Tuesday, March 27, 2012


I just posted the rules we currently have in place. And thought I'd take the opportunity to expand on those here.
1) No disrespect
           Well, this one is one of the 4 D's of DD. It's pretty much a no brainer. And it's not just a rule for the     s-type. There should be mutual respect and courtesy, listening to each other, actually hearing each other, considering the other person's feelings, thoughts and desires, and not discounting the other person.
2) No disobedience
           Another of the 4 D's. I am expected to be obedient to Daddy direction, and not just the letter of the law, but the spirit of the law (read that no testing/pushing - well you could *grin*, but there are consequences). But I am not inherently a pusher anyway.

3) No dishonesty
           Another "D". This one gets tricky, because dishonesty can take on many insidious forms. If I omit telling something because I know I'll get in trouble, I lied. If I keep my feelings back because I think they are unreasonable and I can work it out, that's lying by omission, too, and it doesn't give him the opportunity to address my feelings and insecurities.

4) No danger
           Another "D". Nothing dumb like ignoring health, drinking and driving, texting and driving.
5) No distance
           This is a custom "D" for us - and funnily enough I found today on that fellow blogger Stormy has as well. I have these little wars with myself, things I think will stress Daddy, over things he has no control over. So I keep them inside instead of talking to him about them. Then I get kinda quiet and a little short in my responses, like I'm afraid I'll give too much away. I hadn't even realized till I read Stormy's blog post on distance that it was pretty passive-aggressive. Like I'm kind of holding him responsible for the things he can't control. It's his duty and I do understand that. I'm grateful to Stormy for that insight. I was already trying to stop. Had asked Daddy for help with that rule, cause sometimes he's aware days before I am. But armed with that insight, I will be extra vigilant.
6) No self-deprecation
           I am a beautiful, vibrant woman, with a good heart (Daddy's words). I am not permitted to make self-deprecating remarks. I am to try to see myself in the manner in which Daddy sees me. And believe him when he tells me. This one kind of feeds into the respect one, if you think about it. If I denigrate myself, I am questioning both his judgment and his veracity.  Like the one above, that gives me extra incentive to follow this rule.
7) No bad language
           I am an intelligent woman, and I can represent myself better than using vulgar words to punctuate my speech. Young ladies do not use unseemly language.
8) I will engage in self-care
            Daddy will provide opportunities for me to take care of myself. When I am rested and relaxed, I bring better energy into our home. When Daddy provides those opportunities I will not use them to do extra things around the house. If Daddy provides funds for self-care, I will use them for their intended purpose, not things for the house or other family members.
The list will grow and evolve as we do, I'm sure, and that's what this is all about, isn't it? Growth. 

His POV:

Rules are that which allow us to form the basis of structure. I love June more than I can easily tell you.  And it is with love in mind that these rules are created. Many of these rules may seem obvious, but all of them are designed with the best interest of our relationship in mind. I could never ask her to do something that I don't do myself and I would never seek to stifle, I'm sure there may be more rules added in time but we think this is a good start!


  1. I have appreciated your recent comments on old posts on my blog :)

    I'm enjoying your story. Interesting rules. We have some of the same, as you know.

  2. Thanks very much for the kind words, and thanks for visiting! And I appreciate your blog very much, We learn things all the time, and we learn things from each other. I enjoy reading your posts, I seek out women with similar hearts and struggles, it helps :) I've gone back to the beginning of your blog, to follow your journey, as you can see. I don't struggle as much with the submission part, but I struggle so much with the insecurities. Your blog helps me put things in perspective, and not feeling so alone, and lots of times gives me a "jumping in point" to start a conversation with Daddy.

  3. Those are some good rules. :)

    Number 5 is one I struggle with, even after 5 years of having it. It's a toughie, but one Monster insisted on from the very beginning. And you are so very right, about it connecting with the respect rule. He has even responded with a, "you question my judgement?" Ahhh, noooo Daddy Monster Man not at all. After that it was an ah-ha moment.

  4. Thanks :) What makes it hard for me is I THINK I'm being good. I think I'm preventing us from having 'stuff' in the middle of us that is immovable because neither one of us controls it in this frame of time. So I think stuffing it down makes me a good girl. And I don't realize I'm pulling away. That's why I need help.

    And #6 - well, that will always be a work in progress. But yes, both of those gave me my own ah-ha moments. That makes it easier if you have to think of how it affects him.

  5. i like your rules - they show that he is in charge and that it makes you feel good, and that it makes you feel good about yourself. topped with respect to eachother, lovely!

    1. Thanks very much, Lily. Yes, Daddy is very much in charge, and that is the most comfortable thing in the world. He is awesomesauce. The feeling good about myself, well that's a work in progress, I've had lots of training in how to not feel good about myself. Daddy's trying to change that. Definitely topped with respect for each other. I have never been as loved, as cherished, as lifted or respected as I have been with Ward. He's everything I ever dreamed of but thought was just a fairy-tale.


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