The Gift of Time

                                                     

 There are 24 hours in a day. Just 24, no more, no less. Often it feels like there isn't enough of it to go around.  But, I would ask, Is there any gift more precious? The gift of one's time, passion, and energy are among the most precious gifts that we can give.  I think that's one of the things missing from many "modern" couples.  Sure we all have work to consider and then there is our own individual interest and stress to relieve. But there is one thing that I try to remain vigilant about.... that's love.  It's pretty easy to say that one loves another, but then again it's quite another thing to show it. Do I still go out with the guys after work and catch part of the game and take in a brew? Sure, but I also realize the value in giving people rain-checks and giving my family the time and attention that they require to grow.

                                                   

 It can be pretty easy to fall into a rut at times, or dare I say it... take each other for granted, but giving each other the time and attention that couples need.  Sometimes our domestic responsibilities and our schedules get hectic. Having two active school age children is a challenge at the best of times, but when you account for winter weather, the morning pokieness of our oldest, work, vehicles, people being under the weather, breakfast, lunch, bills, work  hmmm I'm sure I left some things out, but it's easy to see how even the most dedicated and vigilant could be overwhelmed and out of sorts at the end of a long, busy day.

                                                 

   

Sometimes the only real solution is to make time. No, I'm not a wizard and I realize that not everything is as simple as all that, but sometimes making the time to do even something just small can have HUMONGOUS benefits.  That's where it falls on us guys.  As an HoH I feel that it is my duty to assess the situation in the home, monitor stress and fatigue levels and when necessary to make time for my children or my woman when it is clear that they  need me to do so. My suggestions?  Kick her out of the kitchen and finish dinner, Take the kids out for a while so she can have a few hours to herself. Take the laundry basket from her and tell her to put her feet up and relax. 

                                                                                         

Sometimes making time means saying no to friends, canceling plans and knowing that sometimes  the best thing to do is to do nothing... No, no, I'm not sure you understand, nothing.  Sometimes nothing is disastrous, sometimes a weekend  of relaxation, and snuggling on the couch can be more productive than traveling too and from, running around like chickens without heads, and generally adding stress to the two days of the week where stress just don't have  a place.

                                                                    

Sadly, I can't just add 5 more hours or tack on two more days to the week, but what I can do is be attentive to my lady and her needs, spend time with my children and use what time we do have to bolster and nourish our ever-tightening bonds and feed the spirits and minds of the ones I hold dear.  I would encourage you all to find a way, or make a way to give each other and your families the attention that they require, need, deserve, and thrive from.  Who knows what you will discover?  Who knows what priceless moments are just waiting to be had?   Let each discovery you make bolster your efforts to be the best you can for each other.... Time's a wastin'

                                                               

Her POV: 

 There IS no greater gift we can give to each other. We all understand that principle with regard to our children. Better to give them your time, to show them they are worthy and valuable, than to buy all the latest gadgets. Why then would we give less to our families and to our partners? As our time nourishes our children, increases intimacy, increases trust and communication, so it does when we devote time to each other and to our relationships. When we give the gift of time, we also give the gift of understanding, we give refreshment to the soul, we relieve and wash away stress and strip away the world and all the things that do not belong and give shelter, safe harbor to our loved ones and let them be their best and most authentic selves.

Happy Valentine's Day.... or is it?

Daddy and I were talking this morning about Valentine's Day... more about that in a minute. Then I was talking to a friend who said she hates Valentine's Day. And her sentiments echoed what Daddy and I had talked about this morning (we hardly ever post the day we write, we keep a 'vault' of stuff that we write when we're able,  so when life gets hectic there's something to pull from). So I thought it might make a good post.

Valentine's Day, it's worth knowing where the legend comes from, and just a warning, it's kind of grisly, not graphically so, but not really all completely warm and fuzzy. But the message goes beyond the note, signed "from your Valentine", the message, to me, is that you would be willing to die for your love.

So I would challenge you... is one day enough to show the one you love that you would die for them? Is it enough to show that you would die for the love that you create, and that lives in you? Does a box of candy or a piece of jewelry say all that you wish to say - does it speak the truth of your heart?

No, I am not decrying or trying to minimalize extravagant gestures. I am simply saying sometimes we need to remember that there is great love in small gestures. There is great love in meeting your partner at the door with a smile and a look that says, "I'm so glad you're home. Now I finally am, too." There is great love in meeting requests with a smiling, "Yes, love." There is great love in crafting, meals and treats you know he enjoys. There is great love in coming home from work and taking the children so she can have ten blessedly quiet minutes to complete a task, or half an hour to read a book, or sit in the yard with a cup of tea. There is great love in touch, a brush against your cheek for no reason than to show that your heart swelled when you looked at them, or when you see the mark of the world on them and you wrap your arms around them to protect them and wipe it all away with the tears that cleanse their souls.

I wonder when we lost sight of that, and thought we could only say I love you, once a year? My friend and I said that seems like it's something you have to do, not something that you thrive on doing, something that feeds you in the feeding of your love.

So Ward, my heart, my Daddy, my love, I pray that I take full advantage of every opportunity to show you the depths of my love. Today, you received a coupon book for things like a massage, your favorite cookies, stress relief, grace when it's difficult - in the rare event that you err. I would hope that I extend these things every day in my expression of love for you. But I am human, and sometimes I miss the signs of need, or get wrapped up in the day and forget those little extras. So please use these to remind me to never let the day go to bed without telling you how much you touch me, how essential you are to me and to our family, and how very, very much I love you. Happy Valentines's Forever, my Love.




HIS POV:
Love is a beautiful thing that deserves to be nurtured and fed every single day of the year. Can we give less than our very best to the people that we love? Didn't think so. Love, passion, reciprocity and the clear and loud expression of our hearts that's where it begins and it never ends.  June my darling, today you received a letter with a surprise and a coupon book of your own... I am human as well, I make errors but yet you love me anyway and everyday is like a holiday, every meal a feast, you make my heart sing forever my love.

Tested

 

The life of a submissive woman is full of tests. There are the conscious tests that our men present us with to help us learn to bend,  to help us stretch our limits, our horizons, our trust. These come as expectations of deference, expectations of obedience, expectations of grace. We are expected to follow the rules we establish for our relationships. As we all know sometimes just everyday life makes simple compliance a test all in itself. And we are tested to take that moment to compose ourselves and not reply with that knee-jerk snappy response, or eye-roll. There are the tests designed to deepen our submission - those calls or texts, with instructions, so that we can feel ourselves under their hands. There are those deepening tests that call us to make more public displays of our submission, wearing some symbol of his control or our submission in public, be it visible or invisible, it is there and we are acutely aware. There are the tests in discipline, a hated implement, a more vigorous than normal spanking, and our efforts to yield gracefully.




There are the tests we give ourselves, in submitting gracefully,  even when it's hard. We try to be anticipatory in service. We try to provide those things that make home refuge without being asked, to provide extraordinary comfort before he knows what he needs. We test ourselves when given the choice to choose an implement and we choose perhaps not our favorite, but his - or one that presents a challenge to us, because doing so signifies our trust and our desire to give him that. We test ourselves when we sense that he needs to feel our submission and we offer ourselves freely to him. We test ourselves in giving our willing hearts, and our softest demeanor.


And there are the tests that life throws our way. These may be the hardest of all because maybe they shake our men as well - the ones that are our anchors, the ones we lean on, the ones we depend on. And it's disconcerting to see them struggle - we want to think that they have all the answers...right now. What happens when they have career decisions to make? What happens when you are in financial negotiations? What happens when someone else holds the future of your family in their hands? This is where you must put your trust in the hands of your HoH. This is his job to handle the negotiations to the best of his ability and steer the ship in the best direction for your family. It is hard, and when you worry and obsess it is the same as saying you do not have confidence in your man.



I can speak on this with confidence because this is where we have been. I give Ward my deference in all things. It is my place to do so, and I relish the giving. There is talk periodically in blogland about layers. I've spoken before about being dismayed to feel I have given my complete submission, and finding another layer... finding a place of resistance... finding a place where I fail. This is my latest layer. People who administrate the process make promises and drag their heels, change the offerings, put things on the table that would cause our family to be separated. And instead of handing my worries to him, I allow distance to grow... so he cannot see my worry, don't you know.

Except that's not what is happening. I'm not shielding him. I am depriving him of comfort and support. I am not being his soft place to land. He needs to know I am in his corner. He needs to know that I trust him to make the right decision. He needs my confidence in his vision for our family. So my darling, I unclamp my fist, and I put this in your hands. I trust you to lead us. I open my heart and give you the love and the need that fed this fear. I acknowledge that this fear was unfounded, because you will always have this family in the fore of your mind. I submit my fear to you.

Worries are nothing more than little puffs of nothings when we are together, when we love and support each other, when we have each other's backs and the best interest of each other, our relationship and our family at heart.

HIS POV: 

June's trust and faith in me shake me to the very core. The thoughts of an HoH, the thoughts of a future more blessed are heavy and browsome indeed. Practicing and honing the art of deference, submission when it is not an easy thing to do is a crown of light unto June and a wreath of stars around her neck.  She is the apple of my eye and again my greatest blessing. The life I lead is not an easy one and I am not always such a easy man to know. Even on the hard days I recognize the effort that she places in her emotion and reaction to things that aren't always easy to hear or when perhaps fatigue has gotten the better of me.  She is always there, always trying, always deepening her submission and always quenching the rampant thirst of my dominance.

Layers of thoughts, dreams, worries, fears are only natural, especially when the sum of the future is held by a larger entity.  But that's it! In this I have found that with June's love, confidence, submission, deference, input, and energy and my determination, strength, dedication and commitment there is no wrong path... As long as she has my back, and as long as I can show her that I have the best interest of our family in mind. The future brings many questions but one thing that is not in question is our love... it grows bright and hot like a curling flame devouring kindling, it swells like a cresting wave, and quenches like cold water on a hot day. Responsibility is a burden, yes, but one that I bear with joy in my heart and determination to see my family lifted and blessed the best way I can.  I may yet continue in service to this country, I may exit and focus on education and the future while working to provide in many other ways...either way this is for my family, all of us, and I will not falter...

"Oh love! Where you are close, I'd hear the beating of your heart... My ear would hear the soft whispers of your heart... your worries, your dreams, I must demand them... I will take them and I will not fail you. I will guard your heart, as you would guard mine and in our love we will shake the very heavens." ~BTL

The positive effects of a good spanking

Have you ever sat and considered the impact of a evening devoted to a good, thorough spanking and  earth-shaking love-making and pleasure?  Normally this is something that we probably wouldn't talk about here, but the potential benefits are worth discussing and using.  Throughout the time that June and I have written this blog, we have come to understand that several folks out there are... what's the term?  "spank-nos".  Even still, when we consider the impact that stress can have, we must understand the value that a good firm spanking can bring to the table.  I tell June all the time and I think it's worth repeating here.... Good girls get firm spankings too, it helps them stay good, and in combination to deep, truly connective  intimacy that  smooths away the aches and stresses of the day and bring us to that special place that can only be reached by a man being intimate with his woman.  Stress relief spanking require a lot of forethought and communication. It should be made clear that this is not correction or punishment, but in fact a conduit for relief and rebalance through the vigorous application of positive and direct energies.  It also becomes necessary to find (or make) time to get the most out of this carefully considered time.




 Making love is clearly an important part of any healthy relationship. I think some people don't realize it's true value and in some instances, might minimize or underrate the worth of spending quality time giving and receiving pleasure from our partners.  There is something very spiritual about making love, in addition to the sights and sounds that make our blood boil and our passions rise, it seems only fitting that sex can open many doors, heal many wounds, smooth over feelings and reconnect after periods of heightened stress and emotion.  The true value of physical release is in the freedom it brings, us.  Less talking, less thinking, passion and unconditional embrace - these things are always important.



The following section is just a series of suggestions.  We'd highly recommend trying one or more of these out!




 If you don't already June and I would highly recommend establishing a "Date Night".   Find a sitter, have the kids spend the night with Grandma etc... Go see a movie, go watch dinner, Redbox it, go bowling, spend some time laughing, and celebrating the unique bond that you share.  Spend some time giving her a bubble bath or a pedicure and really spend some time pampering her... Relaxation is the key here.









Before you give her the spanking she needs, spend some time spoiling her, talk to her, let her know that she has your complete and undivided attention. When the time comes, take her in hand and give her the spanking she needs. By the spanking that she needs, I mean take the time to observe her, know her body language and the weight of her heart... Drive out the stress and take the time to show her that this is as important to you as it is for her.  No distractions, no half-hearts only pure and unblemished love.  Hold her close, let her emote, and let the stress vanish with the conviction of your hearts.

Give her the time she needs to  feel it, hold her in your arms and be there for her. Leave only room for love and light..... Kiss her slow and soft, and then let your love for each other and your bodies do all of the talking.







We think spanking can be a very useful and wonderful part of a healthy relationship. Even in the context of pleasure and stress relief we find new meaning and a wonderful use of time and passion. We recommend it!



                                            

Her POV:
When I suffer stress, or when I suffer emotional pain, I need to be spanked. It is a way - for me - to take the emotional pain and transfer it to flesh - and poof - all gone. A calm relaxed girl who can move through the day without the heaviness in my heart, not feeling guilt if I feel I have been short or less than I wish to be, or my heart is just not where I like it to be. At those times the greatest gift he can give me is the gift of release.

I am a very fortunate girl. Daddy is very sensitive to my mood. And generally he will approach me and whisper in my ear that he knows what I need, and that he will take good care of me...and he always does. Other times I may text or email him at work, and tell him I need his help when he gets home. And sometimes, it's simply a way for us to reconnect after a long week of chores and responsibilities, school - his, mine, the boys'  - for me to feel his delicious control, and for me to be able to bend. That for me is heaven, that puts my brain in that light, dreamy place. It lets me relinquish the negativity that seeps in, and absorb Daddy's love and light. It lets us start fresh and rejuvenated. And it lets this insomniac sleep sweet and undisturbed. For that gift, for his attention and devotion, I am grateful.

We remember...

                                                                                             

You may not agree with the war or the conflict that put them in harm's way. You may not support the government that sent them. You may not believe in the policies of the military. The men and women who put on the uniform possess an honor that many could not fathom. They are individuals who love this country and the people in it so much that they would walk away from their families, and their lives, and put theirs on the line for each and every one of us. Honor them, and never forget that freedom isn't free, they pay the price for all of us.

To my Ward, my best friend, my Man, my Daddy, my One, my only, my moon, my sun, my stars, my heart, my life, my dear true love, I am proud of you and I am honored to call you mine. You ARE my hero.

The Warriors Pledge

 Oh warrior, my brother, my sister: We once prepared for battle, and served our causes as best we could. Perhaps we are stained by blood shed by others, or carry scars from our own wounds.  Yet our task is not complete until we have acknowledged one another. Oh warrior, my brother my sister, I offer to you the following: I will honor your experience of service, recognizing that while your cause may not be mine, the terrors of war bind us together.  I will listen to your story, and share with you my own for without each other we cannot know the truth, nor can we tell the story to our children. 

I will value your life, even though in the past we may have sought to destroy one another and may indeed have destroyed lives precious to each other, today your life is precious to me.  I will give you the gift of my presence, that we may know each other as the warriors we are, complete our task, and welcome each other into our homes. Alan Cutter, NAVVVM, 1999

 

I pray for the day that the only way to visit a piece of your heart is not by touching a piece of granite. This wall bears two pieces of my heart, a special ops Army officer, panel 47W (12 years of service DOC 8-11-68), and a Navy flier (12 years of service DOC 4-26-78), panel 13E.

                                      

I pray for the day that no partner has to look at their other half with that look of love, and terror, and bravery on their eyes, and the fear that this may be the last time; that no parent has to hold their crying child and utter a promise they pray God allows them to keep, that no man sees his child enter the world over a video feed. 

I give thanks with a grateful, humble heart that my brave sailor does not have to leave, and that we are spared that fear and uncertainty this time. And I pray for each of his crew-mates and their families. I am plagued by a fear of my own selfishness, but he's mine - he's ours and we need him, and he's already given so much.

The Final Inspection

 

The soldier stood and faced God
Which must always come to pass
He hoped his shoes were shining
Just as brightly as his brass.

Step forward now, you soldier,
How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek?
To My Church have you been true?

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,
No, Lord, I guess I aint
Because those of us who carry guns
Cant always be a saint.

Ive had to work most Sundays
And at times my talk was tough,
And sometimes Ive been violent,
Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny
That wasn't mine to keep...
Though I worked a lot of overtime
When the bills got just too steep,

And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear,
And sometimes, God forgive me,
Ive wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place
Among the people here,
They never wanted me around
Except to calm their fears.

If you've a place for me here, Lord,
It needn't be so grand,
I never expected or had too much,
But if you don't, Ill understand.

There was a silence all around the throne
Where the saints had often trod
As the soldier waited quietly,
For the judgment of his God,

Step forward now, you soldier,
You've borne your burdens well,
Walk peacefully on Heavens streets,
You've done your time in Hell.

"Today, a proud nation expresses our gratitude. But we do so mindful that no ceremony or parade, no hug or handshake is enough to truly honor that service. For that, we must do more. For that, we must commit—this day and every day—to serving you as well as you’ve served us." —President Obama

HIS POV: 
It is an honor to serve my country.  It is an even deeper honor to serve my family. June has once again touched my heart and I type this POV with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face. Things haven't always been easy, fun, or fair but with the Lord's grace and a devotion that is unrivaled we have managed to navigate the turbulence that is military family life... Thank you everyone for giving me something to fight for, thank you June for being my soft place to land.

How do I live?

      "He was the most beautiful and appealing man she had ever known...She gripped his hand, shivering with fear  and inexpressibly grateful that fate had combed her and him from the tangle of humanity, and that love had braided them together in marriage.
        He drew her into his arms. She held fast to him.
        One ear against his chest, she listened to his heart. The beat was strong, at first quickened by anxiety, but then growing calmer.
        Her heart slowed to match the pace of his.
        Steel has a high melting point, but higher still when it is alloyed with tungsten. Cashmere is a strong fabric, as is silk; however, a cashmere-and-silk blend will provide more warmth to the wearer than will either fabric alone.
         Alone, she had learned at a young age to carry all the weight of the world piled on her. As long as she had him, she could endure not just the terrors of this world but all those that might come from beyond it." The Taking: A Novel - Dean Koontz
 

I was reading yesterday and this passage struck me deeply. It could have been written about Ward and me. I've told the story before of how we met. Even then at that first contact, I found him to be the most appealing man I had ever known. The first time we spoke on the phone, I had to mop myself up off the floor. The man has the most incredible voice I have ever heard. It's deep and rich and smooth - it is the salted caramel sauce of voices.

The first time we stood in the same room, it was literally like all the air had been sucked from the room, and every other person and every other structure just disappeared in a puff of dissipating color, texture and substance. He took my hand and I was anchored. He wrapped his arms around me and for the first time in my life I felt safe, and very much like our characters in the book excerpt, my heartbeat slowed from the thunderous rhythm of fear that had driven my life, and met his calm, soothing, assured rhythm, and I knew that I would never again shoulder any burden alone. 

 

He gathered the tattered threads of my heart, my soul, my concept of self, my shattered hope, and he has added his, and we are weaving them into tapestry that is strong, resilient, comforting and the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. For the first time ever, I am free to be who I am, not having to hide any part of myself. For the first time ever I see a beauty in myself. There is nothing that I cannot do with him at my side.  






 
And yet, I have to consider periods of time without him - that makes me desperate. As I write, we are waiting for word that will dictate whether Ward must deploy in the very near future. If he does, our family will be separated for Thanksgiving and Christmas. This will be our third. We are stronger than any deployment. We can do it. I know we can.I simply don't want to. 

 
I don't want to say - goodbye, be safe, see you soon, I love you, we'll make you proud. I don't want to wait on pins and needles every day for the mailman to see if there is something...anything from him. I don't want to send packages and pictures and things that keep his spirits up and feeling our love and wonder if they ever reach him, or they will be delivered after he finally gets home. I don't want to watch our children cry and say they miss him. I don't want to cry into my pillow every night, wishing for his heat, the sound of his breathing that makes me smile in the night, his arms and his sleep-honeyed voice saying, "be a good girl and go back to sleep" and snuggling against him hearing his heartbeat and letting it lull me. I don't want to walk through Walmart and stop suddenly feeling like I have been gut-punched and wondering if I can get out of there before I collapse. I don't want to. 

But if it is required of me, I will. I have this superstitious belief that you should not pray for a specific outcome, you may get what you want, but it may be wrapped in 30 things you don't. So I will pray to my God that He will grant the thing that is best for our family - for my man, our children and me. And I will accept what comes - even if it puts miles between us, because even then it will never tear us apart - and I will pray for the grace that I need to do it honorably and in a way that brings pride to my Ward and our family.. 
 

HIS POV:   
I'm in tears as I write this... To be blessed with such a beautiful, loving, intelligent and sweet lady to share a life and a family with.... It is nothing short of the grace of God.  It is incredibly humbling sharing something so sweet and romantic and powerful... I don't want to have to do those things either, to be absent life sweeter lived in proximity and harmony.... I will do my duty but, my family is always with me in my heart... It is an honor to love you June, and I know sometimes, this life demands too much of us, but I will not fail you.  Our love is strong enough, and the Lord's grace is sufficient.

Obedience

In 1961 Yale psychologist Stanley Milgram conducted an experiment on obedience. The purpose was to discover what circumstances led people to become complicit in the genocide initiated by Hitler and the Nazi party. His experiment produced results which provided insight into the mechanics of obedience. But it did not address the why of obedience. Obviously in Germany the whys of obedience were pretty straightforward, comply or you , your family, your children suffer the same fate. But in the Milgram experiment there was no ax over the head of the participants who were convinced that they were delivering excruciating series of shocks to other participants. And it left me to question why then comply.

This curiosity probably relates to the curiosity people feel when they wonder why a submissive person submits. But here too I see a large gulf. In the Milgram experiment there was no relation to the experimenter/authority, but the participants deferred to him, especially when he was in closer proximity. This is where I have a difficult time understanding obedience. There is nothing to be gained from obedience, and nothing to be lost in defiance. When the test is over, the relationship is dissolved. We had to write a paper on the experiment, and I had a really hard time to keep from discussing obedience in DD, D/s relationships. I find obedience much easier to understand in that context.

In our relationships we obviously have a relation to our authority. We find a person. We develop a deep trust in that person. We grant that person authority over us. We submit to that person. We are obedient to that person. Why? I can only answer from my perspective, but I'd sure love to hear some feedback from my friends in the community.



First let me say that I do not obey or submit out of fear. If I feared him I would not submit to him. When interacting with other people I am mindful that I represent him. And I conduct myself in ways that can bring him honor. When he makes a rule I am mindful that it was made for my betterment, and for our advancement and growth. When I consider my behavior, I consider what Daddy would find pleasing, whether there is an established rule or not because I know the direction he envisions for us. When we interact, I obey because he is my authority. He will never ask me to do something harmful or diminishing.

Why? Because it is intoxicating to yield to him and to feel his control. Because I enjoy making him proud. Because when I fill him with my submission and my obedience, I am filled by the look in his eyes, the softness of his gaze, the caress of his hand and his voice. I am filled by "You make me proud, little one". I am filled by, "You are my good girl." I am filled by, "You make it easy to be your Daddy." His touch, his words, his gaze, his caress, they are intoxicating to me. I get this sensation that we fondly call 'brain tickles'. I'd bet a lot it has to do with endorphins. He is the only one that can produce that sensation. And it cycles back to increased trust, and increased submission, increased pride, increased closeness.