Daddy and I have been kind of cocooned away in our little home. He's on leave, pending being away during the week, and only home on the weekend. So we've been soaking up all the 'us' we can.
A friend asked Monday if I had seen the uproar in blogland, and I had not. She directed me to the article in the Daily Beast. It was hopelessly slanted, but you kind of knew it would be. The Daily Beast, while it had a credible start, is after all a reporting and opinion website founded and published by Tina Brown, former editor of Vanity Fair and The New Yorker, it is after all a news and opinion website.
What does that mean? It means it presents credible news items, but it is not subject to the ethics of print journalism. It is an OP-ED news source, which is a source which presents newspaper articles that expresses the opinions of a named writer who is usually unaffiliated with the newspaper's editorial board.It is akin to paparazzi journalism... people sneaking around, digging through trash, twisting facts into fantastically contrived pretzel shapes which support their personal opinions.
Today I followed a link or two and see that some blogs have gone private, and I wonder why? Are you ashamed of the life you live? I am not ashamed of the life I live with Ward. It is genuine. It is real. We share a closeness for which the bearers of the opinions expressed in this particular piece have envy. It is simply my personal opinion that hiding, pulling up our shutters is giving this kind of vile black journalism more power than it deserves.
Pulling our shutters tight makes it seem like we have something to hide, like we are ashamed of our lifestyle. I am not ashamed of our lifestyle. I am not ashamed of the fact that I am submissive to my husband. I am not ashamed of the fact that he leads our home honorable and well. I am not ashamed of the fact that I have given him the right of authority over our family, our children and me. I am proud of who we are and what we stand for, traditional marriage, traditional male-led relationships, a strong and centered family.
HIS POV:
It would seem that we are all feeling the impact of the recent "junk journalism" event. I would like to be very clear when I say that I support not only the affected and named parties of this vicious, unfounded, and clearly slanted attack, but I also support the entire blogland network. I understand that there are many ways of looking at this, and perhaps some folks will take exception to what I say or the words I use, but I feel that a clear, honest voice must be used.
Shutting the doors, or taking the ball and going home only lets the attackers win. Yes, I said it, but - and now it's out, but that's how I feel. Standing together in support and going on with our lives in a honest and natural way not only grants each and every couple and person in blogland support, but we send a message... We don't hide, we aren't afraid to be ourselves and we don't bow to cowardice.
To the writers of these and other examples of slanted, garbage-journalism... I hope you understand something beyond the damage that you have caused. Your flagrant disregard for other people's lifestyles tells us everything we need to know about you. Ignorance is a contagious disease that spreads like wildfire. I doubt you are the kind of person that can look past the surface and understand the deeper meaning of what true, unconditional love and true sacrifice mean and harbor. You disgust me for not only your actions, but also your cowardly, limited intellect and your fearful, low, cowardly attacks on good people. That said I forgive you... I want to be the first to tell you that. It may not be what you expect but there it is. I am past it, it's over and done, and perhaps people can grow past this and be something more. I don't expect you to understand or care, but as a Christian man with a backbone, I will be the one person that calls it like it is. You are small, weak, and sickly both in thought and deed and with that I have only one other thing to say to you... Have a nice day.
I couldn't agree more. Very well said. Its awful that some bloggers have chosen to go private. I only hope that the media attention will die down and blog land can return to normal.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much, Bonnie. It's akin to a safari park, isn't it? They want to stay within the safety of their vehicle, drive through fast enough to think they get a full picture and put themselves out there as an expert. It is sad, as we said, we are not ashamed of the life we have built. I am honored to live this live with Ward, to be held in the hand of a very fine man.
Delete(((hugs)))
Hi *Bonnie*
DeleteThank you so much for stopping by. We only hope that blogland can pull together and give each other support in these times of undue media attention.
Ok so i must have missed something....and i havent read that article.
ReplyDeleteI do think for some that choose to close their blogs its not about being ashamed.
I am not ashamed of my lifestyle but yet im realistic enough to understand that should my blog be 'outed' in such a way that people know my name or other personal details then my life would change in a way that would not be for the better.
I continue to blog knowing this is a risk albeit a very small one, i think what has happened as to why some have gone private(as i know for sure in one case) its because of family members coming accross their blog..its self protection rather than shame...im deducing there.
I have 2 children and i would be horrified (as im sure they would be lol) if they were to come accross mine, and if i thought there was a risk of this then i would go private...not through shame but to protect myself and those i care about.
It is wrong when blogs are attacked, there is no reason for it, i dont condon it in any way, but the fact is this lifestyle of ttwd whatever form it may take is not something that one can expect all to understand, and when people dont understand sometimes the easiest response is to attack it.
I think we are all also (and i mean we to mean those practising ttwd) are experiencing the backlash of the sucess of 50 shades etc, it made kink trendy which is all well and good but trends dont last and the press can turn very quickly from raving about something to slamming it.
ok i wrote an essay lol..im not sure if was on point or not!
x
Hi, tori :)
DeleteThe article we're referring to is Spanking for Jesus. I know some bloggers have gone private with privacy concerns. The ones we're talking about went private specifically in response to the hate, vitriol and fallacy spewed in this article. Our point is simply that when we let uninformed opinion to drive us underground we give them more power than they deserve.
(((hugs)))
ahh right just found it.
DeleteHaving just skimmed through it i can certainly understand why some have chosen to go private, as there were a couple links to blogs, if i was to find my blog in a link on an article that was slamming the way i live then the first thing i would do would be to go private whilst my Master and i assess the situation....i wouldnt risk getting unwanted attention than i had already received.
Its not about giving them power by going private its about protecting ones self and the potential ripple effect of it affecting others especially those closest to us, if thats the articles view on d/d then i wouldnt like to hear their views on M/s dynamics such as mine which involve s/m....
Im all for standing together as a community and yes part of me thinks nobody should feel they have to go private because of journalists views but yet if there was any slight risk of being 'exposed' or inviting controversy....well i wouldnt want that, and i know my Master wouldnt want me exposed to it..so yes i would go private.
x
Hello tori,
DeleteWe all must do what we must do.
I am all for one standing up for oneself and safeguarding the people and things they love.
Thanks for stopping by.
I don't comment. I'm not a participant in this lifestyle. Found this topic a couple years ago following unrelated threads that brought me to Not the Petries. Some of the bloggers I enjoy some I don't. Having said this... GOING PRIVATE GIVES THEM THE POWER AND VALIDATION THEY WANT AND DEVALUES YOU THE BLOGGER AT THE SAME TIME.
ReplyDeleteWelcome, amesnannie
DeleteThank you for your thoughtful response. And I agree 100%, we have nothing to be ashamed of, and their opinion fueled by lack of understanding can indeed be annoying, but removing ourselves from this community, from lending and receiving support is allowing them to destroy our community.
I don't ask or expect anyone to agree with our lifestyle. But it is right for us. Anyone who knew me before Ward says I am so much better and stronger and happier since he has been in my life. You don't have to agree with our lifestyle, but you have to respect and accept my right to be happy and to live what is my truth, and that it is my choice.
(((hugs)))
Welcome amesannie,
DeleteYour response was accurate, thoughtful and well-spoken. We appreciate such a response and would say thank you for taking the time to comment. We appreciate that our lifestyle may not be for you, but a thought provoking response is always welcome.
All the articles sort of converged for me, but there seemed to be a lot of picking-and-choosing to find phrases that seemed to be unhappy.
ReplyDeleteDD's not for me, but it does make me sad that so many wonderful bloggers have felt the need to hide.
I felt that too, Conina, it is a definitely slanted view. I see so many of us saying that we asked for this, that we are enriched, loved, supported and cherished. True journalism presents all sides of an article and lets the reader formulate their own opinion. This was an opinion piece written by a close-minded individual who had already made up her mind that we are vacuous, empty-headed, cowed little supplicants at the feet of misogynistic cowards.
Delete(((hugs)))
Hello Conina,
DeleteThank you for stopping by, the views presented in the so named articles are skewed and definitely garbage journalism with no purpose but to inflame and cause outrage. The writers of such dreck are little more than cowards.
Glad to see you're back, I missed your writing on your blog. I read both articles and dismissed them for the trashy uninformed articles they are. If you and Ward are only half as happy as your writing indicates, then what you're doing is good. Good for you, good for your children. How anyone's marriage is structured is no one else's business. If it works for you, it's right.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your very kind words, Lynn. They are very much appreciated. We are extremely happy. That's not to say we do not have challenges, we most certainly do. But we turn to each other to work them out and when we struggle, we fight through to find each other.
DeleteThanks for reading :)
(((hugs)))
Hi Lynn we are glad to see you. Both of us are very very very happy and it only grows stronger with time. We put the time into our relationship every day.
DeleteThanks again!
June and Ward,
ReplyDeleteI understand what you are saying and how some of us shutting our doors "looks" like we have something to hide or are ashamed but from what I have experienced in reading around and interacting in the last couple of days, the very opposite is true. I have not seen or heard anyone talk about feeling ashamed. We are proud of our relationships, of the way we are growing and stretching. Those very relationships become everything to us which in turn makes us (men and women) more protective of our families. The bloggers I know who have modified or taken down their blogs have each had their own personal family or professional reasons. At my house anxiety is always addressed and when my own was going through the roof, my husband stepped in. If it gives anyone on the margins of the news/editorial world a momentary sense of power, so be it. They don't matter to him. I do...and when he is finished checking on me he starts a list of those we know well and he asks about each of them in turn to see how they are doing. I guess I feel like it is once again the beauty of such a varied community with so many opinions. Each of us must wisely handle this in the way that is best for our own family, while at the same time watching out for and supporting each other. That is what I have observed over the past days--a coming together and not a pulling apart, even as we each respond differently. I am not ashamed.
I guess we each do respond differently, Susie. My reactions come from a lifetime of letting damaging people have power over me. This small-minded, opinionated person is doing nothing more than expressing her own fearful disdain behind the veneer of professionalism. I have faced uglier, and she causes me to think nothing more than perhaps she needs a good dose of what she writes is so evil. She frankly comes across like a spoiled school-yard bully.
DeleteI acknowledge that we each have our own ways of handling things, and some of these decisions were made by the HoH's, and therein lies the beauty of this lifestyle, being loved, cherished and protected. They do it in response to our own anxiety. I frankly see better things in my life to be anxious over, but that being said I do appreciate the feeling of needing to protect our children.
I just would not wish any of my sisters here to feel shame for living a good and honest life with the person that they love.
(((hugs)))
Everybody sees things diffrently. I guess I just see the potential damage in letting the loud, crass, uncultured, ignorant, vicious, cruel, and cowardly drown out the voices of honest caring people. Thank you for stopping by.
DeleteI really think this is such a well said post, and while I totally respect everyone's own decision to keep their posts up or go private, I felt the need to stand up against this too. I am not ashamed of how I live. How could I be? It's the happiest I've (We've) ever been. I have been so awed this past week at how much support and love there is in this community - who couldn't love and appreciate that? Small minded people would never know the beauty of what this life can bring. It's not for everyone, but it is for me :)
ReplyDelete-Marie
Hi Marie,
DeleteWe too respect the decisions and the feelings that drive them. We would just wish that no one here fear someone else's misunderstanding and ignorance. I am with you in that this is the happiest and most cared-for that I have been in 50 years of life. Where is the shame in that?
This community is most amazing, and this is merely our bid to stand beside all the members here.
(((hugs)))
Thank you Marie,
DeleteWe must understand that other people feel the way that they do. We just hope that fear does not rob people of community, love, understanding and camaraderie.
Great post and a great way of looking at things. I hope everyone will come back, maybe after things die down. I hope they're not gone forever :(
ReplyDeleteI am with you & Ward. We stand together. Definitely not ashamed. :)
Thanks, elle! We hope everyone will come back as well. Things are cyclical and she and others will find a new buzzword to be interested in or appalled about, and they'll move on and leave this community alone.
Delete(((hugs)))
Hello elle!
DeleteI hope people find and are true to themselves throughout this whole ordeal. Small, weak, cowardly people will always find something to peak their interest and soon they will move on to something else.
I am not ashamed of the way Ryan and I choose to live our life....I don't feel like I am hiding a dirty little secret....and I honestly could care less what people think of the choices that I make. Where I draw the line is with my children and my husband. I was sickened that the "author" of the article alluded to the fact that a certain blogger's children were aware and witnessed parts of ttwd.....that immediately put me on edge...even though I know it is not true. I never want to be put in the position that people judge me as a mother....and I never want Ryan to be put in the position of being judged as a husband or father. I think for a lot of us....it was about protecting the ones we love.....and protecting our employment. No one that I have talked to has ever said it has anything to do with being embarrassed. I for one am not. I plan on setting that record straight very soon.
ReplyDeleteHi Lucy,
DeleteYes, I'm with you, I draw the line at our children....I'll rip anyone's head off for looking at them sideways, but I really wouldn't have to because Ward would have already eviscerated them, lol. Just a note, I read that the same way as well, but Ward pointed out - I think the punctuation was incorrect - not that she was corrected in front of her children, but corrected for disrespecting him in front of the children...then again, perhaps not accidental improper correction, the woman supposedly written for some big papers prior to DB - perhaps it was intentional to twist her point, clever (and unethical) girl that she is.
Things are cyclical, and perhaps this woman sees the rush of interest in 50 Shades and is appalled that women are seeking a submissive lifestyle. Perhaps she assumes that we are all so mindless we will not know when it passes from DD to abuse. But this community of women are among the most intelligent (mentally and emotionally) and articulate I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.
(((hugs)))
Hi Lucy,
DeleteIt is wonderful to see you again here :)
Our children is definatly a hands off area. June will tell you that I don't tolerate anyone attacking my family for any reason.
These articles disrespect entire communities and groups of people. What's worse is the authors of such torrid trash seem to think that generalization is a way to validate their opinions.
Thanks again for stopping by.
No way am I going private over this. One persons opinion is not going to change me one big. I moderate all to keep out the trolls. Thanks for sharing your pov
ReplyDeleteThanks Rose :) I've said before, I see you as a very no-nonsense, strong and formidable woman. I would never imagine you backing down in the least. I rather imagine you at the head of the gathered wagons, pitch-fork in hand, a look in your eye that would send most intruders scurrying, tail-between their legs. And what remained, I have no doubt Dragon could dispense handily.
Delete(((hugs)))
Hello Rose.
DeleteWe are glad that you have a staunch, mentally-tough approach that doesn't cow-tow or roll over due to the cowardly actions of a bed-wetting bully! I have no doubt you and your Dragon have things well in hand.
Hey June and Ward :)
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written as usual. No we shouldn't hide, this article has put an enourmous strain on Blogland and has scared many in to hiding. I'm hopin people will come one by one, when they realise that sensationalism of any topic doesn't last long.
Hugs x
Hi Missy :)
DeleteThanks very much! I agree wholeheartedly. It's a momentary buzz-word, an article written of ignorance, and with such an obvious slant of fear-mongering. Soon they'll move onto something else - Hey, Wills' & Kate's baby is due soon, that will surely be worth a lot of time and ink :-p
(((hugs)))
Hello Missy.
DeleteThank you so much! We agree that folks shouldn't let the untoward behaviors of small minded people effect them.
Hi June and Ward,
ReplyDeleteI too have been saddened by the fact that some bloggers have felt the need to take down their blogs or go private and hope that the media frenzy will die down soon and that blogland will then return to normal. I am certainly not ashamed of the way we have chosen to live our life. I think each of us has to do what is right for our own circumstances and family.
Hugs,
Roz
Hi Roz,
DeleteI agree and understand. This will be a strange statement from a submissive woman, lol, but I just have never been one for giving someone power over me who is unworthy to have such. That is a point I guess the article misses. We only submit to he who is worthy.
(((hugs)))
Hi Roz,
DeleteI think I can understand this point of view. Soon the buzz will die down and everyone will come to a place of community again... at least I hope. Ultimately we all must do what is right for our relationship's and families. Still it is good to see you, thank you for stopping by.
I love your blog!! please stay!
ReplyDeleteThanks very much, Anonymous :) We're not going anywhere.
DeleteHello Anon,
DeleteGoing nowhere, we ain't going nowhere.... sorry I had to.
We are staying!!!
I really feel that it is wrong to imply that there is some king of moral superiority in the decision to chose to leave a blog up under these circumstances. I have to say that it is judgemental to suggest that taking steps to protect privacy indicates a weakness or vulnerability on the part of the bloggers who have chosen to do so.
ReplyDeleteA harsh and unforgiving light has been shone in our collective windows. Closing the shutters is a natural reflex to that kind of unsolicited intrusion. It is not saying, "I/we are ashamed of this" no more than it says, "I/we don't invite prying eyes." Closing the shutters can as easily be an attempt to preserve dignity when we don't know whose sweaty nose or beady eyes are pressed against our bedroom windows.
Deciding who is or is not ashamed under these circumstances is not going to heal blogland from the blow it has suffered. Love and support for one another, the brand that this community is famous for, is what is called for....let's rise to that occasion.
Lillie
I am not assuming any moral superiority, Lillie, and I am sorry that you interpreted it as such. I would hope that you have known me long enough to know that is not the kind of person that I am. It is not meant to convict anyone. It is simply meant to say "Do not allow people to have that kind of power over you, or allow you to feel that you do not have the right to be in a community you have helped to build". It was simply a question meant to provoke thought, not to convict. Misunderstanding is what this article is about, let's be clear of our own intent, and not misunderstand each other.
DeleteYes a harsh light has been shone, the question remains, is this person of import to your life? And again, not meant as a conviction, allowing them to cause this community to close it's doors is giving them power they do not deserve.
I was born into and spent years in abusive relationships. I have spent years hiding what I think and feel because someone else's opinion could cause me physical and mental harm. This person, and her little friend who is so unoriginal as to glean great parts of her own article from the work of the other, mean nothing to me.
Hello Lillie,
DeleteI am sorry if there is some misunderstanding. But no, there is no superiority or exclusivity here in action or mindset, we long for a connected community that can see each other as sources of support, inspiration, love and understanding.
The harsh light that was unduly cast upon the community was cowardly, destructive, and served no purpose but that of creating chaos, confusion, and discord.
We are simply saying that we cannot and will not allow someone else to influence how we operate, and we would hope that through the tempest of thoughts, emotions, anger and influences that other people do not let that be a primary reason to go private.
Thank you for your reply, Ward and June.
DeleteTo me, the entire question is moot. Aren't we all hiding behind personas created to ensure our privacy? To suggest that some people are inviting the destruction of our community because they make the decision to protect themselves and their families by removing their blogs temporarily is really making the statement: some people are hiding more than others...
We are better than that in this community. We're stronger and kinder. That is why I was so surprised to read this here, and why I read it again after June's reply, to make sure that we hadn't misunderstood each other.
It was my impression that this was not a post intended to play devil's advocate, philosophically posing a question to provoke thought and discussion. This post, very passionately, sanctions the idea that it is better to stand against the tide of unpopular mainstream opinion, and further, the evidence of which, is in the refusal to take down one's blog in response to these articles.
It was suggested that taking down one's blog is "allowing them to destroy our community." I think that is harsh and unwarranted criticism for the people who have chosen to do so in response to hateful comments, contacts by news media, or fear of the same.
Wow. This post came off rather judgmental to me. I took my blog private recently. Truth be told I've had a lot of conflicting feelings about my blog as of late, which is why I've hardly posted anything this month and I haven't been reading much around blogland either. But, the reason I decided to take my blog private for now is because I wanted to take the time to consider how I felt about the current onslaught against this corner of blogland and our lifestyle and how it could potentially impact myself and my family. Just so we're clear, I did not go private because I'm ashamed of anything. You've made the decision to stay public I assume because you feel that's the best choice for you, don't assume that others aren't simply choosing what they feel is best for them at this juncture.
ReplyDeleteSeems to me that some people are questioning their decisions. I issued no judgement, Grace, simply posed a question. Again, we've been friends long enough for you to know that I don't judge, nor do I tell people what they should or should not do. We're merely asking if going private is allowing people to have an undue effect on them. And you don't need to justify to me why you did something, just ask yourself if you are allowing yourself to be bullied. We ask because we love everyone here.
Delete(((hugs)))
Why would you ask if people were going private because they're ashamed? Why not ask if they're going private because they're concerned about being exposed or because they don't like controversy or any number of other reasons? By asking specifically and only if they're doing it because they're ashamed does send a message about how you feel, whether you're willing to acknowledge that or not. As for me specifically, I already stated that I'm not ashamed. And I don't feel the need to justify my actions to you. I was explaining why I made the decision I did and that's all. As for being bullied, anyone who knows me well knows that bullies stand not chance against me. That said, sometimes it's wise to stand and fight and sometimes it's wise to walk away. And if the decision is made to walk away, it shouldn't be assumed that it's due to cowardice.
DeleteHello Grace,
DeleteWe are asking because in many cases that's what it really seems like. We do not wish to come off as judgmental or superior. We simply wish to convey to others that the unstoppable ideas of community, unity, temperance and solidarity are always superior to the cowardly attacks of others. Nobody is asking for a justification from you or anyone else.
And as long as we're not assuming anything about anyone else, we would simply ask that us asking if other people were so affected that they let the chaos, confusion, and misdirection that these scathing and cowardly articles make them want to go private.
For the record Grace, we are going to say this to you and everyone else. We aren't calling bloggers that decide to go private cowards. We are saying that we hope that you understand you don't have to and that you will always find that this community is resilient, strong, and full of support. We don't do name calling grace, we simply seek to give people honesty and no matter what that's what people can always expect here.
To me this post came across as judgemental and devisive rather than supportive. I would hope that wasn't your intent, but that's how it came across to me
DeleteSupport is what blogland is all about. We won't claim that anyone will always agree with what we have to say, this post is proof of that. What we will say however, is that we never judged or condemned anyone and we simply want the same in return.
DeleteJune and Ward,
ReplyDeleteI am not even going to read the comments that have been left because I want my words and feelings to be just mine. As a loyal reader to your blog, I have come away this time really disappointed.
If the information was only in the Daily Beast, I would guess that most of our community wouldn't really think twice or give worry to the article. But when you have Dateline calling Stormy and wanting a story, or thousands of hits and rude comments left on a couple of our blog friends blogs, now it is more than just a junk piece of writing. It was even mentioned on The View. So it is a big deal.
Second, there is a very large amount of people who find DD as domestic abuse. They do not understand or care to understand the positive dynamics in this kind of relationship. Many, including my husband, would probably lose their jobs and/or their reputation in the community. I am not ashamed of what we do, I am just realistic that it is something we do and we don't share. I don't share with anyone what goes on in my bedroom. I never have and I never will. When people ask about how our marriage is so strong, I will give the details about him being the head of the house and holding me accountable. No one has asked any other questions. So none are given.
In this blogging community, the majority of us do not use our real identities. I certainly don't, even though I am blonde. But I want to feel safe to share my lifestyle with my blog friends and not worry about being exploited. I have changed the look of my blog. I have no blog roll, so if someone finds my blog, I will not being sharing other names of bloggers. I have hidden most of my posts because I really don't want to be questioned by an outsider about my choices. I should not have to explain or persuade anyone to understand my choices. So my information is limited on my blog for the safety and security of the community as a whole. I cannot condemn or criticize anyone on how they are dealing with the spotlight shining on our community.
I am a Christian and proud of it. I do not practice this lifestyle because of something that has been interpreted in the Bible. I do not go around advertising my religion. I hope that (like the song) they will know that I am a Christian by what I do. Lifestyles are a little different. But at one time, it was safer to not be openly a Christian. The whole fish and other symbols were enough that no one suspected but you could support those that were. And forgiveness of others, there is no one in particular to forgive. Everyone was/is doing what they think is their job or the is the way they believe. I may disagree but there is no hate. I may be unhappy with the choices that some made that exposed our very loving and supporting community. But that is it
This too will pass and we will all come back as usual. We have always been supportive of each other. And we will continue to do so. Look at the recent outpouring of support for Christina and her daughter. All of the prayers that were said, we are still strong and committed to one another. For now, we are cautious and we are talking to each other in other ways besides blogging. Your post seems to be condemning people for their actions. And I am really surprised by what you said and how you feel. I wanted to think that someone hacked your blog and wrote this stuff. This is not the people I have enjoyed reading and befriending. It seemed like you always had my back and that you were someone that I had as a friend. This is just mind boggling.
Sorry for all the comments you are receiving but I would say that you kicked the hornets nest.
Hello Blondie,
DeleteWe are sorry you take this post the way you do, but no we do not apologize for being honest in our opinions and words.
We never condemned anyone. We simply wished to convey to our fellow bloglanders that We do not have to let other people with unwarranted views and a skewed view of what some people practice influence the way that we approach communicating with our friends and blogland family.
Now that we have that straight I have no doubt that this too will pass and blogland will continue being the supportive place that it has always been. Your comment seems to be condemning of us without having come and asked us what we felt or really meant, we do not wish to create conflict or dischord. The writers of these torrid trashy articles have done more than enough of that on their own.
Ward and June will always be about honesty and if you take issue we more than encourage healthy dialogue that allows people to flourish and grow. We don't pretend to know other people's ideas and opinions but what we do know that this is the time for solidarity, not confusion.
Thank you again for commenting Blondie, we simply ask that if we don't condemn people that we be granted the same courtesy in return.
Point taken.
ReplyDeleteUsually your posts are clear enough that I don't feel it necessary for ask for clarification of how you are feeling or what you are trying to say.
I have just witnessed the hurt of two or three of our friends in blogland. Any time I read something that looks anything like criticism to our blogland community, I feel defensive.
It has angered me that those who gave the interview hadn't thought it through and seen what kind of reaction that what they said could and did stir up a very negative reaction.
I know that June and I have had some chat conversations and I have been pretty supportive. So I hope that you two will see that by how I (and it looks like others) interpreted what was written as being a negative blast to those who went private or changed some of their blog so as to protect their privacy. We are all on the defense and worried about any fall out.
My friend Stormy has really been through the wringer and by responding by going private was what she felt she had to do. 3000 hits and more than a thousand negative and hostile comments are too much for anyone to have to deal with. So maybe a little more compassion then is seen, would have been welcomed in your post. You do have the right to say and state what you want. Just know that if you all needed someone to have your back or give support, blogland will always be there. So I am sure that at this time, your support will be clearly seen and offered
The person who wrote the article is winning. Causing discord among our loving supportive community. We should all assume the best of each other since that is our past experience. I understand each conflicting response but know that June and Ward were upset at what they felt was an attack to all of us. They understand why some would want to protect their children...or jobs etc. They were just saddened and feel that the 'bully' author made many so fearful. I read this post as a defense of us. A "pump us up!" I completely understand caution and those that were immediately impacted. It is understandable that some were concerned and may have shut down or went private. I believe that if we band together and ignore it....the media will get bored. I also feel that the author knew exactly what she was doing. She stirred the pot and happily is making a name for herself. She wanted to make people question the life they choose to live. Let's not allow her to win and separate good friends. WE ARE ALL RIGHT! We do not need to take sides against each other.
ReplyDeleteAs a community we welcome discussion, every day. Good discussion is not always agreeing but sharing ideas and supporting differences. That is what the author of the article did not understand.
Just as an aside I refuse to read the article at all. REFUSE. Why give her credibility, since she was not discussing but maligning character.
Another point I wish to add,we know that DD/TTWD is popular. All one needs to do is look at is how much money Blushing, LSF, ebooks on Amazon...Lazy Day...etc etc...are making. There are many out there!
I certainly hope my words are understood.
I thank you for your consideration and understanding, Minelle. Yes we were and are outraged that aspersions of abuse were made against our friends, and this community as a whole. And I certainly appreciate that you drew upon your experience of us in reading this post.
DeleteWe generally write posts ahead, put them 'in the can' and may refine them at certain points before they are published. As I said we had been cocooned, enjoying our time together before Daddy is called to be away for the week and home only weekends. I love you all, but that time is precious, so I have not been paying attention.
When Daddy said we should surface and post something, I began hearing about this and posted this on the fly. My sentiments don't change, but perhaps were a bit more raw than people are used to seeing them.
I agree, Minelle, I absolutely believe she knew what she was doing, as I believe she knew how her quaint grammatical error would be read and interpreted when she said that Stormy was disciplined for disrespect 'in front of her children' (the intent being to say she spoke disrespectfully in front of her children and was disciplined for it later....see how she did that? She's such a clever.....word I'm not allowed to say...girl)
I understand them, and again, appreciate them very much, my friend.
(((hugs)))
Minelle,
DeleteThank you for your considerate and warm words. Without question June and I were both outraged at the cesspool of lies and filth that were spewed in the direction of this community. We are glad that you understand what we intended to get across to people. Without question the author of these articles knew exactly what she was doing and definitely twisted words in order to cast the specter of fear in people's mind.
Thank you again Minelle.
Ward and June
ReplyDeleteI have already commented, but after reading some critical comments made, i wanted to say something.
I thought this post was well written and honest which all of your posts are and which is why i enjoy reading here, as i stated previously and stand by....is that i think those who have chosen to go private have done for many reasons, privacy more than likely being the biggest reason...and i dont think that in any way gives in to to those that attack us, but its difference of opinion.
However i admit i am quite taken aback by how this post has been misintrepreted by some, but it happens as it is the written word and emotions are high regarding this subject, and i think the 'message' you was making seems to have gotten lost, which seems such a shame, as i really cant see how it was in any way seen as being judgemental.
xx
Thank you very much for your words and support, tori, they are very much appreciated. I understand that emotions are high, mine were when I wrote the post. And I admit I was a bit saddened that my friends could think that I would speak in a manner meant to denigrate, that has never been my style, nor is it something I would do. I am a firm believer in the - if you can't say something nice - school of thought. I would never speak specifically to demoralize. Thank you for understanding that,
Delete(((hugs)))
Thank you again for your support tori, it means more than we can say right now. When things are stressful people get emotional and I am certainly no different in that regard. To be perfectly honest it frustrates and irritates me that people honestly believe that we would attack anyone. I guess in my mind I come from the school of polite intelligence and no, I don't plan on apologizing just to appease people that can't agree with what I said or take the time to really read what June and I had to say.
DeleteThanks again Tori, your kind words are very touching.
One thing that this turn of events has shown us is that "blogland" is not necessarily as open-minded and accepting as people would like to think it is. Especially if someone doesn't fit the "majority" definition of DD/ttwd (F/F, for example, or non-marital relationships), blogland is not always a welcoming place. Also, if someone says something that someone else objects to, it can often lead to drama and hurt feelings...rather than a mutual respect to have different opinions. Different opinions that are thoughtful, mature, and rooted in respect for each other as human beings.
ReplyDeleteThis is your blog. You have the right to say what is your opinion, as long as it is not attacking other people. I think that people may choose to take their blogs private for reasons other than being ashamed, but I also believe that sometimes people share too many personal details. Also, instead of shutting down everything, we can see this as a chance to educate. So there are skewed opinions of DD being put into the spotlight. If everyone shuts down, then only the skewed opinion stays in public awareness. It has always been the case that mature, thoughtful openness has opened doors when other methods have failed.
Thanks very much, Ana. It was kind of that way for us in the beginning, I think people did not know how to take us as D/lg. And just as an aside, one of my very best friends on Fetlife is in a M/lg relationship. I am a person who judges people by the quality of their character, not labels.
DeleteI do think that there are ways to protect your privacy and still blog. I think that sometimes we make mistakes that can be corrected - I did early on. I just would not wish for people to panic and allow themselves to be bullied. We are apparently a force to be reckoned with, the DD community, an emerging, or perhaps re-emerging group. Like any other group that has to fight for rights, I would hate to see us cave simply because we don't fit into Mr & Mrs America's vision of correct for prime-time. You don't like that my husband spanks me? That's okay, you don't have to. It works for us. You simply need to accept that it does and that it does not impact your life at all. I think you're right, this can be an opportunity to educate, tolerance is a battle that still wages.
(((hugs)))
Thank you Ana,
DeleteI am getting a very similar sentiment about blogland myself. I guess I take issue with the fact that if one does not express popular sentiment, there is derision and finger pointing and hurt feelings. I stand by what this post really means and will not back down just because some bloggers seem to have a problem with honesty. Nobody was named, called out, or unduly ridiculed. June and I simply said that we hope people feel supported and empowered enough to realize that they do not have to let the tawdry writings and opinions of garbage columnists effect them.
When I read this, I was so surprised ... and offended. "Oh, boy, if we start attacking one another, blogland WILL sink" was my first thought. I completely understand where you're both coming from in that we all need to stand together. It was the word 'ashamed' that totally threw me off.
ReplyDeleteWhile we all lead similar lifestyles HERE, in the real world, we run the gamut of careers. And in some of those careers, the outing of this ... kink, fetish (omg, abuse) ... however it may be phrased by those that don't care to know (but are happy to judge) means the swift and immediate ending of said career. I don't think I'm alone when I say that no one here wants to see another lose their livelihood. We act as anonymous to protect our families for that very reason.
Ashamed? Not at all.
Protective? You betcha. :)
Hi, Rogue,
DeleteMaybe people are misunderstanding my understanding of the word ashamed. I began to think this after so many people took such offense. For me ashamed is not an emotion associated with guilt, or culpability. In that sense none of us here have anything to be ashamed of. For me, in the context used here, ashamed is more of reluctance to do something through fear. I lived so much of my life cowed by fear that I will not any more and I will defend my friends against having to do it.
The intent of the question was not to place blame, or to convict. The intent of the question was to provoke thought and the realization that these people are nothing to us in the long run.
(((hugs)))
Hello Rogue,
DeleteWhen I read your comment I was surprised and offended as well.
Nobody is asking for everybody to agree all the time. That is not a reasonable expectation.
We simply said to people that blogland is a place of support and unity and that there is no reason to feel the need to hide from the hate-speech laced columnists who have recently rocked this community.
We wish the very best for you and all of the other bloggers out there. We certainly do not wish any loss of livelihood or comfort and would suggest that by taking any necessary precautions that each and every one of us can stand tall and let our voices be heard.
We never called anyone out by name or id, we never said anyone was a coward, we never condemned or derided anyone and we want the same in return.
I personally have not been effected by the fallout from this. My comments remain the same in nature, my pageviews reflect the usual visitors.
ReplyDeleteI too read this post with mixed feelings. Perhaps because the word ashamed is emotive when used in any context. People have the freedom to choose how they live their lives, by the same reasoning they are free to choose what they do with their blogs.
I understand the argument that standing strong together is important, I also know protecting loved ones, careers and privacy is critical to a happy life.
Given the nature of the comments being left on blogs directly effected and the decision to withdraw those blogs, I think members of our community are now probably feeling isolated and cutoff. They've done what they believe is the right thing. I'm not going to judge. I would hope we don't forget them and if and when they do return to a more public domain, we'll welcome them back and move on without looking back.
Again, I won't beleaguer the point, DelFonte, I've explained my personal context of the word a couple of times in the comments.
DeleteI agree, hopefully we have all taken steps to protect ourselves and our families before we made the first post. And if like I did, you left a small little loophole opened, you were able to find it and fix it as I did. Once that is taken care of, does the opinion of people who probably cannot even look at each other across the dinner table really that important to those of us who enjoy a richness that this lifestyle brings?
(((hugs)))
I certainly hope that members of the community don't feel isolated as you put it DelFonte.
DeleteI won't go into everything all over again I will simply say this. If people can't feel supported by those that they would call friend, then what is the point? I would hope people have the strength of character and heart to choose to stand up and choose the positive and not let themselves be drug into the quagmire of negativity that the aggressors (the columnists) created.
Hi--first time commenter here :)
ReplyDeleteI applaud your decision to remain unchanged. It has been a part of your recovery from abuse to stand up and speak your thoughts unapologetically. You recovered from a dark place and came back strong!
I also applaud those of us who decided to become more discreet for the sake of our loved ones during this time of mean spirited journalism.
We're all doing our best.
Mick
Mick, I am humbled and grateful for your gracious response, and for your understanding of the point on which I approach this issue. It very much has to do with my journey, and I know how I felt suffering that. I would not have my friends who have done nothing wrong, and nothing more than living authentic lives feel that they need to hide from the opinion of small minded-people.
DeleteYes, we're all doing our best.
(((hugs)))
Mick,
DeleteThank you for such a great response, you defiantly have your finger on the pulse of this issue and we appreciate your thoughtful, kind response.
As always I LOVE the words you have spoken. Its saddens my heart that some have to be so judgmental of the lives that others have chosen. Because of what I have seen happen, I have decided to start a blog of my own. As soon as I figure out how to set it all up I will let you know. I have a serious problem with bullies. That is what I feel those articles were, just bullies like in high school. Wish some people would just grow up already.
ReplyDeleteAnnie, thanks :) It saddens me too, and angers me that people feel they have a right to speak to what they do not understand.
DeleteI'm excited! You know how to get me, cookie, you let me know when you're up & running!
(((hugs)))
Hello Annie,
DeleteThank you for your kind words.
It doesn't sadden me Annie, it angers me. I too have a serious problem with bullies and would concur that it is past time for some people to grow up.
Good for you Annie, starting a blog. Keep it going, that's the hard part! (excuse me for butting in, W & J)
DeleteI am still trying to get that thing going. If I could get my kid to help it would be up in a day.Wish I was a computer spec. like him. Thanks Malcom Hugs everyone.
DeleteHi ,sorry to butt in but I just want to say that although my blog remains, innocuous as it is I do understand that some bloggers may not be able to stay, (at least for the time being) I totally agree with Rogue actually. There are lots of factors determining whether we stay and for goodness sake should we be judging each other? I thought the whole point of these blogs was that we supported each other in ttwd. I am proud of how we live our lives but I do not think my grown up kids would really want to know about it any more than I wish to know about their intimate lives.
ReplyDeleteAlso I know this is not the place but could I have Mick and Lynda's email address if they don't mind.? My blog is open or my email is rosychuckles@gmail.com. Thanks
Jan.xx
Not butting in at all, silly girl. You're always welcome here. I don't think I'm speaking out of turn, Mick & Lynda's email is on their profile, the addy is: mickandlyndasblog@gmail.com.
DeleteI would ask you to read the post again. It's simply a question, was not written or intended as an accusation to make people feel defensive, convicted or attacked. This, as said, was written in a much more off the cuff and raw way that I normally do. I stand behind what I said, I understand some feel offended, and I am sorry that they do through a misunderstanding of intent.
Ward and I have always and will always support this community and all it's members. I am also been accused more than once of being very blunt if very honest. It is what you will always find here, honesty.
(((hugs)))
Hello English Rose,
DeleteNo butting in at all, please, by all means make yourself at home here.
It too request that you re-read the post again and see if you can't gather what was really said.
To sum it up, I would say that There is no reason to hide from the filth and mire that these two tawdry journalist unleashed upon this community. We want everyone here in blogland to feel free to expect and receive the support they need.
Ward and June, reread your post and finally read all of the comments back and forth. With 70+ comments on your post, I would say that I think you got a lot of people thinking and also had people comment that may only be lurkers. I hope that this inspired more people to blog if anything else.
ReplyDeleteBlondie,
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to go back and reread this post. We do seek to inspire and more than anything else we hope that we have people thinking about what their relationships mean to them.
I think Mick made a good point. He has always struck me as a sensible man! Let's not get too roiled at what people are posting - you, June or anyone else. I am in the fortunate position of feeling free to express my politically incorrect views over my own name, my family members can and sometimes do read my blog and there is no observable fallout from it since I am old, retired and ex-pat and generally regarded as insignificant. I have nothing to lose. To hell with the naysayers.
ReplyDeleteI haven't read the terrible articles and I don't intend to as they will do me no good. I am sorry that people have felt obliged to go private or even stop blogging; and I am very sad to hear that dear Stormy, whom I love (but she doesn't love me) has been badly attacked. A bright light has been doused.
I don't always read your blog, W & J, and I don't remember how I stumbled on it today, but I was glad to read it again. I have done sometimes, in the past. You take a lot of trouble over it, it must take up quite a lot of your time.
Malcolm, so sorry we missed this comment!
DeleteLol, You don't mince words, neither does Mick. I think Stormy values your opinion even if she doesn't always like it.
Thanks for your kind words. We're glad to have you read here, and find something that invites you back from time to time. You have a wisdom, and while you might downplay yourself as "old, retired, an ex-pat & insignificant', I might more attribute it to someone who knows they live well, and truly... living the truth is the best one can aspire to.
(((hugs)))
Well dang...was writing my comment and said the wrong word when correcting the comment and it published!!!!
DeleteWhat I was saying was that our teacher emphasized the who, what, where, when, why principle of reporting...all opinions, emotions and thoughts were to be kept out of articles. One of her favorite sayings was that a reporter was to report a story...not become part of the story.
This "person" wanted her 15 minutes of fame and is now being touted as some kind of 'expert' on CDD and DD...of course, we all know that they are they same thing...right? *snort* ;)
Anyway, just wanted to say that I'm sorry I didn't get over here and support you sooner.
Hang in there my friends...hope everything is going well with you.
Hugs, Love and Blessings,
Cat
LOL, welcome back, Cat - so good to see you!
DeleteI agree. Real journalism offers a neutral view of both sides of the issue and allows the reader to form their own opinion. This piece was heavily opinionated and published in a renowned op-ed style publication. That's not journalism, and it's pretty cowardly as well.
You know our view on 'experts'. She cannot be an expert because this is so individualized, with sometimes very subtle nuances between partners in each relationship.
Thanks so much for the support, Cat. We can always count on you :)
Glad you're back and running!
(((hugs)))
Thank you so much for your kind words Malcom. You are a welcome part of our blog and appreciate your kind quiet wisdom.
DeleteHello Cat!
DeleteWonderful to see you!
Journalism can be a very slanted and the person or persons responsible for these torrid articles only want their 15 min of fame at the expense of good people.
Experts? Hmmm well I will just say this. We all must do what we must do.
Glad to see you back!
Hugs,
~ Ward
Ward and June,
ReplyDeleteAlright, I probably wouldn't have commented on this post because the article hasn't impacted me at all. Then I read the comments. Well, in all honesty I started skimming them towards the end.
I just wanted to say though, that I respect the way you say what you think. People don't always like it, words are open to interpretations and misunderstanding. But really? There's no damn point in blogging if we don't say how we feel in deference to how others may view our thoughts.
I think that, when emotions run high, people will lean towards the negative interpretation as what is said. I read your words as "People might think we are ashamed if we close our blogs." Which doesn't strike me as insulting at all.
Apparently many people interpreted it differently. Such is the beauty and danger of the written word.
Anyways, all I really wanted to say was that I respect your honesty. It isn't always easy.
Thanks very much, lil. That was exactly our intent, and I am so glad that you understood. We have faced this kind of critical eye before, though in far less concentrated form, and Ward and I have addressed some of those things here in our posts to 'anonymous' in response both to ugliness directed towards our friends, and to ourselves. At times we have addressed the ugliness in the form of comments on our friends' blogs. We've never let it go unaddressed, and have been and remain proud of our lifestyle and proud and supportive of our friends.
DeleteYou honor us. It is always our intention to speak the truth, from our hearts. No, it isn't always easy.
(((hugs)))
I'm very, very late to the fray, but............
ReplyDeleteTo Ward and June,
I don't have a personal blog myself (or rather, I don't have a personal *lifestyle* based blog), so perhaps I'm just missing the point here, but I have to admit that the entire newly popular concept that everyone with any kind of connection to a D/s related lifestyle must have a blog, (the last time I counted, there were upward of 300 of the things) has always been something of a mystery to me.
I was told by several people when I enquired about it, that a blog provides an outlet for thoughts and events that is akin to the purpose of a journal. That makes a lot of sense, except, if that's all it is, then why put it out to public at all? And if you do choose to put it out to public, which is effectively your personal invitation for anyone to read it, then why filter out every negative comment and simply leave the ones that express cordial agreement and don't provoke any kind of discussion? If a person doesn't want their business public, then why make a blog in the first place?
I never did quite come to terms with the sense of that and now we have a situation which is even more puzzling. In keeping with innumerable articles on blogs, sites, newspapers, television programmes etc, a journalist on the 'Huffington Post' manipulates the words of a naive young woman on the subject of DD and posts a completely false version of what she actually said. However, as I say, it is nothing remotely new or unusual and it does nothing that comes close to revealing real life identities or endangering people and yet, incomprehensibly, lots play right into the hands of this spin doctor hack and close their blogs to public readership. Way to get exactly the sensational response and interest that she wanted!
To movingon,
Here is another opinion that YOU may not have considered.
There is a whole subculture of men who aren't being ASKED to beat on the women in their lives and a whole subculture of women who WANT to be led and their boyfriends or significant others and who invite their partners to use spanking (as opposed to "beating") as a form of discipline. Yes, they DO actually exist!
You may not agree with the personal and private fully consensual relationship choices that you have DECIDED, without having any knowledge of this, are violent and you may believe that you have more right than them to decide how they should be permitted to lead their private lives.
However you should not assume that, because they have made this choice for *themselves*, that they have any interest in forcing a similar arrangement on anyone else, or that they have "contempt" for men and women who make different choices.
Perhaps you should take your own very good advice and, "Judge not lest you be judged", even though, for some incomprehensible reason, our fully consensual and voluntary choice of PRIVATE lifestyle, which affects you not all, clearly offends you.
Have a nice life.
Hi D&L, if you read back on ours, the inception of this blog was to help me deal with separation from Daddy when he was deployed, and to help me stay in touch with my submission while he was not here. We did not even have the luxury of regular contact, Daddy was a submariner and when he was gone, he was completely gone for months at a time.
DeleteDaddy and I both agree with your assessment of the goings on surrounding that article, hence this post, which was widely misinterpreted, and vastly misunderstood. It was meant as a rallying cry and was taken as as an accusation which left many feeling convicted.
For my part, I, as you stated in your response to movingon, do desire to be led, and find more fulfillment in it than I have had in my very long lifetime. Our home is happy, and our children are thriving.
We, as you see, have left this community, largely as a result of this post, and realizing that we weren't so much a part of this community as we had assumed. We started as a D/s couple who practiced DD, not long before this blog started, evolved into a Daddy/little girl couple, and retaining that dynamic, have further evolved into a TPE of M/s (yes, to those who may still read here, you can be both a little and a slave). When Daddy retired and we did have the luxury of each other's company consistently, and without interruption, no longer felt the need to share so much of ourselves, we have each other in every way and in every moment, we are blessed...we have our children, our pets, and what is growing into our idyllic little cottage....who needs anything else?
We thank you for your support, even if it was 'late'. We appreciate it. If you'd like to stay in touch, the email link still works.
Enjoy this beautiful day!
Ward and June...I think many people did not really read the post but skimmed and were already in an overwrought state of mind. You two are definitely missed from blog land and I think we are much poorer for the lack of your wise words and love for one another.
ReplyDeleteHappy to hear things are going well for you.
Hugs and Blessings...
Cat