I've been thinking a lot about how I communicate with Ward to express my submission. Certainly by action, certainly by obedience, by anticipating his needs and the needs of our family, and in how I represent myself, him and our family to others. And clearly, by the most common method - words.Sometimes Ward and I will be talking and I say something that will make me stop and shudder a little, and I'll say..."Oh my, that wasn't very submissive was it? I'm sorry, let's try that like this..." He always chuckles and says, "It's alright, little one, that was just fine."
There are words that seem less submissive to me and taste metallic and dissonant in my mouth. Daddy asked me to do something and I said 'Okay, Daddy' and I cringed. It was less like I was receiving his direction than I was accepting or deeming it within my realm of responsibility. I thought that perhaps I would try to say instead, simply, "Yes, Daddy." That felt better to me. I know it seems a small thing, but it felt rather large and glaring to me. I asked him which he preferred, and he said either was fine, but "Yes, Daddy" was just a little sweeter.
What other expressions, I wondered, could better reflect my submission. I started paying attention to the things I was saying. Like - 'remind me to tell you something when you get home.' Yikes. That's kinda ...well not submissive. How about - 'remind me to share something with you.' I like that much better.
'I want...' slaps forehead. 'I would like...', better...'I wish to...', hmm, that's nice, too.
Then during a more intimate moment, when he was describing something he wished to do to me - so deliriously delicious - as much in the telling as in the doing. "You can - I'm yours" HOLY COW! Sighs - this stuff takes a lot of work - chin/palm. "I'm yours to do with as you please." Hmmm, that's sexy...
We change and grow and evolve every day, and I continue to seek ways that speak to him with soft strength of how deep is my trust, how profound is my love, how completely and utterly I am owned by him.
June's constant commitment to improving our communicative process is a beautiful thing. I tell her she's her own biggest critic and that sometimes she thinks to much, but truth is I find her dedication to us very touching and a big part of our success as a couple. I am a very blessed man to have her!