Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?
This is my personal experience - my personal disclaimer - your mileage may vary. I personally cannot feel submissive without a Dominant partner. I am a submissive, but without an outlet I will become frustrated and sad, and probably pretty darn snarky (certainly not me - oh but yes!). I cannot submit for the sake of submitting. It has to be given to someone who understands it, who knows how to nurture it.Daddy touches my submission. His natural dominance creates a desire in me to yield. My submission triggers his desire to lead. It's a lovely symbiosis.
I once asked H if he really wanted to be a dominant. His answer: "For you. Yes." But he is an undeclared daddy too. He takes good care of me.
ReplyDeleteWhen is Ward scheduled to return? Or do you know? (Sorry if I missed this previously.)
Kitty, why undeclared? He doesn't have to be afraid to be a Daddy. Daddies are the awesomest people in the world :)
DeleteNot soon e-darn-nough! Ward should be back in early fall.
Ouch. That is a long time!
ReplyDeleteUndeclared because his research led him to Master/slave dynamics and mine led me to DD. Neither works exactly right for us, but when I started exploring the Daddy dom, I saw him. Problem? I don't think I am a lg. Such a conundrum.
I was just thinking the other day - it would be a shame if we, a couple who is compatible in so many ways, was not compatible in this exactly. However, we do have common ground in spanking, so we do that while we figure out the rest. We are committed to figuring it out. :)
Also, he is not afraid of being a Daddy. I just haven't given him the outlet to really be that. (And yes, I believe it hinges on me at this point.)
DeleteKitty - yes - it's too long!
DeleteWant to know something kind of funny? My research said I would never be a slave, but if you removed the D/lg dynamic, I think that's where Ward & myself might find ourselves.
I'm not sure how you conceptualize being a lg,so I can't say you are or you're not. If we talked more I'd be able to see her if she was there. I can tell you that I was kind of creeped out when I first started exploring being a lg. At first I thought it was about ageplay, and based on my childhood it was repulsive to me. Then I thought it mean I had DID (multiple personality disorder). It means neither, thankfully.
For us, and my friend MonstrsNightmare being a little is not about frilly dresses, bottles, pacifers, baby-talk, incest fantasies (the little part of my brain is tucked away elsewhere when Daddy & I are intimate)- nothing like that. For us being D/lg is first and foremost that ultimate surrender, Daddy being the ultimate authority; it's being able to be utterly vulnerable and knowing he will gather me in his hands and breathe strength into me; it's seeing dew on a leaf and getting excited because it looks like silver painted on and Daddy always having enough time to look with you and express wonder at your discovery; it's about Daddy feeding you chocolate peanut butter pie while you lay on your tummy; it's about finding something so irreverently humorous that you give him the church giggles, too. It's about the verbal interplay in day-to-day life (I see it with Stormy & Ogre and I told her once; saw a glimmer once with Christina & Jim; and once with Suzie & John Deere).
And for what it's worth, Ward & I didn't really say - hey will you be my Daddy - it's just something that kind of evolved. When I told him I thought I might be, and he smiled & said, I can see her. How cool is that?
Okay, since others are enjoying the comments (faerie), I will answer here... What you described is exactly how I see H. And I got there after A LOT of searching for Daddy Dom's that were not into ageplay, etc. So, it is gratifying that we got to the same place.
DeleteH would sit there and feed me chocolate pie and stare at me and dance with me all night long if I let him. He has spent hours just rubbing my back and being with me. His "rules" are all about supporting me into the best version of myself, without trying to change one single personality trait.
The problem is that I never sit still long enough to let him do it. Is there a part of me that could receive those desires from H and respond to them and enjoy them? Maybe, but I have never seen her if there is. My desires are about slapping and pinching and pain and restraint.
I love reading you and monster because you remind me of what I see in H. But I also know that I am not where you guys are.
Hmmm - there are littles who are masochists. I'm pretty much tougher than the average bear in terms of pain. I initiate sometimes, I ask for more sometimes. I never was much into restraint, but with Daddy - that's just entirely too yummy to be completely under his control. For me - slapping not so much - that goes back to childhood stuff. And none of the really heavy stuff for us either - no barbed-wire floggers, needles and stuff like that.
DeleteThat was actually one of my objections in the beginning - 1) the ageplay card; 2) how can a little like pain so much? But there are littles that like lots more pain that you or I could probably ever want to consider.
It's more of a feeling really than a label. For me - for us - it's deeper, stronger, fiercer than I have ever experienced. It is trust I have never known. It is a desire to please and serve that comes from the very deepest part of my mind, heart & soul. It is a fire that burns when he speaks, under his touch, it is a flexing into him and with him and under him.
You don't have to be where anyone else is but H, as long as your dance is gorgeous and coordinated, and joyous that's all that matters.
Ok, I loved the post, but the comments have fascinated me. I wonder now if you would see an lg in me. I am only submissive to Musicman, and have recently been thinking that maybe, just maybe, I have an lg in me. I know I did a post saying it wasn't, it was faerie I found, but I really think faerie is an lg and it just freaks me out a little too much yet to embrace it. The way you explained it to Kitty is awesome and also reinforces those thoughts that maybe I am. Thoughts? Feel free to email them if you want :)
ReplyDeletefaerie, I don't think I can say I have, but I also don't feel like I know you very well at this point - only the last couple of weeks. but my sense right now is no. Could be a confirmation bias though, cause I wasn't looking for an lg in you. I will let you know if something triggers some kind of conclusion to me on this. :)
Delete(Thanks to June for hosting this discussion.)
kk I see glimmers faerie, here & there. Not quite overt, but you are guarded about it. You said in an early post you thought it was icky (I'm not offended, lol, I used to think it was icky too when I thought it was all ageplay).
DeleteKitty, you're most welcome :) It's not an 'out there' thing.If you just read my blog & I hadn't said anything about our dynamic, you probably wouldn't know just from my writing. It's like ...I am submissive, but I don't submit to anyone but Ward. And I have a little,but I'm HIS little girl. No one really is trusted enough to let her out, except Daddy of course, and a bit with a few friends.