Tuesday, April 17, 2012

What kind of submission?

 I think too much, I always have, and I have an insidious, wrongly-programmed, little inner voice. I know that some things just are, and defy understanding, but it doesn't stop me from trying to understand them, cause, well I think too much (see how I made that a circle, being inside my head can be maddening sometimes).

Leaving all sensation out of it, from a strictly emotional perspective, sometimes I try to understand my need for submission and where exactly it comes from. I understand from research when I first started exploring this lifestyle that my incredibly screwed up childhood predisposed me to submission. As for the rest of it, I do believe that one can be hardwired to want/need/desire the sensation. It seems the desire for sensation can be on the nature side of the nature-v-nurture equation, and the need to submit on the nurture side. (And being that my children both have Sensory Processing Disorder, one being a sensory seeker, I can understand the sensation part pretty well - you can message me if you want to know more about SPD, and I do have more on that in our other blog A Day in the Life of Grass Eaters).

And I wonder how much is partner sensitive. I am naturally submissive, I acquiesce. But with Ward, oh my goodness, there is such a connection, he touches that place of submission in me and there is not a single thing I would not do for him. I trust him. There is such an incredible emotional connection, that fills me, and makes me feel whole.

When I started exploring that part of myself, I did as many do, and explored BDSM. It just didn't click all the boxes. But for some reason, I equated DD with Christianity, and I don't have a real good view of that. I was raised Catholic, and it is oppressive, not much concerned with the souls of the faithful, really - more with what comes in the collection plates. I know a few fundamentalist Christians, and I found the men to be controlling and domineering rather than Dominant.

Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-God. I love God. I believe that he brings all good things in my life, my children, my Ward. But I have a very difficult time with organized religions that are more administrative than heart of God. So I eschewed the idea of biblical submission.

Now a funny thing happens. I read all the time. I thrive on learning. I have found several very good books on submission and surrendering. And I just found A Submitted Wife, and she has a sidebar with several recommendations for books I had not previously known about. I always want to learn to be more and better for him, so I study, I read your blogs. I learn. (If anyone knows of any good books, I'd welcome recommendations).

So the conundrum is this, I find that my submission to Ward pretty well naturally follows the biblical submission model - how in the world did that happen? The more I read, the more I see the parallels. I'm not sure if that perplexes me, or amuses me. I wonder if anyone else has pondered that question.


  1. That is something. I was raised as a born-again fundamentalist. Now religion leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

  2. Yes, organized religion leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. I have no problems with God, I see his works everywhere, most notably my children & Ward. How can you smell a mimosa tree on a warm summer night, feel the rain or a cool breeze & not believe in Him. I have a problem with his self-proclaimed representatives - they are more like mafia strong arms.

    1. We are told in the Bible to seek wisdom. Wisdom is found in the Bible; so the fact that you find your submission to look like the Biblical model is because that is where we find it outlined. I’ve spent the last year looking inward for wisdom as the Bible tells us that we are indwelt with the Holy Spirit, so why would we not look within. Wisdom is also found in many other sources outside religion. I have also taken some college classes that would be considered, by the churches we once attended, as questionable. Yet I have gained wisdom.
      Like you I have a very difficult time with organized religions that are more administrative than the heart of God, but I have no difficulties with God. I have a problem with people. People judge me, always have. My family judged me, harshly at times. I tried to be what people wanted me to be, losing myself in the process, and still never quite measured up. I sought healing in the church for two decades and didn’t find it. I’ve sought a different direction and have found abundant healing, not just in my life, but in my marriage. Last year I found me. I found who I am. I am submissive. Even though some of those around me would consider me a traitor to my gender, and would be caustic and critical if they knew how I lived, I am, for the first time in my life happy. I am free. I feel alive, and I am living life. I feel true to myself and true to my husband.
      You’re right, sometimes we just think too much. We need to accept that some things just are. How you live is not so much a biblical model, as it is a source of wisdom; the words that describe what is within you, who you are. You are being true to you. You find fulfillment in it, live it, enjoy it, revel in it.

    2. Thanks for reading, adn for your very kind and encouraging words. Your reply made me cry, because it is very much my story. I found a place when I was younger, the church vilified the priest who made the place young people could feel God, and he left the priesthood. And all the while, the woman who gave birth to me was calling me possessed. Then I lost that part.

      I am spiritual, not religious. I feel God so much easier in my children, in my Ward, in our family and our life, in the tree in my yard and the flowers, the sunshine, the rain, the forests, water and water music. I have always been a little eclectic in my beliefs, I gather what feels true. I think this must be true to me because of how I feel on a daily basis.

      You know that feeling when your eyes open wide in pleased surprise, you gasp a large breath of air & it burns in your lungs because you are so excited you forget to breath, and you can feel the electricity pulsing through your veins? Everything is brighter, sweeter and more joyous. These are the gifts that he has given my in accepting and cherishing my submission.

      Yes, people would think me a throwback, and it doesn't really matter. He makes me happy, I make him happy. And like you, I am so very free and happy for the first time in all of my long life.


We love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for being part of our chosen family!