It's no wonder that most people have a negative impression of what submission is. Just look at the various online dictionaries. Most of the definitions are along the lines of "yielding to a superior force", or "to allow oneself to be subjected to something" or "surrendering to the hold of an opponent". All of these definitions have some negative, adversarial notes. So I can understand how without first-hand knowledge that submission bears negative connotations.
The common definition that I like the most, and think most embodies the spirit of submission to our partners is this, ""To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another." Again, authority has many meanings that could be negative, because many of them assume a subordinate relationship. Here the definition that I like best is "the power to determine, adjudicate, or otherwise settle issues" But even these address the letter and not the spirit of our relationships.
So how would we define our relationships to someone who does not understand. It's really easy to get bogged down in the minutiae and not be able to be clear. So I went on a search for how to best define who we are. And I found the most wondrous explanation, which, coincidently echoes something Ward said in his first post:
Ward and I talk, a lot, because we believe that communication, mutual respect and trust are the foundations of any good relationship. If those statements sound constricting, I'd ask you to think when you have not yielded because something was a better fit for you as a couple? We are individuals, yes, but when we commit to each other is there not a greater being that is the family we create?
I have been asked why I am willing to give up so much to another person. The simpler answers are that I respect Ward and I trust him implicitly, that we communicate on a very deep level. The more complicated answer, the one that is harder to understand is that yes I give much, but I lose nothing because he fills me to overflowing with so many rich gifts that I would not be able to accept were I not willing to submit myself to him.
I'd be interested in hearing how you view your submission. Is it a struggle, does it feel adversarial, or is it a quiet yielding to reciprocal gifts?
Submission for me is the simple fact that he knows me better than I know myself. So when it comes to decisions, he has my best interest at heart, at all times. He makes better choices than I do. This is gonna stray from any type of kink and go more into daily life.
ReplyDeleteFor example...
I love brownies. When I see one, my mouth waters and the seagulls mantra from "Finding Nemo" plays in my head. "Mine. Mine. Mine." You get the idea. Lol. Do I need that brownie? No, not really, for a multitude of reasons. Most importantly, I am borderline diabetic. My doctor says I need to watch my sugar intake, blah, blah, blah. But I see that brownie and I want it. I have to have it. My life will be incomplete without that brownie. I will go for that brownie.
And all it takes is for Monster to say, "No, punkin." And that's it. I don't eat the brownie, because I know he isn't saying no to be mean, but to look out for my health. Which never passes my mind when I am in that brownie trance.
So, my submission...is putting my life in his hands and knowing he will handle it with the utmost care, respect, and love.
Yes! I agree, lyricaltillie. "my submission...is putting my life in his hands and knowing he will handle it with the utmost care, respect, and love.; He knows me better than I know myself" That is so beautifully stated. There are times I am frazzled and fractured, and Ward knows exactly what I need.
ReplyDeleteIs your seagull moment fueled by the little girl? (okay, silly question).
Lol, it's drenched in the little girl. Isn't it crazy how they just know, even before you realize what it is you need? It makes it so much easier to defer to them. Or at least, it does for me.
DeleteMine too, I think, how about that? It is crazy, but that's why it makes it so easy to give that level of trust and submission...I feel beyond submission with Daddy, it's at the level of surrender. Yes, it is like breathing to defer to him, because he would never, ever abuse my trust.
DeleteThank you Ward for asking what submission means to us "submissive". i have a very strong need to be lead by my husband although i and He know that i am perfectly able to do most things on my own. It is the willingness to differ to Him that makes it magic. When i submit to Him and give Him the last say in all things it creates a dynamic that we feel is God given and feels "right". It's when this dynamic get out of kilter that problems arise. i love and need my husband's authority. There is no greater happiness for me.
ReplyDelete