I've been thinking a lot about how I communicate with Ward to express my submission. Certainly by action, certainly by obedience, by anticipating his needs and the needs of our family, and in how I represent myself, him and our family to others. And clearly, by the most common method - words.Sometimes Ward and I will be talking and I say something that will make me stop and shudder a little, and I'll say..."Oh my, that wasn't very submissive was it? I'm sorry, let's try that like this..." He always chuckles and says, "It's alright, little one, that was just fine."
There are words that seem less submissive to me and taste metallic and dissonant in my mouth. Daddy asked me to do something and I said 'Okay, Daddy' and I cringed. It was less like I was receiving his direction than I was accepting or deeming it within my realm of responsibility. I thought that perhaps I would try to say instead, simply, "Yes, Daddy." That felt better to me. I know it seems a small thing, but it felt rather large and glaring to me. I asked him which he preferred, and he said either was fine, but "Yes, Daddy" was just a little sweeter.
What other expressions, I wondered, could better reflect my submission. I started paying attention to the things I was saying. Like - 'remind me to tell you something when you get home.' Yikes. That's kinda ...well not submissive. How about - 'remind me to share something with you.' I like that much better.
'I want...' slaps forehead. 'I would like...', better...'I wish to...', hmm, that's nice, too.
Then during a more intimate moment, when he was describing something he wished to do to me - so deliriously delicious - as much in the telling as in the doing. "You can - I'm yours" HOLY COW! Sighs - this stuff takes a lot of work - chin/palm. "I'm yours to do with as you please." Hmmm, that's sexy...
We change and grow and evolve every day, and I continue to seek ways that speak to him with soft strength of how deep is my trust, how profound is my love, how completely and utterly I am owned by him.
HIS POV:
June's constant commitment to improving our communicative process is a beautiful thing. I tell her she's her own biggest critic and that sometimes she thinks to much, but truth is I find her dedication to us very touching and a big part of our success as a couple. I am a very blessed man to have her!
i'm with you on this. thanks for writing about this - its not a common topic :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Fondles. It isn't a common topic and I was a little trepidatious, even in this community, to share it. I don't know why - maybe because it is uncommon. As you can see, I do think a lot, lol, Ward says sometimes that I think too much. But I always seek ways to express how much I love him, and subtle ways to express my submission. I love how it feeds him, he lights from the inside, and that in turn feeds me.
Deleteyou know sometimes when he asks me to do something or says he expects something of me, i can't even say OK cos that sounds so flippant. i tend to favour "yes, hun" cos it sounds so much sweeter. and he could do with more "sweet" in his life :)
DeleteYes, Fondles! That's exactly what I thought. And it wasn't disrespectful, it just sounded....not right. The yes sounded so much sweeter.
DeleteHoly cow is right! So many things to think about. Thanks June!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Wilma :) It's funny how it happens, and it literally did happen just like that - I said something totally innocent and it hit my ears like I had run into a wall. Ward laughed with me at my reaction, but it became something important to work out. While he wasn't concerned about it, he surely appreciates the effort and the results.
DeleteIt took me forever to talk to Barney today, and not just because I was being my regular Chatty Patty, but because I kept backing up and rewording what I was saying. I think he though he was going to be late for work! LOL
DeletethoughT not though he was going to be late..
Delete*Grins*
DeleteIt gets easier, believe me :) But he stayed and listened! I bet he kinda liked it, too! (Oh, and I understood, lol I am the typo queen!)
I like this one too, but I am still stuggling with your last example - "I'm yours to do with as you please." does not actually get a great response either. I need an answer to those statements - maybe just silent relaxing? I have to think about this more. Thanks June!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kitty. And you're not alone - I'm not crazy about the last one either, but it was better than you can - *cringe*. Hmmm, that'd be good,hmm? Silent relaxing, or maybe even a 'yes, please, Daddy' and let the expression in my eyes say the rest....
DeleteOhhhhhhh,Daddy.....;)
Hi June :)
ReplyDeleteI love the "keep your words soft....you never know when you may have to eat them."
I am not sure I will ever be able to be at this level....but you give me something to shoot for.
Again, anytime you want to send me just a smidge of your filter, I am here :D
Hope you and Ward have a great weekend.
Hi, Lucy Lou :) Me, too, it's wisdom more people would do well to assimilate.
DeleteYou might be surprised, had you told me in my youth that this is where I would be today, I'd have probably said something that would have gotten me a not so nice spanking today, lol. I find that the further we travel down this road, the more that we open to each other, the more that I feel his leadership, the more I wish to give to him, the further I wish to bend for him, the deeper I wish to yield to him. The more he accepts these things with gratitude and grace, the greater - exponentially - the need to give him more becomes.
Lol - we could do filter-sharing - like when you make sourdough bread and you have starter that could be years old. Then when I share some of my starter with you, you grow your own, and it takes on some of your character, and you share it with someone else, and so on - everyone adding just a little bit of themselves.... but you know? That's kind of what we do in this community anyway, isn't it? ;)
The weekend started out sublimely - thankfully, after a very stressful week for Ward. I hope you and Ryan are enjoying a beautiful fall weekend as well!
Great post June. I grew up hearing, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it." That made a big impression on me and is something I try to pay attention to also :)
ReplyDeleteAhhh my little winged friend! I am so very happy to see you back! And so very glad the clouds have cleared! (((hugs))) welcome back!
DeleteThanks! I grew up with people who used words as weapons, so I have always been careful about tempering my words just to NOT be... that. But this whole lifestyle is about going just that extra step or two for the one you love, and it feels good in the giving :)
I enjoy this. Even if you are not in a dd dynamic more ttwd, watching your words and how you say them is so beneficial to your love.You made me think!!
ReplyDeleteThanks very much, Minelle :) Yes, it's something that definitely be applied in many ways and may areas within the family, and regardless of dynamic. It's easy to be careless with words. Ward is very careful to always use soft words, even when he is lecturing, the message is always clear, I know you can be better, not you are bad. It's one way we can show love and respect - and it's free :)
DeleteVery nice, June. I love the little comment Ward has at the end, and I agree with him, I think you are really given to making sure you have done everything right - and you must be, because you have a happy man there. :)
ReplyDeleteAww,thanks, Lillie :) I sure hope he's happy, lol. I try, I do, he's deserving of and worth my efforts. No one in my life has made such extraordinary efforts to see me for who I am, and love me lumps and all. No one has said I love you so that I could believe them without a doubt. Being mindful of small things is small effort, and a huge payoff. I love to watch the light of being well-loved in return shine from every aspect of him.
DeleteThe words we choose to communicate with certainly do make a difference in a relationship. Your post is inspiring - makes me think twice about HOW to say what I want to say. Thanks, June.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much, OFM. It seems such a small distinction, but it makes a very large difference in the respect that he feels, and the closeness that it brings. I'm honored that you took something away from this. I take many things away from your blog.
DeleteGreat post, it has got me thinking. I never really considered how a small change to what we say can make a difference. Good point also about how we portray ourselves, our spouse and our family.
ReplyDeleteKeep you words soft and sweet. You never know when you may have to eat them - I love it.
Thanks June :)
Thanks, Roz :) I don't think I had either, until that okay just clogged my throat that day. And it, like everything else is a process, but growth is dynamic, and that's a good thing.
DeleteThis was such a wondeful post June and something we have been working on together as a couple. I tend to say OK, and uh huh quite a bit when I am not liking what I am hearing and Master does not like that at all. Those responses have turned into a spankable offense (not a horrible spanking but a spanking nonetheless). I liked hearing your point of view on it, it helps me understand it a little better.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, dancingbarez :) Yes, 'ok' was what started it, I really shuddered when we were discussing an outside frustration and he said something and I almost said 'yeah', I nearly bit my tongue off to stop it from coming out, lol. It's just a very small way of being mindful that speaks volumes to him.
DeleteGreat topic! I am a great believer int he importance of language. Thanks for the reminder
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading, Saoirse. You're most welcome. I enjoy that something that is really a small effort makes him feel so much more respected.
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