Submission is a valuable and wonderful gift that must be nurtured, developed, maintained and recognized every day to obtain the most worth. Understanding the lady of the house, what she values and what makes her feel connected and valued most is invaluable to receiving and maintaining her submission. It could be as simple as a request. It could be as complicated as regular maintenance spankings that are designed and centered around what makes her feel submissive. The impact that freely given and well maintained submission can bring to a DD/TTWD relationship is substantial, and speaking as a HoH, extremely rewarding. June and I spend a portion of every day connecting to our (My dominant, her submissive) sides and nurturing it in ways that provide an immediate and obvious benefit. "Sweety can you bring me a glass of water?" "Here let me do that, you go and sit down, rest for a while" These things are simple, cost nothing and keep the focus on the relationship and the people in it.
I recommend finding or making a time in your evening routine to connect. Spend some time talking, and working on your dominant and submissive roles. Sometimes this might mean working hard to find the grace necessary to submit with a gentle and grateful heart despite the first thoughts and comments that may pop into one's head. It is also important that a HoH recognize and praise the effort. It isn't always easy to submit. Pain, exposure, and being outside one's comfort zone can makes submission a challenge. Improving communication is the goal here. I'd also like to emphasize the importance of the individuality that belongs to each couple and the suggestions that June and I offer here can be easily reworked to fit your needs.
Here are a couple of dominance and submission exercises.
- Spanking - Well you knew this one was going to be here. Ladies, this is the time to show him that you can gracefully accept and yield to being under his hand. Take a hot bath, have a cup of warm tea, unwind or read for a little while before approaching him. Find something that stings... something that might not be your favorite, or something you don't enjoy. Bring it to him and place yourself right over his lap. Have him spank you a slow to moderate pace and let yourself feel it, embrace the heat and find your grace and submission.
I realize that this can be difficult to do, but that's why we do it. Building grace and accepting dominance when it is difficult is a hallmark of a strong submissive.
For the dominant partner, I recommend giving her praise and grace. It is important for you to let her know that this is in fact, a exercise in submission and that you very much appreciate it's difficulty.
For HoH's - Take the lead, take over when she needs you to. Walk up behind her, whisper your appreciation in her ear and finish dinner or the dishes, speaking of dinner, if you both need to decompress, turn dinner down on low, and go to your room and spend some time giving her your full attention and awareness.
-Romance - It might sound odd, but a healthy well groomed sense of romance is a very good way to remind ourselves of our place in the relationship. Write each other letters (pen and paper guys), take her kisses and give her the strength and warmth of your body. We recommend the use of blindfolds, scented candles, molten wax, soft music, restraints (I know, I know, I sound like a freak, but try it, it works...I promise). Make love like a man and a woman and do so with an unselfish hungry fashion... It will be a delicious experience.
Finding and nurturing submission leads to ease of communication, increased intimacy, a full and intimate understanding of each other and each other's dreams, ideas, fantasies, wishes and how best to fulfill them. We would encourage you to find and use what works for you to deepen your relationship roles, and greater contribute to the strength of your relationship!
Her POV:
We've said it before, and I will say it again - TTWD is not one-size-fits-all. You may already have an idea of the things that turn you into girl goo. And there may be others that you learn as you grow together as a couple. Don't be afraid to tell him when something makes you go weak in the knees, or gives you those delicious brain tickles..."I liked when you did ..." All I have to tell Ward is...mmm, that gave me brain tickles, Daddy. Generally, though, he is more than well aware of the effect he has on me by my reaction, and he is not afraid to capitalize on that.
Observe your partner, watch for what makes her softer and turn into you...watch what makes his eyes burn a little brighter, his verbal and physical response become clearer, surer, more confident...sometimes even take on that delicious dark little edge. Show your mindfulness, when you know he has had a hard day, slide behind him on the sofa, massage his neck and shoulders as he reads or watches TV (chances are he won't be doing either for very long), sit at his feet, remove his shoes and socks and massage his weary feet and legs.
We had a conversation after a very seemingly ordinary moment that cranked my gears...I could feel it wash over me, and I could feel myself bending to him. When I told him, he smiled and said that he knew because he could feel my voice turn inward and could see my submission surge in my eyes, in my manner, he could feel me bend. It is pleasurable to serve him.
One thing that I do is try to always be mindful that the things I do for him are a service in my submission... be it that glass of water, or stopping whatever it is I was doing to give him my attention... everything that I do, every look that I give, every response that I utter is an opportunity to express my submission to his leadership.
Another terrific and important post. Master and i were just talking about how far we have come...not without effort and hard work, but also fun, and finding a way that is ours. Submission is not possible without dominance....dominance as no where to get without submission....
ReplyDeletehugs abby
I know there are things people probably get sick to death of hearing me talk about...but reciprocity.....it really is my favorite DD/D/s concept. I submit because his Dominance calls to me. His Dominance is apparent because he responds to my submission. I am only submissive to him, he seeks to control only me (well himself first of course). It's very much a dance, and it's very much about knowing and paying attention to your partner, it's very much about balance, it's very much individual.
Delete(((hugs)))
This post hits on important needs to have a healthy D/s relationship. The fact that D/s doesn't happen without some effort isn't a shock. No relationship happens without some effort. A healthy marriage doesn't happen without a good deal of work. A healthy D/s is no different. But it is worth all the work! Oh man, is it worth all the work!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the post!
~fiona
Oh yes, fiona - there's a saying on Facebook - "A real man never stops trying to show a woman how much she means to him, even after he's got her." That is so very true, no matter what flavor your relationship...it's also true on the other side of the relationship. We can never forget to - not only tell, but show with every action - just why we feel in love with them, and that we love them more every moment.
DeleteWith D/s, it's not enough to accept Dominance, it's important to show that it feeds you, that you crave it, and that her submission fills and pleases you. It doesn't take huge effort, but mindful, consistent effort. And yes, you are not kidding, the effort is so very worth it!
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This is very interesting. I suffer lapses of submission....sometimes with catastrophic consequences.....
ReplyDeleteWe do little things to reinforce our roles. I kneel before him on the floor and lay my head in his lap, and he talks to me. We used to do this before a spanking, but lately we just do it to reconnect. If he tells me to take off clothing, I do it without question. I sit on the floor at his feet in the evening, so that I can feel him play with my hair. These little things really help to keep me in the right frame of mind.
As I discussed with you, Junie - I am thinking of making a symbolic gift to Ian. I think it will be an especially submissive thing for me, considering where I have come in the last 9 months....good grief, I was a shrew of a wife this time last year.
Lovely post, Ward and Junie, as always
hugs
lillie
You know, Lillie, all Ward has to do is say - I want to play with your hair & I am all completely dreamy....it totally blisses me out. I think those things help. I enjoy doing them, I genuinely do, and yes, they do let me feel my place.
DeleteI think Ian would be so honored to receive it. I hope the links were helpful :) Ward and I have started talking about starting a toy company. I have made toys for a while now, and DR gave me a link to a book so that I can learn how to work with leather. We just need a lovely name for it, affordable quality leather toys...I could always include my pervertable toys. Hmmmmmm.
I truly find it hard to believe that you were a shrew, LillieBelle, you are so very sweet!
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If you are going to start such a business, I will wait and be your first customer! Really. Let me know if you are serious.
DeleteAnd I am serious when I say that I was a very unhappy independent woman that had nearly brought my husband to the point of considering drastic actions (yeah, like drastically leaving me when our last child is finished school) and I knew it was bad but I had no idea that I had done that to him. He was a dominant young man (28 years ago) and I had just bossed him into a defiant state of silence. I am ashamed of it now, but about one hundred thorough spankings and 300 scolding lectures later, I am a the submissive woman I always was on the inside, for my husband.
I am still a very aggressive woman at my "job" but I know that I leave that woman at the door or Ian lights my bottom on fire. It works for us. My high blood pressure is a now just a tickle under perfect - 110/75 this morning. :D And most importantly, my husband has fallen in love with me again. That is why he is so strict - he doesn't want to give an inch incase we slide backwards.
Sorry for the novel,
hugs
lillie
I think that society does this to us, it makes women think that to be a 'real' woman they have to be all, do all, take testosterone supplements and breath fire. Generally women who are content to be more home-oriented and be submissive are looked on unfavorably, and as weak... the women in this community are some of the strongest women I know - submission is hard and takes grace. For some that bigger than life persona works, for me - decidedly not. I am most unhappy in that role out in the world. I think too, and with consideration to my natural inclinations, that is why I changed the track of my work life from CIS to counseling...a third of the money, but uses the softer side of myself, lets me be closer to the natural me.
DeleteYes, serious! I'm gonna get the book Rose recommended and some tools here in a few weeks with income tax time. We're even going to look into being able to personalize them. I can't wait!
Another great, though provoking post. I definitely suffer lapses of submission at times lol. I love those little submissive gestures such as sitting at his feet instead of next to him watching tv with my head of his lap, when I see him reaching out for his glass, grabbing it and handing it too him, asking if he minds if I go an do something rather than going ahead etc. The little things.
ReplyDeleteWhat I love even more though is his little shows of dominance - mmm, yummy!
Hugs
Roz
It's funny, but there can be service and submission in the smallest of gestures, and those smallest of gestures can make the largest and warmest of statements.
DeleteThe shows of Dominance - sigh - immensely satisfying and so very yummy!
(((hugs)))
What a wonderful post. I find myself thinking things like, "What can I do to show him my submission" when we are together. I absolutely LOVE the look on his face when we are at friends or familly for dinner and I ask if he would like for me to make his plate.. Course I am equally thrilled when the look comes across his face when I am dancing on the line and he says... "That is enough, Little Girl." Or when he tells me to curl up in his lap..
ReplyDeletedana
Oh gosh, Dana, me too. They look like you're an alien, lol. But you know, Ward is just as quick at times to say, "Would you like...." when he gets up. And yes, that little thrill when you get that "Oh really?" And being curled up against him, the best place in the whole world :)
DeleteI love this June and Ward! I really need to "feel" more submissive lately. I am going to take to your suggestions to John and see if we can incorporate some if them to help us stay in our roles. You two have helped us now than you know. Thank you for your continued support and friendship.
ReplyDeleteHugs
P
They are easy to do, P, and make powerful statements. Something that cranks my buttons, is like when we were chatting and Daddy sent me a message from work with something that he wanted me to do... simple request, so very powerful, and keeps me mindful of him and my place in our relationship.
DeleteYou're most welcome, and thank you for yours!
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Another great post :) thanks for sharing! I'm going to re-read it when I don't have a headache so it will sink in more lol :)
ReplyDeleteOh, gosh, I hope you don't have what we've been fighting. I've had a headache for 4 days - and tummy troubles - yuck! I hope you feel better!
Delete(((hugs)))
@Abby - Thank you so much! Dominance and submission call to each other.... there is not one without the other.
ReplyDelete@SirQsmlb - We definatly feel that it is worth every second of every day! It's important stuff!
@ians mrs - You have come quite a ways, and your effort to be the wife you want your husband to have honors him!
@Roz - Showing dominance and recieving submission are two beautiful treasures!
@Dana - The desire to submit is a feather in the cap of your guy, it's a beautiful thing!
@Pocahantas - We are always blessed when we can help you! We love having you hear, if you ever need anything just let us know!
@elle - Thank you for checking it out! Please feel better soon!
You two could write a ttwd book, it seems like you're both so often on the same page and that you've got a great handle on how to give ttwd advice. And, I definitely agree with the part about the sub taking it upon herself to show submission, it doesn't always have to be the dominant who imposes this.
ReplyDeleteHi, Riley, thanks so much for your kind words. I don't know about all that, lol, but we do work hard at communication, and transparency, and we understand that even if we don't share the same point we can at least be sympathetic to each other.
DeleteI know that I enjoy submitting to Ward, and I enjoy the feeling of being under his hand. What better way to show him how much pleasure that it gives me, than to anticipate his needs and make willing shows of submission and gratitude for his authority.
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Wonderful post! Being so new to Dd, I look those more seasoned for inspiration. Found plenty here! Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
ReplyDeleteCatrinka
Thanks so much for reading, Catrinka, and we're so glad you found something that spoke to you.
Delete(((hugs)))
Great post as always. You are both so sensitive to each :) I love reading your posts and getting 'lessons' on the how and why. Thank you to the both of you :)
ReplyDeleteHugs
Hi, M3 :) Thanks very much! Well, it's really only sharing our process, and we just hope it provides the talking points for others that their posts provide for us! We do have a little blog review time when we first crawl into bed....well most nights....okay, some nights.....okay, a couple times a week :-P We learn from others as well, and we are grateful for the wisdom, friendship and opportunities to grow we find all over our community.
Delete(((hugs)))
Hello Ward and June. This post really speaks to me. I need to work on my submissiveness. I mean I want to be submissive and I am...some of the time. There are those other times though when I start being my old control freak bossy self. I don't want to be that way anymore, but old habits die hard! I know I need help from my hubby too. We are still pretty new to the DD life. We've come a long way in the past 3 months, but still have a lot of work to do. Thanks for giving me some ideas.
ReplyDeleteQueenie
Hi, Queenie, thanks for reading. The desire to be submissive is half the battle, the other half is mindfulness. For me it's that slow blink before I give in to that knee-jerk response, swallowing it back until I can respond the way I want to respond.
DeleteI'm glad we gave you some talking points. It's kind of fun finding your triggers and his, and well worth exploring. The feeling when you find them is indescribably delicious :)