Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Spankings, Position, and the effect on the mind 1.

                                                                  

We have shared many things about spanking on this blog, and indeed we will share a great deal more. I think one of the more overlooked topics is the effect that certain spanking positions can have on both the HoH/Spanker and his partner/spankee.  Spanking certainly has a lot of connotations for a lot of people and it has a wonderful way of becoming truly personalized and very intimate from house to house.

As I'm sure you have gathered our home is no exception and the positions we use reinforce our places:  her place as my partner and her submissive nature; my place as the Head of the House and her dominant.  Sometimes it really is as simple as walking through the door, getting that first kiss of the evening and seeing in her body language just what she needs.... Be that some "Mommy Time", a sound spanking, or just to sit and talk amidst the dazzling floor show that is our kids. Still, there comes a time when nothing says I love you like some  well spent time reinforcing love, intimacy, discipline, expectation, comfort, affection and sexiness (we get some serious miles out of our spanking sessions!)  



                                       

I have come to understand my June's needs and have found that for us, position can have a deep and profound affect on how she responds to and absorbs the sometimes necessary attention that I give her.  Like many we have found the classic Over the Knee (OTK) position to be the most frequently used  position across our own spanking spectrum. OTK is very intimate, submissive, and conductive to communication (even if it is the kind that doesn't come from words).  I love so many things about OTK that it's nearly impossible to count, but I think this would almost be our, and I'm sure many other spanko's, default position

Here are some of my favorite things about OTK

-  it's intimate
-  the view is unrestricted and very exposing
-  it brings submission and dominance to a head very quickly
-  it's simple and delicious yet, complex and challenging at times





                                                                                                                         
(http://morethanithurtsme.tumblr.com) Kind of along the lines of this, but I am on the bed, over pillows, bottom up & face down.


      


 Like many others we have used the also classic Over the pillows, or across the bed approach, however in a slight modification  I like to wrap my arm around her lower back or waist and pull her close to my side as I give her the kind of affectionate attention that we both need... It seems so simple but it has helped our bond become so very strong over time.  Even on the few occasions that correction had to be given, the intimacy and affectionate nature of this position helped us both manage loving correction with grace and love.

Here are some of my favorite things about on the bed/ over pillows, side to side

-  intimate
-  reinforces roles
-  a good position for lengthy or painful sessions

                                                  

 There are of course several other positions of note and I will delve into them at a later time.  The ones we have talked about here today are some of the most effective for getting each other in a positive place no matter what the spanking is for... Affection, taking the time to listen and act (even when life gets crazy) and caring enough to communicate even when it's difficult are even more important and vital to this process. We hope this gives you somthing to think about and indeed use!

 Her POV:
I had never had otk, though it was in my mind what I needed. Daddy obliged and it was delicious. For me, while I enjoy spanking, it is painful, and it is a humbling proposition to lay yourself across your man's lap to ask for his discipline. What I desired from DD was that loving connection.

Daddy said he would always discipline with affection. His voice is calm, even in correction, his words are soft, kind and supportive, talking about where things went wrong and how to get back to that place. Be it for play, discipline or correction, that was important to me, as was the body contact that otk provides, it is comforting, even in the face of discipline and correction; knowing that what he does, he does out of love.

He talked about side-by-side, and I did not think I would like it. I wanted - needed - to feel his body, that measure of comfort. But I am his, and I wish to be obedient, so the first time he directed me across the pillows, I went. Then he did the most astonishing thing - to me, at least. He sat beside me, with his torso at about a 90 degree angle with my waist, leaning lightly across my back and placing his arm over my body, and pulled his forearm tight against my side from my waist to my thigh. It was an amazingly safe and comforting feeling, totally encompassed by both his body and his Dominance. When it gets intense, I can snake my hand back and grip his hand. It has become a favorite position for us, for the closeness it offers and the way it fulfills both his need for Dominance and my need for submission.

16 comments:

  1. Hi Ward - This is a great explanation of the how different positions can impact a mindset. June, I'm like you, feeling him, that touch is so important and makes such a difference doesn't it. Have a great evening.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. It makes all the difference in the world to me, Cat, especially for those long, very intense sessions, being able to feel that reassurance, his warmth, his heartbeat against my side or back, his control, his his love and affection makes it so much easier to endure.

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    1. You're most welcome, Blue Bird. He has some posts planned on other positions as well.

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  3. A great explanation Ward, thank you for sharing. We use both otk and over the end of the bed most often. When we do this, Rick sometimes sits beside me with his arm across my lower back. I love feeling him right there, having that physical connection to him. It feels so much more intimate and loving.

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    1. I went from being scared of that position, Roz, to it being one of my favorites. I think it provides even more body contact and security than otk (never thought anything would usurp otk for me).

      Ward is working late today, so he probably won't be able to respond to everyone till tomorrow.

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  4. Thanks Ward and Junie
    This was a good descriptive explanation, and I see that Ian read it last night. I don't have much input, but I like him reclining on the bed beside me the best. That is how we have erotic spankings and those are the only ones I like. All other ones I am just trying to get other with..... :(
    For erotic ones, reclining means that he can easily whisper in my ear or kiss me and I love that. :)
    very nice post.
    hugs
    lillie

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    1. Hi, Lillie Belle,
      Ward asks my opinion, but of course the decision is ultimately his. He brought the side by side, and honestly, as usual he knows me better than I know myself, and it is my favorite. It allows him, yes, a lot more mobility, for sensuous/erotic spankings, he too leans down to whisper, to kiss and caress and otherwise drive me absolutely insane :-P ; but he also uses it for correction because I need that closeness and reassurance.

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    2. HI Ward and Junie
      Ian tells me that he was going to reply last night because he wondered if Ward felt correction / punishment spankings should have as much contact as over the lap or side by side. We have had (blushing profusely) a situation where I had an.....um......orgasmic result from a resetting otk correction. It was very upsetting at the time, strangely enough. And it is a long story. Ian has stuck with OTK for punishments, but confessed to me that he wondered if he was "inviting trouble" by having intimate contact when he was trying to deliver a message.
      Also - you sound like you are a very nice wife, and I am not always, so Ward and Ian's experiences might be vastly different, but he was interested in Ward's perspective, so I did his typing for him.
      And....lol Lillie Belle - I love it - thanks Juniebug :D
      hugs
      lillie

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    3. :D Glad you like it, Lillie Belle. Daddy had a long day & he's a bit under the weather, but before he started snoring I shared That Ian would like his opinion & he promised to give his thoughts tomorrow.

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  5. with some longer range implements direct body contact isn't possible, but that's usually for fun/play so i'm ok with the distance.

    however when it's grounding or maintenance, feeling BIKSS lie next to me and hold me close to him is something I look forward to. The contact is so important for me. having said that, OTK is not something we typically do. perhaps we should make an effort to do this a little more. the few times we HAVE done that, I DID feel very satisfied after.

    thank you for sharing this.

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    1. Hi, Fondles,
      For insanely dangerous transgressions - and thankfully I have never experienced such, nor do I wish to - Ward has said correction would be given over the arm of the sofa with the long paddle. He did say that he would keep a hand on my back, or hold my hand so that I still had contact, but allow him to take the more severe corrective measures he would need to in that situation.

      You should try the side by side, Fondles - it is brain-meltingly lovely :)

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  6. Hi guys :)

    I prefer those positions where I can feel him beside me.....I am most likely already upset and dreading what is coming....so feeling his hand, or his lap really help pull me through. I do have to say nothing gets through to me like being put otk....I have no idea why...at that moment it just seems apparently clear that I am NOT in charge,no matter what my attitude must have been saying 30 seconds ago ;)

    Thanks for sharing you all :)

    ~Lucy

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    1. Hi,Lucy :)

      I am the same way. I need the closeness and assurance, especially if it is discipline or correction. He is very kind and reassuring in thought, action and word, if it is correction he says that he is disappointed in my action, but never in me. But it is very easy to lose hold of that when you are vulnerable and things get intense. So the maximum body contact is so very much needed.

      (I kind of really like that not in charge feeling, though :D )

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  7. Nice post. Having a physical connection is very comforting for me as well and makes it much more intimate. Thanks for writing Ward and I look forward to the other installments.

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