Insecurity

I have talked about my insecurities before. I honestly think I have overcome them with Daddy. I don't have the constant fear that he will realize that I am perfectly imperfect just me, and why is he settling for that? He loves me. He sees things in me that I can't conceive of, but he assures me that he will show me. I trust him. He will, and as in all things, because he has my complete trust, I will follow him, and learn what he has to teach.

In this surprise letter, that warmed me and delighted me and gave me immeasurable joy, Daddy said that he's insecure sometimes, too. He said that his career had cost him relationships in the past. And I told him that I wasn't going anywhere. And I thought, because it is easier to put it in writing and to examine it sometimes, I would do it here. I've been sending him the posts in his letters. So this is a love letter to Daddy.....with witnesses.

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I walked alone for many years. I ached to be complete. I ached for the person who would see me, really see me and love me just as I am - perfectly imperfect just me. I ached for the person who would call that part of me that only responds when trust is complete. I ached for the person who would accept and treasure my service. I ached for the person that could fill me, and let me fill them, for the person who would let me pour myself out on them, and who would in return pour themselves out on me, leaving me not depleted, but bursting and joyous. After many years, and many false steps, I gave up. This person could surely not exist. 

Against all odds, I heard a voice. And that voice touched places in me. And I thanked the voice for it's gift, expecting nothing in return. From behind the voice, stepped a gallant gentleman who extended his hand and tipped his hat. He shone brightly, amazed me time and time again with beauty, deep and absolutely genuine, with wisdom well beyond his years. And I thought, someday, some girl will be very lucky, because surely someone like that could not be meant for me.

And as time passed, we found that we filled the empty places, and slowly we let each other in, and let trust take root. Small tentative steps, we'd both been hurt. This most beautiful relationship flourished in the arid climate of my heart. And your love made my heart fertile.

I never realized that you - beautiful you - were insecure - would be afraid of losing perfectly imperfect just me. But I will tell you - with our fine audience as witnesses...

I love you more than I have ever loved another person in my life. I am amazed, honored, and humbled that you love me as deep as you do. I have waited my entire existence for someone who shines as brightly as you do, for someone who calls to my truest self, for someone who loves me pure and strong and true, yang to my yin. 

You, my love, are everything I have ever dreamed of, hoped for, and more. I have waited all my life. And now that I have this great thing that most people only dream of I will always treasure and nurture it. It may be hard, all the waiting. But you are worth every second.And I will wait as long as I need for you. Because I am not complete without you. I love you with every fiber of my being, and no time or distance will ever be burden enough to quench my love and desire for you. I am  here for the distance. I am honored to be your woman and your little girl. And I am thrilled and honored to call you my man - my Daddy- my world.

I love you