Gratuitous Spanko Thoughts...

It's good to be a spanko...sometimes.   With that in mind I would ask you good readers a few questions.

A few questions for the spankishly inclined....

- What about spanking "does it" for you?
- Is there a favorite time of day to spank or be spanked?
- Is there a celebrity that you would love to spank or be spanked by?
- Do you have a favorite video (separate topic forthcoming)

I just thought I'd ask, because at the core of it all me and June are in fact spanking enthusiasts, and yes we enjoy it immensely!  I plan on including a bit more spanking-type content in the coming weeks if for no other reason than "just because"  (which may be the greatest reason for spanking ever).  



I suppose I'd better answer my own questions...

- What about spanking "does it" for me?  short answer: everything... I love the sound, the intimacy, the closeness, the bond it creates, it's awfully sexy, and I  know it's shocking, but I've always "had a thing" for round plump female rear ends.



- Is there a favorite time of day to spank or be spanked?  yes?!

- Is there a celebrity that you would love to spank:   hmmm I'd say so, a few  in no particular order:
Vida Guerra, Scarlett Johansson, Sofia Varga, Beyonce, and of course Jennifer Lopez.

- Videos are a rough spot with me, I'll explain in a future post.


Happy Spanking folks!

Her POV:

Well,I've said it before, and I'll say it again..... My name is June and I'm a spanko :) No Twelve-Step program, thank you. I'm quite happy being me.

So I guess, I should answer Daddy's questions, too...cause I'm a good girl and all....

What does it for me? Good golly Ned! Ummmm, just the thought, the look, when I know what he is thinking about, I'm not averse to asking, but it is faint-worthy hearing, "Come here, little girl." (is it getting warm in here,or is it me?). The sound of his belt coming through the loops, the bounce of the paddle on warmed-up cheeks, the caress of his fingers over sensitive flesh, snuggling into his chest in the after....many more things, but I'm getting twiterpated.

Is there a favorite time of day? Ummmm, is there a time of day that I don't wish to be across his lap?

Who would I like to spank? LOL, I'm not the spanker, I'm the spankee. Be  spanked by? Only Daddy. As far as discipline, I have only one authority to whom I submit. And for play, only Daddy gets into my head, he has this incredible magnetism - delicious!

And videos, yeah, that's a topic for another day. Love you, Daddy :D

The Power of Words

My last post was about power exchange. And it was kind of funny that the comments were a bit reticent. That brought me back to a thought that I think quite a bit...the power of words.




When I first started exploring I was loathe to use the word submissive. It was scary, the connotation of the word, to someone raised in the kind of environment I was. I was subjugated regularly, by people who were supposed to care about me. I came from a time and in a society where Gloria Steinem talked about dissolving sex-roles stereotypes, and Helen Reddy sang about not being kept down on the floor.




Well, I'm not the fist raised kind of girl. I was very content to use my easy-bake oven and a Betty Crocker cookbook I got for my 8th birthday. It's not that I don't believe in equality for all people - I do - regardless of sex, color, sexual orientation or lifestyle kink. But don't tell me that I'm wrong because I'm comfortable cooking and cleaning and nesting. When you give someone a freedom, it should really include a judgement-free freedom of choice.





But I digress...I grew with a head-full of images and some kind of perverse aversion to the idea of submission. When I started exploring my core, what I wanted needed and desired, I struggled with the idea of submission. That word...but the reality, and the feeling are very much different. And the word became not something to fear, and not a label, but a way to express a very deep dimension of my soul.

Then I was confronted with the word slave. Oh good Lord are we serious? What a negative connotation does that have? But ask me now, I am Ward's little girl, but there is nothing that I would deny him. There is nothing I would not do for him. There is no limit to what I would do for him, out of trust and love and because he would never diminish me. He lifts me up. He honors me. I honor him.

One I still struggle with is masochist....Hello, my name is June and I am a spanko. Ward and I enjoy spanking as play, as an assertion of his dominance, and an acknowledgement of my submission, what some might call maintenance. We also use it for discipline. I dislike labels - we are a lovely mix of different dynamics. I feel like Donny and Marie - we're a little bit DD. a little bit D/s, a little bit spanko. We are us. I like us quite a lot.

I am a spanko, I do indeed crave pain sometimes. I know that when I feel I have done something that is detrimental to us, I need his absolution. I need the purging. When I am stressed, the pain takes the unbearable emotional pain, transfers it to flesh and poof...does that make me a masochist? That word still holds power over me.

When I heard about Daddies and babygirls, I thought, especially in light of the sexually abusive childhood I had that that was just not me, that was sick. I had the impression that many have, it's about age-play, incest-play. And that's not it at all, not for us. Certainly there is an age-play fetish, that is scene-dependant. It's something you put on and take off. We are who we are to the depths of our souls, it is 24/7, it is fluid. Sometimes I am little me, sometimes I am big me - but that's a chat for another post. Having a Daddy and being his little girl doesn't frighten me anymore.

There are some in the DD world that would deny that they are in a D/s relationship. But when one party takes a leadership role and another follows, it is a Dominant/submissive relationship. And Daddy and I, being who and what we are think most must like/want/need/desire spanking even if they don't want to admit it.Which brings us back to power exchange. Another scary concept. Wikipedia defines a power exchange relationship as "refers to a relationship or activity in which the submissive gives to the dominant partner power and authority over the submissive's body in exchange for the submissive's happiness and health".

Well, that's kinda of what we all do, whether we're DD, D/s, D/lg, M/s, isn't it? So I'm kind of curious as to what image the term evoked for the commenters on the Power exchange post. Is that a term or a concept that you found jarring or scary? Are there words or terms that you have trouble embracing, but keep coming back to you?

Examining Submission Journaling Exercise - Day 12

Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

I'm not sure I really understand what financial domination is. I looked it up and came across a bunch of stuff looks like get rich quick by playing dominant- send-me-money-now-worm kinda stuff. So if that's what it means, then no.

Do I work? Yes, and will until at least my school loans are paid off, because I think that's an unfair burden to bring to our relationship if I don't contribute. Daddy says he is perfectly happy to support us, but I don't want him working himself to death. I incurred it, it's my education, I should contribute to it's repayment.

Does Daddy handle the money? Absolutely. Firstly, because we both see it as the role of the HoH, we discuss everything, but he's in charge. Secondly, I hate money. I am perfectly happy to hand over that responsibility, and he is quite skilled financially. I don't really see it as a separate entity, I see it as part of our particular relationship dynamic, it's just what works for us. I don't necessarily see it as a component of any part of certain aspects of our dynamic (like D/s, D/lg or DD). I just see it as part of his leadership.

Examining Submission Journaling Exercise - Day 2

Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

 I only submit to Ward. And I am submissive in all ways. Ward takes care of finances, and that is fine with me. In fact, in the beginning I approached him and asked him if he could please be the money manager because it stresses me out. I'm always afraid I'll forget something.

We discuss all things, but Ward makes the final decision, and I'm comfortable with that. Ward will dig and dig (gently) until he is sure he has not only my opinion, but my feelings. Interesting qualification, huh? But sometimes you are either unsure, or you know what contributes to the greater good, but it may make you sad, or uneasy.

For instance, there is a decision that Ward is making now. He asked what I thought and I told him what I would like, and told him that I know whatever decision he makes will be to the greatest benefit of our relationship and I would support him. The fact is, I will support him, but I really hope that the decision goes one way, because it means more time together. We were talking and I said it's not fair that I keep bringing it up. You know what I think, and I trust you to make the decision. And to keep bringing it up seems like it would be manipulative. You know what I think. And he said, yes, I know what you think, but I need to know how you feel. So I told him, and he thanked me. And I felt better.

Now the blushworthy stuff, I am submissive also in the bedroom. I can, perhaps take the initiative, but I always say, I want to do this, would you like that? May I have this? May I do this? He likes that. It both shows my desire for him, and my respect for him as my Dominant partner. (And I'm not gonna lie - cause that's against the rules and stuff - but it makes him squirm & I LOVE that :"> )

Surrender

This is gonna be long, folks. I'm still processing.

I have always been the kind of person who thinks....too much. This is something I learned early in life, and I'm good at it. It comes from growing up with a father that wasn't there and a womb donor that was a drug-using, alcoholic schizophrenic. She was abusive in every way possible...every way. I lived on guard all the time. When a question was asked the walls engaged, the fortress on full alert, and my question to myself was "What answer will not get you killed today?"

I bring that up because I was talking about it in therapy today, talking about why I react the way I do to things. I'm one of those people who feels things sometimes that I may not fully understand. Talking and writing helps me to process and come to an understanding. I've been chewing on something since Ward made the no distance rule, and what lead up to it. I honestly wasn't aware that I was creating distance, not till I was two or three days into it. I don't like that distance. I don't want it. I am forever grateful that he loves me enough to pull me back.

So I understand what I do and where it comes from, but I don't understand why it exists between Daddy and myself. I said in a previous post that I trust him... I do. I have passed submission to him, I have surrendered to him. I have literally put my body, mind, heart, soul and ego into his hands. I have complete and utter trust that he will never abuse them, or his authority. So what is this distance?

I know this about myself. I have always been like this. I have always wanted to lift others up. So here is the distance. When something bothers me - because I think too much - okay, okay - way too much..... I keep it inside, because Ward is SOOOOOO good. And I recognize on some level that it's ridiculous to feel that way. But I'm 6 sometimes, I'm his little girl. I process things like a child...even when the grown up part of my brain is being....well grown up.

So I think I am being all mature, and grown-up and responsible and handling things just great on my own. I don't have to trouble him with it. It's unfounded, and if I give voice to it, I'm afraid he will feel convicted by my unfounded feelings. And I don't want that, I want him to feel good, right? But he doesn't feel good, he feels distance.

And then in writing to my friend today I realized, I am doing Ward a great disservice. He is my partner, he is my leader, he is my Daddy. It is his job to guide me. It is his job to protect me. It is his job to dispel the false beliefs I carry with me. When I keep those things to myself I am not giving him the opportunity to guide me, I am not giving him the opportunity to teach me. I am not giving him the opportunity to blow away those useless, damaging things into the wind, like a dandelion puff.


I owe you an apology, Daddy. I thought my surrender was complete. I see that it was not. I held back some little part in an attempt not to be hurtful. I see now that it was more hurtful to hold it, even with the best of intentions. So I surrender that last little piece to you, that last thing that I have held back, my last defense.


 I don't need it with you. I don't need it anymore. You are my defender now. You are my knight in shining armor, and you will slay all my dragons.

Vulnerability

You will receive love only to your ability to be vulnerable enough to let it in. Love between two people is a fearless state of being where who you are and who they are is given and received without fear of engulfment or abandon. The underlying belief of this state is complete trust regardless of outcome."

~Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath~

I saw this quote in my FetLife feed this morning, and it struck me. I think it's funny how this, and in fact several of the other topics seem inextricably intertwined.

There is intrinsically a physical vulnerability in any lifestyle relationship. In the committed ones, there is also an incredible emotional vulnerability. The submissive partner is not the only one who makes herself vulnerable. Accountability makes her vulnerable. Obviously she makes herself physically vulnerable for discipline and correction. She also makes herself vulnerable with honesty, and with being open and willing to her partner and his leadership, to following with grace. 

Make no mistake, the Dominant partner makes himself incredibly vulnerable, I'd like Ward to expand on that. But he's not home from work yet, and has one of those killer 30+ hour shifts tomorrow, so it may be a day or two until he can post.

The Dominant partner steers the ship. He assumes the responsibility for the decisions, which means he also assumes the responsibility for mistakes. He accepts responsibility for the actions of those he leads as well. Being the partner who holds the other accountable, he becomes vulnerable to her emotions: fear, discontent, confusion, anger, self-blame, sadness, remorse. He has to help her past those emotions, to forgive her and show her how to forgive herself, to build something positive, constructive and edifying from the experience.

Ward has said that in all things he will not fail me, be that being the biggest cheerleader I will ever have, my support when I feel overwhelmed, or the one who upholds discipline in our family. He has to make himself vulnerable to present his vision for our family. He has to make himself vulnerable to express his joy, his disappointment and his pride. I trust and treasure that. I trust and treasure him. 

And in this, too, I see the symbiotic cycle of exchange. I feed and support his leadership, and he feeds and supports my submission. And those are the things which feed and nurture our relationship, intimacy and our family. 

I love you, Daddy, you're my once in a lifetime.

Balance

The last couple of posts got me thinking about balance. D/s relationships thrive on balance (well all relationships should). There does not have to be equality, there simply has to be balance. I don't have to be able to do all the things you do, I don't have to want to do all the things you do. I do have to accept your efforts graciously, and I have to complement and support you. In that way, we fill and surround each other, complete all that needs to be done, and we as a unit are stronger than the sum of our two halves.

The philosophy of yin yang illustrates balance perfectly. Two individual halves, each with the essence of the other at it's heart, filling the gaps, complementing and strengthening. Yin is female energy. Yang is male energy.
I love this quote from Crystal Links:

"Yin and yang do not exclude each other. Yin and yang are interdependent. Yin and yang consume and support each other. Yin and yang can transform into one another. Part of yin is in yang and part of yang is in yin."

Some women may need to bring male energy into their work-life. But when we go home, there is masculine energy in our homes, we can leave that at the door and take on the gender role that we are most comfortable with. I can let Ward express that energy. I can be soft and womanly. And that's okay, it does not in any way diminish me. 

And, yes, ladies and gentleman - I have just had a personal revelation - just this second, while talking to you. I said above - "some women". There are some careers that use more feminine skill-sets, nurturing, caring, less business-y kinds of work. So where is my revelation? I was in school, studying CIS. I am pretty fair with a computer. I enjoy logical reasoning. I figured when I went back to school that I could make it work. Well, as I got further into it, I found myself distracted, disinterested, bored and frustrated. I could not imagine myself doing this every day. 

So I changed - to what? Psychology - I want to do counseling. I like to listen. I like to help, to problem-solve. I like the human touch. I miss human interaction. This allows me to be truer to my gender role, it is where I am comfortable. I am service-oriented. I always have been. How about that....

Traditionally, in our relationships, we each have a role. Men are providers and protectors. They possess strength and honor and are predisposed to action. They enjoy surmounting a challenge. They enjoy having influence and a positive effect. When women try to hard to perpetuate masculine energy in our relationships, when we eschew vulnerability, we deny our partners the need to protect us and to provide for us. We strip them of their purpose. Women are intuitive, nurturers, caretakers. We possess a different kind of strength. We want to be precious and treasured. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable to our partners, we are allowing ourselves to be softer, allowing ourselves to be loved and protected.

Another quote I happened across that I loved in researching this post, from The Tao of Gender:

A basic rule regarding the relationship of yin and yang is:
YANG protects YIN
YIN nurtures YANG
Together they form a complete whole.

I am not less than Ward. I am not unequal to Ward. I have strengths that Ward doesn't. He has strengths that I don't. We complement each other. I can say I can't. I can say I need you. This doesn't make me weak. It makes me stronger because he balances me. He shores me up. And I do the same for him.