Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Examining Submission Journaling Exercise - Day 29

Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?

Humiliation has no part in my submission. I spent the major part of my life being humiliated. Again, my disclaimer - I acknowledge that some people are served by humiliation. I do not condemn those who are. Humiliation in no way shape of form serves me, and thankfully not Ward either.

I came to Ward broken. Thank the creator that he saw something of value in my tattered heart. Ward lifts me up. He exhibits positive leadership. There is never a 'that will never do' tone, there is always a 'I know that you can do better' tone. He makes me want to be the absolute best person in the entire world. He makes me want to make him proud. I want him to see me with him, and out in the world representing his leadership and glow with pride. I want the people who know Ward to see me and think, 'Ward has a good woman' and have him be able to be lifted by that. I enjoy elevating him in the eyes of others. He is an exceptional man.

Spankings, yes are an integral part of my submission. I've said may times, we use them for many different things. They are a way for me to both express and feel my submission in a very immediate, tangible way. They can melt away the stress of the day. They can left me feel small and safe. They can calm and soothe in a way that nothing else does. I like the little jump of butterflies when you know that you are going to get a spanking. I want that feeling that comes with laying myself across his lap. And I love even better being pulled into his arms after.


  1. I think you are coming to the end of this series - what will you do next?

    Any mail this week?

    1. I don't know. Any suggestions? I'm open. I have a couple of posts that are works in progress. I've been looking for other blog/journal prompts on submission,love and relationships.

      No,no mail yet :( It's been 2-1/2 weeks & I am dying. But I 'felt' him get a pile of mail the other day. (Don't laugh - ever just feel H when you were separated? This was intense, like endorphin rush intense) So I think I may see some soon. I surely hope so!

    2. I don't have any suggestions. Whenever I put an assigment to my "fun" stuff like the journal prompt, I usually immediately stop doing. I am contrary like that.

      What about a prompt on self-improvement or religious related items. Spirituality. There is a book called Open the Door (Joyce Rupp) that I thought was helpful to my submissive progress in the beginning. It has six or seven weeks of meditations.

      Okay, I guess I did have some suggestions. Hopefully mail comes soon!

    3. LOL, Kitty. I'm compelled to do assignments, call me anal. I hate incomplete things. I chose this when Ward was getting ready to go so that I would have something to keep my busy, keep the blog going when I felt like curling up in a ball, and keep me in touch with my submission.

      The self improvement thing is a good idea, I have had more than a few broken lollipop moments since he's been gone and experienced growth that he wished for me to work on - rather have worked on it under other circumstances, but, hey, growth is growth, right? Hopefully he's proud.

      I looked at relationship prompts, never thought of self-improvement prompts, but I will when I finish here. And I'll head over to Amazon to Kindle me a copy of Open the Door.

      Thanks & hugs!

    4. Hopefully, it is not a bad suggestion - it is a spiritual book and I am not sure if a blog translation will work, but the daily meditation on opening yourself really helped me.

      Although, my "natural" submission is not quite as natural as yours seems to be. I needed to prod myself a bit. But the outcome has been spectacular. :)

    5. I 'paged' through on the Kindle last night, and I think I can make it work. Thanks!

  2. I know that feeling you have about your husband about mine, too. He's amazing and he makes me want to be amazing for him as well.

    It's too bad more people don't feel that way about their spouses.

    1. Hi, Conina, thanks for reading :) Yes, I watch people. And it is amazing how people who are clearly together don't touch, or want to be so far from each other, and look at each other with less interest than the sandwich in front of them. And I cringe at the way they talk to each other.

      Ward - there are no words to describe what happens in my heart, mind, body and soul when he is near. He fills me. I want him to have that same feeling.


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