Sunday, April 14, 2013

The Difficult Conversations



                                             

Have you ever had to talk about something hard? Did you dread the potential reaction? Well folks, it's as inevitable as a rainy day or taxes.  There is unpleasantness that must addressed in a timely fashion.  As an HoH, I'm aware of many different things, and I do indeed attempt to keep "The Big Picture" in mind when I have to make decisions or have conversations I must be mindful of my choice of words, my own emotions and her reception to, not only my words, but my intent.

Admittedly, my natural inclination is going to be to look at things from my own point of view.. I've learned over time and through observation that  a black and white view isn't always conductive to a healthy conversation... especially if it isn't an easy or fun one. It's not a state secret that men and women tend to think and react differently on different subjects... but in all honesty that is a very valuable thing.  Sometimes June's honest, open feedback has been the difference between a good decision and a decision that could have potentially adverse effects on our family's well being and our relationship's well being.





                                                                        



There are a lot of different subjects that can bring stress merely by being broached. Money, school, life, kids, even and especially DD/TTWD.  Stress can and sometimes does make it hard to see past our own ideas, opinions and fears, I don't need to tell anyone how much harder that this makes communication. If I'm honest, I can admit that sometimes I am wrong. I depend on June to not only keep me honest, but to bring a much needed point of view that can help me make the best decisions, work through my own personal issues and help our relationship improve and grow.


                                                                
                                        


Along with knowing how to listen as well as talk... sometimes environmental factors have to be considered as well. We all know how hard it is to talk about something serious when there are a thousand distractions in  the environment around us, and sometimes it's not quite as simple as simply turning off the tv, shushing the children or asking someone to call back later.  Every day beckons and finds a way to distract us as well.... After school sports, PTA meetings, play dates, errands, grocery store trips etc... I believe these things, while a vital part of living and raising a family can add to an already packed schedule... we have a responsibility to each other, our children and our relationship to remain at the highest levels of functionality.  We don't like to let problems or issues  stagnate and, generally we are pretty good about handling things before the sun goes down (we make it a point) but sometimes, our kids, being the kids that they are, keep us on our toes.

                                              

Sometimes we find that quiet place between loving and sleeping... We talk about our day, the next day, work, the kids, bills and sometimes even those things that aren't so easy to confront. We hold each others hands, give each other a chance to speak without interruption and look deep into the others eyes. We talk.  We talk about everything and even when we have to talk something that isn't easy to hear or respond to, we find ourselves. We find each others honesty refreshing.  Prior to us, both of us had been involved with people who weren't so good for us, and in many instances not invested in the  communication like we are with each other and again this change is very exciting for us, and it never gets old.. We find and make new opportunities to make our relationship better, grow past our own limitations and become better people for each other and our families.

                                                 



It's not always easy to find the opportunities that make communication let alone the difficult conversations possible, but we would encourage everyone to find or make time to do so. Not only will you gain better insight of your place in your relationship, but you will also gain greater insight to yourself!

Her POV:

Maybe because of the the lives we lived before 'us', maybe because of the way we started, maybe because of his career, maybe for countless other reasons, we hold the privilege of communication in almost a sacred place. We have not always had the ability to just reach out for assurance, for help, for love - oh we always knew it was there, but those tangible things, touch, a kiss, a look across the room, a soft smile - we missed those things, and we held onto each other.

We did that because in the times we had, we filled up on each other. We made sure the other knew that without them, there is just no sense to any of the other things... they are hollow, and vastly meaningless without your One. We go through the motions, and we wait for the day we can take a big deep breath and feel like we're living again...that day when we fill our lungs with the scent of each other, and breathe for the first time in months.

So when those opportunities come up to communicate, to grow, to learn, to back up our words with action, we relish it - even when it's hard, even when there may be tears, even when we have to take a breath and hold back that angry tone, even when we are tired, even when it may result in discipline, even when it might result in correction. Why? Because when we communicate, when we allow ourselves to strip down before our One, we become stronger. We become us. We become beautiful, and burnished and we shine.

14 comments:

  1. Ward & June, everything you write is just so touching. Your relationship is beautiful and hope someday i come close to having the bond you do. You often speak directly to my soul. Thank you so much for sharing it.

    chickie

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    1. Smiles, thank you for stopping by chickadee, it is a pleasure to have you visit us! We thank you for reading!

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  2. Sometimes just sharing what is on your mind can be hard but it is what keeps a marriage strong. Without it you have nothing. The time we spent together just talking is so very important. Even when Dragon deployed we kept talking. Two sometimes three letters every week. I think we learned more about each other with letters than we did talking face to face. I wonder what my grand children and great grand children are going to think about all those letters. Yes, we kept every one of the.

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    1. Keeping our marriage strong and healthy is what we are all about. Somtimes just talking means the whole world!

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  3. Are you sure you were not a fly on our wall this weekend. The end of your first sentence was my worst nightmare this weekend. TAXES The state of CT is getting bad. I paid in 1800 but that wasnt enough. I held it in for five days. I was grumpy and bitchy and all around not the nice loving girl I almost always am. I dont know why I didnt tell him we had to pay another 1700, I guess I didnt want him to worry about it. I could of saved myself a world of pissed off from him if I had just told him. I finally did after he questioned why I was being such a nutcase. Then I was spoken to about worrying to much and how it makes me sick, and a nice redirection and I was a calm happy women again. I didnt sleep for two days before I told him the bad news, but fell asleep at 6:30 last night haha. I LOVE your blog and I Love how you guys talk about everything, and so do we except when bad crap happens I still want to hold it in and take care of everything. I wonder if I will ever get past that. It has to be one of the childhood things. I dont know. I will figure it out or one of your blogs will pop it in my head Im sure. On a good note now that CT is trying to take all guns away even from none criminals hes thinking going back down south might be a good thing. Yes WARM places. A girl can dream right. HUGS

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    1. Not a fly on your wall I promise Annie, but We are glad to have you read this.... I'm very pleased to bring this post to folks, we feel that open warm communication isn't always easy when we have to talk about the tough stuff, but it's vital to a healthy marriage! Thanks for stopping by!

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  4. Another wonderful post Ward and June. June - your words so beautiful.

    Communication is so important, and the most important can quite often those difficult conversations that must occur on occasion. We have found a much deeper level of communication since incorporating ttwd and are better at tackling the hard conversations. While difficult at the time, it's amazing how much lighter and more connected we feel afterwards.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz,

      Communication even when it isn't easy is vital to the deepr processes of love and logevity! IT is amazing how connected we feel!

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  5. As always, a beautiful and insightful post. We had a tough conversation ourselves last night. But coming out the other side, there is always peace. ((hugs))

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    1. Thank you lilmisses. We hope that you always find the peace and warmth of love after the hard ones.


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  6. Love this post. Simply beautiful from you both. Thanks.

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    1. Thank you Zoe! Always a delight having you read our posts!

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