When it's a Struggle

                                                   


 I'd like to start off by wishing you and your family a happy and healthy New Year.  With the bulk of the holiday season in the rear view mirror,  it's a good time to relax, and review some of the things we loved, and some of the things that caused the most stress during the holiday season and take stock of just where we stand in our relationships.



                                                   

  Do you ever struggle with TTWD/DD? I know I do. It may sound kind of odd to hear that coming from a HoH, but it's true. I try to handle things with the grace, consideration and kindness that is paramount to the position of Head of the House.  That is something that I haven't always gone into here, but believe me when say that, these things are of the utmost importance to me as a Husband, father, and leader.  It is important that I give June's feelings, thoughts, and ideas the consideration that they warrant, I also try to do what I can to take some of the day to day stress from her shoulders so that she can be at her best both at home and when we are away. Is any of this easy?  No, not always but it is worth doing.

One of my own biggest personal barriers to this is stress and fatigue. The holidays were truly wondrous, a beautiful time of giving and sharing, spirituality, family amidst a backdrop of the first truly white Christmas this man has seen in a long time. This was especially special for me as the holiday season  has traditionally been very difficult time for me.  June has helped me with this in innumerable ways, but prior to her and the boys, I would kind of hole up in my proverbial "crystal fortress" and stay there until well after the New Year. The holidays were indeed great, but after looking around it seems that I am definitely not alone in struggling with this time of year.

           

                                            

The struggle is why communication is of even more importance. TTWD/DD is a lifestyle that encourages communication and honesty and it is these roots that we must cling to when life becomes difficult. Indeed when stress threatened during the chaotic uproar of the holidays, I took June's hand and led her upstairs and just held her for a few min. Nothing fancy, just reassurance, connection and a chance to exchange words from the heart.  I fully recognize that it can be very difficult to find time to connect, but trust me when I tell you that if you find a way or make a way to do so, it will be time well spent.

When we struggle with this lifestyle, when simple thoughts sound different, when obedience is hard, when we are just tired, when we just want to retreat for a few min of quiet, when the kids become too loud, when we want to put up walls... We have to stop it before it even starts. Distance and confusion can only cause problems in the long-term, that's why it is far better to open up and talk before a tiny crack becomes a Grand Canyon. 

                                       

When we struggle, we have found that somtimes the best thing to do is to ask for help.  Putting the chores down, setting the soup to simmer, letting the kids figure it out for themsevles for a second and just getting to the heart of our problems, and doing what is best for the relationship.  Sometimes this means giving each other a little space and time to think and process. Sometimes it means my understanding that I didn't make the right choice and being cognizant of this and owning my mistakes.  Sometimes it means putting my pride aside and saying that I was wrong, somtimes it means apologizing and endeavoring to do what it takes to get where we need to be. Sometimes I have to be aware of when she needs me to take control and give her body and mind the release that they need.  Somtimes even when she hasn't broken a rule a good spanking can knock down walls and bring us closer and renew our dedication to what we have talked about and agreed upon. She knows the doors and my arms are always open... in the middle of the night, in the middle of the day. Even when it isn't easy it is what is real and right.

                                                               



When we struggle we are reminded of the need for true vigilance and dedication to each other and our values and the importance of giving and sacrifice even when it is not easy or convenient (which is extremely rare)  An HoH should be humble, wise, observant, kind-hearted, and a good listener. An Hoh's lady should be obedient, open, honest, and caring. Both should be diligent, truthful, dedicated, and have hearts that long for a deep and solid connection that can withstand the stress that life so often brings. I can guarantee that along with death and taxes, the New Year will bring stress and fatigue.  Will I be what June deserves? No, not always, but I will make every effort to give her the attention, time, and love that she needs to thrive.  We would encourage you all to find a way or make a way to work in a little bit of time just for yourselves when things get hard.  If you do nothing but tell each other how you really feel and work on getting where you both need to be it will be time will spent!  

                                                                          

Happy New Year!

                                                             

Her POV:

 Hmm, this was a good one, Daddy :) In the last post, I said that sometimes I need to take that sullenness and hold it back for the moment it takes to realize that what he does he does for our betterment. You know, that goes here, too. I have two jobs, am a full-time student and we have two special needs children. So sometimes taking that spoon out of my hand and turning down the soup is almost an act of war, lol. But When I stop and take a breath, and see myself spinning, and let myself feel what comes through his touch, yes, he is giving me the gift of release of urgency, the gift of dinner-can-be-10-minutes-later-take-a-breath-and feel-US. 

Sometimes I think people think that it is easy for us. But I think it's important to know that we work hard at this...every single day....because it is the most important thing we will ever do, for ourselves, and for our children. No, I am not the happy, glowy little Stepford Wife, I'm the girl with the inside of her cheek chewed up from biting back my knee-jerk reaction, from fighting the eye-roll till I can feel his motivation, and I can feel his desire for harmony, and I can pull mine out past my hurry-up. Is it worth it? Every single time.

Do I need him to take control sometimes? Absolutely...he's the big picture man. Do I need the super-hard-stingy-but-not-naughty-girl-spankings sometimes? Absolutely. They do break down the walls that come with day to day junk. Does he deserve me? Absolutely not....he deserves so much better. But he loves me, and I love him with my entire being. 

Happy New Year to all of you. Remember to stop, and take time for what is really important - each other.