That is me, I own that - part 2

After that incident we talked about in part one, we have talked a little about sexuality, appeal and desire. Daddy continues to help me when I hesitate, or forget, or just plain don't want to say...'that is me, I own that.'

The other night, we were laying on our bed, and Daddy said, "Okay, little one, it's time for you to go get your shower, then you're going to get a wooden toy and a leather toy, and the buzzy toy out while I get my shower." I said yes Daddy.

After my shower he called me to him, pulled me across his lap and was just touching me. Then he said something and it led us back to that conversation. I peered at him over my shoulder and responded in an incredulous manner....I forget the exact conversation. He looked at me and said, "I changed my mind, don't get anything out of the box, just get the buzzy toy. I'll take care of the rest. We're going to do something that you've been needing." He left to get his shower and I got out the buzzy toy and plugged it in and began to read.

When Daddy came back from the shower he laid next to me and began kissing my neck as he closed my book and removed my glasses. He pulled back the covers and directed me onto my tummy. He kissed and stroked and spanked with his hand and then whispered in that lovely sweet and thick voice, "I want you to stand at the bottom of the bed, facing forward, hands behind your back."

I rose, turned, and felt his hands on my shoulders and his lips on my neck, which I bared for him. Then I felt silk slide across my eyes.

 

Then his hands were on mine and silk wrapped around and over and under my arms and hands, and as he worked, he spoke, "These are not the tightest of bonds, but they symbolize that we are bound one to the other, heart to heart, soul to soul, mind to mind."

  

He guided me to the bed and laid me on it, bid me roll onto my back, and again he spoke, "You are naked and vulnerable before me. You belong to me, and you are beautiful, all of you. You please me, all of you."

I felt the weight of him next to me on the bed and his fingers wound in my hair. "Your hair is red, the color of flame and passion and warmth. It is the passion with which you care for me and for this family. It is soft and I love the smell of it. It pleases me. It belongs to me." Tears began to fall behind the silk, soaking into the cloth. 

His fingers and lips moved to my face, "I love your mind. You are strong and intelligent. You kept this family going with your strength before me and when I have had to be away. I love the way you see things. I relish your submissive nature and what you have given me. It pleases me. It belongs to me."

...to my eyes, "I love your eyes, they are green and verdant. They see things no one else does. They have a vision that is clear and honest. They please me. They belong to me."

His fingers roaming my body every single inch, his voice soft and soothing, my tears flowing, my chest heaving...... all the way down to my toes (freshly painted sparkly hot pink) and as he went the world got smaller and smaller, and the thoughts in my head disappeared and new ones were turned away on the tide of his words, until there was nothing but his touch and his words and that thought.....I please him...... I belong to him. And nothing else matters, and was there never another truth, except that I belong to him and that he finds me pleasing, in heart....in thought.....in form....in love....in submission.....in service.

     

HIS POV:
This was something that I had wanted to do for quite a while. June definitely needed to feel how special she is to me... I try to tell her, and show her everyday...but as it goes so many times, actions speak a whole lot louder than words. This special bit of intimacy is a small example of strength in ownership and strength in submission. Truly, it is a beautiful thing.

I belong to him...

I am cooking, he comes up behind me,
turns down the burners, takes the spoon from my hand
leads me upstairs.....
I belong to him.

We are talking, some situation, I am frustrated
Do I hear his assurances?
He pulls me down across his lap,
not for spanking, he assures,
just so I can stop and focus on his words....
I belong to him.

I am done work for the night,
log off and go to the kitchen
to fetch the laundry for folding.
He takes the clothes from my hands
kisses my neck and says
they'll be there in the morning, I'll help
Time for bed, little one.
I belong to him.

Fresh from the shower
he meets me, wraps his arms around me
bites my necks softly, pinning my arms
whispering, it's time for your spanking, little one,
go to the box and choose something wood and something leather
I see the ramp and the brush, and on the bed
I  kneel on the bed, bottom high, chest pressed to the bed
He growls approvingly - that's beautiful presentation, my love.
I belong to him.

Sometimes soft leather tinged flight,
other times hard, not correction,
but meant to clear the fog and the muddle
or the self-doubt and insecurity that
crowds out the good
When it becomes too much,
when tears come, when I struggle
soft caresses, soft words,
kisses that drink in my tears
It's okay, Daddy's here, I've got you,
you're mine, hear my voice,
you are good, you are worthy,
you are beautiful, you please me.
you are mine.
I belong to him.

Something happens, innocuous,
but it brings back tsunami's of the past,
of hurt, of shame, of things
that should never happen to children.
He sees my tears, and takes my task from my hands
pulls me to his chest, presses his lips to my forehead
wraps me tight into him, strokes softly,
kisses and wipes tears, and reassures...soft... sweet
Daddy has you. I love you, I always will.
Nothing can make me forget that,
It only makes me love you more.
You are mine. No one will ever hurt you again.
You are safe.
I belong to him.

Waking in the night
my chest burning, gulping air,
fingers clenching....what?
Daddy?.....
Shhhh, baby, it's just a bad dream, Daddy's here
You're safe, I won't let anyone hurt you.
Be a good girl and go back to sleep.
I belong to him.

His fingers wound through my hair
I belong to him.
Pulling my face to his
I belong to him.
His lips on mine
I belong to him.
His fingers stroking my skin
I belong to him.
His voice in my ears
I belong to him.

HIS POV:  What can I say except I love you?!! Your touching words strike a chord somewhere deep in my heart. Your submission and love are the two greatest gifts that I've received and to be your steward, to be the one that you turn to.. to own you it is truly a privilege and a high reward that I hope to be worthy of. Your love and pure affection elevate me. You are a pleasure to call mine and I am blessed to be yours as well.

Completing Each Other

I am sitting here working, and have the TV on for background noise, my favorite shows (okay, okay, I can't help it- I AM a weirdo - I Love Lucy, The Dick Van Dyke Show & Andy Griffith...you know, REAL TV, not that in-your-back-pocket reality TV that floods the airways now), and this commercial came on for Marie Osmond's show. I missed the topic of the show but was grabbed by the tag line was, "Let's stop competing with each other and work on completing each other." I thought - boy, that's submission in a nutshell!

I don't have to worry about the same things that Ward does. I don't have to do the things he does. I don't have to be well-versed and strong at all the things that are needed to run our family. I have him, he is my partner. He has his strengths and I have mine. I can lean on him for those things that I cannot easily accomplish, the things that frustrate me. All I have to do is open my hands and offer it to him.

If I try to hold on too tightly, I will begin to spin out of frustration. I will become short with the children and feel pressured by his requests. I will become overloaded. I will rob us of an opportunity to be closer because I am floundering with a task that is better suited to his talents.

If, instead, I support him in other areas as he performs those things which challenge me, with things that come easier, and support him, support us as a couple, and our family, I am completing him, and we are both happier. We work as a unit, a well-oiled machine and things get accomplished, mountains are moved, we are stronger and we have time then to really connect heart-to-heart.

I am his equal in my value within our relationship, but I am not his equal, nor is he mine. I would like to suggest that 'equality' is a misunderstood concept. If we examine the definition, which says that equality is the symmetry of behavior in an interaction of a physical entity (as a subatomic particle) with that of its mirror image. And we look further to symmetry to find that it is a sense of harmonious and beautiful proportion and balance..... ahhhhhh.....balance - to bring into harmony.

When we complete each other, we come into balance, leaning on and supporting each other, becoming something greater and even more beautiful than we could ever be alone.

HIS POV:   Teamwork is such a hugely important part of our lives. June and I have learned that balancing our strengths and bolstering each other where we need it is the very best way for us to proceed. I am her equal in our relationship in that my contributions matter just as much as hers do, I am not her equal in certain skills, and projects and nor is she mine. However, knowing each other this deeply, this intimately, it allows us to tap into our deepest most supportive selves and solve any problems with aplomb. True strength is not taking on the whole load by oneself, or feeling like equality is everything... true strength is balance, symmetry, and the light that they bring.

DD/TTWD, Spanking, and Self-Discovery

                                                        

                                                                    

DD/TTWD is truly an amazing, vibrant lifestyle. We get the benefit of learning and being even more mindful of our partner's ideas, thoughts, dreams and desires. Even though June and I came into our relationship "as is", we have also discovered much about each other. When we were at the "feeling out" stage of our relationship,  there was certainly some trepidation about some of the things that we both felt and enjoyed. We have routinely  been delighted to find out that our communication has  led to us  being completely and utterly on the same page. June and I have come to realize that we probably belong to a sub-category of DD/TTWDers that may in fact be all our own.  We have alluded to, suggested, and even plainly stated that we are in fact spanking enthusiasts as well as a practicing DD/TTWD couple.

                                                                  

 I guess to some that might seem like an oxymoron, but June and I couldn't imagine life any other way. We also know that there are quite a few professed "spank-nos" out there.  I would also go a bit further and dare ask a question.... What if the line were blurred? What would happen if spanking wasn't used strictly for correction? What would happen if you discovered a wonderful tool that led to you talking more, touching more, kissing more, and making love deeper and stronger?  I'm sure you're all saying that it's easy for me to say and that my own backside isn't on the line, but truth is that far beyond correction or even discipline, there is something about spanking that calls to our shared sense of intimacy. It's more than just sexy, it's more than just something we do, it's who we are and what we share with nobody else. It brings us clarity, focus and speaks deep of the devotion that we hone daily.

                                                                                                 

                                           

 It doesn't necessarily have to be spanking.  We realize  that everyone is different, unique, special. That is in fact part of the magic of relationships. Romance, dedication and communication can unveil more than what simply passes a passionate fancy... No, sometimes intimate, connective time unveils a deeper side of our relationship. The kind we guard, the kind we have a thirst for... Those defining intimate moments that you savor while you are at work and pop into your head while you are doing a load of laundry. Even now typing this I am reminded of the thirst I have for June's love, affection, touch and sweet, soft kindness.  Every day in every way this energy, this intimacy defines a relationship.  June and I just happen to think that spanking in it's many sumptuous forms happens to be a perfect vehicle for this.

                                                              

Self-discovery begins with but a few words, communication is the key. Do you have a unrequited passion that you long to share with your partner? Tell them, show them how you feel, and that it's more than that tingly feeling  or something that curls your toes.  Trepidation much?  Sometimes the only way to gain new ground is to take the first step and give voice to our thoughts, dreams, and yes, desires.  Likewise, take the time to give ear to the voice of your partner... Work together to find that special place that belongs to you as a couple and you as a couple alone.  Find that spark, let if blossom into the beautiful flames of deep intimacy. 

                                                  

 Knowing these things, DD/TTWD has actually improved in every aspect for us.  That connection we speak of, that intimacy drives us to be our best. June is the best woman that I've ever had the pleasure to know, and she puts everything into being loving wife, mother, and best friend.  DD/TTWD also makes me want to be a better man, to be a good father and to bring love and light to our family. Who would have thought a teensy, tiny little spanking would do all that?!





                               

Her POV:

I was raised in a culture of guilt. I accept the blame for everything, and I mean everything. I stress from life in general, I didn't do well enough, I didn't give enough, I shouldn't have been annoyed at the children, the laundry wasn't done, I didn't finish an assignment, dinner was delayed or something happened along the way and a step took longer than it should have. I am my own worst critic.

I take things to heart. Sometimes I am overly sensitive. Things are said that are innocuous, but I get upset. Or just the trials of life, things beyond  our control, I fret, and knowing how much is on his plate, hold them in, effectively building walls. I rely on him to help me. Spankings break down those walls and keep us stripped and open, close and communicating.

At other times there is nothing as intimate as laying yourself bare across his lap, open for his touch, in all the ways he chooses to touch you. It is a wonderful, warm, soft, surrendered, vulnerable, cared for, loved, protected feeling. It, too, is stripped away intimacy.

Spanking for us is the tool, the vehicle that we use to drive our relationship. I look to him to support me as I support him, to elevate me as I elevate him, to hold me accountable, to change my 'stinkin' thinkin', to correct me when I stray from our truth, to help me be open, soft, feminine and vulnerable. For us, these things often start with me across his lap, with his leadership and my trust,with my vulnerability and his acceptance, and with the gift to each other of authenticity, of his Dominance and my submission.

Personalization In Your Dynamic

The time has come to approach and illuminate a topic that has the potential to effect a large percentage of the folks in DD/TTWD marriages as well as resound throughout blogland. This is a topic that June and I both very strongly about and while we understand that some people have differing opinions, we feel that speaking out about the potential pifalls and dangers of single minded, insensitive, approaches to DD/TTWD and some of the potentially disastrous consequences that can befall even seasoned couples in an otherwise healthy relationship.  We do not seek to proclaim ourselves experts, and would not dare deign to tell others that our way is "The Way" or disrespect any established couples. We hope that you will share in this journey to the heart and health of DD/TTWD and we freely encourage people to ask questions.

Have you ever stopped and considered what makes your relationship special and unique? Is it the things you say to each other? Is it how you treat each other? Is it how you interpretation of the intricacies of  your dynamic? We ask that you keep these questions in mind as we discuss and speak out about something that has been eating at us.  There are several entities and resources in the DD/TTWD world that claim that they are "experts" or that their way is "the way" to go. We will speak out against this and denounce this as dangerous and somewhat reckless. I'm sure some of you have heard of several "books" or have heard of  Domestic Discipline "bootcamps" or "bootcamp" style relationship training.  Some see this as a way to condition or indoctrinate their spouse to the concepts of "leadership", "punishment"  and the general foundation, and day to day concepts of the DD/TTWD lifestyle.  It is our opinion that an "all encompassing" or  formulaic approach to something as precious and important as the DD lifestyle is reckless at best and dangerous at it's worst. We believe that for a couple to get the most  out of this lifestyle,  that a great dear of care must be exercised when dealing with each others emotions,  ideas, expressions, affections etc... In simpler terms it is paramount that we know and understand each other in order to best serve each other's needs even and especially the need for order, discipline and structure.

One of the things that we've seen with the "bootcamp" principal is the idea of punishment to introduce the concept of submission or "to get used to it."  The idea of punishment without a good reason is an idea that is destructive, harmful and absolutely without merit. We expressly admit that we do believe in spanking as a submission exercise, as well as spankings for role reinforcement, but the idea of arbitrary punishment is nothing less than detrimental to the mental and spiritual state of the TiH and the state of the relationship.  Regrettably, June and I have both also seen the negative impact that the bootcamp experience can offer... Sometimes it sends the wrong message to both HoH and TiH... A misguided HoH can become disconnected from his TiH and may not be aware of the real emotions, fears, and true honesty... If punishment or correction occurs without merit? How can we expect real honesty? In the wrong situations, a TiH  may feel various feelings of negativity, resentment, fear or inadequacy at the prospect of unwarranted punishment...This in conjunction with several other factors could easily cause hard feelings, and difficulty in communication.  We should also express that  there may be merit in the idea of bootcamp...open communication about the expectations of the house, what a couple is striving for, open and honest discussions about  the impact that you both expect and desire,  healthy and considerate introductions to healthy forms of spankings that have a purpose... These are all things that can benefit a healthy happy relationship and we would entreat people to explore these concepts  in a "them" centric manner that speaks to their own unique considerations, needs, and requirements.

One of the other concepts that we would express at this time is the need for consistent care, awareness, and  respect to both people in the relationship.  I may be the HoH in our relationship, but I am also cognizant of the fact that June needs me to demonstrate not only a fierce love but a deep and uncompromising respect for her as my wife, the mother of my children, and the voice and life of our home.  We have learned that in our relationship, we must make the time to develop and perfect a process that speaks to the decisions we make and the importance that we hold for each other, and that is our suggestion to you... Work together to discover something that you can develop a blueprint for a healthy happy relationship that puts a sharp and clear focus on healthy and pure unity.

June here - I believe that as a start to DD, having a dedicated time with no interruptions to outline the specifics of the relationship, such as rules and expectations of both partners is a constructive, foundation-building thing. I believe that one of those expectations should be time set aside every single day to connect and affirm our roles, rather than have periodic bootcamps to realign or redefine.

It is no secret that Daddy and I do daily maintenance. So please do not take this to mean that I am speaking against spanking, or other methods of correction as tools in a DD relationship, or that I am speaking out of both sides of my mouth. When Daddy spanks for role affirmation, for discipline, just because he can, or for correction, he takes the time to see me. He knows me well enough to understand what I need, to understand what it takes to get through to me. You can see this kind of leadership all over blogland, HoH's who understand their women and lead instinctively, like Jim, Jake, Ian, Michael, Dragon, Omega and Steven to name a few.  To not cultivate that kind of environment, that kind of interaction can result in more unwanted behaviors that it prevents. I believe that submission should come from a place of wanting to give respect and deference to our HoH, a place of desiring to be pleasing, a place of service, and not a fear of punishment.

I think it is dangerous to take someone hungry for the closeness that DD brings, and trepidatious about what it takes to lead, and give them a checklist of how to conduct a spanking or corrective action. I think the formulaic approach can lead some to think there is no other way, does not encourage them to see how things fit into their relationships and how to make it their own. I believe the approach can teach an HoH to close himself off to his TiH. For example in our case because of my background, corner time or time in our room would create panic in me, I would feel abandoned. I need his reassurance that he is there and that the things he does, even correction, come from a place of love. When correction is over I need his arms, and his assurances that his love is unconditional, that I am forgiven, and that we are moving forward with growth and a better understanding, and the transgression won't be brought up again by either of us. He won't allow me to beat myself up over something we have resolved.

I think the bootcamp experience can be emotionally draining, and then to heap a long evening of causeless punishments can be emotionally damaging. This kind of thing can break one's spirit. For us the idea of DD is never to diminish each other, and Daddy would never, ever break my spirit. I think that there needs to be a purge in that establishment period, something like Roz's beautiful ceremony detailed in her post "Collared". For Daddy and myself there was something similar, yes a very long, firm spanking, with lots of love and pride expressed as a sign of the things we were letting go, and the things we choose to embrace. This has to be what speaks to and serves your relationship, not from a checklist or chart.

As I stated above, for me submission come from a desire to serve, a desire to be pleasing, not because I fear the consequences if I displease him in breaking one of our rules. I think that both Dominance and submission call us to be mindful of our partners, and to take the time to reaffirm our roles and commitment to them daily. Yes, we spank daily. We also affirm our roles within our relationship and to each other in small ways every day. Much as mouse beautifully illustrates again and again of her dynamic with Omega, Daddy understands my need to feel his Dominance, and his devotion to me is to provide submission exercises. These can be spankings, writing assignments, or tasks. And I try to be mindful of his needs and provide things in service and deference to him, like meeting him at the door with a drink or removing his shoes and socks after a long day and refreshing and massaging his feet.

As Daddy said, none of this is to say that we have all the answers. We have worked very hard to have the answers for us. Sometimes we see something that someone else shares that speaks to a struggle we have had. We discuss it and see how it applies to us. We are grateful for the mentorship provided by the experienced couples in this community. We believe the opportunities to speak with others in this lifestyle through our blogs, and the various chatrooms are invaluable. We believe that everyone can only speak with authority to their own relationship.  And no one can or should speak as an authority on this lifestyle in general. 

Ward again - We would like to finish this post by expressing that in addition to understanding the way your process works for you, you may also find some deep and unexpected benefits of a enriched, personalized DD/TTWD relationship. Taking the time to develop, nourish, and evolve an ideology and lifestyle that is right for you and your partner....No this isn't always easy, fair, or fun, and yes, you will be tested....sometimes it's going to hurt, but knowing that we matter to each other, really matter, enough to effect a positive culture of awareness and responsibility says that this love is unconditional, indubitable and transcendent.

We also have to admit that we have both made a few mistakes and suffered a few setbacks, neither one of us is perfect. The beauty of mistake-making though is in the growth and knowledge that this begets. When we learn, we grow and when we grow we see the positive effect that change can have in our relationships.  Establishing these changes allows us to tweak and further refine the policies and expectations that benefit our relationships the most. It all starts with a mindset that teaches us to develop our own unique ideas, needs, and thoughts... We would suggest this might be a great starting point for the uninitiated, or a great vantage point for the established. Either way, there is much wealth to be mined in investing our own time and energy in the way we approach DD/TTWD.
June again -  The essence of DD/TTWD relationships is mutual mindfulness and respect. When we undertake activities we want them to enrich our dynamics, not potentially break our spirits or damage us or our relationships. Ward and I often look at our children and think - Lord they didn't come with an instruction manual. Truth be told, when I was pregnant with my first I read every single book because I wanted to be the best I could be. When I was handed that little person I reaffirmed my undying commitment to him. And when I sat on the living room floor crying because those books didn't answer the questions I had, and nothing was working for THIS child, I realized even the author can only speak from their own personal experience. They didn't know MY child. I had to open my heart and reach out with my spirit and my soul to his, and find the ways that I could best benefit him.

The truth is, we are humans, and we are different, and our experiences, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, psyches and reactions are all influenced by our personality and our personal experiences. There is no one size fits all answer. And there are no manuals. We would encourage you to read, to seek, but we would also encourage you to take whatever you find and make it your own, with the well-being of your partner's heart, mind, body and being in the forefront of your mind. 

Dual Post Number 1 (Struggling in your Role)

Hello ladies and gentlemen, We would like to invite you to come and explore a few very important issues in the first of a long line of posts that we will both be writing together.  You are used to both of us  giving our Points of View, but we thought that it might be nice for us to to collaborate on a topic.  We hope that you find this particular post to be a valuable tool in your own relationship.

Sometimes  it's hard to maintain one's role.  Sometimes It's even harder to fight down the seemingly small urges that we may develop to pull away from our partners and put up walls.  Distance doesn't work and the longer we maintain a distance, the deeper the strain on our relationships become.  So then what is the answer?

If you guessed communication, I am suitably impressed by your insight, and commend your  wisdom and prudence!  In all seriousness, from this HoH's perspective, I value when June comes to me and communicates exactly what she needs, and when she needs it.  I must also appreciate the effort that it takes to come forward with an issue as well as understanding the newness of this feeling. In many instances, June didn't have the opportunity to talk openly and honestly about what she needed. Sometimes it would be easier to be stand-offish, distant, snappy, or outright rude to each other, but I think we all know, that that isn't the answer.

It would seem that the best thing to do is talk openly and honestly about what we need without expecting the other person to be psychic or perfect and to do so without being manipulative or overly expectant without fully vocalizing what we truly need.  Honesty, and effort count for a lot, especially when we are already tired from day to day life... Listening intently is a big first step, but honest and realistic communication are also important.  I have many skills, but I'll be the first to admit that I am not a mind reader, knowing this I also know that I have to make myself available and admit my own errors... Nobody is perfect, but we must all keep ourselves accountable and act accordingly.

(June here) What do you mean you're not psychic?  You know me very well, and sometimes it does seem that you're psychic. But as much as we keep each other center and the most important thing to each other, I have to acknowledge that you need transition time, that after a long day at a job that wears on you that you may not have all your faculties at their sharpest

At those times I could communicate that I need something, or I could get short and stroppy and all in a snit - and then I don't get the gg I may be seeking and instead get one of those spankings I don't want, and that really takes away from our evening. It never really gets in the way, you don't let it. You take us past the point that there are any secrets or unspoken feelings or slights, nothing to take root and fester. I appreciate that - though at the time I may be holding tightly onto whatever insecurities or needs that I have thinking I am saving you....from what??? I have to ask when my mind is far more rational....from a peaceful night? From a soft, submitted woman?

I truly don't understand why I sometimes hold with a death grip to those walls and vestiges of distance - they feel horrid. Sometimes it is hard to get past that point, and as much as I may be ambivalent about the "we have all night, little one, let me in" when it is spoken, I am grateful that you push me to the place that I am most comfortable. I'm not perfect, I am far from perfect. The thing I appreciate most is that you understand that, don't demand that, and help me even those times that I will not ask.

The other times, most times, I will ask. You are my man, you are my Daddy....if our dynamic was different I would be comfortable calling you my Master.... you are master of my heart and soul - you are my lover, you are my leader, you are my world. If I cannot trust you to help me, even if it takes time, even if it is painful, who can I trust?  I trust no one more. So I come, with an implement, or a weight on my shoulders and lay myself across your lap, or into your arms and lay my wet cheeks into the crook of your neck, and I know that I am home, and I know that the pain is transitory, and I know that your love will permeate my heart, and push out all that does not belong.  I lay myself in your hands, and that is home.

June love, you know me as well as I do and I know you need time for yourself, with two active boys that demand attention and care you routinely impress me with your "Mom skills" and make the time and effort to ensure that our home is clean, and comfortable and for that I thank you.

You are my woman, my love, my mate,  my heart, my submissive and I would call you  my slave where it so. You are my lover, my best friend, my universe and I am so very grateful that you allow me to guide and lead you. You have given me the privilege and responsibility of guarding your heart. Your confidence in my leadership and your warmth even when you are tired, and I am not at my best warms my heart and when you are wrapped up in Daddy's embrace... that is indeed home.

Sometimes the death grip is evidence of your need for my love, even when it hurts you know that I am not going anywhere and if it takes me proving that everyday of forever you know that despite fatigue and frustration, despite the fears that need to be overcome, that you have my deepest love and that I will give you my whole heart, kiss away the tears, and reach out through the darkness to bring you home.

As evidenced by the unity displayed, let us design to entreat each other with love and fullness. When we struggle we can only learn from our mistakes and grow from them. To give each other the depth and richness deserved in great relationship we cannot and will not settle for less, we will not short change each other, even when I am tired, or it is difficult to speak we will both stand up for each other and what is ours!

Daddy, I can't think of a moment that I do not ache with need for you. I crave that closeness, the warmth of your skin on mine, your breath on my hair, your lips to my forehead, I crave the way I feel with you, the smallness, the safeness, the security... it is what I have never had, and sometimes I feel that fear that I could lose it so intensely, that is where my walls come from, but you know that. For whatever ridiculous reason the day throws up in my path, somehow I see you walking the other way, even though you never have. And the walls come up to protect myself.... ridiculous to protect yourself from the person you most want in the world.

These are the times my submission slips, those times I feel my vulnerability and like the emperor realize I have no clothes - nothing to protect myself, but from what? You protect me from everything - even myself.  Yes, I sometimes need you to pull my submission out from behind the walls I construct, they only serve to harm me, harm you, harm us. These are the times I struggle to be my truest self. These are the times I am wrapped up so tight in my fear that I cannot breathe... until I take that step to ask for your help, or I find the strength to submit when you bid it, for just that moment it takes for you to grip the wall and begin to pull and when the walls come crashing down, you are always there to shield me, to protect me, and to put my heart back together. How could I ever navigate through this world without you?

You ask me at those times is not your love enough? Is not your grace enough? Have you not proven your truth in love for me? It is enough, and you have proven beyond any measure. And for a while it is enough to quiet the voice that says I am not enough and I do not deserve you. I thank you for your diligence and your steadfastness, and that you do not weary of teaching me, of erasing a lifetime of belief in fallacy, of cultivating my submissive heart, of letting me find home for the first time, and I thank you, most simply and yet most profoundly, for loving me.

My sweet June, I can feel it when you struggle, and my heart near threatens to burst in my chest.  It is my job to fulfill you, to love you and to lift you when you struggle to walk beside you and give you my best even when things aren't easy, I will take that step to put the world down and pick you up, to bring the wall down and draw you out with a loving heart and a deep, loving desire to see you and our relationship lifted. I want to thank you again for letting me love you and for being submissive to me when I know it isn't always easy or fair. Your grace is amazing and I know that in my heart, I am a changed man for the better because of you. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart... You are what I longed for in the days of my youth, and you are the comfort in my age... you are everything, my heart.

 It is easy to see that love in abundance is an important part of our relationship. We thank you all for reading and wanted to show you the real, raw side of Ward and June. We struggle too.  Sometimes we keep it close to the vest, sometimes we are quiet about it and don't blog about it until we have clearer eyes to assess the journey but, we also know that growth can be and is painful sometimes. We have learned that communicating our needs without preying on each other's emotions, or being manipulative is absolutely vital to our communication process.  Staying connected, even when we struggle is an art and we by no means have mastered it, but the one thing we take deep comfort in is knowing that we will be there for each other for the whole journey! Thanks for reading!

The Keyholder

There are things in life - terms which we hear, and make assumptions about their meaning.Then we find the intended meaning and it is far from what we assumed, or the meaning the word spoke to us. Daddy and I, before we were us, both explored in the world of BDSM. There is a term, that as I explored my submissive nature, spoke to me deeply.The term was keyholder.



In BDSM, the term keyholder is intended to mean a female Dominant/Domme, who controls the chastity of her male submissive and uses chastity devices to ensure chastity and orgasm denial. To me when I heard the term, it signified the person who held the key to my submission, who held the key to my heart, who held the key that would unlock the person I was at my very core.

 

 When I was still in that world, seeking my submissive self, I did learn much. I learned who I was and what I wanted, and a lot about what I did not want, and who I was not willing to be. There was something hollow about the experience. It was merely action, there was no heart to it. I desired to feel service from my heart, and to feel that service accepted and cherished.

I did learn things in that community. I did learn about my capacity, and what I would be willing to give to one who touched that place in me. I also learned that this is who I am. There was no scene for me, I did not wish to turn it off and on. I wanted to live my truest self, 24/7.  I learned terms that led me to refining the view of what I desired, domestic discipline, DD/TTWD, HoH, TiH. And it was there that I met my one.

When I envisioned my one, I envisioned the one who would call to that place in me, the one who would touch me, capture and free me. I envisioned the one who would touch me and under whose hand I would willingly bend. I met some, and there was no connection. There was no desire to open myself to any of them.

Then I met my Daddy. Even before he was mine, there was a twinge, a sweet pull deep inside me. There was a connection, and understanding of his heart, and a knowing that I have never experienced, that he understood mine. Together we found this place, the concept of DD and TTWD, and we grew together and began to write our story.

                       

I found with him, that the bending came naturally. I was free to be soft with him, in his love. He was willing not only to provide me Dominance, he was willing to provide me leadership. He felt my heart, and he wished to help me grow, both as a woman, and as a submissive. And for us the dance began. He held my heart, he fed me, he continues to do so. And there are no limits to what I would give him. I would bend as far as he required, he would never break me. This is truth that I trust. I trust him.

And so, for me, he is the keyholder, my keyholder. He has unlocked places in me that even I did not know existed. He has helped me to free myself and to be comfortable in my own skin,, and my own head, and to trust for the first time ever, that I will not be hurt. These are things I would never have learned had he not lovingly turned the key to my soul.

HIS POV: 

As I am the keyholder for June, I discovered the true meaning of unconditional love when I accepted the gift, the responsibility, the honor of holding the key to her heart. Her trust in me, my abilities and the love that we continuously nurture, touch me every single day.  I strive with a willing heart to guard her heart, to improve our communication and be the leader and man that she deserves.

Before she was mine, I would look at her beautiful, soft features and I would see the beauty of her soul sparkling in her beautiful  hazel eyes... I can only say this my June... my love... It is an honor to be the keyholder,  it is an honor to lead and guide and nourish... Thank you for your support and your belief in me... in us... Thank you for everything.

What June's Submission Means to Ward.

                                                  

 June's submission is the sweet ambrosia that allows me to ascend beyond the limits and constraints of mere-mortal manhood.  Submission is her gift to me and in so offering, I must ascend, I must respect, I must develop into the man that is worthy of her love, support and submission.  I take and/or make time every day to not only acknowledge the gift of her submission, but to develop, nurture and strengthen it and our dynamic.

                                                            

I have told June many times that she is a natural submissive... She would probably say that she is just herself and that it is my dominance that has such an affect on  her. She honors me with her words and even if she was just being herself, she brings me so much more than I have ever had or could dare dream of.  In my previous relationships, I often felt marginalized,  ignored, disrespected, unimportant.  Indeed at times it felt like I was struggling to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.  It saddens me that I cannot take the time that I lost and give it back to June... but I also realize that without  the life experiences I have, I could not be the man that I am and I never would have met my one true soul mate... and that would truly be a tragedy.  We have discussed the impact that communication has on a healthy relationship and at times that communication does in fact extend beyond words.

                                           

Submission isn't always easy but it's impact is immediate and undeniable. One of the things that I really must do is give June credit where it is due. I know that I am not always the easiest person to deal with. I have high expectations for our  communication, our family and, of course, us as a couple.  Even when I am not at my best, even when it is difficult, June responds with grace and love and even when  I haven't handled something particularly well, she takes that extra second, breathes and allows her submission to bloom out ahead of what may have been in the front of her mind. This effort, seemingly small  is often the difference between cool heads and  a misunderstanding and, June my love, again I salute you, I know that I am not always easy or pleasant.

Submission also comes in the form of the love and care that she provides. Many times before thought formed in my head, June was there with a glass of water or I've come home to find my favorite meal hot and on the table. In many ways it is so much more than taking care of me or our home... She is taking care of us and the bond that we hold dear.  Knowing these things, and observing them with clear mind and proud eyes... I strive and am forced to become a better, more attentive man... She deserves no less and in truth, our relationship cannot be allowed to stagnate. Effort every day, even when it isn't easy drives growth and reciprocity.

                                                         

Submission

- Feeds our dynamic and provokes communication, thought, growth and effort
- Feeds my Dominance and draws it out
- Allows us to feel our HoH and TiH rolls evenly and fully
- Guides and guards our hearts and minds and keeps them focused on growth, communication, stability and reciprocity
- Ignites our love life and  and fuels our passion for each other

                                                             

 Her grace even under pressure charmed me from the first and her thirst for my dominance allowed for the easy and delightful expression of our physical passion. She presents, she offers herself fully and unwaveringly even when it hurts, even when it is a test, she recognizes the value of intensity and gifts me with the sweetness of her body and the warmth of her mind. We are big advocates of  a lifestyle enriched by communication, reciprocity, dominance, submission and  above all love. So what does it mean to me? It means that I have been given the opportunity to love harder, to cherish, to respect, to teach, to guide and to grow into the man that June deserves.  Her submission is a key component in our developing not a good relationship....but a great one! 

We encourage each and every one  to discover what submission means to you and how it can further your relationship goals, bring you closer and awaken a passion that is uniquely and truly yours!

                                                            

         

Her POV:

Let's see if June can type through tears..... I am really just me. I don't try to be or do anything. I do respond to his Dominance. It's almost tangible. I spent most of my life feeling lost, adrift. I gave and was minimalized. My resources, my heart and soul were drained. I felt that I had nothing left to give, and certainly wouldn't be worth receiving, because it had no worth to anyone at full capacity. Here I was, hollow, depleted... I had given up.

Ward came into my life, and I was amazed that he wanted me. And I am amazed still. He sees me... he sees straight into my soul, and he loves me still. He looks at all that jumble in there and he shows me that I am worthy. He accepts my need to serve. He proclaims me beautiful in service. He allows me to feel his Dominance cover me like an umbrella on a storm-tossed day, or a blanket, warm, soft, comforting, and protective.
 
Again here, which came first, the chicken or the egg? I don't think it matters. It just matters that we feed each other, fulfill each other, consume each other and grow better and stronger, and more entwined with every interaction.

Bottoms up! (Presentation)

                                                        
  I know it's hardly a shocking topic on a spanking blog, but I'd like to talk about the female bottom for a few minutes and how something seemingly obvious can have a great if not so subtle impact in our DD/TTWD lives and our romantic imaginations.

    

                                                           

 Again, I suppose I won't win any awards for originality, and I probably won't shock anyone here, but to put it mildly, I've always had a "thing" for the female derriere.  The bare female bottom is one of nature's many works of art and in appreciating it's obvious beauty there is much to be gained and gleaned from it's care and treatment. The female derriere is round, soft, and perfectly suited for the tasks that it is designed for.  Sitting, standing, and even walking.   The glutes are a very strong and resilient muscle group that make life as we all know it possible and better.  Besides it's obvious utility, the bottom is a visual indicator of health, vitality, fertility and femininity. 

                                

 

More important than merely just being an object to be squeezed, swatted, belted, smacked, squeezed or caressed.  In baring and exposing the bottom for correction or discipline, squeezing and rubbing after vigorous attention, or just affectionately cupping and caressing it, we are expressing love, affection and gratitude to the wonderful person we call ours. Our expressions of gratitude speak to the unique bond that we create as couples.  These intimate expressions are obviously a two edged sword that requires many many layers of honing, maintenance, and dedication.  From the dominant side of things, witnessing this dedication, this devotion, this submission in an active display is a marvelous gift that can enhance DD/TTWD, and maximize the benefits that we gain from this important time that we share. 

                                                    


The presentation of a tantalizing tush to one's dominant half is I'm sure a trepidatious thing. The fact is, ladies, many of you have been flim-flammed, hoodwinked, hornswaggled, and/or bamboozled by the media. As a man I know that you may have body image issues.  Magazines bombard with false promises, television  and movies deride true femininity and confuse healthy masculine energy with aggression, immaturity, ignorance, and haplessness.  Presentation can mean wearing his  favorite pair of panties,  approaching him for an expression of his dominance,  voluntarily positioning yourself  in a way that highlights your submission and places you at his full exposure.  I realize these things can be humbling (not humiliating) and that as with anything worth doing, that this may well take some time and effort, but the presentation of the body in a warm, willing way that hungers for the energy of loving partner in honest and true effort to feed the relationship, and stoke the fires of strength/submission  and love.

                                                         

                                                                                    

Spanking just so happens to lend itself to all of the things discussed above. We know that there are of course the "spank-nos" out there and would understand their position, but even they can perhaps see more than a grain of worth in understanding personalized submission, dominance, and the gifts that they can bring to any healthy relationship. Bottom bared and presented for loving attention (discipline, correction, or even fun) can add a beautiful layer to even just the everyday things.  Meaningful glances exchanged in public, quite intimate conversations at the booth at your favorite restaurant... Sometimes the most beautiful gifts are the ones we have to slow down to fully appreciate! Intimacy, laughter, and a deep personal bond that goes beyond something physical is one of those things. We would have you  present each other with the gifts that go along with DD/TTWD, dominance, submission and love... we think you will find that it is well worth the time and effort!

                                                               

Her POV:

The very idea of presenting was something that embarrassed me to the core before Ward. I found something fearful and perhaps a little ....debasing in it.  As our relationship deepened, I found it less and less objectionable. And as we deepened further I found it to be a tangible symbol that I could give to him. When I kneel before him, chest down and bottom up, it says that I belong to him, that he can do anything he wishes to me because I trust him, that I surrender my fears and insecurities to him, that I surrender my heart, mind, body and soul to him.

I enjoy feeling soft and small and surrendered. When I place myself in that position before him it tells him all these truths without a word. Better than words, it speaks to him, I am yours and I am ready for whatever attentions you would choose to gift me. For me now, and in the context of my relationship with Ward, it is a beautiful physical representation of the reciprocity of our natures and commitment to each other.

What is Discipline?

In a post a while back Blue Bird asked what was discipline to us. I haven't forgotten, I promised  to expand on it in a future post. It just took some time to get here :)



We've outlined the kinds of spankings we employ, but I guess never really went into lots of depth about them. So I guess I need to describe how Ward administers each, a little. In the event that I have broken one of our rules Ward will administer a correction spanking. Correction is given hard and fast, with a greater level of intensity for longer periods of time. He will pause and lecture, so that I can hear what he is saying. He will tell me he is proud of me for taking my correction like a good girl. It is correction, but the message that it comes from a place of love is very clear. During the pauses he will rub my bottom in the pauses, but there will be no sexual touch. There will be no sexual intimacy immediately after, but we do cuddle and snuggle and talk to affirm forgiveness and the clean slate, and then sometimes nap. It is all emotional reconnection.





I don't think I have to tell anyone the purpose of a good girl/pleasure spanking. This is given slowly, luxuriously. Every spanking starts and ends with discipline, but in a GG, it's not quite as vigorous,  nor is it quite as long, and as soon as Daddy breaks out the Angel Maker, it's almost forgotten....okay, the owww, is almost forgotten. but not the message. I am his. I belong to him. My pain and my pleasure belong to him. Even in the vigorous part, Daddy talks sweetly, and say the things that make even the most intense of sensations bearable. There are lots of pauses, for rubs, sensual touch, intimate touch and other attentions (ahem).





Discipline, that's kind of our catch all. It generally means that one of us needs to feel my submission, or his Dominance, I'm toeing the line of breaking a rule and he is reigning me in before I cross it, one of us is stressed beyond belief, I'm premenstrual (okay, I hate to admit that, but hey, we're all being honest here), and again quite frankly, perhaps because one of us has a deeply visceral, primal need for intensity. I guess you could say that for us discipline is a no-reason-necessary balancer.






Discipline is much more intense than a good girl. It does not preclude the use of my GG toys, they will just be used much more vigorously. The stretches between touch are longer, but the touches are a definite and delicious claiming. There will be very sensual connections made during and after the spanking. Sometimes the spanking will be paused for love-making, and then resume. The entire message of this is that he owns me, and that I belong to him in every sense of the word.



Even though discipline for us might appear as severe as correction to some others, it is something that is necessary in our dynamic to allow me to be who I am, and allow him to be who he is, allow us both to blossom and grow in the depth of our devotion to one another. It is something that connects us at a very deep level.





 HIS POV: 

Discipline for us is a very nourishing and sensuous experience that puts an emphasis on my dominance, her submission and the unified dynamic that we share. At the heart of it all is love, regardless of when or why June is over my knee, love is the chiefest and greatest reason for spanking and the many motivations that we use it for.

Pleasure, correction, affirmation, nourishment and understanding are all worthy and excellent reasons to share spanking with the ones we love.  DD/TTWD, love, affection are all beautiful and vital to our process!