Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Value of Good Girl Spankings (An HoH's Perspective)


                                                                                                                


                                                            














 June has done several posts on the pleasurable  and connective experience that a good girl spanking can bring to a DD/TTWD relationship. I think it's high time that I weighed in on this and several other subjects.  A good girl spanking  is a spanking that is designed to bring a couple closer through the use of pleasure, touch, intimacy, and good old-fashioned dominance and submission to bring said couple to a state of pleasure, unity, and release. This reaffirms the bond  and clearly defines roles.  and oh yeah.... it's fun!

I also believe that for the newly initiated  HoH  these spankings can provide a wonderful and pressure-free opportunity to explore, embrace and enhance their new found roll in a "safe"  stress-less, and delightfully sensual way.


                                             
                                       



One of the beautiful things about what June and I share is our shared delight in many pleasurable things.  A good foot-rub, a long soak in the tub (sadly, I'm really too tall for this one, too long) and of course spending  much quality "us time" behind  closed bedroom doors as we can.  This perhaps seems obvious, but let us see if we can take a look at some of the valuable things that an evening of fun-centric spanking has.
                                       

                                                        

Time - Time is gold, there is never enough of it. From dawn until dusk many of us have hyper-busy, super packed schedules that make us feel like a hot shower is a luxury.  You've all heard me extol the virtues of making time for the ones we love. I'll go one step further and say that sometimes sacrificing what little 'you time' you have in favor of time spent improving your relationship can be seen as a precious gift.  I'm known and renowned amongst my guy friends, for passing up that beer after work in favor of precious time spent with June. Time is the one thing that we will never really have enough of, and the gift of time in favor of your love and relationship over other pursuits is always precious.


                                                     

Discipline - Gasp! somebody said the dreaded d-word!  Discipline and correction are two different things, and in fact even in the most exquisite, alluring, toe-curling instances of soft and pleasure-focused spanking, roles can be affirmed, lessons can be learned and the chance to both give and receive physical expressions of love, dominance and submission  is truly wonderful.


                                                                                             
                                                                                           
 

Pleasure - It goes without saying that a good girl spanking should be a pleasurable experience. Soft touches, the warm embrace of skin against skin, the warmth of leather, the sternness of sensation can all lead to a warm and pleasurable cocktail of unified delight, stress relief and generous love-making.
  
                                                      
 









A New Strength - Finding the delight in each other, being thankful for what we have and where we are now  and guarding our relationships against the dents and dings that everyday life throws at us is a wonderful strength that we have found. Stress, disagreements, bills, kids,  work, schedule-conflicts can all lead to distraction, misdirection, hurt-feelings, angry words, fighting and the other kind of spanking.... GG's are better folks, and finding that strength, that strength to say yes when we don't really understand, that strength that says I love you instead of "I'm right" that strength begins with closeness and togetherness, two things that GG type spankings provide and are conducive to.


                                                                                             


These things and many more lay waiting just beyond the thoughts of our partners, take time, make time to listen, make time to talk. Express your love, your submission or  your dominance.   Improving our relationships is often as simple as communicating and you know the beautiful thing  about communication is that sometimes the strongest messages are best sent without words.



                                            
                                                      



                           

Her POV: 

Daddy speaks of time, and I will tell you that he is a man of his word, that he walks the talk, he is not empty rhetoric. He proves his philosophy, his personal credo time after time, day after day. The first time it happened, I was astounded. I sat beside him and blinked. Daddy is an absolute football fanatic. There was a game on that he wanted to see. Something happened...now, I can't tell you what was going on, I can't remember what was said, but this I remember...I stuffed something down, because I knew he had waited to see that game, and it could wait really. And he saw it, felt it. He picked up the remote, turned off that TV, and took my hand, pulled me down next to him. I said, "It's okay, Daddy, it can wait. You've been waiting for the game." He kissed me, kissed my hand and said, "It's not more important than you, lovey."

That's the building we can do, simple little acts. No, I can't remember what precipitated the moment, that's not really important, the bigger matter was that my man communicated in a clear, concrete way that I mean something to him, that my concerns are important, and what I think and feel matters. It is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. And yeah, he got plenty lucky after....REALLY lucky ;-P

Discipline - should discipline make it's way into a gg, spanking? Well, that's part of our dynamic, and when we reinforce the foundations of our lives, we make them stronger, and easier to live...second nature. Daddy can get quite vigorous with the application of the brush in a gg...yes it hurts. But this is what I give to him, my submission to his authority, my acknowledgement that he is free to give me what he chooses to give me....[luckily for me, he chooses to give me his best]. It's not so much a reminder of what can happen if I break our rules, if I am not my best self, it is both of us acknowledging our places and that all things, my pleasure and my pain, belong to him, and his acceptance of them. It is the acknowledgement that I can trust him to uphold us, and to never harm me.

Pleasure, well as we stated above, my pleasure comes from him, his comes from me, and it belongs to us. It is not merely a physical pleasure, it goes far beyond that...it is spiritual, it is all encompassing, it is pleasure in existence within each other....without that the physical would be nothing more than an entertaining little rut.

Yes, all of these things make us stronger, make us turn to each other, helps us focus on each other, and our relationship and our family. It makes it silly to have to argue a point, and easy to say - I understand love, I see it differently - and validate each other without minimizing either of us. And because we know that we are heard, and our views and feelings are important, and that transitory troubles cannot break the strong love in which we live.
                                  

25 comments:

  1. What a wonderful marriage you two have it is so giving on both sides. I have been reading your past post and they inspire me to be a better wife, lover, and friend to my HoH. Thank you both for sharing.
    h
    Hugs

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    1. Thank you for your very kind words, Cathie. It is the very best relationship I have every experienced. We both work very hard, but it is so very worth all the effort :)

      *hugs*

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  2. Thank you for another wonderful post Ward and June!

    Making time for each other is so important isn't it. Really doesn't matter if it's holding hands, cuddling, talking, watching tv, discipline or pleasure. Just loving someone enough to make the time to be with them and attend to whatever needs they have is the bottom line.

    You two have such a wonderful and giving relationship, it really warms my heart every time I come visit.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Thanks, Cat, it is so very important. I have never been on the receiving end of that before. And that is yet another reason that I love him and trust him, and that simple - relatively painless (I know it was a sacrifice, he wanted to see that game) act inspires me to want to be more and better, to do more and better for him every single day.

      *hugs*

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  3. Thank you Ward and June. Another wonderful post with another great message. Our time really is the most precious gift we can give our loved one. Something I will keep more in mind when life gets crazy.

    I always love reading here. You two really are an inspiration :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thank you, Roz. Ward really is exceptional at this. He never fails to take advantage of an opportunity for us to draw closer together and enrich our relationship. He is also exceptional at understanding what I need, even when I do not and making me slow down and focus on us when I start to spin.

      Thanks for your most kind words.

      (((hugs)))

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  4. I really appreciate getting a HOH's perspective. It truly is invaluable! Thank you both for taking the time to pour your knowledge out and into our lives.

    Hugs

    P

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    1. Sometimes it surprises even me, P, lol. You know how sometimes when you sit down to write you get more clarity on an issue? That happens with him, too, and I appreciate being able to see that as well. Daddy is famous for that with the boys - well how come it's blue? Because it's not green. Oi! lol Sometimes he'll do the same with me - how come you did that? Because I didn't do this? UGH! Daddy, please! And the truth is he just does, he doesn't honestly think about it. So writing it down gives me a chance to see what he finds out too, lol.

      (((hugs)))

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    2. John just read this post and commented to me how good and helpful it was.... I have a feeling we'll be discussing it more tonight :)

      P

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    3. :) I love finding talking points out here in blogland, P. It helps Ward and I grow!

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  5. We use good girl spankings as well. It's a really nice way to keep that discipline going even when I've done nothing wrong. It's a very positive way for us to affirm our roles. Looks like you two have gotten a lot out of it as well. I know some thing it's crazy to be spanked for being good, but I agree that it's such a great way to get in touch with one another and to connect.

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    1. Oh gosh, Riley, like you said it seems crazy, but yes, it is very much about affirming our roles, and dang it's fun! I don't avoid things specifically not to be corrected, and I don't do things to get a spanking that I want or need for stress. If I want one or need one I'll ask. GGs are a lovely way of saying, I know that I have your submission and it will be rewarded, and for the submissive to say I enjoy being yours and the emotional feelings that come with being under your hand. It keeps us stripped down and very real.

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  6. I love this post Ward and June!
    When you speak of discipline, are you using the word to mean more like training or conditioning?

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    1. Hmmm, that might be a topic for a post, Blue Bird. The short answer, I guess, would be that for us, discipline is about reinforcing our dynamic, my acknowledgement of his Dominance and his acceptance of my submission.

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    2. Hello Blue Bird! Discipine for us is roll afrimation and bond strengthening. A lot of people have Corrective or punative connotations when you say the word discipline. For us it is conditioning, it is feeling our places, and learning and communicating... It's a beautiful thing. Thanks for asking an important question! There may indeed be a post dedicated to this topic!

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  7. A wonderful, reminder of what is important..of how to protect and keep what is important to us. Master and i have gg's....they are wonderful, a time to look forward to..
    hugs abby

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    1. Oh, I so look forward to them, abby. I am not above trolling for GGs, lol. Daddy, did I do well? Yes, little one. May I have a good girl? :-P Yes and they dohelp us safeguard what is most important to us, our devotion and commitment to each other and our relationship.

      (((hugs)))

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  8. I have to say that posts like this that make me remember such times between Michael and I, and imagine them happening again in the future, turn me into a pile of goo...good girl goo, of course. lol Thanks for sharing, both of you. :)

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    1. Girl goo is a most amazing thing to be, Grace. I never in my life experienced that before Ward. I wish you many days full those lovely melty moments!

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  9. Great post June and Ward. Its time for football again and hubby is a big patriot fan. I try to let him have that time because its one of the only things he takes time for himself to really enjoy, but I have found that sitting on the floor by his feet and watching with him still gives us connection time and closeness even when he is screaming at the tv lol. Can u tell Im not a football fan Im a BB girl played in hs, but anything for our men. Have fun

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    1. Thanks, Annie :) I do, too. I sit with him curled up against him, and he tries to explain it to me when I have a question, most times I just knit or read, or sometimes just lean into him and marvel at our hands twined together. But when one of us has something on our mind he does not believe it should go unspoken. So the protestations of being able to wait are met by, "I think you should tell me." I'm a hockey girl myself :)

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  10. Lovely post. I think gg spankings are the best thing to come along since sliced bread, but that is a bit of a problem with Ian and I. I like them so much, that when I get that kind of attention I want more.....I don't want to have to wait until it happens again, I want it the next day and Ian is not that kind of HoH - he gives out rewards when he alone feels they are warranted. He was nice the other day, but I know if I start asking for them, it will lead to trouble, so I don't and then I get resentful, then I end up being corrected. :(
    They are great, but they can send me off in a direction of selfishness (not proud of it, but there it is).
    hugs
    lillie

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    1. I'm the same, lillie. Daddy's in charge, and they come when he wishes for them to. GGs are more of a date night thing for us, but we do so some kind of spanking every day (yes - yes I AM that needy...I worry about that sometimes, but he says it pleases him, so I'm good, lol), not always GGs, but always what I need. I tend to get all sad panda when I don't get one, but it's rare that we don't have some kind of connection time.

      The selfishness...it's a fear of mine, but he says that he loves giving me what I need and because of our particular dynamic he is fed by his show of Dominance. It's sure not once size fits all, but for us - there are things I can do for him, that are him centered, that establishes the reciprocity of the experience. Maybe that's something Ian is open to discussing?

      (((hugs)))

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  11. These are certainly words of wisdom. Ward, you have answered many queries I had to the way I feel after what I have been thinking of as role affirmation. I'm not terribly keen on the word 'maintenance'. I'm not a car! But even though our last RA was long and, and times, painful, it was necessary to us both. It helps us feel a closeness that I can't even describe. It's like closeness, love and discipline all mixed together. A heady mix! I suppose the time may come when I will get a completely different type of spanking, but at the moment this feeling of 'floating on air' is with me for several days, and actually helps me with my feelings of submission without taking away the essential 'me'!

    I'd love to hear more words of wisdom from you Ward. And I love your pictures too! Many thanks to you both.

    Hugs, Ami

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  12. @Cathie Cooky - Thank you so much for reading our blog, we have a splendid and often prodigous marriage that is a privlige and blessing to be part of.
    @Cat - Thanks! Making time is a pleasure for my lovely June, it's one of the most important things that we do!
    @Roz - Thanks for stopping by! We love that you are part of our chosen family! We love that we can inspire!
    @Pocahontas - Thank you for reading, we love that you and John can gain somthing from reading our blog! We love sharing and helping!
    @Riley - We are glad that we aren't the only ones! We love that you and your fella can connect in this particularly, peculiar wonderful way!
    @Blue Bird - Again thank you so much for taking time to read our blog, hope we could anwser a few questions!
    @abby - gg's are exquisite are they not?!
    @Grace - June and I wish you only the finest, most delightful, toe-curling connective times for you and Michael!
    @Annie - Football time indeed! Not a pats fan I'm afraid, on the other side this time! It's good to see you spending quality time with him!
    @ians mrs. - Hello There! GG spankings are a delight, we wish you many rewards in your near future!
    @Ami Starsong - Thank you so much for taking a moment to read, I'm glad you've found this particular post to be useful! Affirmation is a beautiful thing and feeling the closeness of your lover and thriving in your perspective roles is a marvelous thing! Thank you so much for reading and I look forward to posting again soon!

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We love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for being part of our chosen family!