I have two vanilla friends who are aware that I live the life I live. One professes to be a bit kinky herself. The other has come to a grudging tolerance. She asks questions sometimes, but I think that she has already formed her opinion, and boy, is it hard to get her to understand that it's not the way she thinks it is. Daddy says some people just aren't meant to understand, but it makes me palm/chin when the perception is so different from reality.
One of our early conversations went something like this,
"I have to check with Ward"
"You're an adult."
"And he's my authority."
"How much are you sacrificing?"
"I'm not sacrificing anything."
"What if you want something and he says no?"
"Then it is not something that is best for me, for us or for our relationship."
From there I tried to explain that in every relationship there can be some disparity, and some compromise has to be reached. Everyone can't have everything all the time. Someone has to yield,someone has to decide or you end up like this:
It's not about putting my own needs on the back burner. It's about putting him first knowing that he will put me first as well. It's about knowing who you are in a relationship with, being able to communicate and have complete trust.
And no matter how logical and sensible this is, I fear that her perception of our relationship is less what we really are:
and much more like this
The reality is that in a D/s relationship there is a very interesting phenomenon. When a submissive partner genuinely submits, the Dominant partner will go out of his way to make sure she is happy. Other benefits include increased communication and an incredible peace and harmony. I've waited a lifetime for this, folks. Ward knows my thoughts before I speak them, he knows my heart, he knows my desires,
So this friend asked how therapy had gone & I told her great, I talked about my two pieces of news. She asked what they were I said one was about almost all my college credits transferring with the total shift in my program (from CIS to Psychology), but I couldn't share the other because it was about Daddy & he hadn't decided. She was dumbfounded, why wouldn't I tell her. Because it's not my news to share (talking to my therapist is altogether different). Then she started wondering about giving someone else that much control.....ugh. It has absolutely nothing to do with control. It has to do with respect. And I don't understand why that is so hard to understand.
Are any of you "out" to your 'nilla friends? Do you find yourself having these kinds of conversations?