Sunday, December 30, 2012

When it's a Struggle





                                                   


 I'd like to start off by wishing you and your family a happy and healthy New Year.  With the bulk of the holiday season in the rear view mirror,  it's a good time to relax, and review some of the things we loved, and some of the things that caused the most stress during the holiday season and take stock of just where we stand in our relationships.



                                                   

  Do you ever struggle with TTWD/DD? I know I do. It may sound kind of odd to hear that coming from a HoH, but it's true. I try to handle things with the grace, consideration and kindness that is paramount to the position of Head of the House.  That is something that I haven't always gone into here, but believe me when say that, these things are of the utmost importance to me as a Husband, father, and leader.  It is important that I give June's feelings, thoughts, and ideas the consideration that they warrant, I also try to do what I can to take some of the day to day stress from her shoulders so that she can be at her best both at home and when we are away. Is any of this easy?  No, not always but it is worth doing.

One of my own biggest personal barriers to this is stress and fatigue. The holidays were truly wondrous, a beautiful time of giving and sharing, spirituality, family amidst a backdrop of the first truly white Christmas this man has seen in a long time. This was especially special for me as the holiday season  has traditionally been very difficult time for me.  June has helped me with this in innumerable ways, but prior to her and the boys, I would kind of hole up in my proverbial "crystal fortress" and stay there until well after the New Year. The holidays were indeed great, but after looking around it seems that I am definitely not alone in struggling with this time of year.


           
                                            

The struggle is why communication is of even more importance. TTWD/DD is a lifestyle that encourages communication and honesty and it is these roots that we must cling to when life becomes difficult. Indeed when stress threatened during the chaotic uproar of the holidays, I took June's hand and led her upstairs and just held her for a few min. Nothing fancy, just reassurance, connection and a chance to exchange words from the heart.  I fully recognize that it can be very difficult to find time to connect, but trust me when I tell you that if you find a way or make a way to do so, it will be time well spent.

When we struggle with this lifestyle, when simple thoughts sound different, when obedience is hard, when we are just tired, when we just want to retreat for a few min of quiet, when the kids become too loud, when we want to put up walls... We have to stop it before it even starts. Distance and confusion can only cause problems in the long-term, that's why it is far better to open up and talk before a tiny crack becomes a Grand Canyon. 



                                       












When we struggle, we have found that somtimes the best thing to do is to ask for help.  Putting the chores down, setting the soup to simmer, letting the kids figure it out for themsevles for a second and just getting to the heart of our problems, and doing what is best for the relationship.  Sometimes this means giving each other a little space and time to think and process. Sometimes it means my understanding that I didn't make the right choice and being cognizant of this and owning my mistakes.  Sometimes it means putting my pride aside and saying that I was wrong, somtimes it means apologizing and endeavoring to do what it takes to get where we need to be. Sometimes I have to be aware of when she needs me to take control and give her body and mind the release that they need.  Somtimes even when she hasn't broken a rule a good spanking can knock down walls and bring us closer and renew our dedication to what we have talked about and agreed upon. She knows the doors and my arms are always open... in the middle of the night, in the middle of the day. Even when it isn't easy it is what is real and right.





suburbanspanking:

Rosy red cheeks…

The young lady appears to be enjoying her spanking                                                               



When we struggle we are reminded of the need for true vigilance and dedication to each other and our values and the importance of giving and sacrifice even when it is not easy or convenient (which is extremely rare)  An HoH should be humble, wise, observant, kind-hearted, and a good listener. An Hoh's lady should be obedient, open, honest, and caring. Both should be diligent, truthful, dedicated, and have hearts that long for a deep and solid connection that can withstand the stress that life so often brings. I can guarantee that along with death and taxes, the New Year will bring stress and fatigue.  Will I be what June deserves? No, not always, but I will make every effort to give her the attention, time, and love that she needs to thrive.  We would encourage you all to find a way or make a way to work in a little bit of time just for yourselves when things get hard.  If you do nothing but tell each other how you really feel and work on getting where you both need to be it will be time will spent!  


                                                                          




Happy New Year!



                                                             

Her POV:

 Hmm, this was a good one, Daddy :) In the last post, I said that sometimes I need to take that sullenness and hold it back for the moment it takes to realize that what he does he does for our betterment. You know, that goes here, too. I have two jobs, am a full-time student and we have two special needs children. So sometimes taking that spoon out of my hand and turning down the soup is almost an act of war, lol. But When I stop and take a breath, and see myself spinning, and let myself feel what comes through his touch, yes, he is giving me the gift of release of urgency, the gift of dinner-can-be-10-minutes-later-take-a-breath-and feel-US. 

Sometimes I think people think that it is easy for us. But I think it's important to know that we work hard at this...every single day....because it is the most important thing we will ever do, for ourselves, and for our children. No, I am not the happy, glowy little Stepford Wife, I'm the girl with the inside of her cheek chewed up from biting back my knee-jerk reaction, from fighting the eye-roll till I can feel his motivation, and I can feel his desire for harmony, and I can pull mine out past my hurry-up. Is it worth it? Every single time.

Do I need him to take control sometimes? Absolutely...he's the big picture man. Do I need the super-hard-stingy-but-not-naughty-girl-spankings sometimes? Absolutely. They do break down the walls that come with day to day junk. Does he deserve me? Absolutely not....he deserves so much better. But he loves me, and I love him with my entire being. 

Happy New Year to all of you. Remember to stop, and take time for what is really important - each other.

29 comments:

  1. Junie Bug, my friend, he does not deserve better then you. You are exactly what he needs, wants and desires. I know this because I read here on a regular basis.

    What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, each challenge you face and survive makes you stronger, as an individual and a couple.

    You've survived much in your life, as have I, we both deserve and have earned the wonderful men in our lives. Relax when you can, enjoy every day for none of us is promised tomorrow.

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    1. Aww thank you, my faerie friend. I hope that I am all that he needs, it's my fondest desire. Yes, it does, and I love the sinking into one another when we come through.

      Yes we have, sometimes it's hard, when you've been told you deserve nothing, to believe that you deserve so much good. I try, my friend, I do, I am grateful for every single moment! We are two very lucky ladies!

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  2. Happy New Year. Wonderful posts from both of you. Im glad you had such a great holiday. It was great here also once I calmed down and relaxed. June I know it isnt easy and I can tell by the posts I have read how hard you both work on your relationship. Marriage isnt easy, sometimes it amazes me that we have made it to 25 years. Not naughty girl spankings, funny those are my calm down pill. haha Have fun

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    1. Thanks so much, Annie, Happy New Year to you, too! Oh, yeah, you're not kidding, they are my happy pill, lol. All dreamy-dreamy, floaty-floaty :)

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  3. Happy New Year to you two lovebirds.

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    1. Thanks so much, sunnygirl. Happy New Year to you and your family!

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  4. Thank you for this beautiful insight into your lives and love.

    There is so much wisdom in this one post that I read it to John too. It's so important just to take the extra few minutes to minister to one another's needs. I love what you said June about this being the most important thing we can do for ourselves AND our children. Sometimes I forget that taking care of us is taking care of them too.

    Happy New Year!

    P

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    1. Thanks so much, Pocahontas :) I think always of that saying, to make a child happy, love their mother. I am acutely aware that how we model our relationship will be what they seek to recreate in their own lives...I want it to be awesome! And it also gives them the message that nothing is more important than the people you love.

      Minister is another one of those words that I love, 'To attend to the wants and needs of others', because it has that sense of service and spirituality to it.

      Happy New Year!

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  5. Oh...can't tell you how much I love this post~sage words, Ward.

    June: You are one impressive woman ;o)

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    1. Nothing special, just me, Bleuame :) Thank you for your very kind words.

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  6. You two are so sweet. I love reading your posts :)

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    1. Thanks so much, elle :) We're glad you find something in our babblings :)

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  7. Happy New Year just a bit early to Ward and June!
    Relationships take work, but I always know I will read something worthwhile and thought provoking here.
    Also, nice encouragement for the journey. Again, wishing you both the best for 2013!

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    1. Thanks so much, SNP, and to you and your family as well. Thanks for your very kind words, I'm glad you find something here. The very best to you all in 2013!

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  8. I love how you give so much to each other. It seems such an integral part of you both. Ward, I love your description of the characteristics of an HOH and an HoHs lady. I also appreciate that you share how making a relationship a priority takes hard work and and attention. That it isn't always perfect but that is part of the journey.
    Thanks, for sharing and Happy New Year!

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    1. Thanks, Minelle :) It's all about the journey, it's never arriving, we can always grow and improve. That's the awesome nature of TTWD. I love to do things for him, and see the glow it creates in him :)

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  9. I love hearing the HoH POV and Ward you made some beautiful points. June I only have one thing that I disagree with - when you said "Does he deserve me? Absolutely not....he deserves so much better." I call BS - sorry dear, don't mean to be harsh but you are a lovely and loving woman and you are PERFECT for each other. Listen to Ward - bet he will tell you that you are the best for him.

    Wishing you a wonderful, loving New Year.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. He does, Cat, he does :) I stand properly chastised, lol. We are perfect for each other and that makes me insanely happy. I just like to remind myself never to take him, never to take US for granted - I love US - I never will forget what a gift I have been given, and I will give my all to protect and nurture that. And a lil humility is never bad, huh? ;)

      (PS - I told Daddy what you said about the swat for you & he said he would....so Schnoots to you, my friend, lolol)

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  10. I have come to realize that honest direct communication is the most important tool for this lifestyle. Nothing works without it.
    Happy New Year Ward and June!

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    1. Communication is so integral, Blue Bird, we're completely transparent to each other, it really doesn't work without it. Happy New Year & (((hugs)))

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  11. I don't find it strange at all that an HOH struggles with the DD dynamic. It can be challenging at times. There are times when the HOH is just too tired from work or over stressed. Harsh words get said or things just slide for a few weeks. And then you move on.

    It is good to hear another HOH say that he isn't perfect.

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    1. He is very grounded and centered, DR, it is nice, but as he would say of me, he is, in my opinion, sometimes too hard on himself. But I love his heart for service, and how hard he works for us.

      Happy New Year!

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  12. What a beautiful post! Happy New Year to both of you!

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    1. Thanks for reading, Christina, many thanks for your kinds words. Athbhliain faoi mhaise daoibh go tú, agus chun Jim! We hope that 2013 brings peace and happiness to your family.

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  13. Great post. Wilma and I have experienced similar stressful times, mostly because we arein business together. Its sometimes difficult to separate work from family life. Sometimes i have to call a halt to all the biz stuff and emphasize our roles omce again.

    Seeing it from your perspective helps me know im on the right track. Thanks.

    Happy new year to both of you.

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    1. Thanks for reading, Fred. It is most reassuring when he does, I'm grateful for his kind and gentle leadership. Happy New Year to you and Wilma!

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  14. @ Everyone - thank you so much for responding and being such a wonderful part of our chosen family, your insights into our blog are wonderful and we love having you read here. Thank you again for your continued support!

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  15. Happy New Year to you both and the boys. Wishing you every blessing in the year ahead.

    Another wonderful post, thank you so much for sharing this. As a TIH is is often hard to recognise that our HoH struggles with this lifestyle and in his leadership role too, just as we do in ours so I very much appreciate your perspective Ward. I totally agree, it is important to take little moments out in our day to connect with each other.

    Love your words June, your love for Ward shines through :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks very much, Roz, that pleases me immensely :) Happy New Year to you and Rick! (((hugs)))

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