you ladies and gentlemen, that none of that is lost on me. I know that it takes a  whole lot of trust for her to be able to believe in me, and my intentions for not just her heart and mind, but to trust that I will give her body what it needs, no matter how difficult that may be to accept or go through. I really am humbled by this responsibility and would pass these values along to other men in the pursuit of  happier, healthier relationships!

                                        

Lets talk about physical application for a few moments... sometimes simply allowing ourselves to feel each other requires us to look where it's dark, where we have trouble, where we struggle. Sometimes the things that we need are difficult and navigating these issues with grace requires strength,  a ear that listens and the kind of deep honesty that doesn't sugar coat things that aren't easy to hear... This one goes both ways, by the way... Sometimes the greatest gift that June has given me has been her honesty... Her honesty when it would have been easier to do less, or to put the paddle down and scoop her up into my arms before she released the negativity and the walls had come down, but as we all know, what is easy and what is right are two different things.

The actual act of spanking always requires thought and action, but when the impact that is needed is more emotional than physical, it pays to consider every action, word, thought and deed. From the implements we use (yes even the ones that we don't like so much) to the positions (you know, the ones that help us feel the most submissive)  has to be thought out with thought and care.  Kind words, a soft touch following intensity, and an obvious display of affection and love are all very much required.  In truth you might say that  physicality is easier than emotion and thought and you would very much be right to say so. The physical expression of dominance and submission is just the active expression of two hearts longing to be in sync, indeed sometimes, a firm hand and rod wielded firmly with compassion and love helps to "Tune up the band" so to speak.

                                                      

I have known June long enough to understand her emotions and the way she expresses them. I try very hard to be attentive to her heart, mind, and body and generally speaking I hope that I do a good job of this. Sometimes though, I know when she has a hard time, that I need to be open to her expressing her need for help.  Help in feeling herself, in feeling me. The need for safety, warmth, and security when perhaps things aren't going well with work, school, the kids or life in general.  These are the times that she ask for help, I keep that door open and allow her to come to me anytime.  I guess the difference lies in intent.  Asking for help, and topping from the bottom differentiate themselves. Asking is proactive, asking is acknowledging that we are indeed not superhuman and that at times we need our partner to reach out, take our hand and lead and that despite what life has taught us, despite what the media portrays that it is in fact okay to do so!

We would encourage everyone to ask for help when they need it... It takes strength, heart and a willingness to acknowledge our own weakness, but there in lies the true strength and beauty of our relationships... To do so is to gain ground, growth and emotional providence in the face of stress, adversity and negativity.

                                                   

I'll end by saying that sometimes the hardest things to do are the ones that help us grow the most as a couple. I know that none of these things are easy, but I solemnly promise that they are worth every ounce of time, effort and self-exploration!

                                                                  

                                            

Her POV:

Before we were us, when we were still 'just friends' I asked Daddy if it was okay to ask for something...to try something, for more if needed, for action when it was needed and none seemed forthcoming, or if that was topping from the bottom. He said that no, he did not see it as topping from the bottom to present a need to your Dominant. You are merely helping him to know you and your needs. And you are not making demands, you are simply presenting him with your needs, which is what you are supposed to do... asking him to meet your needs.

The first time we were together, in the cuddling afterglow, I shared with him that he could spank harder. And he did. He wouldn't have known what I needed if I had not shared, but the application was entirely up to him. It was only providing a tool for him. I have continued to share, and he has learned me. I don't need to make as many requests. Because we have open honest and consistent communication, he is able to read my body language, the tone of my vice and give me what I need.

Had I manipulated, had I not been open and honest in expressing my needs he would not have an honest gauge. Manipulation is insidious, and sometimes too easy to do, and in my opinion comes from fear to open ourselves. If I am afraid to tell him I need something, I may think that if I mope, or cry or sigh that he will interpret that I need something. That doesn't always work, and it is manipulative, manipulating his emotions rather than simply saying, "Love, can you please help me, I feel..." Or even, "I don't know how I feel, but I'm not me, and I need to feel your Dominance. Or I need to feel my place. I need to feel safe and cared for. Please help me." It expresses humility, vulnerability and trust.

I am an emotional girl. I have lots of baggage. I have things I feel that I don't always understand. I often feel less, bad, scared. If I were not always honest with him when I felt that way, if I did not ask for his help to find my way through, is that not breaking one of the most fundamental rules of DD? To withhold my heart and my needs from him would be dishonesty, by design and/or omission. Not healthy, and knowing that there was something there and trying to get his reaction without honest communication? - that's topping from the bottom.

I am grateful that he allows me the honesty to give him my heart and my fears and my needs I submit them to him, and I put my trust in him to lead me through.

Healthy Tears and Emotional Expression

                                                                                                                                                                           

                                                     

 Crying is a natural and healthy part of life.  I must admit that like many men from my particular demographic, I was taught, and even conditioned not to display much in the way of emotion.  Emotional expression can manifest itself in a variety of ways and it is to the benefit of any relationship to not only observe and recognize these expressions of emotion, but to nurture and respond to them in an appropriate manner. Many emotions can take many different and even varied forms that might change from day to day, hour to hour and even minute to minute. The best thing we can do sometimes is really quite simple.... listen and be there for your lover. 

                                                           

Happiness is more than a smile, sometimes happiness is the contented sigh that comes from a hot meal and a full cup at the end of a long cold day. Sometimes happiness is cuddling up on a couch watching a favorite movie and sharing a bowl of popcorn. Happiness is not always soft or quiet. Sometimes happiness is tackling each other to the ground, belly laughing and  tumbling head over feet in a riotous, raucous expression of warmth and mutual delight. Sometimes happiness goes deeper, and when we accomplish something major, or we see those we love elevated, sometimes happiness means soft, sweet tears that express an inner triumph or is the culmination of a challenge met and overcome. 

                                                                                                              

                                                                                                           

Anger is a word that inspires intensity of both word and deed. Anger is not always negative, and indeed sometimes a bit of healthy anger is the catalyst to communication, true change and the betterment of the processes that make a couple effective, engaged and in love. Anger can also be destructive, irrational, and very much like emotional napalm. I've often described anger to June as a lot like "fear with more enthusiasm" and if one is not careful, it is very possible to cause or open up deep emotional wounds that are very difficult to resolve in a timely, healthy fashion. Tears of rage  are often an expression of deep frustration, pain and loss

                                                

Fear as said above, is a lot like toned down anger.  Like a wall that separates, fear can halt progress, and create distance if it is allowed to exist and lay in your partner's mind.  This is where being an HoH is especially significant. Soothing a partner's heart and knocking down those walls can be a process that takes quite a bit of time and effort, but in so doing we reveal the depth of our love and we express our own confidence and affection at a time when they need to see that most.  Fear is a tricky one, folks and it is our opinion that  fear should be dealt with early and not allowed to become unmanageable due to inactivity.

 We now see that tears come for many reasons and in many forms. Tears can be a beautiful outward expression of relief  or they can be anger, fear, hostility and pent up frustration that demand attention and in some instances not just words but action. We all know that actions speak louder than words, and sometimes in the midst of tension there is no greater comfort than knowing without a shadow of a doubt that our partners remain, thoughtful, cognizant and engaged even when things are chaotic, even when things are not easy or simple or fun. 

   

Many people have asked or wondered what the true impact of tears is in a TTWD/DD/spanking oriented relationship. My response is that, as an HoH even during the rare times that it was necessary for June to receive correction I never set my hands to task with the mindset that tears were desired or required. The intention was to improve the communication, right the ship, and correct poor behaviors. That being said, if I saw tears, I didn't necessarily stop either. Sometimes tears during a spanking tell us that a point is being made and that the lesson is in fact being learned.

                                                    

   

Through it all, I've learned that I CAN and MUST express my emotions in order to be effective. I've also learned that by being attentive to my lady's emotional needs, that a new level of love can be obtained and that both people in any kind of relationship must learn to recognize and respond to emotional output and prepared to do the labor of love that is managing and supporting their partner in all emotional expressions!

Her POV:

Tears for me have always been something to hide. When I was a child to show vulnerability/sadness/pain  was to encourage more abuse, it was a sport. As I grew, with partners, my tears were met with disgust, and again as a sign of weakness to be exploited.

With Ward, my tears are gently accepted as expressions of my heart. When I apologize for being weak, he gently shushes me, and gives me the freedom to purge. When he sees me trying to choke them down, he extends his arms and tells me to let it go. He has never run from my fears, my frustration, my weariness. For that I am so very grateful.

When Daddy must correct me, I rarely cry during. What he gives to me is what I have earned, it is what must come not as retribution, but to clean my heart - I hate having disappointed him, and I need the purge - but for our relationship, so that we can move forward clean with no stamps collected. I do cry after, heartily, in his arms. These are not tears of pain or fear, they come from feeling all the love and forgiveness that he gifts to me; feeling loved and accepted totally and unconditionally by a very good man.

Sometimes during discipline there are tears. These come from the delicious feeling of being held firmly and loving in his hands. They are tears of gratitude for having my truest self accepted and treasured and our love and devotion reinforced in this way. There are tears sometimes when we make love, when the overwhelmingly wonderful feeling of being loved and treasured. There are tears when I cook and I feel my blessings all around me. There are tears in the most mundane of things, that speak of who I am and who he is and what we have and the family we make for our children.

Every one of those he catches in his hands, and holds to the light so that I can see the beauty in them, when I might feel shame. He shows me that they are the gift of my vulnerability, of my truest self to him.