She asked me today what could I do to feel him while he is gone. I said I bought a special folder, colored papers and pens, envelopes, and I carry it around all day, and keep a running dialog with him. So it feels like there is an immediacy of communication, and I am still able to share the day with him. At the end of each day, I seal it and date it on the outside, so that when he gets a drop and a pile of mail, he knows the chronology, and if he wants he can parse them out till the next mail drop. I also got a call from the unit phone tree with a very special message from him that was like receiving a hug across the miles.
She said she was amazed at the level of intimacy that we have developed. She is amazed at how very in tune to each other we are, and how we care about and provide care for each other. She said that of all her clients she has never seen this level of commitment between two people. And she said....and here is the - What do you know about that moment - we have the healthiest, most intimate relationship she has every seen. That made me smile. For all the people that think TTWD is harmful or abusive, we actually have above average intimacy. We're doing something right. I knew that, but it's nice to have that affirmation from someone outside our little sphere. And it's nice to know that others actually perceive us to have what we feel we have.
I don't know why that helped, but it did, and the ache is still there, but not as urgent. I miss him, my God, I don't think I could ever express how deeply I miss him. Just like I can never adequately express how very much I love him. They are emotions that are bigger than me. Maybe the point of it all is to remind us that we just can't live without each other. You know the saying, don't find the person you can live with, find the person that you simply cannot live without. Ward is my person. And you know what? As I typed that line a peace fell over me. True love waits, so do I.