Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Expectations. Little word, big implications!
It's more than just my ideas of how our happy little home should be run. It's more than just me flexing my muscles as a dominant. Expectations are the actualization of clear, open communication. I think as the Head of my Home, giving clear, unobstructed expectations clears away confusion and gives us all (myself included) the way ahead. I also think that as long as there are standards, that I have to hold myself to the highest among them, after all how can I make a rule if I myself cannot abide by it?
I think in today's world expectations almost become even more important. Raising our children into strong successful, positive men is definitely a feat in today's world. Clarity, respect, love and accountability are a vital part of any family structure, but in our home it becomes an integral part of our day to day life. Having two young boys with SPD makes clear communication extremely important. They need and depend on June's and my consistent love, reinforcement and patience to learn and thrive in a world that isn't always so patient or easy. They respond in kind and give us the honor of loving them with a fastness and surety that brings comfort to us all. Occasionally, this brings us out of our comfort zone but ultimately, that's a good thing!
In TTWD, expectations are also of the utmost importance, She submits with grace and deference, I attempt to honor her by being the kind of man that she deserves and needs. I don't always feel like I succeed, but she bolsters me and gives me the strength to give her my best and to become better. I expect her submission. I expect her respect. I expect her obedience and I expect in turn to give her comfort. I expect to give her grace, and kindness. I expect to give her my best, even when it isn't always easy or I find myself conflicted by personal interests. No, our love is greater and I hold myself to this standard because she deserves no less than a man who protects, guides, teaches, disciplines, and loves her to the fullest. Yes, sometimes these expectations are high, but I feel that they need to be. I am not prepared to settle for good, when great is there to be taken, I am not going to settle for low hanging fruit when the sweetest can be had higher up. I am not part of a generation that expects participation trophies.
Here are some of the Expectations of Our House
- Communication early and often
- Maximum Effort
- Grace in Dominance and Submission
- Positive Attitude Always
Of course patience is required and so is a firm hand. I am sure I am not alone in understanding the value of being kind and patient. Also of deep value is the security and comfort that comes with knowing that we have each other's backs. If we slip up or make a mistake, it's not time wasted as long as we come away from the experience with a healthy respect for each other and appreciation of the knowledge that we have gained along the way. Sometimes being patient doesn't always come as naturally as I'd like to say it does, but understanding each other, and giving each other support is often the surest path to harmony.
Sometimes a firm hand (or hairbrush or strap or... well I'm sure you get the point) are integral to our process, not necessarily correction but the reinforcement of our love and expectations of one and other.... We know we are different, but really sometimes nothing does the trick quite like a trip upstairs and over the knee.