Exploring traditional male-led, DD, D/s relationships in a modern world. We believe in building on and within our core values of communication, reciprocity, grace and balance.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
The Difficult Conversations
Have you ever had to talk about something hard? Did you dread the potential reaction? Well folks, it's as inevitable as a rainy day or taxes. There is unpleasantness that must addressed in a timely fashion. As an HoH, I'm aware of many different things, and I do indeed attempt to keep "The Big Picture" in mind when I have to make decisions or have conversations I must be mindful of my choice of words, my own emotions and her reception to, not only my words, but my intent.
Admittedly, my natural inclination is going to be to look at things from my own point of view.. I've learned over time and through observation that a black and white view isn't always conductive to a healthy conversation... especially if it isn't an easy or fun one. It's not a state secret that men and women tend to think and react differently on different subjects... but in all honesty that is a very valuable thing. Sometimes June's honest, open feedback has been the difference between a good decision and a decision that could have potentially adverse effects on our family's well being and our relationship's well being.
There are a lot of different subjects that can bring stress merely by being broached. Money, school, life, kids, even and especially DD/TTWD. Stress can and sometimes does make it hard to see past our own ideas, opinions and fears, I don't need to tell anyone how much harder that this makes communication. If I'm honest, I can admit that sometimes I am wrong. I depend on June to not only keep me honest, but to bring a much needed point of view that can help me make the best decisions, work through my own personal issues and help our relationship improve and grow.
Along with knowing how to listen as well as talk... sometimes environmental factors have to be considered as well. We all know how hard it is to talk about something serious when there are a thousand distractions in the environment around us, and sometimes it's not quite as simple as simply turning off the tv, shushing the children or asking someone to call back later. Every day beckons and finds a way to distract us as well.... After school sports, PTA meetings, play dates, errands, grocery store trips etc... I believe these things, while a vital part of living and raising a family can add to an already packed schedule... we have a responsibility to each other, our children and our relationship to remain at the highest levels of functionality. We don't like to let problems or issues stagnate and, generally we are pretty good about handling things before the sun goes down (we make it a point) but sometimes, our kids, being the kids that they are, keep us on our toes.
Sometimes we find that quiet place between loving and sleeping... We talk about our day, the next day, work, the kids, bills and sometimes even those things that aren't so easy to confront. We hold each others hands, give each other a chance to speak without interruption and look deep into the others eyes. We talk. We talk about everything and even when we have to talk something that isn't easy to hear or respond to, we find ourselves. We find each others honesty refreshing. Prior to us, both of us had been involved with people who weren't so good for us, and in many instances not invested in the communication like we are with each other and again this change is very exciting for us, and it never gets old.. We find and make new opportunities to make our relationship better, grow past our own limitations and become better people for each other and our families.
It's not always easy to find the opportunities that make communication let alone the difficult conversations possible, but we would encourage everyone to find or make time to do so. Not only will you gain better insight of your place in your relationship, but you will also gain greater insight to yourself!
Maybe because of the the lives we lived before 'us', maybe because of the way we started, maybe because of his career, maybe for countless other reasons, we hold the privilege of communication in almost a sacred place. We have not always had the ability to just reach out for assurance, for help, for love - oh we always knew it was there, but those tangible things, touch, a kiss, a look across the room, a soft smile - we missed those things, and we held onto each other.
We did that because in the times we had, we filled up on each other. We made sure the other knew that without them, there is just no sense to any of the other things... they are hollow, and vastly meaningless without your One. We go through the motions, and we wait for the day we can take a big deep breath and feel like we're living again...that day when we fill our lungs with the scent of each other, and breathe for the first time in months.
So when those opportunities come up to communicate, to grow, to learn, to back up our words with action, we relish it - even when it's hard, even when there may be tears, even when we have to take a breath and hold back that angry tone, even when we are tired, even when it may result in discipline, even when it might result in correction. Why? Because when we communicate, when we allow ourselves to strip down before our One, we become stronger. We become us. We become beautiful, and burnished and we shine.