Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Examining Submission Journaling Exercise - Day 7

Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?

I both accept and expect discipline and correction. Daddy dislikes the term punishment because it is negative, he prefers correction. Correction speaks to a positive change, resetting, clearing the air and wiping the slate clean. I personally do not understand how you can have this kind of relationship without discipline and correction. For me that would not work. But I need that.

I am grateful that Daddy loves me enough to provide guidance, and even when it is difficult for him, to provide correction. Aside from play, I need what some call maintenance/submission spankings to keep me grounded. I need to feel Daddy's authority, and I need to feel and express my submission. In times of high stress I need stress-relief/submission spankings. And if I have done something which is harmful to myself or our relationship, something disrespectful, I need to be corrected, or it will eat at me. I need to pay across Daddy's lap and I need the forgiveness it brings.

It seems incongruous, but I have seen it expressed on other blogs. The fact that he does this for me, the fact that he willingly leads our relationship and provides structure, discipline and correction makes me feel incredibly loved, cherished and safe.


  1. We have taken punishment out of our dynamic, but I understand it and there are times that I think that I want it. H just loves me though and doesn't necessarily want to be responsible for "changing me". However, he has told me that if I said I really want help with something through that dynamic that he would consider it.

    So, I consider that our communication is solid and that helps me feel grounded without punishment.

    We both enjoy maintenance and do it three times a week without fail (mostly). Now and again, I feel like I need an extra session and so far, that has never been denied.

    It sounds like we are both doing well with this question. I really like your questions and have been enjoying following them.

    1. Hi, Kitty,
      Thanks! I was hoping to be able to learn somethings about what motivate me and my submission and maybe ways I can improve so that I can stay in touch with my submission while Ward is away.

      I should explain that I've only been corrected once. (I'm a good girl, lol I like being his good girl). I just like the security of knowing that if I start free-falling he will catch me. That's a good way to explain why it's only been once, we have exceptional communication. The problem for me is when that insecure little girl part of me gets...stimulated (don't know if that's the best word choice but no other is coming), I have to be able to communicate with that piece first to even understand there is an issue, so that I don't let it out in pouty, snarky less than desirable ways. But Daddy is exceptional at drawing things out. He knows things are bothering me even when I'm still in the "well you're just being ridiculous, self" phase.

      There are however times when maintenance/reaffirmation/submission (whatever it's called in the various dynamics) is a little firmer, wither because he thinks I need it or because I ask for it. Usually when I'm trying to work through something, or release it, and a lot when I start beating myself up over stuff. Daddy says one day he wants to know that I can see myself the way that he sees me. (he also says he wishes he had the people who m ade me feel this way about myself before him& that they had to answer to him - I'd be askeered for them! lol)

    2. That's the best part about all this IMO - that they want others to see you as they see you. It is really freeing. Of course, it only takes one mean girl to bring you back down to earth, but I am learning to even ignore those.

    3. Yes, or one seriously demented ex-husband. And sometimes it depends on the day, which voice plays in your head. The day I made the pictures I hated what I saw, 'why does he love me? I'm not pretty, I'm not smart, I'm not thin.' [careful, dove - yes, Daddy]. Then last night, packing them up with the last of the shirts, I could almost see myself as he sees me. I'm beautiful because he loves me, and what he sees is how very deep that love goes.

  2. "And if I have done something which is harmful to myself or our relationship, something disrespectful, I need to be corrected, or it will eat at me. I need to pay across Daddy's lap and I need the forgiveness it brings."

    Being disrespectful to myself is my biggest troublemaker. I rarely get in trouble, well serious needs correction trouble. When it comes to demeaning myself, I am always in trouble.

    As always, another beautifully written post. You're so good at these questions.

    1. Oh, yes, my friend, Daddy got aggravated with me before he left, I had a fit of insecurities. And he said, "This is frankly getting annoying". Something like that will earn me a firm discipline spanking, the purpose more to give me release, and break through the walls so I can hear him tell me what I am to him and how he sees me.

      He'd never correct me for that. I still apologize, and he tells me, it's not correction, love. And I know, but I hurt him, and it started distance between us, so I am regretful. Lots of times I perceive a slight or disrespect that he does not, but that's still something I need to make right, if I don't it eats at me. I'll look at him and all I'll feel is that I was not as respectful as I want to be, as he deserves me to be. I know....hopelessly weird - sigh.....

    2. Haha, wow, meds and my head are not working in harmony today. That was just one big circle that didn't make sense. Let me try to re-say what I said.

      With Monster and I, I rarely get into trouble. Like real trouble. I can dance on that line of snarky little imp, but I never cross it. My discipline comes from negative comments about myself. That's when Monster puts down his foot and says that's enough. It's been more positive journaling and essays about myself, but I have had evil spankies for it as well. He does see it as a correction, because he feels I don't give myself enough credit or self-praise. I pick at my faults like a scab.

      But you know, we are always more hard ourselves. For me the mental torture I put on myself is worse than any physical torture he could ever put me through.

    3. That's okay - I know what you meant ...at least I think I know what you meant....at least I wasn't confused, lol. Oh gosh, yes, I torture myself endlessly about my perceived iniquities, which he insists are unfounded. He said when he comes back we're going to start mirror therapy & I cried. I don't wanna do it - sigh.

      Lol - evil spankies - I haven't had those yet - it's more sad spankies. He's sad I feel that way. But I can see it turning evil. Some days I can see what he sees, other days that little voice is too loud. And I've an idea if it doesn't shut up I'm gonna have to take IT'S evil spankies.

  3. June,

    I don't really see a big difference in discipline and correction...they're both accomplishing the same thing, but if it helps your husband then who am I to question, lol! Sometimes labels seem so confusing, don't they?!

    For Daddy and I, we're in a 24/7 tpe relationship, and thankfully, I'm hardly ever punished, disciplined, or corrected, lol! Not that I don't deserve it, but he spoils me;).

    Hope you're doing better today!


    1. Hmmm - I know it is different for everyone, so as I've said before - this is what it is for us & your mileage may vary.

      Correction is correcting a bad behavior [I am not bad, my behavior is, but never me], something that is damaging to me or to our relationship. Discipline, is what I guess some would call role affirmation, or refocusing, or maintenance - just the thing that reinforces our toles, his as the leader of our family, and I as his helpmate.

      Discipline is the thing that pulls me back when I am close to the edge, or when I'm hiding, or when I'm stressed. Discipline is the thing that says 'You are mine, and you can depend on me, I need you to be open and honest and share the things that trouble you.'

      {{{hugs}}} and love,

    2. Oh!, sorry...lol..yes labels are confusing. As I've said before - they are for soup cans. I think sometimes people think I'm crazy cause I'll say this or this or this, but those are the things I see that I interpret as having the same significance for Daddy and I. For us really it just is what it is, and we are who we are. And it works for us:)

      And yes, thanks, I feel better today - poured my heart out at the end of yesterday's letter, and had a really good cry.


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