Friday, March 22, 2013

The Keyholder

There are things in life - terms which we hear, and make assumptions about their meaning.Then we find the intended meaning and it is far from what we assumed, or the meaning the word spoke to us. Daddy and I, before we were us, both explored in the world of BDSM. There is a term, that as I explored my submissive nature, spoke to me deeply.The term was keyholder.



In BDSM, the term keyholder is intended to mean a female Dominant/Domme, who controls the chastity of her male submissive and uses chastity devices to ensure chastity and orgasm denial. To me when I heard the term, it signified the person who held the key to my submission, who held the key to my heart, who held the key that would unlock the person I was at my very core.

 

 When I was still in that world, seeking my submissive self, I did learn much. I learned who I was and what I wanted, and a lot about what I did not want, and who I was not willing to be. There was something hollow about the experience. It was merely action, there was no heart to it. I desired to feel service from my heart, and to feel that service accepted and cherished.

I did learn things in that community. I did learn about my capacity, and what I would be willing to give to one who touched that place in me. I also learned that this is who I am. There was no scene for me, I did not wish to turn it off and on. I wanted to live my truest self, 24/7.  I learned terms that led me to refining the view of what I desired, domestic discipline, DD/TTWD, HoH, TiH. And it was there that I met my one.

When I envisioned my one, I envisioned the one who would call to that place in me, the one who would touch me, capture and free me. I envisioned the one who would touch me and under whose hand I would willingly bend. I met some, and there was no connection. There was no desire to open myself to any of them.

Then I met my Daddy. Even before he was mine, there was a twinge, a sweet pull deep inside me. There was a connection, and understanding of his heart, and a knowing that I have never experienced, that he understood mine. Together we found this place, the concept of DD and TTWD, and we grew together and began to write our story.

                       

I found with him, that the bending came naturally. I was free to be soft with him, in his love. He was willing not only to provide me Dominance, he was willing to provide me leadership. He felt my heart, and he wished to help me grow, both as a woman, and as a submissive. And for us the dance began. He held my heart, he fed me, he continues to do so. And there are no limits to what I would give him. I would bend as far as he required, he would never break me. This is truth that I trust. I trust him.

http://www.trixgraphix.com/shop/images/277/Master-Slave-350.jpg

And so, for me, he is the keyholder, my keyholder. He has unlocked places in me that even I did not know existed. He has helped me to free myself and to be comfortable in my own skin,, and my own head, and to trust for the first time ever, that I will not be hurt. These are things I would never have learned had he not lovingly turned the key to my soul.





HIS POV: 

As I am the keyholder for June, I discovered the true meaning of unconditional love when I accepted the gift, the responsibility, the honor of holding the key to her heart. Her trust in me, my abilities and the love that we continuously nurture, touch me every single day.  I strive with a willing heart to guard her heart, to improve our communication and be the leader and man that she deserves.

Before she was mine, I would look at her beautiful, soft features and I would see the beauty of her soul sparkling in her beautiful  hazel eyes... I can only say this my June... my love... It is an honor to be the keyholder,  it is an honor to lead and guide and nourish... Thank you for your support and your belief in me... in us... Thank you for everything.





32 comments:

  1. as usual so wanderfully expressed.

    I often jokingly say to my Master that he has corrupted me, but he always says that he has simply brought out what was already there because ultimatley you cant make someone be something they are not.

    x

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    1. Thanks so very much, tori :) This is very true! It was always there, but it takes your one to make you safe enough to let it emerge.

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  2. Your blog is lovely, and I appreciate getting the point of view of each of you. Very balanced. This post is particularly beautiful. I work in retail, and one of our junior managers is called the key holder. She unlocks things, but part of holding the key is that she locks things up and keeps them safe as well. I think a key holder to our hearts does both; unlocks when appropriate to free us and locks things up to keep us safe. Thank you for sharing this.

    Susan

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    1. Welcome, Susan, and thank you for your very lovely comment. That is true, he does keep me safe, safer than I have felt in all of my years. Not that he keeps me from venturing forth, or keeps me locked away, he gives me that safe place to land. I told him once long ago that when children are learning to walk, they continuously walk back to their parent and have to touch them to get that sense of security, like a touchstone - he is my touchstone.

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  3. I must say I like your version of the keyholder much better.

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    1. Thanks, very much, Mrs. D., I do, too!

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  4. I really enjoyed this post, so thank you for sharing it. :)

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  5. As I told you earlier, you both reaffirm one another in such an exceptional way. Both providing safety for the other in your own unique ways. Thank you for allowing all of us to peer into your life and love.

    (((Hugs))) to you both

    P

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    1. Thanks, P. We try :D He gives me all those things for the very first time ever in my life.

      (((hugs)))

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  6. Hi June and Ward,

    The way in which you write and describe your love for each other is always so eloquent and beautiful. I enjoy reading here each and every time. It really is all about trust when you peel everything away, isn't it? With Rob and me, there has always been that inner core of trust, in good times and in bad over the last 28 years that we have been together. Since starting ttwd, it has only strengthened and grown in to something far more beautiful and sustaining. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your love.

    <3 Katie

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    1. Hi, Katie :) Thanks so much for your very sweet words. It is, it all boils down to trust in the end. I couldn't have entered into this relationship if I did not trust him, but he cultures it, nourishes and nurtures it and it grows every single moment of every single day. It is a wondrous thing :)

      (((hugs)))

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  7. I had never heard the term,,key holder, but I love it...I love the definition you two have given the term. I luckily can identify with having a key holder. Master and I were talking this morning, about how I would do anything for Him..and I would. At first it scared me..but now it just feels right.
    hugs abby

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    1. I had a completely different impression when I heard the term, abby, I was very surprised by the meaning, but I like ours much better :) Yes, there is nothing that I would deny him. I kept waiting for the pain as I gave him bits of my self, but he has never, every hurt me.

      (((hugs)))

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  8. Oh June...such a lovely post and I really do like your definition of keyholder. IMHO, you are keyholders for one another...Ward holds the key to unlock your heart, soul and submission and you, with your loving heart and submission hold the key that allows Ward to be the dominant, loving man he always wanted to be.

    I love to come visit and feel such warmth and love! Thank you.

    Hugs and Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Thanks, Cat :) I like it too! I had never thought of it like that, but he has said things like that to me before. I know my submission feeds his dominance, but I never put it in hat frame, that it unlocks his secret places and strengths. That's kinda awesome! Thanks!

      (((hugs)))

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  9. That was beautiful, as all your posts are. It's interesting that we came to DD or TIH from exact opposite directions and yet arrived at such similar spots. I can relate to your "key holder" term completely!

    Sara

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    1. Thanks most kindly, Sara. I would like to have come to it a different way, I think, it would not have felt so empty in the journey. But I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason, every choice and turn taking us through an experience that we need to have, and forming the basis for wiser choices. If I had not had the life I had, and the experiences I had, I would not be who I am, and perhaps would not appreciate the great blessings that I have. So in that frame, I'm grateful for the turns of events that have led me to Ward. It would be lovely if we had the information on the various kinds of D/s relationships when we were considering, but it is lovely we all end up where we are supposed to be.

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  10. Beautiful post. Such peace I read in your words. Its amazing what true love can really do. Thank you

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    1. Hi Annie :) He is my peace. He is my home.

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  11. Very nice and about love more than anything else.

    Hugs,
    mouee

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    1. Yes, mouse, love is at the heart of all of it :)

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  12. This is such a beautiful post and as always so beautifully written. I love your definition of keyholder. The person who can unlock the most deepest part of ourselves and free us to be who we are.

    Thank you for sharing this post, I really enjoyed reading this.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Thanks for your sweet words, Roz :) It's the loveliest of concepts, and so much more in the living.

      (((hugs)))

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  13. How beautifully written and thank you....it's like I was reading about myself but I was unable to write it. :) And thank you for your lovely comment on my blog...I can't believe how many people in blogland I have found (in OUR blogland haha) that also have kids on the spectrum.

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    1. Thanks very much, Ashley :) I find so many times that there are many commonalities among us, it kind of makes me wonder...

      We're very glad to see you back. I read you before & lamented when you went under the radar. I'm sorry you had such a tough time. But so very glad you held onto what was most important - each other.

      (((hugs)))

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  14. This is a beautiful post - but that is what I have come to expect here, and you never disappoint. :)
    The concept of one's HoH or dominant partner being the keeper of their being, sexual and otherwise, is very interesting to me. Ian has, since beginning dd, singled out a sexual component to the lifestyle. He permits me to find orgasm - and denies it until he he feels it is right. To my absolute amazement, he can make my body wait.

    We are a mystery, aren't we?
    hugs
    lillie

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    1. Thanks very much, lillie-belle :) Ward has the power to make me respond simply to his voice, which amazes me - I always thought it was a fairly outlandish claim. That's amazing to me because it has always been difficult for me to respond to touch at all because of my childhood. Daddy unlocks the authentic me that I hid even from myself.

      (((hugs)))

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  15. What a journey. So glad you found your key holder.
    Bea

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    1. Thanks so much, Bea. I am happy & grateful :)

      (((hugs)))

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  16. Lovely post. The unconditional love that results from our relationship is the thing that keeps us going. Its amazing how strong that love is. Are there frustrations and learning curves....absolutely. Did one question the journey we began, more than she cares to admit. But the unconditional love is always there and once you realize really realize that that is not going away its a very powerful thing. It's priceless and we are so grateful to have it in our lives.

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    1. Thanks very much, dancingbarez. It's very much about unconditional love, that is something that takes my breath away because I never, ever had it before. It's silly, really to be afraid of it, but when it's been promised and withdrawn, it's frightening to consider it, because the next wound may never heal. Thank goodness Ward sticks by me through the doubt and fear. It is most priceless, and we too are grateful for having it in our lives.

      (((hugs)))

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