Male/HoH Communication

                                                                          

                                                    

Generally in my post I try to address both people in a  DD/TTWD relationship, but I've done some thinking about things and well... not this time.  I think I would like to address the ladies out there in blog land.  So ladies if you will take a moment to stop and listen I think we can all (guys reading along anyway included!) come to a better place.

                                                

Have you ever thought about the way your guy communicates with you?  Have you ever wondered why it's hard to get your fella to talk about certain things?  Well I'd like to say to all of you out there that honestly sometimes communication  for us exists on different levels than for the ladies. While this may seem obvious, it is worth investigating and understanding the values that we place on the way we communicate. I guess I'm not so different than many other men in that, I am pretty literal most of the time... now don't get me wrong I'd love to think I have a sense of humor and that I don't take things too seriously... but way, way, way more often than  not I tend to say what I mean.  Even down to the time of day, the color of the shirt that I will be wearing, the minute I will leave and return ... I am a literal kind of guy.                  

I have had to work hard with June to get better about it, but I also interpret what she says very literally and expect her to mean what she says. Time has taught me that not everything can be solved with logic and I can't always expect her to have my own particular point of view.   June has also had to realize these things about me and adjust her own methods of communication. June and I have worked long and hard to improve our communicative processes and it's a labor of love that will be continuous and rewarding.

One of the things that can get in the way of healthy communication regardless of our expectations and desires is assumption... Assumption can be a sticky thing indeed if we do not understand the way our partners think, react and respond to various forms of communication.  Have you ever talked about something in advance only to be confounded when your guy forgot or didn't  take an action? Well in your consternation, I would implore you to get down on a guys' level and understand the way he thinks and how he thinks... contrary to what you may believe, he isn't taking what you discussed for granted, undervaluing your feelings, or saying that your ideas, thoughts and words are unimportant... he may just need to be reminded of what you need, want or desire... communication on a continual basis is always important and yes, this can be achieved without nagging, without feelings getting hurt or without unnecessary silences that breaks the chain of  communication.

                                                                                                                      

Now along with communication and the need for it's continuous flow, lets talk about logic vs emotion.  To many guys, the most obvious course through something difficult is the logical one.  This isn't to say that emotions don't come into play... they do, but more often than not,  men have a tendency to see logic as the quickest, and surest way to a solution. Emotional things can be difficult for guys and I'm sure that many of you fine ladies in blog land can attest to this... I myself am no exception and can be quoted many times and many instances of telling June that something "wasn't logical"  In summation I would have you all use this information to better the communication processes between you and your partner.  Men are a lot of things, ladies, but we are not psychic. Communication openness and a willingness to freely discuss things will help us grow!

                                                

HER  POV:   Schnoots to logic, Daddy. I am an emotional creature. I will always be an emotional creature. But I acknowledge that he is the big picture man. Most of the men in our relationships are. They see past this split second in time to the varied repercussions of various courses of actions, how they will affect not only themselves, not only us, but also our families as a whole. You have to admit ladies, sometimes we get caught up in the feelings of the moment, and can't see as far as the effects . Yeah, that's their job. It's why we function better as balanced partners than as equal partners.

Sometimes they WILL forget. Understand that guys understand what we tell them,  but they are, as logical creatures, creatures that need to be primed for action. You don't get a computer program to function if you do not initiate the program. For our guys that is not - I feel sad; I feel widgey; I feel nervous. For our guys - initiate sequence looks more like this - I need you to __________. (hug me; cuddle me; spank me; reassure me, etc.).

If you tell him what you need, you are communicating. and remember back to the last post, when you do not you are not communicating clearly. When you try to push him in the direction of satisfying your needs with non-verbal communication which may accelerate into poor behavior i e, topping from the bottom.

It is not nagging to remind him, "Do you remember I shared with you that I need to feel your Dominance when.....? Well I need your help now, please?" Sometimes, ladies, we are too willing to blame the lack of effective communication on our partners, but I can tell you from experience, I bear at least as much responsibility as does Ward for the times it takes us longer to find resolution.

Self-Image

                          

                                                  

 The media tells us one thing... our lovers tell us another... Body image? What is it? How does it define us as individuals and as a couple? One of the things I have to be vigilant about with June is that she doesn't always have a positive self-image. From day one I have found her to be beautiful inside and out and when she tells me that she doesn't see what I see, it becomes clear that I must show her every day that she is beautiful, strong, and beloved.                                      

                                                                                                                                       

                                                                                              

 

I am sure that I am not the only HoH that has particular rules about a positive self-image as well as negative self-expression. June knows that any self-loathing or detraction can only end with a very red bottom and a stern lecture about the importance of  being positive and how I am personally insulted by such self-derision. Honestly though I know it's hardly as simple as that.  We as a culture are constantly bombarded with media images, ideas, commentary and imagery. Much of this imagery serves no healthy purpose, and after many years of being force fed  an unrealistic, unhealthy standard of beauty

                                                           

That puts the ball in our court, guys.  I guess in my mind, it is my job to reaffirm and reassure my lady of her beauty every single day. It is a labor of love and a wonderful chance to prove that she is beautiful.  Prove that she is beautiful? What do I mean by that?  It's very simple.  Caress her curves with your hands and give her your eyes... let your eyes lock and give her the kind of slow soft kiss that you both craved since the day you knew that you where made for each other.  Take the time to appreciate every inch of her skin and show her that you wouldn't dare design to change a single thing.  You will both find and appreciate not only the warmth and bliss that love brings, you will also both see the strength of curves, and find the beauty in the design of a real woman's body. 

                                                     

Skinny, thick, tall,short  we are all a testament to the beautiful variation and design of humanity.  Everything that makes us different is exactly what makes all of us beautiful. Over the years I've learned that  not only must I be vigilant about stamping out insecurities, but that a positive self-image begins at home. A kind word, one small thing can lead to big changes.  In our journey together, I have also confronted my own insecurities  and fought through them with June's help to finally know and feel true acceptance and  warmth. There is a wonderful vibrancy to it and it is that which all but illuminates the beauty of June's mind and the splendor of her body. Given it is a bit more of a challenge to get her to see her own beauty.  I guess after a lifetime of verbal and physical abuse it makes it more difficult to hear words of praise. That is why I am constantly showing her light and warmth, even if sometimes it means that I have to discipline and correct self-deprecating or harmful language or gestures.  It is a job that last a life time. Helping our partners feel good about themselves when the world says that they aren't is an important skill that every man should develop.  A healthy self-image starts with love, passion, and showing each other, just how beautiful we are.  Sometimes that means a soft word, sometimes a firm, slow hand, sometimes... it's better to just let our bodies do the talking ;)   In any case we are sure that by showing each other your appreciation for each others mind and bodies, your relationship will surely grow!

                                       

Her POV:

I won't lie, this is probably one of the things I get strenuously disciplined for most often - not quite correction, surely not fun... I have been taught that I am not beautiful for my whole life. I know that Ward thinks I am, I have offered to drive him to the doctor for new glasses....yeah, THAT went over big.

When I am with him, when I feel insular, I feel beautiful, I feel feminine. When I go too far past that circle, or for too long, that little voice that tells me all my defects just gets louder. Boy.... have to tell you that this is a hard POV to write, and I;m in tears trying .... it's not about thoughts, it's not about resistance. It's a longstanding belief in what I have been taught to perceive as the truth about me, for almost 50 years.

He tells me - everyday. I know he gets frustrated - not just at me - at those who taught me that I don't really have very much to offer at all. I don't doubt him, he is the truest person in my whole life. Ward's message is genuine, good Lord I feel it in his touch, in my heart, see it in his eyes. It's just hard to make it stick long-term yet.

The Gift of Time

                                                     

 There are 24 hours in a day. Just 24, no more, no less. Often it feels like there isn't enough of it to go around.  But, I would ask, Is there any gift more precious? The gift of one's time, passion, and energy are among the most precious gifts that we can give.  I think that's one of the things missing from many "modern" couples.  Sure we all have work to consider and then there is our own individual interest and stress to relieve. But there is one thing that I try to remain vigilant about.... that's love.  It's pretty easy to say that one loves another, but then again it's quite another thing to show it. Do I still go out with the guys after work and catch part of the game and take in a brew? Sure, but I also realize the value in giving people rain-checks and giving my family the time and attention that they require to grow.

                                                   

 It can be pretty easy to fall into a rut at times, or dare I say it... take each other for granted, but giving each other the time and attention that couples need.  Sometimes our domestic responsibilities and our schedules get hectic. Having two active school age children is a challenge at the best of times, but when you account for winter weather, the morning pokieness of our oldest, work, vehicles, people being under the weather, breakfast, lunch, bills, work  hmmm I'm sure I left some things out, but it's easy to see how even the most dedicated and vigilant could be overwhelmed and out of sorts at the end of a long, busy day.

                                                 

   

Sometimes the only real solution is to make time. No, I'm not a wizard and I realize that not everything is as simple as all that, but sometimes making the time to do even something just small can have HUMONGOUS benefits.  That's where it falls on us guys.  As an HoH I feel that it is my duty to assess the situation in the home, monitor stress and fatigue levels and when necessary to make time for my children or my woman when it is clear that they  need me to do so. My suggestions?  Kick her out of the kitchen and finish dinner, Take the kids out for a while so she can have a few hours to herself. Take the laundry basket from her and tell her to put her feet up and relax. 

                                                                                         

Sometimes making time means saying no to friends, canceling plans and knowing that sometimes  the best thing to do is to do nothing... No, no, I'm not sure you understand, nothing.  Sometimes nothing is disastrous, sometimes a weekend  of relaxation, and snuggling on the couch can be more productive than traveling too and from, running around like chickens without heads, and generally adding stress to the two days of the week where stress just don't have  a place.

                                                                    

Sadly, I can't just add 5 more hours or tack on two more days to the week, but what I can do is be attentive to my lady and her needs, spend time with my children and use what time we do have to bolster and nourish our ever-tightening bonds and feed the spirits and minds of the ones I hold dear.  I would encourage you all to find a way, or make a way to give each other and your families the attention that they require, need, deserve, and thrive from.  Who knows what you will discover?  Who knows what priceless moments are just waiting to be had?   Let each discovery you make bolster your efforts to be the best you can for each other.... Time's a wastin'

                                                               

Her POV: 

 There IS no greater gift we can give to each other. We all understand that principle with regard to our children. Better to give them your time, to show them they are worthy and valuable, than to buy all the latest gadgets. Why then would we give less to our families and to our partners? As our time nourishes our children, increases intimacy, increases trust and communication, so it does when we devote time to each other and to our relationships. When we give the gift of time, we also give the gift of understanding, we give refreshment to the soul, we relieve and wash away stress and strip away the world and all the things that do not belong and give shelter, safe harbor to our loved ones and let them be their best and most authentic selves.

Asking for Help vs Topping from the Bottom

                                                    

                                               

Today I would like to spend a few min talking about two topics that I feel can have profound effects on  DD/TTWD relationships. Topping from the bottom and asking for the help we need in order to not only function properly, but to feel comfortable in the roles of our dynamics.

Topping from the bottom is more than simply making a suggestion or two during the discourse of expressions of dominance and submission, spanking, maintenance or other activities designed to enhance our relationships, clear the air, maintain or express roles. Topping from the bottom is also emotional manipulation, talking over someone else, being deliberately passive aggressive, emotionally distant and or blatantly disobedient.  Thus defined, it becomes clear that topping from the bottom is a huge negative that cannot be allowed to create distance or emotional unrest.

                                                 

I guess from my own HoH perspective, I find it to be indicative of a lack of attention properly applied and paid to the one that we love the most.  I try very hard to make sure that I give June the attention that she needs in order for her to feel loved, confident and assured.  A cursory glance throughout the DD/TTWD/Spanking  lifestyle and relationship universe confirms that in many instances topping from the bottom occurs in a disrespectful and unhealthy fashion as well as disturbing frequency.

Topping from the bottom in a TTWD/DD relationship is not only disrespectful and rude, but it often times masks real emotions and hides the needs of all of those represented. When the time comes to express my role in our relationship I understand that I must be remain emotionally available, attentive and prepared to receive June's needs. Even when there is a need for correction or stress release, I know that more than just giving her what I wish her to feel, I must use my judgement to ascertain  what will be of the most benefit to not only her, but our relationship as well.

I am sometimes humbled and left in awe of the great gift of trust and responsibility that she places in my hands and I assure you ladies and gentlemen, that none of that is lost on me. I know that it takes a  whole lot of trust for her to be able to believe in me, and my intentions for not just her heart and mind, but to trust that I will give her body what it needs, no matter how difficult that may be to accept or go through. I really am humbled by this responsibility and would pass these values along to other men in the pursuit of  happier, healthier relationships!

                                        

Lets talk about physical application for a few moments... sometimes simply allowing ourselves to feel each other requires us to look where it's dark, where we have trouble, where we struggle. Sometimes the things that we need are difficult and navigating these issues with grace requires strength,  a ear that listens and the kind of deep honesty that doesn't sugar coat things that aren't easy to hear... This one goes both ways, by the way... Sometimes the greatest gift that June has given me has been her honesty... Her honesty when it would have been easier to do less, or to put the paddle down and scoop her up into my arms before she released the negativity and the walls had come down, but as we all know, what is easy and what is right are two different things.

The actual act of spanking always requires thought and action, but when the impact that is needed is more emotional than physical, it pays to consider every action, word, thought and deed. From the implements we use (yes even the ones that we don't like so much) to the positions (you know, the ones that help us feel the most submissive)  has to be thought out with thought and care.  Kind words, a soft touch following intensity, and an obvious display of affection and love are all very much required.  In truth you might say that  physicality is easier than emotion and thought and you would very much be right to say so. The physical expression of dominance and submission is just the active expression of two hearts longing to be in sync, indeed sometimes, a firm hand and rod wielded firmly with compassion and love helps to "Tune up the band" so to speak.

                                                      

I have known June long enough to understand her emotions and the way she expresses them. I try very hard to be attentive to her heart, mind, and body and generally speaking I hope that I do a good job of this. Sometimes though, I know when she has a hard time, that I need to be open to her expressing her need for help.  Help in feeling herself, in feeling me. The need for safety, warmth, and security when perhaps things aren't going well with work, school, the kids or life in general.  These are the times that she ask for help, I keep that door open and allow her to come to me anytime.  I guess the difference lies in intent.  Asking for help, and topping from the bottom differentiate themselves. Asking is proactive, asking is acknowledging that we are indeed not superhuman and that at times we need our partner to reach out, take our hand and lead and that despite what life has taught us, despite what the media portrays that it is in fact okay to do so!

We would encourage everyone to ask for help when they need it... It takes strength, heart and a willingness to acknowledge our own weakness, but there in lies the true strength and beauty of our relationships... To do so is to gain ground, growth and emotional providence in the face of stress, adversity and negativity.

                                                   

I'll end by saying that sometimes the hardest things to do are the ones that help us grow the most as a couple. I know that none of these things are easy, but I solemnly promise that they are worth every ounce of time, effort and self-exploration!

                                                                  

                                            

Her POV:

Before we were us, when we were still 'just friends' I asked Daddy if it was okay to ask for something...to try something, for more if needed, for action when it was needed and none seemed forthcoming, or if that was topping from the bottom. He said that no, he did not see it as topping from the bottom to present a need to your Dominant. You are merely helping him to know you and your needs. And you are not making demands, you are simply presenting him with your needs, which is what you are supposed to do... asking him to meet your needs.

The first time we were together, in the cuddling afterglow, I shared with him that he could spank harder. And he did. He wouldn't have known what I needed if I had not shared, but the application was entirely up to him. It was only providing a tool for him. I have continued to share, and he has learned me. I don't need to make as many requests. Because we have open honest and consistent communication, he is able to read my body language, the tone of my vice and give me what I need.

Had I manipulated, had I not been open and honest in expressing my needs he would not have an honest gauge. Manipulation is insidious, and sometimes too easy to do, and in my opinion comes from fear to open ourselves. If I am afraid to tell him I need something, I may think that if I mope, or cry or sigh that he will interpret that I need something. That doesn't always work, and it is manipulative, manipulating his emotions rather than simply saying, "Love, can you please help me, I feel..." Or even, "I don't know how I feel, but I'm not me, and I need to feel your Dominance. Or I need to feel my place. I need to feel safe and cared for. Please help me." It expresses humility, vulnerability and trust.

I am an emotional girl. I have lots of baggage. I have things I feel that I don't always understand. I often feel less, bad, scared. If I were not always honest with him when I felt that way, if I did not ask for his help to find my way through, is that not breaking one of the most fundamental rules of DD? To withhold my heart and my needs from him would be dishonesty, by design and/or omission. Not healthy, and knowing that there was something there and trying to get his reaction without honest communication? - that's topping from the bottom.

I am grateful that he allows me the honesty to give him my heart and my fears and my needs I submit them to him, and I put my trust in him to lead me through.

The Keyholder

There are things in life - terms which we hear, and make assumptions about their meaning.Then we find the intended meaning and it is far from what we assumed, or the meaning the word spoke to us. Daddy and I, before we were us, both explored in the world of BDSM. There is a term, that as I explored my submissive nature, spoke to me deeply.The term was keyholder.



In BDSM, the term keyholder is intended to mean a female Dominant/Domme, who controls the chastity of her male submissive and uses chastity devices to ensure chastity and orgasm denial. To me when I heard the term, it signified the person who held the key to my submission, who held the key to my heart, who held the key that would unlock the person I was at my very core.

 

 When I was still in that world, seeking my submissive self, I did learn much. I learned who I was and what I wanted, and a lot about what I did not want, and who I was not willing to be. There was something hollow about the experience. It was merely action, there was no heart to it. I desired to feel service from my heart, and to feel that service accepted and cherished.

I did learn things in that community. I did learn about my capacity, and what I would be willing to give to one who touched that place in me. I also learned that this is who I am. There was no scene for me, I did not wish to turn it off and on. I wanted to live my truest self, 24/7.  I learned terms that led me to refining the view of what I desired, domestic discipline, DD/TTWD, HoH, TiH. And it was there that I met my one.

When I envisioned my one, I envisioned the one who would call to that place in me, the one who would touch me, capture and free me. I envisioned the one who would touch me and under whose hand I would willingly bend. I met some, and there was no connection. There was no desire to open myself to any of them.

Then I met my Daddy. Even before he was mine, there was a twinge, a sweet pull deep inside me. There was a connection, and understanding of his heart, and a knowing that I have never experienced, that he understood mine. Together we found this place, the concept of DD and TTWD, and we grew together and began to write our story.

                       

I found with him, that the bending came naturally. I was free to be soft with him, in his love. He was willing not only to provide me Dominance, he was willing to provide me leadership. He felt my heart, and he wished to help me grow, both as a woman, and as a submissive. And for us the dance began. He held my heart, he fed me, he continues to do so. And there are no limits to what I would give him. I would bend as far as he required, he would never break me. This is truth that I trust. I trust him.

And so, for me, he is the keyholder, my keyholder. He has unlocked places in me that even I did not know existed. He has helped me to free myself and to be comfortable in my own skin,, and my own head, and to trust for the first time ever, that I will not be hurt. These are things I would never have learned had he not lovingly turned the key to my soul.

HIS POV: 

As I am the keyholder for June, I discovered the true meaning of unconditional love when I accepted the gift, the responsibility, the honor of holding the key to her heart. Her trust in me, my abilities and the love that we continuously nurture, touch me every single day.  I strive with a willing heart to guard her heart, to improve our communication and be the leader and man that she deserves.

Before she was mine, I would look at her beautiful, soft features and I would see the beauty of her soul sparkling in her beautiful  hazel eyes... I can only say this my June... my love... It is an honor to be the keyholder,  it is an honor to lead and guide and nourish... Thank you for your support and your belief in me... in us... Thank you for everything.

No Vacations in DD/TTWD

365 days a year, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year. No vacations. When applied to our busy lifestyles, it is easy to imagine being overrun, burnt out and desperately needing some time to just step back and breathe. While this is definitely true, especially in this day and age, there are some concepts that we must take to the core of our relationships and our lifestyle every single day.   DD/TTWD does test us and it requires daily diligence and effort. That being said, it does not go without notice that sometimes this lifestyle is difficult, sometimes the communication process can test us especially when we are tired. But let's all be honest: There are no vacations in TTWD/DD.                                            Vacation brings to mind  sun-drenched days filled with love, laughter, romance and pleasure. While It is true that we MUST refresh and renew our relationships in the face of the day to day grind of life, We must also remember our responsibilities to each other, and our relationships. DD/TTWD by design requires consistency, and with consistency comes peace, ease of mind, and clarity.  The effort required in complete dedication to communication, and role maintenance is no small feat however and this must be acknowledged. June works very hard to be mindful of our relationship and her role in it, I also try to remember my role as the head of our home. I must recognize June's efforts in not only our relationship, but the many contributions she adds to my life and the lives of our children. I know that in addition to maintaining our roles and recognition that I must relieve stress and ensure that she is rested and better able to handle the stress that comes with being a wife and mother.                                                   Now comes the dreaded M-word... that's right folks, I'm talking about maintenance.  While maintenance might be a very passionate or heated subject for some... We really feel that there are  numerous and valuable benefits that bolster our relationship, bring us closer and help keep us both mindful of the importance of our roles in a relationship. Maintenance isn't just one thing... For us, sometimes maintenance is going to bed  early holding hands and just talking... Sometimes maintenance is having the boys stay with friends and just spending a romantic evening snuggling and watching movies on the couch. Yes, maintenance, can and often does include one or more elements of spanking and discipline.  As unsurprising as it may be to hear from us, we have found that sometimes nothing smooths the edges, bridges the gaps, and gets rid of stress quite like a thoughtful spanking experience.                                                                                                                       As mentioned above,  sometimes a  vacation, or stay-cation  from the stress of life can be a happy, healthy time of rediscovery, strengthened bonds, and refreshment of spirit. As great as this is, it also stands to reason that for very practical reasons, that a two week trip  to a tropical beach may not be practical, but with a little experimentation, the judicious hiring of babysitters and a little imagination we can very easily  create a relaxing, fun atmosphere that is custom made for the purposes of bonding, role reinforcement and the mutual enjoyment of each other, ourselves and our relationship.

                                                                  

Her POV:

For me, I think I would be completely unbalanced if Ward was inconsistent. I need to be able to depend on him. Even when that means we enter a disciplinary or correction-type situation. There is security in knowing that whether we are in our living room, at the local Walmart, or park, or on vacation, that he will continue to hold us to the high standard we have for our relationship.

Busyness is not an excuse for discounting each other. Nor is stress. We strive to always be mindful that we depend on each other, always We can always count on the other to remind us of that, and to hold the other accountable if we forget the things that are important to us.

And the "M" word, yeah, June is a freak, I find comfort in that, too. Both in the consistency, and the fact that we have a mechanism when things start to swing, and I feel a bit unhinged, that brings us together, stripped down, and honest with each other. I value our life, the security, the closeness, the honesty, sometimes the rawness. Do we do maintenance on vacation? Yup. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Healthy Tears and Emotional Expression

                                                                                                                                                                           

                                                     

 Crying is a natural and healthy part of life.  I must admit that like many men from my particular demographic, I was taught, and even conditioned not to display much in the way of emotion.  Emotional expression can manifest itself in a variety of ways and it is to the benefit of any relationship to not only observe and recognize these expressions of emotion, but to nurture and respond to them in an appropriate manner. Many emotions can take many different and even varied forms that might change from day to day, hour to hour and even minute to minute. The best thing we can do sometimes is really quite simple.... listen and be there for your lover. 

                                                           

Happiness is more than a smile, sometimes happiness is the contented sigh that comes from a hot meal and a full cup at the end of a long cold day. Sometimes happiness is cuddling up on a couch watching a favorite movie and sharing a bowl of popcorn. Happiness is not always soft or quiet. Sometimes happiness is tackling each other to the ground, belly laughing and  tumbling head over feet in a riotous, raucous expression of warmth and mutual delight. Sometimes happiness goes deeper, and when we accomplish something major, or we see those we love elevated, sometimes happiness means soft, sweet tears that express an inner triumph or is the culmination of a challenge met and overcome. 

                                                                                                              

                                                                                                           

Anger is a word that inspires intensity of both word and deed. Anger is not always negative, and indeed sometimes a bit of healthy anger is the catalyst to communication, true change and the betterment of the processes that make a couple effective, engaged and in love. Anger can also be destructive, irrational, and very much like emotional napalm. I've often described anger to June as a lot like "fear with more enthusiasm" and if one is not careful, it is very possible to cause or open up deep emotional wounds that are very difficult to resolve in a timely, healthy fashion. Tears of rage  are often an expression of deep frustration, pain and loss

                                                

Fear as said above, is a lot like toned down anger.  Like a wall that separates, fear can halt progress, and create distance if it is allowed to exist and lay in your partner's mind.  This is where being an HoH is especially significant. Soothing a partner's heart and knocking down those walls can be a process that takes quite a bit of time and effort, but in so doing we reveal the depth of our love and we express our own confidence and affection at a time when they need to see that most.  Fear is a tricky one, folks and it is our opinion that  fear should be dealt with early and not allowed to become unmanageable due to inactivity.

 We now see that tears come for many reasons and in many forms. Tears can be a beautiful outward expression of relief  or they can be anger, fear, hostility and pent up frustration that demand attention and in some instances not just words but action. We all know that actions speak louder than words, and sometimes in the midst of tension there is no greater comfort than knowing without a shadow of a doubt that our partners remain, thoughtful, cognizant and engaged even when things are chaotic, even when things are not easy or simple or fun. 

   

Many people have asked or wondered what the true impact of tears is in a TTWD/DD/spanking oriented relationship. My response is that, as an HoH even during the rare times that it was necessary for June to receive correction I never set my hands to task with the mindset that tears were desired or required. The intention was to improve the communication, right the ship, and correct poor behaviors. That being said, if I saw tears, I didn't necessarily stop either. Sometimes tears during a spanking tell us that a point is being made and that the lesson is in fact being learned.

                                                    

   

Through it all, I've learned that I CAN and MUST express my emotions in order to be effective. I've also learned that by being attentive to my lady's emotional needs, that a new level of love can be obtained and that both people in any kind of relationship must learn to recognize and respond to emotional output and prepared to do the labor of love that is managing and supporting their partner in all emotional expressions!

Her POV:

Tears for me have always been something to hide. When I was a child to show vulnerability/sadness/pain  was to encourage more abuse, it was a sport. As I grew, with partners, my tears were met with disgust, and again as a sign of weakness to be exploited.

With Ward, my tears are gently accepted as expressions of my heart. When I apologize for being weak, he gently shushes me, and gives me the freedom to purge. When he sees me trying to choke them down, he extends his arms and tells me to let it go. He has never run from my fears, my frustration, my weariness. For that I am so very grateful.

When Daddy must correct me, I rarely cry during. What he gives to me is what I have earned, it is what must come not as retribution, but to clean my heart - I hate having disappointed him, and I need the purge - but for our relationship, so that we can move forward clean with no stamps collected. I do cry after, heartily, in his arms. These are not tears of pain or fear, they come from feeling all the love and forgiveness that he gifts to me; feeling loved and accepted totally and unconditionally by a very good man.

Sometimes during discipline there are tears. These come from the delicious feeling of being held firmly and loving in his hands. They are tears of gratitude for having my truest self accepted and treasured and our love and devotion reinforced in this way. There are tears sometimes when we make love, when the overwhelmingly wonderful feeling of being loved and treasured. There are tears when I cook and I feel my blessings all around me. There are tears in the most mundane of things, that speak of who I am and who he is and what we have and the family we make for our children.

Every one of those he catches in his hands, and holds to the light so that I can see the beauty in them, when I might feel shame. He shows me that they are the gift of my vulnerability, of my truest self to him.