Sunday, March 11, 2012


The last couple of posts got me thinking about balance. D/s relationships thrive on balance (well all relationships should). There does not have to be equality, there simply has to be balance. I don't have to be able to do all the things you do, I don't have to want to do all the things you do. I do have to accept your efforts graciously, and I have to complement and support you. In that way, we fill and surround each other, complete all that needs to be done, and we as a unit are stronger than the sum of our two halves.

The philosophy of yin yang illustrates balance perfectly. Two individual halves, each with the essence of the other at it's heart, filling the gaps, complementing and strengthening. Yin is female energy. Yang is male energy.
I love this quote from Crystal Links:
"Yin and yang do not exclude each other. Yin and yang are interdependent. Yin and yang consume and support each other. Yin and yang can transform into one another. Part of yin is in yang and part of yang is in yin."

Some women may need to bring male energy into their work-life. But when we go home, there is masculine energy in our homes, we can leave that at the door and take on the gender role that we are most comfortable with. I can let Ward express that energy. I can be soft and womanly. And that's okay, it does not in any way diminish me. 

And, yes, ladies and gentleman - I have just had a personal revelation - just this second, while talking to you. I said above - "some women". There are some careers that use more feminine skill-sets, nurturing, caring, less business-y kinds of work. So where is my revelation? I was in school, studying CIS. I am pretty fair with a computer. I enjoy logical reasoning. I figured when I went back to school that I could make it work. Well, as I got further into it, I found myself distracted, disinterested, bored and frustrated. I could not imagine myself doing this every day. 

So I changed - to what? Psychology - I want to do counseling. I like to listen. I like to help, to problem-solve. I like the human touch. I miss human interaction. This allows me to be truer to my gender role, it is where I am comfortable. I am service-oriented. I always have been. How about that....

Traditionally, in our relationships, we each have a role. Men are providers and protectors. They possess strength and honor and are predisposed to action. They enjoy surmounting a challenge. They enjoy having influence and a positive effect. When women try to hard to perpetuate masculine energy in our relationships, when we eschew vulnerability, we deny our partners the need to protect us and to provide for us. We strip them of their purpose. Women are intuitive, nurturers, caretakers. We possess a different kind of strength. We want to be precious and treasured. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable to our partners, we are allowing ourselves to be softer, allowing ourselves to be loved and protected.

Another quote I happened across that I loved in researching this post, from The Tao of Gender:

A basic rule regarding the relationship of yin and yang is:
YANG protects YIN
YIN nurtures YANG
Together they form a complete whole.

I am not less than Ward. I am not unequal to Ward. I have strengths that Ward doesn't. He has strengths that I don't. We complement each other. I can say I can't. I can say I need you. This doesn't make me weak. It makes me stronger because he balances me. He shores me up. And I do the same for him.


  1. Perfect! I completely 100% agree with your thoughts on this. :)

    Very beautifully put. <3

    1. Thanks :) Talking to you, and to Daddy, and to another friend kind of helped percolate this idea along. And it seemed to fit in perfectly with Daddy's post on Growth, and my previous one on Control.

      I was telling Daddy that perhaps I didn't really understand the concept of TPE until I found him. The flow of energy between us is so incredibly palpable, from him to me and me to him, and it is an incredible, fortifying and nourishing dynamic.

    2. It does have a perfect flow from his to yours. Plus, it shows more of the fluidity of your relationship. Each having individual strengths that contribute to the relationship, making it a stronger bond.

    3. Absolutely! You have to be flexible, there is always flux. You have to be able to ebb and flow. And it's never just one way, it has to return and cycle, or the relationships is drained.

  2. Wow June this is awesome. I have been reading your older post and came across this one and just had to comment. What a wonderful way to explain a relationship. Thank you.

    1. Thanks very much, Cathie :) Balance is one of the concepts I love and believe are the components necessary for successful relationships. We strive for balance it doesn't have to be 'fair',it does have to be balanced. Balance serves us :)

      Thanks for reading!

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