Sunday, June 24, 2012
In 1961 Yale psychologist Stanley Milgram conducted an experiment on obedience. The purpose was to discover what circumstances led people to become complicit in the genocide initiated by Hitler and the Nazi party. His experiment produced results which provided insight into the mechanics of obedience. But it did not address the why of obedience. Obviously in Germany the whys of obedience were pretty straightforward, comply or you , your family, your children suffer the same fate. But in the Milgram experiment there was no ax over the head of the participants who were convinced that they were delivering excruciating series of shocks to other participants. And it left me to question why then comply.
This curiosity probably relates to the curiosity people feel when they wonder why a submissive person submits. But here too I see a large gulf. In the Milgram experiment there was no relation to the experimenter/authority, but the participants deferred to him, especially when he was in closer proximity. This is where I have a difficult time understanding obedience. There is nothing to be gained from obedience, and nothing to be lost in defiance. When the test is over, the relationship is dissolved. We had to write a paper on the experiment, and I had a really hard time to keep from discussing obedience in DD, D/s relationships. I find obedience much easier to understand in that context.
In our relationships we obviously have a relation to our authority. We find a person. We develop a deep trust in that person. We grant that person authority over us. We submit to that person. We are obedient to that person. Why? I can only answer from my perspective, but I'd sure love to hear some feedback from my friends in the community.
First let me say that I do not obey or submit out of fear. If I feared him I would not submit to him. When interacting with other people I am mindful that I represent him. And I conduct myself in ways that can bring him honor. When he makes a rule I am mindful that it was made for my betterment, and for our advancement and growth. When I consider my behavior, I consider what Daddy would find pleasing, whether there is an established rule or not because I know the direction he envisions for us. When we interact, I obey because he is my authority. He will never ask me to do something harmful or diminishing.
Why? Because it is intoxicating to yield to him and to feel his control. Because I enjoy making him proud. Because when I fill him with my submission and my obedience, I am filled by the look in his eyes, the softness of his gaze, the caress of his hand and his voice. I am filled by "You make me proud, little one". I am filled by, "You are my good girl." I am filled by, "You make it easy to be your Daddy." His touch, his words, his gaze, his caress, they are intoxicating to me. I get this sensation that we fondly call 'brain tickles'. I'd bet a lot it has to do with endorphins. He is the only one that can produce that sensation. And it cycles back to increased trust, and increased submission, increased pride, increased closeness.