Self-Image

                          

                                                  

 The media tells us one thing... our lovers tell us another... Body image? What is it? How does it define us as individuals and as a couple? One of the things I have to be vigilant about with June is that she doesn't always have a positive self-image. From day one I have found her to be beautiful inside and out and when she tells me that she doesn't see what I see, it becomes clear that I must show her every day that she is beautiful, strong, and beloved.                                      

                                                                                                                                       

                                                                                              

 

I am sure that I am not the only HoH that has particular rules about a positive self-image as well as negative self-expression. June knows that any self-loathing or detraction can only end with a very red bottom and a stern lecture about the importance of  being positive and how I am personally insulted by such self-derision. Honestly though I know it's hardly as simple as that.  We as a culture are constantly bombarded with media images, ideas, commentary and imagery. Much of this imagery serves no healthy purpose, and after many years of being force fed  an unrealistic, unhealthy standard of beauty

                                                           

That puts the ball in our court, guys.  I guess in my mind, it is my job to reaffirm and reassure my lady of her beauty every single day. It is a labor of love and a wonderful chance to prove that she is beautiful.  Prove that she is beautiful? What do I mean by that?  It's very simple.  Caress her curves with your hands and give her your eyes... let your eyes lock and give her the kind of slow soft kiss that you both craved since the day you knew that you where made for each other.  Take the time to appreciate every inch of her skin and show her that you wouldn't dare design to change a single thing.  You will both find and appreciate not only the warmth and bliss that love brings, you will also both see the strength of curves, and find the beauty in the design of a real woman's body. 

                                                     

Skinny, thick, tall,short  we are all a testament to the beautiful variation and design of humanity.  Everything that makes us different is exactly what makes all of us beautiful. Over the years I've learned that  not only must I be vigilant about stamping out insecurities, but that a positive self-image begins at home. A kind word, one small thing can lead to big changes.  In our journey together, I have also confronted my own insecurities  and fought through them with June's help to finally know and feel true acceptance and  warmth. There is a wonderful vibrancy to it and it is that which all but illuminates the beauty of June's mind and the splendor of her body. Given it is a bit more of a challenge to get her to see her own beauty.  I guess after a lifetime of verbal and physical abuse it makes it more difficult to hear words of praise. That is why I am constantly showing her light and warmth, even if sometimes it means that I have to discipline and correct self-deprecating or harmful language or gestures.  It is a job that last a life time. Helping our partners feel good about themselves when the world says that they aren't is an important skill that every man should develop.  A healthy self-image starts with love, passion, and showing each other, just how beautiful we are.  Sometimes that means a soft word, sometimes a firm, slow hand, sometimes... it's better to just let our bodies do the talking ;)   In any case we are sure that by showing each other your appreciation for each others mind and bodies, your relationship will surely grow!

                                       

Her POV:

I won't lie, this is probably one of the things I get strenuously disciplined for most often - not quite correction, surely not fun... I have been taught that I am not beautiful for my whole life. I know that Ward thinks I am, I have offered to drive him to the doctor for new glasses....yeah, THAT went over big.

When I am with him, when I feel insular, I feel beautiful, I feel feminine. When I go too far past that circle, or for too long, that little voice that tells me all my defects just gets louder. Boy.... have to tell you that this is a hard POV to write, and I;m in tears trying .... it's not about thoughts, it's not about resistance. It's a longstanding belief in what I have been taught to perceive as the truth about me, for almost 50 years.

He tells me - everyday. I know he gets frustrated - not just at me - at those who taught me that I don't really have very much to offer at all. I don't doubt him, he is the truest person in my whole life. Ward's message is genuine, good Lord I feel it in his touch, in my heart, see it in his eyes. It's just hard to make it stick long-term yet.

Healthy Tears and Emotional Expression

                                                                                                                                                                           

                                                     

 Crying is a natural and healthy part of life.  I must admit that like many men from my particular demographic, I was taught, and even conditioned not to display much in the way of emotion.  Emotional expression can manifest itself in a variety of ways and it is to the benefit of any relationship to not only observe and recognize these expressions of emotion, but to nurture and respond to them in an appropriate manner. Many emotions can take many different and even varied forms that might change from day to day, hour to hour and even minute to minute. The best thing we can do sometimes is really quite simple.... listen and be there for your lover. 

                                                           

Happiness is more than a smile, sometimes happiness is the contented sigh that comes from a hot meal and a full cup at the end of a long cold day. Sometimes happiness is cuddling up on a couch watching a favorite movie and sharing a bowl of popcorn. Happiness is not always soft or quiet. Sometimes happiness is tackling each other to the ground, belly laughing and  tumbling head over feet in a riotous, raucous expression of warmth and mutual delight. Sometimes happiness goes deeper, and when we accomplish something major, or we see those we love elevated, sometimes happiness means soft, sweet tears that express an inner triumph or is the culmination of a challenge met and overcome. 

                                                                                                              

                                                                                                           

Anger is a word that inspires intensity of both word and deed. Anger is not always negative, and indeed sometimes a bit of healthy anger is the catalyst to communication, true change and the betterment of the processes that make a couple effective, engaged and in love. Anger can also be destructive, irrational, and very much like emotional napalm. I've often described anger to June as a lot like "fear with more enthusiasm" and if one is not careful, it is very possible to cause or open up deep emotional wounds that are very difficult to resolve in a timely, healthy fashion. Tears of rage  are often an expression of deep frustration, pain and loss

                                                

Fear as said above, is a lot like toned down anger.  Like a wall that separates, fear can halt progress, and create distance if it is allowed to exist and lay in your partner's mind.  This is where being an HoH is especially significant. Soothing a partner's heart and knocking down those walls can be a process that takes quite a bit of time and effort, but in so doing we reveal the depth of our love and we express our own confidence and affection at a time when they need to see that most.  Fear is a tricky one, folks and it is our opinion that  fear should be dealt with early and not allowed to become unmanageable due to inactivity.

 We now see that tears come for many reasons and in many forms. Tears can be a beautiful outward expression of relief  or they can be anger, fear, hostility and pent up frustration that demand attention and in some instances not just words but action. We all know that actions speak louder than words, and sometimes in the midst of tension there is no greater comfort than knowing without a shadow of a doubt that our partners remain, thoughtful, cognizant and engaged even when things are chaotic, even when things are not easy or simple or fun. 

   

Many people have asked or wondered what the true impact of tears is in a TTWD/DD/spanking oriented relationship. My response is that, as an HoH even during the rare times that it was necessary for June to receive correction I never set my hands to task with the mindset that tears were desired or required. The intention was to improve the communication, right the ship, and correct poor behaviors. That being said, if I saw tears, I didn't necessarily stop either. Sometimes tears during a spanking tell us that a point is being made and that the lesson is in fact being learned.

                                                    

   

Through it all, I've learned that I CAN and MUST express my emotions in order to be effective. I've also learned that by being attentive to my lady's emotional needs, that a new level of love can be obtained and that both people in any kind of relationship must learn to recognize and respond to emotional output and prepared to do the labor of love that is managing and supporting their partner in all emotional expressions!

Her POV:

Tears for me have always been something to hide. When I was a child to show vulnerability/sadness/pain  was to encourage more abuse, it was a sport. As I grew, with partners, my tears were met with disgust, and again as a sign of weakness to be exploited.

With Ward, my tears are gently accepted as expressions of my heart. When I apologize for being weak, he gently shushes me, and gives me the freedom to purge. When he sees me trying to choke them down, he extends his arms and tells me to let it go. He has never run from my fears, my frustration, my weariness. For that I am so very grateful.

When Daddy must correct me, I rarely cry during. What he gives to me is what I have earned, it is what must come not as retribution, but to clean my heart - I hate having disappointed him, and I need the purge - but for our relationship, so that we can move forward clean with no stamps collected. I do cry after, heartily, in his arms. These are not tears of pain or fear, they come from feeling all the love and forgiveness that he gifts to me; feeling loved and accepted totally and unconditionally by a very good man.

Sometimes during discipline there are tears. These come from the delicious feeling of being held firmly and loving in his hands. They are tears of gratitude for having my truest self accepted and treasured and our love and devotion reinforced in this way. There are tears sometimes when we make love, when the overwhelmingly wonderful feeling of being loved and treasured. There are tears when I cook and I feel my blessings all around me. There are tears in the most mundane of things, that speak of who I am and who he is and what we have and the family we make for our children.

Every one of those he catches in his hands, and holds to the light so that I can see the beauty in them, when I might feel shame. He shows me that they are the gift of my vulnerability, of my truest self to him.

The positive effects of a good spanking

Have you ever sat and considered the impact of a evening devoted to a good, thorough spanking and  earth-shaking love-making and pleasure?  Normally this is something that we probably wouldn't talk about here, but the potential benefits are worth discussing and using.  Throughout the time that June and I have written this blog, we have come to understand that several folks out there are... what's the term?  "spank-nos".  Even still, when we consider the impact that stress can have, we must understand the value that a good firm spanking can bring to the table.  I tell June all the time and I think it's worth repeating here.... Good girls get firm spankings too, it helps them stay good, and in combination to deep, truly connective  intimacy that  smooths away the aches and stresses of the day and bring us to that special place that can only be reached by a man being intimate with his woman.  Stress relief spanking require a lot of forethought and communication. It should be made clear that this is not correction or punishment, but in fact a conduit for relief and rebalance through the vigorous application of positive and direct energies.  It also becomes necessary to find (or make) time to get the most out of this carefully considered time.




 Making love is clearly an important part of any healthy relationship. I think some people don't realize it's true value and in some instances, might minimize or underrate the worth of spending quality time giving and receiving pleasure from our partners.  There is something very spiritual about making love, in addition to the sights and sounds that make our blood boil and our passions rise, it seems only fitting that sex can open many doors, heal many wounds, smooth over feelings and reconnect after periods of heightened stress and emotion.  The true value of physical release is in the freedom it brings, us.  Less talking, less thinking, passion and unconditional embrace - these things are always important.



The following section is just a series of suggestions.  We'd highly recommend trying one or more of these out!




 If you don't already June and I would highly recommend establishing a "Date Night".   Find a sitter, have the kids spend the night with Grandma etc... Go see a movie, go watch dinner, Redbox it, go bowling, spend some time laughing, and celebrating the unique bond that you share.  Spend some time giving her a bubble bath or a pedicure and really spend some time pampering her... Relaxation is the key here.









Before you give her the spanking she needs, spend some time spoiling her, talk to her, let her know that she has your complete and undivided attention. When the time comes, take her in hand and give her the spanking she needs. By the spanking that she needs, I mean take the time to observe her, know her body language and the weight of her heart... Drive out the stress and take the time to show her that this is as important to you as it is for her.  No distractions, no half-hearts only pure and unblemished love.  Hold her close, let her emote, and let the stress vanish with the conviction of your hearts.

Give her the time she needs to  feel it, hold her in your arms and be there for her. Leave only room for love and light..... Kiss her slow and soft, and then let your love for each other and your bodies do all of the talking.







We think spanking can be a very useful and wonderful part of a healthy relationship. Even in the context of pleasure and stress relief we find new meaning and a wonderful use of time and passion. We recommend it!



                                            

Her POV:
When I suffer stress, or when I suffer emotional pain, I need to be spanked. It is a way - for me - to take the emotional pain and transfer it to flesh - and poof - all gone. A calm relaxed girl who can move through the day without the heaviness in my heart, not feeling guilt if I feel I have been short or less than I wish to be, or my heart is just not where I like it to be. At those times the greatest gift he can give me is the gift of release.

I am a very fortunate girl. Daddy is very sensitive to my mood. And generally he will approach me and whisper in my ear that he knows what I need, and that he will take good care of me...and he always does. Other times I may text or email him at work, and tell him I need his help when he gets home. And sometimes, it's simply a way for us to reconnect after a long week of chores and responsibilities, school - his, mine, the boys'  - for me to feel his delicious control, and for me to be able to bend. That for me is heaven, that puts my brain in that light, dreamy place. It lets me relinquish the negativity that seeps in, and absorb Daddy's love and light. It lets us start fresh and rejuvenated. And it lets this insomniac sleep sweet and undisturbed. For that gift, for his attention and devotion, I am grateful.

Hungry for Each Other

                                                                

                                           

                                      

I've said it before and I'll say it again... One of the most important things a couple can do is make time for each other.  Life is busy and difficult enough as it is, but once we step past the threshold of our homes, life doesn't stop.  I'm tired often, sometimes very tired, but I know that I still have expectations to meet as the HoH of this family.  I make an effort to meet the challenges and needs of my family.  The boys have homework that needs to be done,  and as much as I love the boys, I'm going to be very honest... they are a load, June needs some time for herself.. As much as I'd love to go grab a beer and sit down to Sports Center, I know that it benefits our relationship when I ensure that she gets some time to reset, relax and do some things she wants to do, but it's more than that too.  Meeting the challenges of a TTWD/DD relationship has many benefits and when we meet these challenges it keeps us hungry for each other. 

To me, being hungry means craving her in all ways.  I crave the sharpness of her mind (June is a smart cookie). She'll say she is just herself but she is much more creative and intelligent than she gives herself credit for. Her intelligence and her opinions often mirror my own and  I find the sharpness of her mind alluring. I crave her body,  She brings me much comfort and delight at the end of long days. Her warm, waiting embrace and pleasurable form bring me much pleasure and delight. I crave her spirit. Her warmth and her kindness inspire me often... I know I may be biased folks, but in truth June is the finest woman that I have ever had the privilege of knowing. Her dedication and vigilance to what we have and how we can learn from our mistakes and the wisdom of folks here touches me and make me want her close to me.

                                                                                                  

                                                       

 I'm pretty sure that not many of you would be surprised if I told you that I am a bit of a romantic. I think it's important to be available to one's partner mentally and physically.  Sometimes it's as simple as her saying "Honey I've had a hard day and I need to relieve some stress" or sometimes it's the fact that she knows me well enough to see what I need... Sometimes she crawls over my knee, sometimes she knows that what I need is much simpler, she knows her man's desire and just how to best satisfy it.

                                                          

 Staying hungry for each other is important part of  TTWD/DD or really any relationship.  The effort and time that both partners put into truly giving each other their best, becomes a vital skill that pays dividends in both the long and short term. 

-  A deeper attentiveness
-  A deeper appreciation for the things we do for each other
-  An insanely high libido increase
-  A warmth that  spreads throughout our home
-  A understanding of each other that is deeper for each other
-  A deep desire to only improve, even through setbacks or disagreements, a true hunger for each other.


                                                  



Finding time or making time for each other remains a priority, even with the kids, school, work and making ends meet, we continue to find ways to show each other how important we are.  We highly recommend exploring your options and finding ways to show each other how you feel and what emotions and passion that you evoke in each other.  Send the kids to grandma's, Check out that Bed and Breakfast, plan a romantic weekend away. The time we give our partners is precious. Give each other your best!

                                                      

Her POV:

Ward is a very effective leader, both in his work life and his home life. He is caring, compassionate, intuitive, firm and consistent. When he shares the things he does, it is not someone just hypothesizing, he shares what works for us because he walks his talk. This is a most amazing thing for me... I've never had anyone who did that before.This is intimacy...intimacy is not a quick tumble in the blankets, intimacy begins in the mind and in the heart.

Which brings to mind another thought...and old thought....one of June's favorite thoughts....redundant much?  Reciprocity! (Oh, stop that groaning!) I have said over the last few posts, that I enjoy serving Ward, and I enjoy doing things for him with a full, loving and submissive heart. It can make the simplest of acts an act of love and submission.It can make the larger acts of submission a prayer.

Where is the reciprocity? He serves me as well. When he sees me take a deep breath and close my eyes because I have listened to my 7,463rd whine of the day, and he steps in and handles it, or takes the task from my hand and tells me to go take a break, or he tells me to sit so he can do the dishes, or pulls the laundry basket between us and starts folding, or senses my sense of agitation and takes my hand and leads me to our room and closes the door and pulls me across his lap....when he texts me an instruction because he knows I revel in his Dominance, he is taking the time to show that he knows- feels- sees- acknowledges and cares about all the things that affect me. He is quick to kiss a - but you had a hard day, too - protest straight off my lips (YUMMY), pat me on the butt and send me off so that I can be my best for him and for us. 

Am I hungry for him? All the bloody time. I long for the curve of his jaw, his stubble, his scent, his touch, his laugh, his voice, his humor, his patience in the hours he is absent. I crave it. My heart squeezes when he sighs and rolls out of the bed for work, and it never really stops till he walks back in the door. He is my first thought in the morning, my last thought at night, he fills my dreams, he fills my heart. And what we create...it feeds him, it feeds me, it feeds our children and shows them that life can be extraordinary.

Images of Submission 1

A submissive is not powerless, they have a great power in cultivating love in yielding to the Dominant they trust.

These are just some images that evoke a strong response in my submissive muscle:

I have never in my life been made to feel beautiful. I have always been told I was lacking. I have never felt that I possessed any kind of grace, not physical, not spiritual...Ward impresses on me every day that I possess a grace that colors my interactions with him. I surrender to him because I enjoy that feeling of yielding. I can feel myself under his hand, like the tree under the hand of the wind, bending to his will, and retaining myself...my true self...growing stronger in my identity

                                                                                             

The more that we dance this dance, the stronger my hunger for him grows, and the stronger grows his hunger for me. I need to feel him, his essence, his aura, I need the scent of him, I need his warmth. My pulse, my heart quicken at the mere thought of him. He thrills and excites me, he calms and soothes me, he holds me in the palm of his hand and he lets me fly.

I am naked before him.  I have no secrets, no guile. He knows me so well that a change in my breath will bring him to my side. He knows me so well that all I need do is meet his eyes, or touch him. He knows me so well, that he knows my heart and soul when his hands are on my body. I thirst and he is water. I hunger and he is bread. I gasp and he fills my lungs. I weep and he is comfort. I cry out and he is release. I am affected and he is joy. I live and he is the world that fills me, surrounds me, nourishes me.

                                                                          

I give him my submission freely, doing so frees me. I have been a prisoner of convention. In yielding to him, in bending to his will, in offering him myself, I find that place of peace.

dī méi  ("eyes downward in submission" - yes this is really my neck)

HIS POV: 
Next to salvation, her beautiful submission is the greatest gift I  have ever been given.  She gifts me with her deference, honors me with her obedience and lifts me up with her support.  I am a very lucky man to have such a sweet, submissive lady who lives for the love that we both create!

Images of Ward and June 1

No, Silly, not pictures OF us. Images of the way I feel about us!

                 

"An invisible thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break." - Ancient Chinese Proverb

 
                                                                     

 

 

HIS POV:
True love bespells all the senses, but the mind the most. The way we feel about each other is a timless tribute to our love.