Sensitivity and Knowing Our Partners...

                                                                         
                                         

                                        

                                                      

 Happy Holidays people!  June and I will probably be  enjoying holiday break soon and you know what that means.... Friends, Family, Food, Fun, and some much needed time to enjoy a little special time just for us.

We wish you much merry making, and a happy, safe holiday to you and yours! Expect to see a few sporadic posts here and there, but as implied we will probably be pretty busy as this time of year keeps everyone on their toes. I was in a holiday state of mind today and for some reason it occurred to me that the holidays can be a pretty stressful time for our partners and loved ones... I  thought it prudent to share a little about sensitivity. 

                                                         

                                                                        

  One of the greatest things that we can do for our partners is to be sensitive to their needs and thoughts. It isn't always easy to listen with grace, but often it is what is the most beneficial to our relationship. I've been with lady June for sometime now and I have a pretty good idea of what her needs are and how I can meet them. But you know, every now and again, June comes to me and it becomes very clear that the best thing I can do for her (and us) is slow down, take time and really hear her out. Sensitivity isn't always just about listening either.... sometimes it's about showing your partner that what is important to them is important to you too. After all, as with many things in life actions can speak a lot louder than words.

                                                  

I've never been one to make "recommendations" or try to make DD/TTWD a one size fit all application, but I think if all of us are honest, we can all agree that we could show our partners more sensitivity  and appreciation for what is important and special to them. Even the small things in life take on a new vibrancy when we share them with  the ones we love... One of my favorite things in the world is to lay in bed holding June in my arms, listening to the rain on our roof and talking about the day/week's events, sharing thoughts, fears, dreams and ideas.

I'm not unrealistic, and I don't expect June to have the same enthusiasm for some of the interests and hobbies that I have and I think June somehow knows that I think Twilight... well June knows how I feel about twilight!  Still, knowing what is really important and knowing who your partner is can bring you valuable insight into not only who your partner is, but their thought process, their emotional process and in general what they need to remain happy, healthy and functioning at the highest levels.


                                    

 I've shared some of these ideas with my coworkers and sometimes they look at me like I'm from another planet, but I really do believe in my heart that there is so much value in giving your partner the love and attention they need in order to be themselves.Spending time daily and devoting a bit of attention and effort to what makes our partners soul sing can bring a world of good to any relationship.




                                     

 

Her POV 

 

I have been blessed in Ward...yeah, I know you have never heard me say that before, I should really try to be more demonstrative, lol. I have never had a partner take an interest in the things that interest me, even though I have shared theirs with them trying to foster closeness. 

So...even though I know how Ward feels about Twilight, when the newest installment comes out, he'll wrap his arms around me and whisper, "Date night, lovey?" Have I told you how awesome he is?  And he doesn't sit there and denigrate it because he doesn't especially enjoy it, he makes sure that I have the best time, and makes it special for us before and after we are in the seats. When we have family movie day he and I sit there like a couple of best friends, holding hands and giggling at the jokes the kids don't quite get....Witchy Wieners :-P  For my part, I watch football with him and try to get him to teach me so I can share his excitement.

We strive to be very in tune with and to serve the needs of the other. We are  diligent and attentive, and we have a great appreciation because it's really the first time either  of us have had it. For me, it is the most amazing thing to be of consequence. It still takes my breath away.

We wish you and your families the happiest of holidays. We do plan to hibernate just a little, we have a bunch of posts in the can. But we went for months thinking that he would be under the sea about this time. So we plan full well to enjoy every moment with which God has blessed us...like chocolate on the tongue, rich and sweet.

"Exactly my brand of heroin" (or reflections on finding my Edward)

Yes, yes, I am an unashamed, unabashed Twilight fan. It is the intensity of the love that Edward has for Bella that does it, all the pretty words. When Twilight first came out, I used to say, oh, Lord, I wish someone would love me like THAT. I want someone that possesses my mind like THAT. (As you can see from our last post - I found my heart, my dream).



The effect that Bella and Edward have is reciprocal, each affects the other. Bella finds Edward's eyes hypnotic, and knows without a doubt that she'd have followed him, even to her doom, at their first meeting. Edward compares Bella's appeal to that of 100-year-aged cognac to an alcoholic. The images used to market the movie, they have a strong appeal to me. It is not just the image of a man embracing a woman, there is an aura in that image, a force that emanates from Edward, and wraps itself passionately and protectively around Bella.



Ward is possessing of this force. Ward intoxicates me. I can FEEL him enter a room. When he touches me, when he speaks to me, the response is intensely visceral. Emotion, desire to touch and be touched, to be possessed, to please, wash over me. I get this sensation in my mind, that I have named 'brain tickle'. I don't know how else to describe it. It is intensely pleasant. It washes from my brain down my arms, my hands, my legs, it makes me feel as though I am swimming through mud - movement is too much effort. I have never experienced this state of being with another person - ever. It is something that I enjoy - crave. It makes him exactly my brand of heroin.

Which brings to mind another one of 'those' words - mind control. This term is a very subjective term, I am sure. For some, it has a very negative connotation. For me, it what I describe above - the ability to get so far inside my head that he can with a touch, with a word, with the mere sound of his voice, have my body respond to him. He plays me like a cellist in a symphony orchestra, each small movement, each small effort, thrums through my mind and body like the strings resonate with the emotion of the musician.



My desire to be played this exquisitely, to have everything that I do be pleasing to him, puts me squarely within his control. And that is the sweetest place that I have ever inhabited. That is home, for the first time in my long life.

"It’s an extraordinary thing to meet someone who you can bare your soul to and accept you for what you are. I’ve been waiting, for what seems like a very long time, to get beyond what I am." With Ward I feel like I can finally begin. So I’d like to propose a toast to my wonderful Daddy. My darling, "no measure of time with you will ever be enough, but let's start with forever."

HIS POV:

June does me great honor and it moves my heart to know that I have the kind of effect on her that I do.  I would also be remiss if I didn't tell you all how I feel about her... When I hear her voice at the end of the day, it's almost like listening to the celestial chorus... like beautiful songbirds and watching the sun rise at the same time...   She knows how to light my fire, boil my blood, and bring me to my utmost in the sweetest most lyrical way.. My June is quite a lady!  I love the way we move each other!

How many of us?

This may trigger some readers, please be aware before reading. 

This is something that I have been wondering for a long time. I've talked to some friends about the experience. Daddy knows, of course, Daddy knows everything. Without outing anyone who is not ready, my very good friend Monster's Nightmare talks about her experience on her blog. My new friend faerie talks about hers on her blog. Faerie says she is tired of keeping the secret, and it made me think maybe I am, too. And I wonder how many of us have been broken...

My father was largely absent from my life. He technically lived in the house, in the spare room where his wife had relegated him, until she required his services. He worked three or four jobs, all the time, because she spent money like water. I learned as I grew that it was a relief, likely, to have the reason to be away from her. She slept with a loaded Winchester under her bed and took pleasure in threatening him with it at regular intervals, that someday she'd come in when he was asleep and blow him away.

'She' is the woman who gave birth to me. She is not my mother, mothers don't do the things she did. She was an unwilling womb-donor. My mother is the woman my father married when I was 16. She taught me what is was to be a mother as I observed her with my brother and sister. She gave me some kind of foundation for how to treat my children. I am grateful for her presence in my life. I would have been lost without her....literally. She welcomed me out of a black hole and into her home when I was 16 - right before she married my father - how great a sacrifice is that?

The womb donor was schizophrenic. She was an alcoholic. She was addicted to street and prescription drugs. She was abusive in every way possible. Once, curious about a Christmas present she threatened me until I told her what she was to receive, then beat me into the corner for spoiling the surprise. It was our secret, though & when she opened it and acted surprised, she gave me a conspiratorial wink. Things like that were commonplace. She would take the money my father would give her for bills and food and go away for the weekend with her men - another secret, wink-wink. She would wake me at 2 or 3AM, and I would be made to bring her dresser drawers down one at a time, stand behind them while she directed me how to clean & straighten them, and told me I was a worthless pig, a whore, a slut ...words I had no concept of their meaning, and which still bring violent reactions to me to this day. Hour after hour, drawer after drawer, hurtful word after hurtful word.

She was very promiscuous. There was an endless parade of men in and out of our house. My father was never there, his main job was shift-work, made it easy for her. Some of her men friends liked little girls. She made me available to them. My first clear memory was at age 5. It stopped about 12 or 13. Sometimes she would leave me alone with them. Sometimes she was there, holding me down, telling me this is what the big girls do, and I wanted to be a big girl, didn't I? I learned how to dissociate just to be numb, to not have to experience things, and to be able to save myself from worse, reaction meant it got worse- never show them how much it hurts.

She broke me. I disliked touch and intimacy - they are still hard for me. I didn't - still don't - trust easily. I am a big researcher. When I started exploring I learned that my submissive nature could have been nurtured by my childhood, and my need to be pleasing, loved and accepted. I've tried to understand why I need the things in my life that I do having come from that.

The Daddy part - heck that's easy - he is reparenting that part of me. I am free to be that which I never was before, sweet, small, innocent, and treasured. I am free to see and experience my sense of delight and wonder in the world, and someone is delighted by it.  I am free to trust, and know that my trust will not be broken. I am free to enjoy touch, with love. Thank you, Daddy, I love you with my all, your love is unconditional and that is my miracle. YOU are my miracle, and I am forever grateful for you.

The DD part, that's a little harder. This is what I figure - my world was inconsistent. There was no sure footing. Things were variable. With DD, there is surety. There is structure. There are rules which do not change. They are enforced with consistency and love.

There is another part of it - why do I crave spanking when I am stressed, when I am hurt, when I need to feel my place. Again, this is what I believe... I learned to shut off my emotions to save myself. But that doesn't mean that behind my placid face I was not screaming. I can take any physical pain you can give to me. I crumble under emotional pain. Spanking takes that emotional pain, transfers it to my flesh and it disappears - it is a purge.

I wonder all the time, and I see stories like Monster's Nightmare's and faerie's that mirror my own, and I wonder just how many of us have suffered like this. I wonder how many of us have found the love and acceptance that we crave in this lifestyle. And I wonder if that is why we are so tolerant of the variances in experience, and expression - because we sense that kinship.

I am kinda chuffed

that one of the Amazon ads on the page is Fifty Shades of Grey. In case you don't know, I am a t-total Twihard. And there are some absolutely decadently lovely BDSM stories surrounding Edward & Bella. Well Fifty Shades originated as a piece of fanfiction called Masters of the Universe. In it Bella  a very wealthy Edward, who happens to be a Dominant. And they end up entering into a very hot relationship, which evolves over the course of the trilogy, into a relationship and finally a marriage and family. Legions of Twilight fans waited with baited breath for the chapter by chapter release. The names of course were changed for popular release, since the characters of Edward and Bella are the intellectual property of Stephenie Meyer, but you will definitely see Edward in Christian Grey and Bella in Anastasia Steele.

The author was actually on the Today Show last week! Totally hot, heart-fluttering, romance with D/s- total YUM! Check it out, I guarantee you will adore it!

Book 1:


Book 2:


Book 3: