But I also very much understand the spirit of the post. I commented that Ward and I do something along those lines, and when I sense he is stressed (usually before he tells me, or asks for my help), I will offer myself to him, in the spirit of both my submission and the reciprocity that feeds our relationship.
This line of thought brought me back to something I have pondered since I began reading in blogland. One of the first blogs I found was Stormy's, and one of the first posts on her blog I read was her What About Unfair Spankings?. If you haven't read it, you should, it gives excellent advice on how to get through a correction or discipline spanking that you feel is unjust. A really important point she makes is:
"See it as an opportunity to grow, see it as a jumping off place for communication.
Disagree but do not distrust his INTENT and PURPOSE.
View it as an act of love, submitting during tough times.
Embrace an opportunity to grow in maturity as his wife."
Another blogger handled this same issue, Christina in her post When the HoH Makes an Unfair Decision - Final Lessons. She also makes the point of accepting the HoH's decision to discipline with grace, remaining respectful and putting it more in the frame of maintenance or role reaffirmation.
My quandary is in our kinds of relationships, where we have given our men the authority to take us in hand, whether it be for correction/punishment, discipline/role-affirmation, or just-because they want to, how do we then say that it's unfair? I know that Ward and I are a little different in that we do sometimes use spanking for pleasure (we use it for correction, discipline, fun, and if the spanking game takes off, for profit *grin*). But we have similar experiences in the DD portion of our dynamic. I may not necessarily have to think I need to be spanked, but my HoH does. And it's my job to submit with grace. How then can I even begin to assert that he is being unfair? Doesn't that speak to consensual non-consent? *(see end of post)
So that got me thinking about where the thought comes from. And something in OFM's post, or perhaps the comments, tickled something in my brain that I am still struggling to grasp - one of those just beyond fully formed thoughts - just the other side of understanding. What if the feeling of unfairness comes about as a result of anger? What if the HoH is angry?
What if he is unable to put aside the tensions of his day when you come to the place of discipline? What if he is angry because it is a repeated offense, or one that is grievously dangerous to his woman? What if there is argument/contention/frustration in the discussion? What if he says something that, in a highly emotional moment, is cutting to the heart of the submissive wife? What if he does not effectively communicate why he believes correction or discipline is necessary? When the husband explains what has brought them to that place, and then explains why it is damaging to the relationship, it is easier for the wife to come to a place of acceptance. But when it's not communicated at all,or is not communicated in a clear manner, or the why is omitted, it makes it harder to submit with grace.
Ward and I talked about this post as I was writing, I fleshed out ideas with him, and asked him if I was expressing myself clearly. He has some interesting thoughts that he will share as well (thank you, my heart). And he said that it should be left at a place to open discussion. So I invite you please to share your thoughts and feelings on this post,maybe we can all come to a place of better understanding.
Sometimes making decisions is a difficult process. Sometimes it's even more difficult to do right by the one you love and the relationship you share. June and I have a unique relationship that isn't so much defined by punishment or correction as it is enhanced and made stronger by it.
Spanking is a lot of things, but it is rarely, if ever, convenient or easy. That is why I think that it is important that spanking be something that we don't just rush into or hurry through. It's worth doing well, thoroughly, and right.
It's easy to understand that sometimes, a disagreement or miscommunication can occur, but these things should be handled with care. Submission with grace, along with truly listening - and hearing - what each other say, is a recipe for success.
I would also make note that an even temper and knowing when a spanking is not optimal is also a valuable thing for an HoH/Top to know and understand. Spanking in anger, or out of frustration is weak, juvenile, ineffective and at it's worst harmful. A spanking, especially a disciplinary one has to be born of love and a will and desire to improve not only behavior but the relationship as a whole.
There is a world of difference between what is fair and what is right, realizing this, I endeavor to do right by us and ours in all things.
*Consensual non-consent is a concept that is common to all manner of D/s relationships. If this is a term you have not heard before, or are not sure how it fits into a CDD/LDD/DD type D/s relationships, I offer these two resources:
Taken in Hand - The nature and effects of consensual non-consent
"Nonconsensual" Consent? A guideline to consent in CDD