Those who know me well hear me say that phrase quite often. I'm just me.I say it to friends, I say it to Ward. I say it when I am uncomfortable with praise or gratitude. I've never quite experienced them before.
I am just who I am - just me. I do what I see, what I feel needs to be done. I have a highly defined moral imperative. Maybe because I have seen and experienced a lot of suffering. If I can do something to ease the way for someone, I must. That's how I'm made. I can't turn a blind eye. But I don't think that's especially noteworthy. It doesn't take an effort. I don't have to think about it. It's just there. It would be uncomfortable for me not to help. I don't see that as especially special. I don't see me as especially special.
I frankly see myself with lots and lots of flaws (I'm all brave now, you see, because Daddy is not here). Ward has said from the very beginning that I was quite uncommon. What I heard of course, was
Aren't you an odd little thing?
Ward takes great issue with that view. That's why one of my rules is 'no self-deprecation'. And he has decided that one of his missions is to allow me to see myself through his eyes. He said before he left (and in letters since) that he knows I have a hard time seeing it, but when he gets back he is going to show me every day how special and beautiful I am. I think that's a tall order.
I do feel a shift, ever so slight. I don't feel special, but I feel....okay. I feel his influence. I hear his voice, even when he's not here. It's not something that may ever change completely. And it won't change in a thunderbolt. It's more like I am sand, and Ward is the sea. He gently and patiently and diligently, works, strokes, shapes my perceptions.
(the diligently working man is Ward!)
I will never be the person who says 'I am fabulous!'. But I am maybe gaining some small measure of appreciation for perfectly imperfect just me
Ah - I only said maybe - there are no guarantees or promises.
ReplyDeleteThis is an important thing to say sometimes. I am glad you are saying it because I think you are pretty cool.
ReplyDeleteAww, thanks very kindly, Kitty. I'm just me, but perhaps that a perfect thing for me to be. I think you're pretty cool too!
DeleteI have absolutely no doubt about that :"> He's very dependable.
ReplyDeleteI got a little lecture last night about putting myself down and how nobody is allowed to say negative things about me...including me. I'm just me too and some days it feels better than others, but I suppose that we ought to believe what our men say about us. I think they are rather fond of our "just me's."
ReplyDeleteOh, I get the same lecture, lol. Yes, being just me doesn't always feel great, but it's genuine & that's probably a feat in the world today. And yes, I do believe they are rather fond of our 'just me's. It still amazes me - I hear it in his voice and his chuckle, see it in his smile, and in the things he does for me.
DeleteOh, wow, my husband has been wearing at me the same way for the last 12 years... The longer we're together the more I manage to see myself through his eyes, though it's a very very slow process, and it doesn't take much to set it back...
ReplyDeleteAnd I think you're quite lovely as well.
Conina, he says he wants to quiet the voices in my head that tell me different. He does a pretty good job. Maybe some day they will be as obedient as I am - lol. No it doesn't take much to set it back, and I see his frustration when it happens.
DeleteThank you very kindly, you'll make me blush. I think you are most lovely as well!
Just you is a very awesome person. As Monster says, the flaws are what make you who you are. If not we'd be cookie cutter people. Mmm...cookies...
ReplyDeleteBTW, loove the pics you used. The pink quote one is one of my favorites. And oh my gosh, how cute is that little creature!?!? He's so adorable, I must have! Lol
I always tell myself, that if a man like Monster thinks, I'm something special, then maybe, just maybe, he might possibly, in some small way, be right. But seeing myself in the light he does, that is still a work in progress. Lol
Thanks :) Yes, I have flaws aplenty, lol - yeah - cookies! - warm melty, chocolatey cookies!
ReplyDeleteThanks! the little creature is an aye-aye. Ahhhhh - but the question is must you have one more than you mush have an anteater???? That is the acid test.
Yes, that is a thought - I just don't see what it is - though he said he will show me that I am well-loved every day of forever, and show me how beautiful I am (I suggested we get his prescription checked & he said he thought mirror therapy will help when he comes back - horror of horrors! You must hide me please!).
Ohhhh, that's not nice! I couldn't make that decision. Lol
DeleteYikes! I havd a closet you could hide in. Me and the mirror are not friends. Thankfully Monster hasn't resorted to mirror therapy. *Hides the link to this post so Monster doesn't see it*
I sorry - it was just a question, lol - I knows you loves some anteaters :)
DeleteYes, please- I'm torn between wanting to see Daddy & being askeered of the bloody mirror :( *SIGH* but you know I need to see him more. I'll never tell....less he asks me....then I'll be compelled - cause I'm a good girl :-D
Yeah, but I love me some creepily cute, weird critters too.
DeleteLol, I think you would face a million mirrors if it meant bringing him home quicker. :)
*blink*
Deletewell when you put it like that, yes I would. I miss him hard right now - crying in fact - I'd face the flippin' fun house if he could be here, over his lap then in his arms.
Hi June, darn!! I thought you were perfect! lol. Great post for us all to remember. i wanted you to know that i have moved my blog to http://aspankedwifesphotoblog.blogspot.com Please come see me. Huggsss, lily
ReplyDeletelol, no, his lil, very far from perfect, thought Daddy takes issue with how far from perfect I perceive myself. But then he takes care of it what you describe so well in your latest post ;)
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