Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith
are undeniably one of the most successful couples in Hollywood, and I do not
just mean in terms of their bank accounts, I mean in terms of intimate
collateral within their relationship, and within their family. They are close,
grounded in themselves and in each other, and their children...are children, and
are happy and secure outside of their own personal successes.
I have long been impressed with Will
and Jada's commitment to each other. I remember them many years ago appearing
on Oprah. She asked what it takes for a strong relationship, and how in the
face of having high-profile careers, they seemed to grow closer and more
committed. Will's answer was astounding, and I wish more men would have taken
it to heart. Funnily enough, Will's message fits so tightly into the philosophy
of a TTWD relationship.
Will said:
I think a lot of people think that
when you have money, that everything gets really easy, Hell Naw! Jada and I
have been together for 17 years. If you look at it like a sports record, we are
probably like 15 and 2. When we got started, we both truly connected on wanting
to be better. That’s where it all started. There were other people that we were
dating and other people that we were attracted to, but there was a commitment
to constantly be better that was what we connected on. Our whole world and
relationship was that, “Hey, I know that I may not be all of that today but
what I’m not going to do is lay around and not keep working to be better to
deserve you.”
Jada has made me a better person
than anyone on earth could have every done. There is nobody on Earth at this
point that in my life and in my career with the successes and the things that
I’ve done, there is nobody on Earth that I would still try to be better for.
[...] Jada is a beast. Just her passion, power, and relentless unwillingness
to let me lay down at night when I’ve only done 92 percent of what I was
supposed to do that day, holds me to a higher standard.
He says that we don't stop working
when we 'catch' the other person. That that is when we work harder every single
day to let that person know how important they are in your world. That we have
to do things, give things even when we're tired to let that person know they
are the most important thing in the world to us.
Jada is no slouch in the advice
department. I follow her on Facebook and the lady gives some very sage advice.
An article she had caught my eye, and I thought it was pertinent here.
You will occasionally see Ward and
myself bring a personal issue here. You will never see us bring it here before we
have worked through it never, ever before we are right with each other. When we
do share personal things, it is with the hope that it can help someone else
through a situation. But we have to be careful with this neighborhood we have
here. Yes we talk to our friends when we are challenged, but should you not
talk to your best friend first? Especially if you have a problem with them?
Ward is my best friend. If there is
something that goes on between us, forgive me, this is not the place for that
quandary. He is my leader. He is my guide. He is the one to help me to the
other side of any issue. I wonder when I see people bring things here if they
have done the hard work with their spouse first. I'm not saying it's not okay
to use this forum that we have been gifted for processing, but the hard work is
not to be done with our friends here, it's to be done with our partners. I
simply cannot say it more eloquently than Jada:
“It is dangerous,” she explains to
the magazine about sharing relationship issues with pals. “Intimacy is a very
complicated thing. There is nothing I could ever say to anyone that would give
them a clear understanding of what happens between us – so why get anyone
involved?”
Instead, Jada discusses everything
with Will.
“[Will and I] work all that out with
each other; that’s part of being in an intimate relationship. If you are giving
your life to someone and this is the only person you deeply love, then you
should be able to come to that person with anything. There shouldn’t be a person
I need to talk to outside of him. And I don’t want my friends, who have a great
affinity for both of us, to feel like they have to take sides.”
I want that and I am willing to put
the hard work in every single day with my man to have it. I am willing to work
hard and turn to him and build our intimate collateral.
HIS POV:
Every day we put the time and effort
into our relationship to develop and maintain the deep intimacy that we both
need and crave. It takes a constant effort and awareness to ensure that we
arrive where we need to be. When I struggle, when I have insecurities, when we
need to address an issue, I come to my June and we fight through to the right
side of the issue
Understanding how to communicate,
the value of communication, and how it relates to intimacy is a treasure to
June and I and we strive every day to place each other at the forefront of our
hearts and minds.
