I did a post a little while ago on insecurity. I know lots of us have rules about insecurity, putting ourselves down and negative self-image. For a while I thought I understood why that was. Obviously being negative in any measure over any issue is not healthy. It doesn't help us grow. And I thought well, my insecurity was about questioning his taste. 'I wouldn't choose anyone not worthy'.
Lots of times I am occupied with a task, and a thought will drop perfectly formed into the center of my vacant little mind. So there I was, happily (well, not really, but it has to be done...) cleaning the upstairs. As I was on my hands and knees, cleaning woodwork, that perfectly shiny, worked smooth and round little thought, dropped right in the center of my conscious thought (makes you wonder about how my mind works, huh? Join the club, I'm baffled, too!).
I love him. I trust him with my life, literally. Yet I miss drawing into myself the truth of his words and the depth of his feeling - 'You are beautiful. You complete me. You make me proud.' and letting them take root.
To my Daddy, I am sorry, dear true love. I did not realize that my doubt which reflects my fear about myself, reflected a doubt in you that does not exist. You are the one solid thing in my world. You are the one person that I have ever been able to trust. So I will allow those truths of your heart seed and take root in mine. And I will allow my trust and faith in you polish away my doubts in myself.
I am beautiful, because my heart is without guile, and because I reflect the greatest love I have ever experienced. I am enough, because somehow I fill the emptiness in you. Like many things in this life, I don't have to understand it, only to accept that that is the way of it and it sweeps me up in wonder.