I think too much, I always have, and I have an insidious, wrongly-programmed, little inner voice. I know that some things just are, and defy understanding, but it doesn't stop me from trying to understand them, cause, well I think too much (see how I made that a circle, being inside my head can be maddening sometimes).
Leaving all sensation out of it, from a strictly emotional perspective, sometimes I try to understand my need for submission and where exactly it comes from. I understand from research when I first started exploring this lifestyle that my incredibly screwed up childhood predisposed me to submission. As for the rest of it, I do believe that one can be hardwired to want/need/desire the sensation. It seems the desire for sensation can be on the nature side of the nature-v-nurture equation, and the need to submit on the nurture side. (And being that my children both have Sensory Processing Disorder, one being a sensory seeker, I can understand the sensation part pretty well - you can message me if you want to know more about SPD, and I do have more on that in our other blog A Day in the Life of Grass Eaters).
And I wonder how much is partner sensitive. I am naturally submissive, I acquiesce. But with Ward, oh my goodness, there is such a connection, he touches that place of submission in me and there is not a single thing I would not do for him. I trust him. There is such an incredible emotional connection, that fills me, and makes me feel whole.
When I started exploring that part of myself, I did as many do, and explored BDSM. It just didn't click all the boxes. But for some reason, I equated DD with Christianity, and I don't have a real good view of that. I was raised Catholic, and it is oppressive, not much concerned with the souls of the faithful, really - more with what comes in the collection plates. I know a few fundamentalist Christians, and I found the men to be controlling and domineering rather than Dominant.
Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-God. I love God. I believe that he brings all good things in my life, my children, my Ward. But I have a very difficult time with organized religions that are more administrative than heart of God. So I eschewed the idea of biblical submission.
Now a funny thing happens. I read all the time. I thrive on learning. I have found several very good books on submission and surrendering. And I just found A Submitted Wife, and she has a sidebar with several recommendations for books I had not previously known about. I always want to learn to be more and better for him, so I study, I read your blogs. I learn. (If anyone knows of any good books, I'd welcome recommendations).