In my last post I spoke about negative emotions that sometimes come with accountability. In this post I wanted to address fear. People not in this kind of relationship may misunderstand the origins of the fear. They might think, if you fear being accountable, if you fear correction, why would you submit yourself to it?
It's not the physical aspects of correction that brings fear. Frankly, spanking can be quite yum! Sometimes all I can think about is:
We are spankos, we enjoy it. We use it in play. We use it in discipline. It allows me to feel and reminds me of my place in our relationship, safe, protected, treasured, held in the palm of his hand. We use it in correction. It allows me to offer up my guilt and allows us to clear the air. Some people don't agree that if you regularly use spanking in play that it can be a useful tool in correction. Thankfully, Ward is of the same understanding as I.
So if we like it, how is it effective as an instrument of correction? And what is it that I fear if I don't fear these:
I fear knowing that I have disappointed not only Ward, but our relationship. I fear knowing that I have given less than my best. I fear:
And even here, Ward is loving and supportive. It is not me that is bad, it is the course of action that I choose which was undesirable. I am not a disappointment, my behavior was disappointing.
The ritual, his voice, his words, his hands carry his message of love, diligence, leadership, reconciliation and unconditional love. He won't let the fear come between us. He will carry us from that fear back to peace and comfort and closeness.