I had a really bad day yesterday. It started off okay. Then I read something that took me back to a very bad place in my life, to the place I talked about in a previous post about abuse. I was full out little, totally regressed to my 6-year-old self. And a really strange thing happened - the thing I read made me afraid of someone - a friend's Daddy, and I didn't know why. I didn't really understand what I was feeling, I just knew I was feeling it.
Then came that magic time of the day, and talking to Daddy. Daddy is seamless, he saw little me, and he went full out Daddy. He asked why I was afraid of my friend's Daddy. I said I didn't know, but what if he didn't like me and then didn't want my friend to be my friend any more, cause I was bad or weird or _____ (fill in the blank). Daddy said, anyone who knows me knows I am a good girl. Any one who knows me knows I am a respectful girl. And that is why I am his girl. Yup....he made it all better.
I talked to another "little" friend this morning and told her some of the lovely things Daddy had said. And I told her I had actually cried over the things that had happened so long ago - I never had cried about them before. And I guess that was because for the first time I felt safe. For the first time I knew someone would catch me when I fell....because surely I would fall. She said she was jealous of the affirmations Daddy gives me. So I asked if she could tell her Daddy that that was important to her. And she thought that was something she could try to do.
Then I thought a few moments, and sent another text. I told her not to forget that Daddies (Tops/Doms/Masters) need affirmations, too. I tell Daddy all the time, how important he is to me, how much I love him, that he is my hero. I tell him how he helps me. I thank him....for everything...he does so much for me. When he knows things are important to me, he goes out of his way to do them. It delights me, I thank him.
I think he is devastatingly handsome. Sometimes I'll see a picture and smile and my heart will flutter. I'll send him a text to tell him, "Dang, Daddy, just caught a glimpse of a picture and got the vapors!" One of my personal fears is not being enough. Sometimes Daddy worries that he can't give me all the things he thinks I need. So I tell him, all I need is him. He is home. Doesn't matter if we're in a cardboard box, a trailer or a nice modest house (don't need a mansion....too much to clean), if he is there it is perfect.