That is me, I own that

 

Something happened, something small and what would be innocuous, even enticing for most people, but because of my past, it immediately set me on my heels. I felt small and so confused. I am his. I love him like no other. I know he is safe, more than that he is MY safety. He would never hurt me. He owns me, there is nothing I should not be able to give him. I felt bad and sad and scared, and unsubmissive and like I was holding back, and mad at myself.

We talked about it and I asked forgiveness, and he said there was nothing to forgive, but in my heart, there was. I cried for two days. When I had therapy I spoke to my therapist about it. And in talking what I discovered was that I found it scary because I could not accept my own sexuality, my own appeal. I understand that from him, this was a compliment, this was him expressing his desire. That's not how I have ever experienced that before. Not as a child exposed to things no child should know, not ever as an adult. My prior partners made it quite plain that I was not beautiful, they were sexual with me simply out of their own physical need, not because it was me with whom they were seeking intimacy.

She said I was good at talking out of both sides of my mouth...what? She said that I speak of the level of trust that we have, but I don't trust his opinion of me....wow... She said she knows it is because of what I have heard all my life, what I have always been told, that it has become my truth. She said that we learn to believe what we hear. So now, when Daddy says something good about me, or anyone really, even if I don't believe it, I am to say "That is me, I own that." If my mind hears my mouth saying that, that will become my truth. so I'm trying.....and Daddy is helping. He says I am beautiful...That is me...I own that...

 
HIS POV: 

Open arms and ears to listen, sometimes these are my greatest tools as a Husband and an HoH. June knows I would never intentionally do something to harm her or make her feel uncomfortable in any way. The traumas that we don't talk about, the traumas from childhood, the ones that still affect us... they are the hardest to handle and heal from. This situation taught me several things, namely that I  can give June my support when she is struggling, listen  and continue to show her that my desire for her, love, and intimacy are borne of a genuine desire to share something beautiful and pure with her and her alone. DD/TTWD can give us so much, but sometimes something as simple as unconditional love and support .

Personalization In Your Dynamic

The time has come to approach and illuminate a topic that has the potential to effect a large percentage of the folks in DD/TTWD marriages as well as resound throughout blogland. This is a topic that June and I both very strongly about and while we understand that some people have differing opinions, we feel that speaking out about the potential pifalls and dangers of single minded, insensitive, approaches to DD/TTWD and some of the potentially disastrous consequences that can befall even seasoned couples in an otherwise healthy relationship.  We do not seek to proclaim ourselves experts, and would not dare deign to tell others that our way is "The Way" or disrespect any established couples. We hope that you will share in this journey to the heart and health of DD/TTWD and we freely encourage people to ask questions.

Have you ever stopped and considered what makes your relationship special and unique? Is it the things you say to each other? Is it how you treat each other? Is it how you interpretation of the intricacies of  your dynamic? We ask that you keep these questions in mind as we discuss and speak out about something that has been eating at us.  There are several entities and resources in the DD/TTWD world that claim that they are "experts" or that their way is "the way" to go. We will speak out against this and denounce this as dangerous and somewhat reckless. I'm sure some of you have heard of several "books" or have heard of  Domestic Discipline "bootcamps" or "bootcamp" style relationship training.  Some see this as a way to condition or indoctrinate their spouse to the concepts of "leadership", "punishment"  and the general foundation, and day to day concepts of the DD/TTWD lifestyle.  It is our opinion that an "all encompassing" or  formulaic approach to something as precious and important as the DD lifestyle is reckless at best and dangerous at it's worst. We believe that for a couple to get the most  out of this lifestyle,  that a great dear of care must be exercised when dealing with each others emotions,  ideas, expressions, affections etc... In simpler terms it is paramount that we know and understand each other in order to best serve each other's needs even and especially the need for order, discipline and structure.

One of the things that we've seen with the "bootcamp" principal is the idea of punishment to introduce the concept of submission or "to get used to it."  The idea of punishment without a good reason is an idea that is destructive, harmful and absolutely without merit. We expressly admit that we do believe in spanking as a submission exercise, as well as spankings for role reinforcement, but the idea of arbitrary punishment is nothing less than detrimental to the mental and spiritual state of the TiH and the state of the relationship.  Regrettably, June and I have both also seen the negative impact that the bootcamp experience can offer... Sometimes it sends the wrong message to both HoH and TiH... A misguided HoH can become disconnected from his TiH and may not be aware of the real emotions, fears, and true honesty... If punishment or correction occurs without merit? How can we expect real honesty? In the wrong situations, a TiH  may feel various feelings of negativity, resentment, fear or inadequacy at the prospect of unwarranted punishment...This in conjunction with several other factors could easily cause hard feelings, and difficulty in communication.  We should also express that  there may be merit in the idea of bootcamp...open communication about the expectations of the house, what a couple is striving for, open and honest discussions about  the impact that you both expect and desire,  healthy and considerate introductions to healthy forms of spankings that have a purpose... These are all things that can benefit a healthy happy relationship and we would entreat people to explore these concepts  in a "them" centric manner that speaks to their own unique considerations, needs, and requirements.

One of the other concepts that we would express at this time is the need for consistent care, awareness, and  respect to both people in the relationship.  I may be the HoH in our relationship, but I am also cognizant of the fact that June needs me to demonstrate not only a fierce love but a deep and uncompromising respect for her as my wife, the mother of my children, and the voice and life of our home.  We have learned that in our relationship, we must make the time to develop and perfect a process that speaks to the decisions we make and the importance that we hold for each other, and that is our suggestion to you... Work together to discover something that you can develop a blueprint for a healthy happy relationship that puts a sharp and clear focus on healthy and pure unity.

June here - I believe that as a start to DD, having a dedicated time with no interruptions to outline the specifics of the relationship, such as rules and expectations of both partners is a constructive, foundation-building thing. I believe that one of those expectations should be time set aside every single day to connect and affirm our roles, rather than have periodic bootcamps to realign or redefine.

It is no secret that Daddy and I do daily maintenance. So please do not take this to mean that I am speaking against spanking, or other methods of correction as tools in a DD relationship, or that I am speaking out of both sides of my mouth. When Daddy spanks for role affirmation, for discipline, just because he can, or for correction, he takes the time to see me. He knows me well enough to understand what I need, to understand what it takes to get through to me. You can see this kind of leadership all over blogland, HoH's who understand their women and lead instinctively, like Jim, Jake, Ian, Michael, Dragon, Omega and Steven to name a few.  To not cultivate that kind of environment, that kind of interaction can result in more unwanted behaviors that it prevents. I believe that submission should come from a place of wanting to give respect and deference to our HoH, a place of desiring to be pleasing, a place of service, and not a fear of punishment.

I think it is dangerous to take someone hungry for the closeness that DD brings, and trepidatious about what it takes to lead, and give them a checklist of how to conduct a spanking or corrective action. I think the formulaic approach can lead some to think there is no other way, does not encourage them to see how things fit into their relationships and how to make it their own. I believe the approach can teach an HoH to close himself off to his TiH. For example in our case because of my background, corner time or time in our room would create panic in me, I would feel abandoned. I need his reassurance that he is there and that the things he does, even correction, come from a place of love. When correction is over I need his arms, and his assurances that his love is unconditional, that I am forgiven, and that we are moving forward with growth and a better understanding, and the transgression won't be brought up again by either of us. He won't allow me to beat myself up over something we have resolved.

I think the bootcamp experience can be emotionally draining, and then to heap a long evening of causeless punishments can be emotionally damaging. This kind of thing can break one's spirit. For us the idea of DD is never to diminish each other, and Daddy would never, ever break my spirit. I think that there needs to be a purge in that establishment period, something like Roz's beautiful ceremony detailed in her post "Collared". For Daddy and myself there was something similar, yes a very long, firm spanking, with lots of love and pride expressed as a sign of the things we were letting go, and the things we choose to embrace. This has to be what speaks to and serves your relationship, not from a checklist or chart.

As I stated above, for me submission come from a desire to serve, a desire to be pleasing, not because I fear the consequences if I displease him in breaking one of our rules. I think that both Dominance and submission call us to be mindful of our partners, and to take the time to reaffirm our roles and commitment to them daily. Yes, we spank daily. We also affirm our roles within our relationship and to each other in small ways every day. Much as mouse beautifully illustrates again and again of her dynamic with Omega, Daddy understands my need to feel his Dominance, and his devotion to me is to provide submission exercises. These can be spankings, writing assignments, or tasks. And I try to be mindful of his needs and provide things in service and deference to him, like meeting him at the door with a drink or removing his shoes and socks after a long day and refreshing and massaging his feet.

As Daddy said, none of this is to say that we have all the answers. We have worked very hard to have the answers for us. Sometimes we see something that someone else shares that speaks to a struggle we have had. We discuss it and see how it applies to us. We are grateful for the mentorship provided by the experienced couples in this community. We believe the opportunities to speak with others in this lifestyle through our blogs, and the various chatrooms are invaluable. We believe that everyone can only speak with authority to their own relationship.  And no one can or should speak as an authority on this lifestyle in general. 

Ward again - We would like to finish this post by expressing that in addition to understanding the way your process works for you, you may also find some deep and unexpected benefits of a enriched, personalized DD/TTWD relationship. Taking the time to develop, nourish, and evolve an ideology and lifestyle that is right for you and your partner....No this isn't always easy, fair, or fun, and yes, you will be tested....sometimes it's going to hurt, but knowing that we matter to each other, really matter, enough to effect a positive culture of awareness and responsibility says that this love is unconditional, indubitable and transcendent.

We also have to admit that we have both made a few mistakes and suffered a few setbacks, neither one of us is perfect. The beauty of mistake-making though is in the growth and knowledge that this begets. When we learn, we grow and when we grow we see the positive effect that change can have in our relationships.  Establishing these changes allows us to tweak and further refine the policies and expectations that benefit our relationships the most. It all starts with a mindset that teaches us to develop our own unique ideas, needs, and thoughts... We would suggest this might be a great starting point for the uninitiated, or a great vantage point for the established. Either way, there is much wealth to be mined in investing our own time and energy in the way we approach DD/TTWD.
June again -  The essence of DD/TTWD relationships is mutual mindfulness and respect. When we undertake activities we want them to enrich our dynamics, not potentially break our spirits or damage us or our relationships. Ward and I often look at our children and think - Lord they didn't come with an instruction manual. Truth be told, when I was pregnant with my first I read every single book because I wanted to be the best I could be. When I was handed that little person I reaffirmed my undying commitment to him. And when I sat on the living room floor crying because those books didn't answer the questions I had, and nothing was working for THIS child, I realized even the author can only speak from their own personal experience. They didn't know MY child. I had to open my heart and reach out with my spirit and my soul to his, and find the ways that I could best benefit him.

The truth is, we are humans, and we are different, and our experiences, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, psyches and reactions are all influenced by our personality and our personal experiences. There is no one size fits all answer. And there are no manuals. We would encourage you to read, to seek, but we would also encourage you to take whatever you find and make it your own, with the well-being of your partner's heart, mind, body and being in the forefront of your mind. 

Lesson learned, fear shed

Part of our relationships are about growth and learning. Sometimes that is not a painless process. I have had several great revelations throughout my relationship with Ward. I just had another one... it shook me with it's magnitude and it shook him, at first negatively, thinking that I doubted him. Then, when I reached the conclusion, we began to rebuild with a new understanding.

It started with a question..."Daddy, do you think I'm real?" No, that wasn't like, do you think I'm too good to be true, that was, do you think I am genuine or a faker? "I'm afraid that the mask will fall away and that I will be ugly underneath." And it was met with the words that cut me to the core and make me bleed my faithlessness. "Why are you afraid to see the positive? Is not my love good? Does blessing not find you?"

Why would I think such a thing? I came from a woman with a dark heart. She could love no one but her self. My father...very distant... I think.... still do, though he denies it, that there is a distance because I was born from that darkness. I spent most of my life not knowing how to be, but having a vivid example of what not to be, how not to do things, how not to treat people. I have a recurring dream of her, one that wakes me up screaming, her head on the body of a viper, that sly, portentous smile that harbored the most impure of intents. She was mistress of disguise to entrap, then she attacked and destroyed.






I, myself, in this life have borne many masks. They were the masks I wore when I was told that I was not enough, to keep a love that did not really exist. My fingers curled from the burden of carrying these masks throughout my life. When I found this man who loved me in a genuine way, in an ever-growing, deep and abiding way, I waited to be not enough. We got past that hurdle. Then I began to fear that I was full of guile, that I would shed a mask one day and he would see the 'real me' and be disgusted.






And as we talked, and his words braided into the lifeline that I have come to rely on, I saw that my hands were empty...for the first time ever, my fingers are unfurled and unburdened. I carry no mask, I hold no guile...with him, I am an open heart. I have always stood naked before him, because for him, I have always been enough. And the realization that struck me like thunder? I'm afraid to be her. I'm afraid that having come from her, she will slither out of my soul. But he has taught me, enough that I can feel it, enough that I can see it, enough that I can believe it....I am not her. My heart is not dark. I will not break open and spill venom on those that I love because I bear none.




And this man, whom I love with all that I am and all that I have gives me the gift of freedom. He reaches beyond the wounds that my fear and insecurity cause to him to heal me.

Thank you, Daddy. I don’t have to be afraid anymore. I AM naked before you, there is nothing to fall away. You have always given me the freedom, the gift of being my true self for the first time ever. There were burdens I bore and masks I wore before in vain attempts to be loved. But you long ago stripped me of artifice. I feel lighter, and I have shed another fear. 

No other love in all of the world... in all of my life, there's been no other love. 

HIS POV:
June, came to me damaged in a deep and profound way. The impact that this negative person she speaks of is obvious sometimes even during joy.  I am so thankful that you have learned to let me in and let me show you the light which that person tried to hide from the world.. I saw it right away and even when you struggled... it was there.  You are my true love and greatest blessing and I thank God so much for you! Thank you for letting me take the burden from your shoulders and lead you to a place of light and love. It is a true blessing to love you!

Spanking and humiliation

I see a lot on a lot of different blogs about feelings of humiliation from being spanked. The only ones who have said they don't feel humiliated were Kitty and Conina and faerie (thank you, Conina:) ). I wonder how much of that has to do with their particular dynamics, which are more on the kinky side, than the DD side, and in fact they don't have a discipline dynamic.

Daddy and I do have discipline as part of our dynamic. As I said in a previous post, we're a little bit of this and a little bit of that. We are spankos, through and through. We enjoy spanking for fun. But we also use it for discipline (stress relief, role reinforcement, testing submission). And when necessary, yes, for correction.

Let's talk about what humiliation is. By definition: hu·mil·i·ate (hy -m l - t ). tr.v.  To lower the pride, dignity, or self-respect of. Daddy and I do not enjoy humiliation/objectification in any form. It is not Daddy's aim to undermine my self-image, or my concept of my place in our relationship. I am his. He supports me, guides me, holds me in his hands, elevates me and teaches me to love myself.





With spanking for play. it's all about the good pain. It's all about that intoxicating feeling of control, of being in the palm of his hand, of being breathless and floaty and exquisitely happy. It is a feeling of complete and utter joy.






When it's for discipline, all of those same things, and add the emotional release that comes from complete and total surrender, from putting my needs in his hands and knowing that he will make everything alright. It is about him taking those feelings of inadequacy and fear and stripping them away, leaving me raw, and planting the seeds...I am his. He loves me. It is a feeling of release, relief, and renewal.





When it is for correction, I guess that is where it could well be humiliating. I guess this is the part of our dynamic that is closest to the DD dynamic. I have seen it written that it is humiliating to feel like a child. But he is my Dominant, my leader, my Daddy. it is his right - his duty really - to enforce the rules of our partnership. I have surrendered this to him, and in so doing I acknowledge his right. I am not going to say that it is not humbling, it is, but not humiliating. Perhaps this is the way that Ward handles correction.

We talk about nothing, just feel our connection. I get to see that no matter what I may have done, he still loves me. Then we discuss what went wrong and how we are going to go about clearing the air and restoring equilibrium. He doesn't denigrate me. He tells me that I'm still his good girl, just my actions were bad, but we're taking care of it. He tells me he is proud of me for accepting the correction. When it's over, it's over. We move past it, with a clean slate. He is extra nurturing. It is transformative in a positive way. I am never diminished. It is a feeling of releasing guilt, absolution, cleansing.

In all parts of our dynamic spanking is a feeling of deep connection and trust, it is a reaffirmation of our commitment each to the other. In all parts of our dynamic, I am honored to be his, and pleased that he leads and allows me to express my submission to him in the many forms that our flavor allows. I'm one lucky girl.

HIS POV:

I am truley and magnificently blessed to call  Ms. June my own, and I would echo much of what she has said.  I try to be a uplifting influence in her life and I would never...ever try to reduce her or humiliate her... June is my greatest blessing in life and to see  her shine brightest I would use my life and energies to see her elevated to happiness and true satisfaction.  Through Love, Discipline, and erotic intrigue, humiliation has no place for us, dedication, patience, love, and kindness are what we delight in!

Transcendent

I was talking to a friend who is new to DD. She said I shine. She says Ward and I shine as a couple. It's not the first time that I've been told this. She tells me that when I speak about Ward, everything about me changes, my voice, my face, my mood. That's not the first I've heard that either. Even my kids see it. So in listening to my friend, the word transcendence came to mind. I know that Ward shines. He shines so brightly that he warms me, chases my fears and lifts the darkness from my heart.

I see it in other couples. I see it in the way the women talk of their men, and their lives and their loves. I hear it in Monster's Nightmare's posts, and our conversations, and when Monster talks about her. I hear it in Stormy's posts. I hear it in Christina's, and faerie's, and C's, and Jacquie's. I see it all over this wonderful community.

I began to look for the ways that we achieve that which others claim to aspire to. What do we do that is different from the rest of the world?

No, I'm not saying we're perfect. I, myself, am perfectly imperfect. What I am saying is that we give each other those very small and painless things, respect, love and forgiveness. They cost nothing, nothing more than the surrender of our false pride. And they make us rich and strong. They make us transcendent. We transcend ego as a result of love, service, non-egoic discipline, and undivided attention for another.

Absolutely, it is important to take care of, to nurture each other and our relationships. That entity that is created when two people come together is transcendent. It exists above this world and guides all our interactions both in the world and in our families. It is what carries us through the years, and it is from it that we draw our strength.

I am proud of my man. I am proud of the person that I am becoming. I am proud to be part of this community of extraordinary people who create light and positive energy so bright within their families that it spills over and blesses every one of us. We are transcendent.

I learned something

I said before that I think that this blog - besides the fact that Daddy said there wasn't a lot of resources out there for Daddies and little girl spankos who do DD and stuff....(labels....blech), was Daddy's way for me to find community and stay connected to my submission while he was gone (He's a very wise man, my Daddy).



I have the kind of brain that ruminates....read that sometimes I think way too much. Sometimes though, it takes time for me to figure out what is going on in my head. Sometimes while ruminating, talking to friends, writing here I get a broken lollipop moment. I had one in Surrender. And I apologized to Daddy for distancing, thinking I was doing something constructive, not understanding initially just how destructive I was being....but that's why I have a Daddy.

I had a minor panic attack yesterday. Somehow I had put some kind of expectation of getting mail from Daddy yesterday. When it didn't come, I crumbled. Then I thought - okay - I should probably not even think I'm ever gonna get any mail during this deployment. I won't expect anything, they said you can't depend on the mail getting there, sometimes they hold it all till the crew is stateside again - ugh. So maybe he doesn't know I'm sending five or six pages a day! Sad, sad me. Then trying to shut down the anxiety, I actually felt the wall going up. Which is surprising, it usually takes a few days till I'm aware of it - which is why I asked for Daddy's help with distancing - he feels it before I realize it.



I was talking to my good friend that I met on the Discipline and Love Forum. She managed to talk me down & then later checked up on me. And that is when I had my broken lollipop moment. Here is a snippet of the conversation:




June's friend: He's a good man. You are really good at submitting. I'm glad when Daddy's around for you to submit to bc you absorb goodness and light.

June:  I try, I'm glad you see him cause that means something gets in there.Sometimes I don't feel very good at submitting. I feel like I let him down when I get all crazy.

June's friend:  I'm glad when you submit to Daddy. Not these ideas (the magic words, folks) you have of what you should be...please don't hit me.

June: So am I, lol. Hmmmm dang ya! That's what I'm doing, isn't it? Submitting to the stupid little voice in my head & not Daddy. Fluff it!

June's friend:  It's not stupid.

June: The little voice that says he's gonna stop loving me, I mean.

June's friend: It's just fear. Have compassion on the little voice.

Okay, okay...I admit to being totally neurotic - I can hear you all feeling bad for Daddy. I felt bad for him, too. He said before he left that that little voice needs to just shut up, and he wished he had the one who programmed the little voice in front of him and that they had to answer to him. I always have the legal pad here - I really DO write him five and six page letters every day. And I wrote "DADDY! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.I’m very sorry, Daddy. I stand convicted, corrected, and contrite. I’m learning – slowly but surely learning. And I have said I submit to no one else but you, so that little voice can just go get fluffed now – because you are the only one worthy of my submission."

Every now and then I get a moment of clarity. I'm grateful for them. I'm grateful for the friends who help me work things out. We've talked about the little voice before. Daddy says the little voice is a liar. Sometimes I think I have quieted the little voice. And just when I get to feeling confident, the little voice makes insidious comments. It's hard to make the little voice be quiet. I've heard it all my life before Daddy, all those 'I love you but"s. Daddy never says but. Daddy says I love you no matter what. And he does. Daddy says, it's okay, you're not naughty, dove, you just need me. And I do. Daddy sees me. Daddy knows me. Daddy loves me. Daddy forgives me. 


I am more vigilant about distance now because I understand that it is a disrespect to him. It is a disrespect to us. And now that I see that allowing that little voice to have so much power over me also disrespects Daddy, and disrespects us, I think I can be better equipped to dismiss it. You can do anything you want to me, you don't hurt or disrespect 'mine'. Daddy is mine. The little voice disrespects him. The little voice is toast. 



My Daddy is a very, very wise man. An ocean away and he still finds ways to teach me. I hoped to be able to not only keep in touch with my submission while Daddy was gone, but to deepen it. I think I may just succeed.

Broken lollipop moments

This is journal entry I made a few months back. I decided to post it here because it explains a post that I'm giving birth to right now.
*****************************************************
When my sister was three, my folks decided to have her ears pierced. So off to the mall they went, got her a lollipop & plopped her in the chair, where she remained oblivious to all the goings on, totally engrossed in the bright red disk.

The girl who worked the jewelry booth came over, made the preparations, positioned the gun & squeezed. And honestly, the moment was like it occurred in a vacuum, time slowed and the air was thick. The gun popped and my sister's eyes squeezed shut and her jaws clamped down, she raised her head, opened her eyes and an understanding of the world far beyond her 3 years shone in her eyes. She opened her mouth and half the lollipop fell to the floor.

So I've come to think of that energy in other areas of my life. Broken lollipop moments are when all the knowledge of the universe crystallizes to a point of uncommon understanding. In that moment when time stops and the air creates that vacuum that gem of knowing is drawn deep into your soul.

Broken lollipop moments are always astonishing, they are sometimes unpleasant, but they are also sometimes exquisitely beautiful. They are almost always life-changing, if we allow their creation and believe in their magic.

Correction and Gratitude

Here is a subject that makes me squirmy, and I don't like to talk about, and I don't like to receive, and immediately puts
me in little-space (can we have the 'Doom' song please?)
...correction. And I only bring it up because Daddy has made several posts on spankings, and we kind of just brushed over this aspect.







Daddy does not like the term punishment, it has a negative connotation, it is about retribution rather than transformation. It implies resentment and distance. Daddy prefers the term correction. Correction implies putting something back on the right course, to wipe clean the slate and start fresh. It means that Daddy does not collect resentment stamps about my mistakes, and I don't collect resentment stamps that he delivered on his responsibility in a consistent and diligent manner.




Some people assume that if spanking is used in other ways in the relationship, or the submissive enjoys being spanked that it cannot be used effectively as correction. And again, this is what works for us, every dynamic is different, your mileage may vary. Spanking as a form of correction works for us quite effectively. When Daddy sits me on his lap and says he thinks we need to talk about _____ (fill in the blank), I feel incredibly contrite, and I am acutely aware of how my actions have affected our relationship. The fact that my behavior has disappointed him is nearly crushing. The spanking will be harder, faster, longer and more painful. It will not be fun. It will not be something I want to do again (not the thing that brought on the spanking, nor certainly not the spanking).

So now everyone is saying, okay, so where and HOW does gratitude come in? Daddy loves me enough to pull me back from destructive behaviors. He loves me enough to give me what I need. He loves me enough to drive the change, even when it is difficult for him (and correction IS difficult for the D-type). He values our relationship enough to keep us on the course we have set. He loves me enough to offer forgiveness, and show me how to forgive myself. He values us enough to pull us back from distance to reconciliation.

Even though it is unpleasant to experience, it has to be acknowledged that correction is given with the intent of regaining and maintaining closeness, and of deepening the relationship. Correction is meant to break down walls and resistance and move us towards forgiveness, a deeper trust  and better communication.

Transformation

Scared and sacred are spelled with the same letters. Awful proceeds from the same root word as awesome. Terrify and terrific. Every negative experience holds the seed of transformation - Alan Cohen 

 One of my favorite songs, and one of the first songs I gave to Ward is "Turning Page", which is on the playlist for this blog. And the line in the song that first spoke to me echoes the picture above:
"I surrender who I am
to who you are"

I love that line. It speaks to transformation. Transformation speaks of something deeper, to me, than change. Change is to cause something to be different. How many of us have been in relationships where we have been told we were loved, and then constantly told how we need to change? 

You know those helpful comments. Oh, you've really gained weight since that picture! I know this is completely not your style, but it will look so much better on you that what you wear. You really need a new job, they don't pay you enough.

Where change means to make something different, change your shoes, your clothes, your hair, your job, the stores you shop at, transformation means to change the function or condition of something, to convert it. Transformation is magical. When I met Ward, I had given up hope. I thought there was no one who could love me in my perfect imperfection. I felt pretty much broken. Did he fix me?

 Well he's working on it. It's a big job. Is he trying to change my clothes? My body? My shoes? My job? No. Well then by golly, how in the world is he fixing you? 


He is working on transforming my thoughts. He is working on transforming my beliefs about  myself, my abilities and my worth. Every time I beat myself down, he lifts me back up. Every time I feel defeated, he shows me where the victories lie. And he has shown me that all the work will make us stronger. 

I have said I cannot say I regret any of the things that have happened in my life, no matter how sad or how badly they broke me. Because every choice, every experience, every single one has made me who I am, every single one has brought me to where I am. Those experiences brought me my children, and brought me Ward. 

And I have landed in gentle, guiding hands that have lifted me up and taught me that I can still fly.

His POV:

Sometimes the greatest gift of all is unconditional  love and acceptance. Transformation, becoming deeper, adding a layer of love and strength goes so much deeper than words can say. June grows to blossom and I stand as a Titan because of her love and her confidence in my leadership and  love... and for that I will always be honored and humbled to call myself her Man.