Sunday, March 17, 2013

Healthy Tears and Emotional Expression

                                                                                                                                                                           

                                                     

 Crying is a natural and healthy part of life.  I must admit that like many men from my particular demographic, I was taught, and even conditioned not to display much in the way of emotion.  Emotional expression can manifest itself in a variety of ways and it is to the benefit of any relationship to not only observe and recognize these expressions of emotion, but to nurture and respond to them in an appropriate manner. Many emotions can take many different and even varied forms that might change from day to day, hour to hour and even minute to minute. The best thing we can do sometimes is really quite simple.... listen and be there for your lover. 






                                                           

Happiness is more than a smile, sometimes happiness is the contented sigh that comes from a hot meal and a full cup at the end of a long cold day. Sometimes happiness is cuddling up on a couch watching a favorite movie and sharing a bowl of popcorn. Happiness is not always soft or quiet. Sometimes happiness is tackling each other to the ground, belly laughing and  tumbling head over feet in a riotous, raucous expression of warmth and mutual delight. Sometimes happiness goes deeper, and when we accomplish something major, or we see those we love elevated, sometimes happiness means soft, sweet tears that express an inner triumph or is the culmination of a challenge met and overcome. 
                                                                                                              
                                                                                                           


Anger is a word that inspires intensity of both word and deed. Anger is not always negative, and indeed sometimes a bit of healthy anger is the catalyst to communication, true change and the betterment of the processes that make a couple effective, engaged and in love. Anger can also be destructive, irrational, and very much like emotional napalm. I've often described anger to June as a lot like "fear with more enthusiasm" and if one is not careful, it is very possible to cause or open up deep emotional wounds that are very difficult to resolve in a timely, healthy fashion. Tears of rage  are often an expression of deep frustration, pain and loss


                                                


Fear as said above, is a lot like toned down anger.  Like a wall that separates, fear can halt progress, and create distance if it is allowed to exist and lay in your partner's mind.  This is where being an HoH is especially significant. Soothing a partner's heart and knocking down those walls can be a process that takes quite a bit of time and effort, but in so doing we reveal the depth of our love and we express our own confidence and affection at a time when they need to see that most.  Fear is a tricky one, folks and it is our opinion that  fear should be dealt with early and not allowed to become unmanageable due to inactivity.

 We now see that tears come for many reasons and in many forms. Tears can be a beautiful outward expression of relief  or they can be anger, fear, hostility and pent up frustration that demand attention and in some instances not just words but action. We all know that actions speak louder than words, and sometimes in the midst of tension there is no greater comfort than knowing without a shadow of a doubt that our partners remain, thoughtful, cognizant and engaged even when things are chaotic, even when things are not easy or simple or fun. 

   

Many people have asked or wondered what the true impact of tears is in a TTWD/DD/spanking oriented relationship. My response is that, as an HoH even during the rare times that it was necessary for June to receive correction I never set my hands to task with the mindset that tears were desired or required. The intention was to improve the communication, right the ship, and correct poor behaviors. That being said, if I saw tears, I didn't necessarily stop either. Sometimes tears during a spanking tell us that a point is being made and that the lesson is in fact being learned.


                                                    
   










Through it all, I've learned that I CAN and MUST express my emotions in order to be effective. I've also learned that by being attentive to my lady's emotional needs, that a new level of love can be obtained and that both people in any kind of relationship must learn to recognize and respond to emotional output and prepared to do the labor of love that is managing and supporting their partner in all emotional expressions!

Her POV:

Tears for me have always been something to hide. When I was a child to show vulnerability/sadness/pain  was to encourage more abuse, it was a sport. As I grew, with partners, my tears were met with disgust, and again as a sign of weakness to be exploited.

With Ward, my tears are gently accepted as expressions of my heart. When I apologize for being weak, he gently shushes me, and gives me the freedom to purge. When he sees me trying to choke them down, he extends his arms and tells me to let it go. He has never run from my fears, my frustration, my weariness. For that I am so very grateful.

When Daddy must correct me, I rarely cry during. What he gives to me is what I have earned, it is what must come not as retribution, but to clean my heart - I hate having disappointed him, and I need the purge - but for our relationship, so that we can move forward clean with no stamps collected. I do cry after, heartily, in his arms. These are not tears of pain or fear, they come from feeling all the love and forgiveness that he gifts to me; feeling loved and accepted totally and unconditionally by a very good man.

Sometimes during discipline there are tears. These come from the delicious feeling of being held firmly and loving in his hands. They are tears of gratitude for having my truest self accepted and treasured and our love and devotion reinforced in this way. There are tears sometimes when we make love, when the overwhelmingly wonderful feeling of being loved and treasured. There are tears when I cook and I feel my blessings all around me. There are tears in the most mundane of things, that speak of who I am and who he is and what we have and the family we make for our children.

Every one of those he catches in his hands, and holds to the light so that I can see the beauty in them, when I might feel shame. He shows me that they are the gift of my vulnerability, of my truest self to him.


24 comments:

  1. WOW..you guys did it again, a powerful posts. I took my a very long time to let Master see my tears, and they still don't com easily. When they start Master is always quick to tell me to let go, I am safe, it is a good thing. Master worked hard to tear down walls that I thought for sure were sturdy and forever....it is so much nicer not to have to carry the load of those walls.
    hugs abby

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    1. Thanks so much abby, Somtimes the walls absolutley must come down and I'm sure your master knows just how to get through yours.

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  2. Amazing post! I love your openness. I only hope that one day I can release my pent up guilt. It will happen. I love reading the truth in your words.

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    1. Thank you so much, we try to be open to folk and give real topics that can inspire and benefit folks! Thank you for stopping by!

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  3. Wow...another beautiful and loving post. I tend to hold my tears in because they were always seen as a weakness and a form of manipulation...funny that the person accusing me of that was the one who manipulated through tears and passive/aggressive behavior. Matthew worked hard on this with me but now I find that anything that touches my heart can send me into tears...not sure I really like this!

    Thanks for sharing your hearts.

    Hugs and Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Thank you for stopping by Cat, we always look forward to hearing from you. There is so much beauty in allowing your heart to be open, to express your emotions openly with a pure heart. Thank you for sharing with us.

      Hugs and Blessings,
      Ward

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  4. Very nice. There's a lot of wisdom here. It took me a whole to learn to allow myself to cry during spanking. I would fight to hold on and hold back. I remember Grant telling me to not worry about it, that he knew I would cry when I was ready to. He was right, and over time I grew to feel sad enough to cry when I need to. It is cleaning. I don't always like showing that vulnerability, but I always feel better for it, and he encourages and takes care of me during these times, makes it ok to be that soft with him. It's important to both of us. And, btw, he's been able to become ever more vulnerable with me as well. I cherish that.

    Sara

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    1. Thank you so much Sara, Somtimes, it's the letting go that's hardest of all and showing vulnerability is something that is difficult for people and I am finding in my walk as the head of our house, that I must recognize and take care of June and show her that it is indeed okay and desired to be soft. I cherrish her love.

      Ward

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  5. Another wonderful and loving post. Your words June are beautiful.

    This is a really great message. It is so easy to try and hold our emotions in, hiding them from the person we love the most.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Hello Roz,

      Thank you for reading and commenting. Hiding from the ones we love is hurtful and dangerous, smiles, it is the love and consistant application of love that makes it all worth it.

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  6. Beautiful study on the subject of tears. I am a crier, Dd has made it much worse. I can cry at a look from Ian, or an announcement that I will be spanked. I always feel so unburdened after a good cry, that I have come to accept this part of myself gratefully.
    Lovely.
    hugs
    lillie

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    1. Hello Lillie, thank so much for stopping in! The release that comes from this can be a very healthy, very beautiful thing!

      Ward

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  7. I still struggle sometimes to release those tears in front of John, but he is helping me to trust him more every day especially with those things that I see as weakness. You both always have such a beautiful way of expressing the love between you.

    Hugs

    P

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    1. It can be a very difficult thing to emote in front of your guy but I think if you showd him that it's okay for him to be the strong one, that you would be surprised at how his love still feels beautiful and whole.


      Hugs,
      Ward

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  8. I would give anything in the world for a relationship such as this. It's beautiful.

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    1. Hello Anonymous,

      Thank you for reading our blog, we appreciate your thoughtful kind words.

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  9. i loved this entry. thank you.

    maryanne.

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    1. Hello and welcome,
      We love having you read our blog, thanks for stopping by.

      Ward

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  10. Crying during a punishment is cleansing, healing for me. I welcome it.
    I love the counterpoint of the way you two write.
    Bea

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    1. Hello Bea,

      Crying during correction is a very purifying, thing. We love giving both points of view on a subject, we feel it's the best way to talk about things.

      Ward

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  11. I would love to be able to cry and let out the last two years of pain, im afraid if I start it wont stop for days. Great post thank you

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    1. Hello Annie, I can understand that, somtimes, pain, frustration, and anger on top of our existing emotions could easily threaten to overrun. Be that as it may however, release is purifying and it makes us whole!

      Ward

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  12. Always love coming here to read. You both offer such wonderful insight to things. It's just wonderful the love you both have for each other.

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    1. Thank you so much Tiffany, we love having you read here. June is my greatest treasure and I love her so!

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