Saturday, November 17, 2012

Correction and Emotion

  Being the HoH is a job that I've found to be always rewarding and sometimes challenging.  In addition to being observant, kind, gracious, loving, generous and affectionate, a good man must also be intuitive, resolute, dominant, slow to anger, quick to forgive and prepared to sacrifice in order to build a strong, healthy relationship that elevates both a man and his lady to their healthiest places.

I can honestly count on one hand the number of times that it was necessary to give her correction.
Correction is something that I think a lot of people don't like to talk about or always see in a negative light, but sometimes I think if we look closely we can  learn a number of things that can prove useful in the future.


  I think I can easily say that spanking in the corrective sense of the word is one of my least favorite jobs as the HoH.  It isn't fun and it is an emotional trigger for both of us. I love her too much to fail her or let something small fester and turn into something big.  I'm sure June would tell you that sometimes I can be a pain when I know something is on her mind, but as it is I think she knows just as I do, that when the air needs to be cleared, it becomes a priority.  I'm not sure how other people do things, but we believe in a saying that may sound a bit cliche  but it's true, "Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry."

It can be simpler said and done and even when the head is cool, the heart burns hot and the truth of emotion is and can often be brought to the surface during a thorough spanking. Distance, passive-aggression, stubbornness,  may all be seen during the emotive stages of correction, being that none of those things can be allowed to flourish, they are soon replaced by contrition, a will to change and the release of guilt, anger, hurt and negativity.


The experience of administering discipline or correction for the good of our relationship is often a heavy one. There is the desire to make things right, the desire to affect a change in attitude or spirit or behavior, the desire to give her what she needs, and of course the desire not to have to repeat such an experience.  It does affect me in an emotional way.  I have to give  myself a moment to think, to regroup and to reexamine my thoughts before proceeding sometimes... It's been said that one is only capable of viewing the world through the lens in which they see it, and when correction is concerned, I believe it is vital to be pure of mind and intention and to have the right desire and not to be caught in a negative mindset or be tense and full of anger... This accomplishes nothing at best, and undermines ones authority at worst and could lead to injury or the kind of hurt that isn't easily healed.  If I am to demand her best, how can I give her anything less?  How does a man give love if he doesn't have the grace to receive it?  Even when I am disappointed or hurt, there is an affection that exists to soothe and comfort both of our hearts even in the midst of the pain that comes from correction.


  The Pay off comes in those moments of renewal, clean slate, and learning the best way to handle our thoughts and actions in the future. They say hindsight is often twenty twenty, but I think sometimes learning to get to that level of communication where  we become stronger as a couple and our bond becomes just that much more unbreakable.


Her POV:

I know that correction is not something that is pleasant for either of us. I know that it would be easier for him to overlook those things that call for it. And I know that neither one of us could live with that for feeling that we had failed the other, and our relationship.

The first correction came pretty quickly after we were us. I'm here to tell you, you can correct a spanko with a spanking. It has to do with the tone, the talk, the delivery. Daddy was effective in communicating his message. It is not something I wish to repeat. And he can correct me if I am wrong, but I don't think I ever have. Did it hurt? Heck yes! What hurt more? The look on his face when the words tumbled out of my mouth, and the sag in his shoulders when he realized what he had to do.

Do I want to be corrected? No. Do I want that intangible thing between him and I? No. Recently, before we thought Daddy was going to have to leave, I had a very bad day. And I was not who I should have been, especially in the face of thinking he might be gone for months. Daddy understood, and forgave it, and I got a pretty firm stress relief.....and it wasn't enough. When he asked what was wrong, and assured me that it was okay, and it hadn't been correction, I said maybe I needed it to be, because at the time I needed him most, I pushed him away the hardest. He said he understood why I had done it, but that perhaps it should have been correction. And so it was, and when it was over, we were better, and we were both stripped down and I could accept his forgiveness.

No, it's not fun. No it's not easy; not physically, not mentally, not emotionally. Without it, sometimes  it is too easy to hide from each other. I am grateful that my Ward is committed enough to me, to us, to guide us through those rough spots, because the place on the other side....well that's heaven.


  1. So true, Ward and June: correction is NOT fun and it it NOT easy! BUT it is good for the marriage (and for the couple as individuals). It takes a strong husband to step out of his own comfort zone and administer correction in love. And it takes a strong wife to accept it graciously. If correction is avoided when it is necessary, the marriage eventually pays the price, and that is usually a far bigger price than the discomfort (and pain) of the process of correction.

  2. WOW - Very intense post and so very true. You both have a wonderful way with words and explained a very painful and emotional topic beautifully and with so much love. Thank you.


  3. Wow, this is so very true and so beautifully explained. Correction is painful, both physically and emotionally but the benefits afterwards are immense. I love that feeling of being forgiven, loved and cherished that comes afterwards.


  4. @ Old Fashioned Marriage - Thanks for responding! The spirit of love and doing what is necessary to keep the relationship healthy and loving her enough is a big part of success and harmony.
    @ Cat - Thank you so very much, we love having you coment on our blog!
    @ Roz - Thank you, Correction is always rough, but it is a worthy and loving part of our relationship!


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