Thursday, April 25, 2013

Dual Post Number 1 (Struggling in your Role)


Hello ladies and gentlemen, We would like to invite you to come and explore a few very important issues in the first of a long line of posts that we will both be writing together.  You are used to both of us  giving our Points of View, but we thought that it might be nice for us to to collaborate on a topic.  We hope that you find this particular post to be a valuable tool in your own relationship.

Sometimes  it's hard to maintain one's role.  Sometimes It's even harder to fight down the seemingly small urges that we may develop to pull away from our partners and put up walls.  Distance doesn't work and the longer we maintain a distance, the deeper the strain on our relationships become.  So then what is the answer?

If you guessed communication, I am suitably impressed by your insight, and commend your  wisdom and prudence!  In all seriousness, from this HoH's perspective, I value when June comes to me and communicates exactly what she needs, and when she needs it.  I must also appreciate the effort that it takes to come forward with an issue as well as understanding the newness of this feeling. In many instances, June didn't have the opportunity to talk openly and honestly about what she needed. Sometimes it would be easier to be stand-offish, distant, snappy, or outright rude to each other, but I think we all know, that that isn't the answer.

It would seem that the best thing to do is talk openly and honestly about what we need without expecting the other person to be psychic or perfect and to do so without being manipulative or overly expectant without fully vocalizing what we truly need.  Honesty, and effort count for a lot, especially when we are already tired from day to day life... Listening intently is a big first step, but honest and realistic communication are also important.  I have many skills, but I'll be the first to admit that I am not a mind reader, knowing this I also know that I have to make myself available and admit my own errors... Nobody is perfect, but we must all keep ourselves accountable and act accordingly.

(June here) What do you mean you're not psychic?  You know me very well, and sometimes it does seem that you're psychic. But as much as we keep each other center and the most important thing to each other, I have to acknowledge that you need transition time, that after a long day at a job that wears on you that you may not have all your faculties at their sharpest

At those times I could communicate that I need something, or I could get short and stroppy and all in a snit - and then I don't get the gg I may be seeking and instead get one of those spankings I don't want, and that really takes away from our evening. It never really gets in the way, you don't let it. You take us past the point that there are any secrets or unspoken feelings or slights, nothing to take root and fester. I appreciate that - though at the time I may be holding tightly onto whatever insecurities or needs that I have thinking I am saving you....from what??? I have to ask when my mind is far more rational....from a peaceful night? From a soft, submitted woman?

I truly don't understand why I sometimes hold with a death grip to those walls and vestiges of distance - they feel horrid. Sometimes it is hard to get past that point, and as much as I may be ambivalent about the "we have all night, little one, let me in" when it is spoken, I am grateful that you push me to the place that I am most comfortable. I'm not perfect, I am far from perfect. The thing I appreciate most is that you understand that, don't demand that, and help me even those times that I will not ask.

The other times, most times, I will ask. You are my man, you are my Daddy....if our dynamic was different I would be comfortable calling you my Master.... you are master of my heart and soul - you are my lover, you are my leader, you are my world. If I cannot trust you to help me, even if it takes time, even if it is painful, who can I trust?  I trust no one more. So I come, with an implement, or a weight on my shoulders and lay myself across your lap, or into your arms and lay my wet cheeks into the crook of your neck, and I know that I am home, and I know that the pain is transitory, and I know that your love will permeate my heart, and push out all that does not belong.  I lay myself in your hands, and that is home.

June love, you know me as well as I do and I know you need time for yourself, with two active boys that demand attention and care you routinely impress me with your "Mom skills" and make the time and effort to ensure that our home is clean, and comfortable and for that I thank you.

You are my woman, my love, my mate,  my heart, my submissive and I would call you  my slave where it so. You are my lover, my best friend, my universe and I am so very grateful that you allow me to guide and lead you. You have given me the privilege and responsibility of guarding your heart. Your confidence in my leadership and your warmth even when you are tired, and I am not at my best warms my heart and when you are wrapped up in Daddy's embrace... that is indeed home.

Sometimes the death grip is evidence of your need for my love, even when it hurts you know that I am not going anywhere and if it takes me proving that everyday of forever you know that despite fatigue and frustration, despite the fears that need to be overcome, that you have my deepest love and that I will give you my whole heart, kiss away the tears, and reach out through the darkness to bring you home.

As evidenced by the unity displayed, let us design to entreat each other with love and fullness. When we struggle we can only learn from our mistakes and grow from them. To give each other the depth and richness deserved in great relationship we cannot and will not settle for less, we will not short change each other, even when I am tired, or it is difficult to speak we will both stand up for each other and what is ours!

Daddy, I can't think of a moment that I do not ache with need for you. I crave that closeness, the warmth of your skin on mine, your breath on my hair, your lips to my forehead, I crave the way I feel with you, the smallness, the safeness, the security... it is what I have never had, and sometimes I feel that fear that I could lose it so intensely, that is where my walls come from, but you know that. For whatever ridiculous reason the day throws up in my path, somehow I see you walking the other way, even though you never have. And the walls come up to protect myself.... ridiculous to protect yourself from the person you most want in the world.

These are the times my submission slips, those times I feel my vulnerability and like the emperor realize I have no clothes - nothing to protect myself, but from what? You protect me from everything - even myself.  Yes, I sometimes need you to pull my submission out from behind the walls I construct, they only serve to harm me, harm you, harm us. These are the times I struggle to be my truest self. These are the times I am wrapped up so tight in my fear that I cannot breathe... until I take that step to ask for your help, or I find the strength to submit when you bid it, for just that moment it takes for you to grip the wall and begin to pull and when the walls come crashing down, you are always there to shield me, to protect me, and to put my heart back together. How could I ever navigate through this world without you?

You ask me at those times is not your love enough? Is not your grace enough? Have you not proven your truth in love for me? It is enough, and you have proven beyond any measure. And for a while it is enough to quiet the voice that says I am not enough and I do not deserve you. I thank you for your diligence and your steadfastness, and that you do not weary of teaching me, of erasing a lifetime of belief in fallacy, of cultivating my submissive heart, of letting me find home for the first time, and I thank you, most simply and yet most profoundly, for loving me.

My sweet June, I can feel it when you struggle, and my heart near threatens to burst in my chest.  It is my job to fulfill you, to love you and to lift you when you struggle to walk beside you and give you my best even when things aren't easy, I will take that step to put the world down and pick you up, to bring the wall down and draw you out with a loving heart and a deep, loving desire to see you and our relationship lifted. I want to thank you again for letting me love you and for being submissive to me when I know it isn't always easy or fair. Your grace is amazing and I know that in my heart, I am a changed man for the better because of you. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart... You are what I longed for in the days of my youth, and you are the comfort in my age... you are everything, my heart.

 It is easy to see that love in abundance is an important part of our relationship. We thank you all for reading and wanted to show you the real, raw side of Ward and June. We struggle too.  Sometimes we keep it close to the vest, sometimes we are quiet about it and don't blog about it until we have clearer eyes to assess the journey but, we also know that growth can be and is painful sometimes. We have learned that communicating our needs without preying on each other's emotions, or being manipulative is absolutely vital to our communication process.  Staying connected, even when we struggle is an art and we by no means have mastered it, but the one thing we take deep comfort in is knowing that we will be there for each other for the whole journey! Thanks for reading!

30 comments:

  1. Lovely post and so demonstrative of your love for one another.

    Yes communication i believe is the key, sometimes hearing the truths of how people feel may hurt but its better 'out' so it can be dealt with and resolved than keeping it all in.

    Now saying that i admit im terrible for letting things build up and its never the soloution, we make a point once a week in setting time aside for 'talking and listening' (of course we do at other times) but this time is particularly for indepth discussions...he wants to know where my heads at!.....makes it sound like i keep losing it lol

    Having the blog helps and i also keep a private handwritten journal for more personal matters which i can write freely in and that brings about discussions.

    x

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    1. Hi, tori :) Thanks so much, this was a new way for us to do it, and I wasn't sure I got the idea when Daddy mentioned it. I asked him to teach me, and it wasn't bad, huh? I think it turned out not to be what he thought at first, but I I think it was ok.

      Communication is so very important. It is one of the foundations of our relationship, and our family. We try to always know and understand where the other is at as well, and draw each other out when we feel that loss of equilibrium. It is so important. I don't have a journal, per se, but Daddy, as you have seen, will give me essays as submission exercises to learn new things, or to understand where I am. And sometimes, when I am feeling something which is particularly affecting, I may send him an email at work and as if we can talk when he comes home.

      This post is exactly the way we communicate. It's kind of funny, but this was really an 'unspoken' conversation. We passed the laptop back and forth. It was definitely fun.

      (((hugs)))

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  2. That was beautiful to read. Thank you both for sharing part of your hearts with us.

    *hugs*

    ~JAS

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    1. Thanks so much, JAS :) We're glad you enjoyed it!

      (((hugs)))

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  3. Powerful post and full of love. I have been known to tell Master to get out of my head, He knows me so well. There are also times that i am not as open as i should be ...rationalizing....He knows me so well, He should know what I need. Due to my health we have been pretty much vanilla for the past 3 weeks, i M starting to get anxious over that transition..
    hugs abby

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    1. Hi, abby :) It is at once, scary, edifying, and comforting to know that he is in there, lol, that he sees me and knows me that well. It is one more way of saying that he honestly listens, sees and hears me.

      I'm so sorry you are missing that part of your connection. I know when Daddy is deployed, that is so hard, when we need so deeply to feel that part of them, to have it absent is a difficult burden on both of us.

      (((hugs)))

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  4. Thank you for sharing this very personal post. Its a great reminder how detrimental holding things back can be to a relationship. Daddy gets really frustrated when one tends to close up and she is working on not doing this as we move forward. Maybe grabbing that implement and handing it over in those moments would be the gesture that would break us from those cycles. Luckily they don't happen very often as of late.

    Looking forward to more posts similar to this.

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    1. Hi db:) We had this conversation this evening. It is very detrimental holding back. Sometimes I think I am sparing him, or my feelings are too base to share. But we do make that effort to dig past that. It may be painful in the sharing and also in the listening, but it gives us the opportunity to move through and past it, and be connected. So even when it's hard, it is a good thing.

      Grabbing that implement is sometimes hard. But it says what we cannot voice at times, that we understand that we are struggling and we need their help, and we need the purge, and the connection that accompanies it.

      (((hugs)))

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  5. That was beautiful! What a powerfully spoken truth!

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    1. Thanks for your most kind words, Terri :)

      (((hugs)))

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  6. If a post could be gorgeous, this was it! Thank you for sharing something so personal.

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    1. Thank you for your most lovely sentiment, DelFonte. We are humbled by it.

      (((hugs)))

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  7. It was like reading love letters from two lovers corresponding to each other.
    It was a refreshing way to do a post.


    Bob

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    1. Thanks very much, bob:) We strive to make every communication like a love letter. It was fun. We have another couple planned.

      (((hugs)))

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    1. Thanks very much, Annie :)

      (((hugs)))

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  9. Ward and June, this was so beautiful and so full of love. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I agree with Bob, it was like reading love letters to each other.

    Being able to communicate our needs in a respectful, non-manipulative way is so vital. This is something we continue to work on and I'm always amazed how free I feel afterwards as well as how loved and connected I feel. You are so right too. Growth can be painful at times.

    I enjoyed the dual post and am looking forward to reading the next.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Oh gosh, Roz, sometimes yes, so painful, lol. I wish I could say that Daddy does not have to work hard to draw it out, I think though I am getting better (well, I hope at least). Often now I say - Okay, I have to share something I feel, though I'm not proud that I feel this way... Daddy always gently scolds because I devalue my feelings. I am truly blessed with a great leader to get us safely to the other side. Thanks so much! We enjoyed doing it.

      (((hugs)))

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  10. Ward & June, this post reads like a love letter to each other. It was so heartfelt and beautiful. It also really resonated with me because much of it speaks to me of Michael and I and our dynamic. Thank you for sharing this with us. (((hugs)))

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    1. I'm glad that it spoke to you, Grace. Lord knows, I welcome finding posts that speak to my own feelings, especially when I am feeling particularly widgey. I suspect we share quite a lot of sentiments :)

      (((hugs)))

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  11. Great post. I. Struggled with my submissive role most when Dragon was returning from deployment. Then we had to figure things out again as civilians. A new way of life and new ways of doing things. One step at a time, one day at a time. Constantly talking and learning. Thanks for sharing and yes, I think Dragon reads my mind to

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    1. Thanks so much, Rose :) Deployment is incredibly stressful. Especially when you are like us - The need to submit needs to be fed, and when it is not, I for one feel entirely loose ends. And you're right, it doesn't really matter how radically, or even how suddenly, things change - what matters is navigating hand in hand, one step, one day at a time. We think you and Dragon do an exceptional job of this.

      (((hugs)))

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  12. What a lovely post - and struggling with submission is a constant problem for most TiH wives.
    hugs
    lillie

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    1. Thanks, Lillie :) Yes, I think we all do. I struggle most when it requires me asking something of him. I feel it puts undue pressure on him, but he says that is not my decision to make - sigh.

      (((hugs)))

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  13. Beautifully said! Such a great post and so nice to see both sides. :)

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    1. Thanks so much, sara :) We usually POV each other' posts, but this was a fun and different way to do things, and we plan to tackle more topics in this way in the future :)

      (((hugs)))

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  14. Y'all suck! ;) just kidding...I love this post. It's like being a fly on the wall of your living room. (Actually I'll be in a box...on the shelf lol).

    Daddy and I talked last night about this post and how far we have come in our communication and yet how very far we still have to go. Some of the things June said really helped Daddy to see how I feel at times. And though I 'know' that he's not psychic, Ward reminded me that I need to be more specific and let go of that fear that seems to strangle my tongue.

    (((Hugs))) to you both!

    P

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    1. AHAHAHAHA - we wrote this post a little while ago (we usually have 10-12 posts in the can to draw from because sometimes life happens and we can't write). Daddy asked me to answer the comments on the last post because he was exhausted, and he asked me to post a new one. I asked which one, perhaps this one, and he said that might be timely. Then I re-read it and said - oh gosh! I'm waiting for the "you suck!" lol

      I'm glad that this post spoke to you. I found it kind of strange, but very fitting that my part spoke to your Daddy, and my Daddy's part spoke to you. I guess it's kind of like - hey, he/she's not being unreasonable - other people feel that way too! lol - that's how it works for me - "See, Daddy, I'm not crazy!"

      (((hugs)))

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  15. Oh similar struggles here...and I enjoyed the way you went back and forth with each other on this one.

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    1. Thanks, so much, Susie. I think we all have pretty similar struggles, perhaps tinted a bit to our own palettes, as the rest of TTWD. I enjoy finding things that make me feel less 'alone' )I'm so weird and unreasonable, because NO ONE else EVER feels like this!" lol)

      (((hugs)))

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