Friday, March 9, 2012


I have two vanilla friends who are aware that I live the life I live. One professes to be a bit kinky herself. The other has come to a grudging tolerance. She asks questions sometimes, but I think that she has already formed her opinion, and boy, is it hard to get her to understand that it's not the way she thinks it is. Daddy says some people just aren't meant to understand, but it makes me palm/chin when the perception is so different from reality.

One of our early conversations went something like this,
"Can you?"
          "I have to check with Ward"
"You're an adult."
          "And he's my authority."
"How much are you sacrificing?"
          "I'm not sacrificing anything."
"What if you want something and he says no?"
          "Then it is not something that is best for me, for us or for our relationship."

From there I tried to explain that in every relationship there can be some disparity, and some compromise has to be reached. Everyone can't have everything all the time. Someone has to yield,someone has to decide or you end up like this:

It's not about putting my own needs on the back burner. It's about putting him first knowing that he will put me first as well. It's about knowing who you are in a relationship with, being able to communicate and have complete trust.

And no matter how logical and sensible this is, I fear that her perception of our relationship is less what we really are:

and much more like this

The reality is that in a D/s relationship there is a very interesting phenomenon. When a submissive partner genuinely submits, the Dominant partner will go out of his way to make sure she is happy. Other benefits include increased communication and an incredible peace and harmony. I've waited a lifetime for this, folks. Ward knows my thoughts before I speak them, he knows my heart, he knows my desires, 
he anticipates my wants needs and desires. He does stuff for me I would never do for myself.

So this friend asked how therapy had gone & I told her great, I talked about my two pieces of news. She asked what they were I said one was about almost all my college credits transferring with the total shift in my program (from CIS to Psychology), but I couldn't share the other because it was about Daddy & he hadn't decided. She was dumbfounded, why wouldn't I tell her. Because it's not my news to share (talking to my therapist is altogether different). Then she started wondering about giving someone else that much control.....ugh. It has absolutely nothing to do with control. It has to do with respect. And I don't understand why that is so hard to understand.

Are any of you "out" to your 'nilla friends? Do you find yourself having these kinds of conversations?


  1. First, I have to say, I LOVE your photo choices for this. The little critter with the face/plam's perfect. And the seeing eye to eye...wonderful. Though the cave man drag, is a negative misunderstanding that lots of people have, I had to laugh a little because that sure can be fun at times.

    Okay, now that I gushed over the pictures. Lol. I am not out to anyone in the 'nilla side of life. The one friend I told, dived into it and she is not slightly kinky, she is a ginormous perv. But she got it and understood. She asked millions of questions and found similarities between us.

    Honestly, I have had that non-kinky relationship. The communication sucked. It was a constant battle of wills. When Monster and I got together and he showed me that you can bend without breaking, I was amazed. We talk about everything. And I mean everything. He takes the logical approach, the what's best for all parties, the bigger picture approach. We are on the same page in most areas of our life. So handing that control/power over to makes more sense. He thinks of the things that I don't and explains his reasoning behind his choices. It's a natural exchange.

    1. Thanks! I scouted long and hard for pics that expressed what my inner 6-year-old was feeling :) And the caveman picture, yes, vert negative. But I know that's how she sees Ward sometimes, like this great big brute, knock you out & take what I want(.....well,that's kinda fun too, lol...but you know what I mean:"> )

      I don't know any 'nilla pervs - I'm the perviest person I know IRL, lol. Yes, the communication I have with Ward is astounding. It transcends words, time and space. We are so in tune that during the day if one of us is having a bad moment, the other feels this incredible need & reaches out. It leaves me with one of those "blink" moments. And I wouldn't trade what I have with Ward for anything in this world.

      Yes! You hit it exactly on the head "the bigger picture approach". Everything is decided not on what suits wither of us as individuals, but what works for this unit. And that is wonderful and safe and affirming.


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