Tuesday, July 10, 2012
The Power of Words
My last post was about power exchange. And it was kind of funny that the comments were a bit reticent. That brought me back to a thought that I think quite a bit...the power of words.
When I first started exploring I was loathe to use the word submissive. It was scary, the connotation of the word, to someone raised in the kind of environment I was. I was subjugated regularly, by people who were supposed to care about me. I came from a time and in a society where Gloria Steinem talked about dissolving sex-roles stereotypes, and Helen Reddy sang about not being kept down on the floor.
Well, I'm not the fist raised kind of girl. I was very content to use my easy-bake oven and a Betty Crocker cookbook I got for my 8th birthday. It's not that I don't believe in equality for all people - I do - regardless of sex, color, sexual orientation or lifestyle kink. But don't tell me that I'm wrong because I'm comfortable cooking and cleaning and nesting. When you give someone a freedom, it should really include a judgement-free freedom of choice.
But I digress...I grew with a head-full of images and some kind of perverse aversion to the idea of submission. When I started exploring my core, what I wanted needed and desired, I struggled with the idea of submission. That word...but the reality, and the feeling are very much different. And the word became not something to fear, and not a label, but a way to express a very deep dimension of my soul.
Then I was confronted with the word slave. Oh good Lord are we serious? What a negative connotation does that have? But ask me now, I am Ward's little girl, but there is nothing that I would deny him. There is nothing I would not do for him. There is no limit to what I would do for him, out of trust and love and because he would never diminish me. He lifts me up. He honors me. I honor him.
One I still struggle with is masochist....Hello, my name is June and I am a spanko. Ward and I enjoy spanking as play, as an assertion of his dominance, and an acknowledgement of my submission, what some might call maintenance. We also use it for discipline. I dislike labels - we are a lovely mix of different dynamics. I feel like Donny and Marie - we're a little bit DD. a little bit D/s, a little bit spanko. We are us. I like us quite a lot.
I am a spanko, I do indeed crave pain sometimes. I know that when I feel I have done something that is detrimental to us, I need his absolution. I need the purging. When I am stressed, the pain takes the unbearable emotional pain, transfers it to flesh and poof...does that make me a masochist? That word still holds power over me.
When I heard about Daddies and babygirls, I thought, especially in light of the sexually abusive childhood I had that that was just not me, that was sick. I had the impression that many have, it's about age-play, incest-play. And that's not it at all, not for us. Certainly there is an age-play fetish, that is scene-dependant. It's something you put on and take off. We are who we are to the depths of our souls, it is 24/7, it is fluid. Sometimes I am little me, sometimes I am big me - but that's a chat for another post. Having a Daddy and being his little girl doesn't frighten me anymore.
There are some in the DD world that would deny that they are in a D/s relationship. But when one party takes a leadership role and another follows, it is a Dominant/submissive relationship. And Daddy and I, being who and what we are think most must like/want/need/desire spanking even if they don't want to admit it.Which brings us back to power exchange. Another scary concept. Wikipedia defines a power exchange relationship as "refers to a relationship or activity in which the submissive gives to the dominant partner power and authority over the submissive's body in exchange for the submissive's happiness and health".
Well, that's kinda of what we all do, whether we're DD, D/s, D/lg, M/s, isn't it? So I'm kind of curious as to what image the term evoked for the commenters on the Power exchange post. Is that a term or a concept that you found jarring or scary? Are there words or terms that you have trouble embracing, but keep coming back to you?