Because I am who I am, and because I have a need to understand the why...why I am different than most..... why I fit here, why TTWD feeds me, when I look at why I submit I have to understand if there is a biological/physiological/psychological component to submission. Guess what? There is.
We are all familiar with the term "Fight or Flight Response." Heck, many of us experience that response every time we know we have crossed the line and find that we have earned discipline or correction.
So how does fight or flight work? All emotional arousal is received in the amygdala (part of the reptilian brain). In the presence of stress and/or perceived danger sensory data from the thalamus sends sensory information to the hypothalamus, which activates two different body systems. It releases CRF (corticotropin-releasing factor) into the pituitary gland which releases ACTH (adrenocorticotropic hormone) into the bloodstream. ACH arrives at the adrenal cortex (which mediates the body's stress response) and stimulates the release of about 30 different hormones into the blood to prepare the body to deal with the danger.
The hypothalamus also activates the CNS (central nervous system) activating glands and smooth muscles, and releases epinephrine (adrenaline) and norepinephrine. All of this prepares our large muscles to engage, releasing glucose into the blood to fuel those muscles and contracting small blood vessels to divert blood to them (which is why you feel cold), our smooth muscles to relax so we can get more air in our lungs, our pupils dilate to allow more light in, respiration and heart rate and blood pressure increase.
Are you asleep yet? *POKE-POKE-POKEDY-POKE* well wake up! This is where it gets REALLY interesting!
Remember that emotional arousal? Let's look at another path it can take....in the presence of a socially dominant male - marked by things like voice tonality and posture, the scent of testosterone and other pheromones - rather than being interpreted as fear, that arousal is interpreted as attraction! Even though we are not experiencing fear, the physiological response is much the same. Our respiration and pulse accelerate, a tell-tale sign of arousal in women, though is that they will gulp. It is a subconscious reaction to male power, it is in our make-up. It is a submission reflex. Like most biological/physiological factors, I imagine it is more prominent in some of us and less in others. There are alpha females, they do however bow to the alpha male.
Unconscious submissive gestures include, lowering the eyes, tilting the head down, making the body 'smaller'- in effect, what we would see in the animal word as a less pronounced 'bowing', drawing shoulders in and to the front, arms close to the body and forward with elbows pointed outwards and hands open, the eyes widen signaling vulnerability, gestures and movements will be slow and small to appear vulnerable, voice is soft and low.
I recognize myself in most of those gestures, without thinking, when Ward turns the key....I'll cover that in another post :)
HIS POV:
As I would savor June's response to my dominance, I must respond in kind to her submission. Her beauty, kindness, submissiveness, femininity, and general lusciousness are things that I delight in. She opens up to me, and gives me a way in and I see these gestures and her softness and deference speak to the dominance that is within me.
Hormones, coupled with natural response weave our story, a story older than time and more beautiful than an ocean of diamonds. Her submission is my ambrosia!
This is really fascinating, because I also would like to know why this twd works? Why can I come to my husband fully and completely only when he dominates me? This is not the woman my mum raised me to be....and yet, it is the woman I am.
ReplyDeleteThere is a tremendous comfort in understanding that this dance is an ancient one, and we are born knowing it.
hugs
lillie
There is a tremendous comfort in understanding that this dance is an ancient one, and we are born knowing it.
DeleteWow! That is beautiful,lillie! I wish I had thought of that when I was writing this. That line just sums it up beautifully, and most perfectly. Thank you!
(((hugs)))
June...between you and Lillie, I have nothing to say but WOW and thank you for explaining something I've never been able to wrap my head around.
ReplyDeleteBTW...didn't go to sleep, nodded a bit but no sleeping. :)
Blessings,
Cat
lillie-belle's statement sums it up absolutely beautifully. I know, right? I want to know why we hear so much about fight-or-flight, but The Submission Reflex, which basically results from the same fear stimulus only fine-tuned by the other sensory input of pheromones, it's an alternate neural pathway...maybe it's not politically correct and that's why, but we should be able to find this stuff without digging so darn hard!
DeleteI'm glad you only almost fell asleep, lol
(((hugs)))
Your timing for this post was perfect. I too have a driving need to understand.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking a lot about this lately. Why do I want it? Why do I need it? It seems to go against everything I thought I was supposed to be or need. Yet, here I am, months in and no looking back.
Thank you for sharing!
Catrinka
Thanks very much, Catrinka. I love to delve into the why. I swear, I am gonna do my thesis on the psychology of D/s relationships. We should have something that allows us to understand our own psychology. No, no looking back at all! The grass is verdant this side of the fence :)
Delete(((hugs)))
June,
ReplyDeleteThe very moment Will embraced the HOH role, everything for us changed. Was it his confidence, based on my trust? Was it that I was so incredibly attracted to him, based on that confidence and the feeling of him protecting me? Was it that we weren't fighting any longer, but listening and truly hearing one another?
Was it chemistry? A perfect synergy?
All of it?
At the end of it all, it works. So incredible, isn't it?
Love you guys,
Elisa Xo
It is absolutely incredible, Elisa. It doesn't matter who acts first, it just matters that someone does it. Sometimes it does take that huge leap of faith, sometimes it takes us being submissive before they know they want to be Dominant, our softness triggers their protective response and the protection and safety they provide allows us to be softer. It's that lovely principle that's one of our core beliefs - reciprocity.
DeleteAnd believe it or not there is science behind that 'chicken or the egg' thing that goes on. Robert Cialdini, a Regents Psychology Professor has made a career of studying the science of persuasion,and reciprocity is one of the six principles that make persuasion work. You can read more about it in the article The gentle science of persuasion, Part 2: Reciprocity.
That works on a spiritual level, remember Gandhi said - Be the change you wish to see. It doesn't matter who starts it, if we want it, and we invest ourselves in it and give it our whole hearts, the change will come.
(((hugs)))
Wow so interesting as usual.
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to the submission reflex, I totally look down when I get lectured and shoulders slump and all the rest.
Funny I never knew there was a reason for it, just a feeling of having disappointed and being told off I suppose.
Trust you to find the answers. I think you are a very clever and resourceful woman. Well done to you. You should definitely do your theses on D/s relationships
I knew I did those things, MBC, but I don't think I realized that it was a collective memory kind of thing. Until I started listening to other women - one of the reasons this community is so great!
Deletelol, thanks for the lovely compliment, I'm humbled. I just have this need to understand things. I think had I had a more normal childhood, I might have been one of those that took everything apart just to see how it worked.
(((hugs)))
Hi June, Now I get it, what lovely posts you and Lillie have written, I know its not politically correct but I love both being submissive and my man's dominance. Thankyou. jan,x
ReplyDeleteHi, Jan, welcome :) It is amazing, how we are made, and it makes so many things make sense. I love to try and unravel it all. And you know, politically correct has gone a long way to making the world a right mess! People forget how to relate and just be their truest selves. That's the great freedom thatI find in TTWD... I can be who I,personally, was meant to be all along.
Delete(((hugs)))
What a wonderful post. There is nothing, nothing as exciting as when The Man shoulders his responsibility and steps out for the lead. This also explains why I often found myself pushing him... I needed his dominance to feel safe..
ReplyDeleteThanks very much, Dana :) That's something I hadn't even thought of! The why of why we push sometimes... I don't usually have a problem telling Ward I need to feel his Dominance. But there are times, when (sheepish grin) I get a wee little bit petulant, and he knows that's exactly what I need. He catches it before I get myself in trouble. Thanks for that insight!
Delete(((hugs)))
Seems as though many of us are thinking about the why's lately. I LOVED this post! I think Ill send folks over from my blog to read if they haven't already.
ReplyDeleteAlso - I totally do all of those things... I was nodding like a bobble head the whole time reading. Hahaha!
A xxxx
LOL, a bobble head! I was doing that when I found the research! I was looking for sensory input resources to back up a paper for psych, and among the Fight-or-flight links was one that referenced a submission response. Boy talk about excited! I Googled that and came across the Submission Reflex. And I was even more excited, lol. (It doesn't take much :-P) And then ...think about it, women are often attracted to 'dangerous' men. This would explain why!
Delete(((hugs)))
Aaahhh...so that's why all the gals in the dorm started tripping over themselves whenever my future husband came around, hee hee;) Seriously though, this is really interesting June, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteLOL, you're not kidding, Tess. My friend A, she's 'nilla and she knows about us, the first time she met Ward, it was hysterical. I was laughing, unloading laundry and watching him twist her all up in a knot. She was gulping, her eyes went all wide, she pulled her body back, her arms came forward, she couldn't form words a lot of the time and a good bit of the conversation was her nodding, lol. And he wasn't doing anything more than sitting with her having a glass of tea and sitting relaxed in his chair, chatting about the boys and her son who were playing.... Daddy's got a voice that could stop a stampeding heard of elephants in it's tracks, lol.
DeleteIt's like - our oldest son has an IEP and I was in a meeting with a bunch of people, the school psychiatrist, the counselor, all of his teachers, and the head of the after school program and our son's coordinator. The head of the after school program was not a physically imposing man. But he had the VIBE, big time. I was telling Daddy. He said something about his size, I said size doesn't matter, it's what you put out. Heck, he had me hooked from the first time I ever heard his voice ... well even before that, truth be told.... but it's about the demeanor, not the size, I had no idea of his size way back then.
So as to your college friends, yes, I think our men exude an essence, and it is very powerful, and able to be felt and to affect people :)
(((hugs)))
Very, very interesting! Thanks for sharing! :)
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty amazing, isn't it, Grace? Glad you enjoyed it :)
Delete(((hugs)))
I'll be paying more attention to my reactions now, to see if they fit. I mean, offhand I know some do, but now I'm curious. I'll have to see what Michael thinks too. ;)
DeleteYou'll have to let me know :) Ward has caught me doing some that I didn't think I did.
DeleteInteresting! I'll let you know!
DeleteSo this means that it's not all in my head, but it's all in my head (chemical release). Am I understanding this correctly? I'm always curious about how things work, but sometimes I try to be content to just accept things as they are. I do like the sound of this being an ancient dance. That explains why I feel this so deeply to my core; something I've been feeling and craving in my life for as long as I can remember. Thank you for the information. I look forward to what you will write next.
ReplyDeleteLOL, Jacquie - yes, exactly. These are neurochemical reactions that are intrinsic to our physiology as human beings. These reactions take place in the reptilian brain, what this means is that it takes place in the part of the brain that has inhabited human beings since out earliest appearance on earth. We were built to submit to an alpha male as a mechanism of survival.
DeleteAs the human brain grew and evolved, we retained these ancient survival mechanisms, and as we can see with fight-or-flight, they still serve us to this day. I love the phrase lillie-belle coined - it is very much an ancient dance,and it is one that is beyond our conscious control. When the input is received our brains go on autopilot. We can no more stop it than we can stop breathing, hearing, seeing, smelling, feeling tactile sensations.
Really! Okay, I'm going to be watching all my reflexes all weekend now.
ReplyDeleteDid I say "REALLY" yet?
Very, very interesting.
LOL,I do believe you did say 'really' Susie :-P You have to let me know what you find out!
DeleteThis is very interesting June, thanks for sharing. I think I recognise a lot of those responses in my as well.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Roz
Thanks, Roz! It's so odd isn't it? I have never been so conscious of how often I gulp as I have been since I researched this, lol.
DeleteAs usual June your post amaze me, this explains so much of who we are and why we act as we do, it is natural for us to do so, but nuturing it will bring it out more. How wonderful to know. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Cathie :) I love to find out the whys. I love lillie's assessment - it's an ancient dance. Once in a post long, long ago, I likened Dominance and submission to a perfectly matched tango. And as you say - if we nurture it, we will grow in it.
DeleteWow...thank you for writing this. Perfect timing as I have been seriously confused and wondering why this works like it does!
ReplyDeleteSomething the other night left me feeling totally annoyed that I couldn't deal (emotionally) with something on my own and needed my hubby's help. Then I was thinking....it's okay to need his help. It was just weird ;) Thanks for explaining!!!
Thanks very much, Tricia. I know! I have this deep need to understand. And it is incredible to see it in the design of our bodies and minds. This is why it feeds us.
DeleteI have my things that I struggle with. But when he puts them in frame, it is startling. It is most okay to ask for his help. That is what he was designed to do. Sometimes I have to remind myself of the same thing :)