Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Spanking and humiliation

I see a lot on a lot of different blogs about feelings of humiliation from being spanked. The only ones who have said they don't feel humiliated were Kitty and Conina and faerie (thank you, Conina:) ). I wonder how much of that has to do with their particular dynamics, which are more on the kinky side, than the DD side, and in fact they don't have a discipline dynamic.

Daddy and I do have discipline as part of our dynamic. As I said in a previous post, we're a little bit of this and a little bit of that. We are spankos, through and through. We enjoy spanking for fun. But we also use it for discipline (stress relief, role reinforcement, testing submission). And when necessary, yes, for correction.



Let's talk about what humiliation is. By definition: hu·mil·i·ate (hy -m l - t ). tr.v.  To lower the pride, dignity, or self-respect of. Daddy and I do not enjoy humiliation/objectification in any form. It is not Daddy's aim to undermine my self-image, or my concept of my place in our relationship. I am his. He supports me, guides me, holds me in his hands, elevates me and teaches me to love myself.





With spanking for play. it's all about the good pain. It's all about that intoxicating feeling of control, of being in the palm of his hand, of being breathless and floaty and exquisitely happy. It is a feeling of complete and utter joy.






When it's for discipline, all of those same things, and add the emotional release that comes from complete and total surrender, from putting my needs in his hands and knowing that he will make everything alright. It is about him taking those feelings of inadequacy and fear and stripping them away, leaving me raw, and planting the seeds...I am his. He loves me. It is a feeling of release, relief, and renewal.





When it is for correction, I guess that is where it could well be humiliating. I guess this is the part of our dynamic that is closest to the DD dynamic. I have seen it written that it is humiliating to feel like a child. But he is my Dominant, my leader, my Daddy. it is his right - his duty really - to enforce the rules of our partnership. I have surrendered this to him, and in so doing I acknowledge his right. I am not going to say that it is not humbling, it is, but not humiliating. Perhaps this is the way that Ward handles correction.






We talk about nothing, just feel our connection. I get to see that no matter what I may have done, he still loves me. Then we discuss what went wrong and how we are going to go about clearing the air and restoring equilibrium. He doesn't denigrate me. He tells me that I'm still his good girl, just my actions were bad, but we're taking care of it. He tells me he is proud of me for accepting the correction. When it's over, it's over. We move past it, with a clean slate. He is extra nurturing. It is transformative in a positive way. I am never diminished. It is a feeling of releasing guilt, absolution, cleansing.



In all parts of our dynamic spanking is a feeling of deep connection and trust, it is a reaffirmation of our commitment each to the other. In all parts of our dynamic, I am honored to be his, and pleased that he leads and allows me to express my submission to him in the many forms that our flavor allows. I'm one lucky girl.






HIS POV:

I am truley and magnificently blessed to call  Ms. June my own, and I would echo much of what she has said.  I try to be a uplifting influence in her life and I would never...ever try to reduce her or humiliate her... June is my greatest blessing in life and to see  her shine brightest I would use my life and energies to see her elevated to happiness and true satisfaction.  Through Love, Discipline, and erotic intrigue, humiliation has no place for us, dedication, patience, love, and kindness are what we delight in!

18 comments:

  1. Oh goodness, Juniebug. You always put things so wonderfully. I completely understand/agree with all of that. It's never humiliation with Monster and I. It's more of a reaffirmation for the both of us. It helps me sane, when otherwise I would a loopy in the head and continue on a downward spiral.

    Brilliant, just brilliant.

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    1. Thanks, lil sweet dream :) All of it feels safe and secure and enriching and that is amazing. He is the whole world to me.

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  2. You missed faerie. :) But yeah, I think the fact that there's nothing to be humiliated about helps. Even so, the first few times (I can't even remember the first time, how weird is that? you'd think that'd be something you'd remember) there was an aspect of "Why am I asking for this?" that was a little humiliating. I got over it in fine form, I think. :)

    You are one lucky girl!

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    1. Thanks! I'll have to go back & fix that - I was trying to remember, you remember reading stuff, but not where or exactly where to find it, lol.

      Oh gosh, yes, the first few minutes it's always that - what was I thinking?! Am I crazy? But then it's yum :D Yes, I'd say you did, too, and with a hawtness that brings out the sweet tea and paper church fans, lol.

      Yes, most definitely very lucky.....how long till he gets home?? lol

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  3. I do not feel humiliationfrom it, I feel completion. I just feel like we had this issue, we spanked, it hurt, and now we have moved on. Part of our dynamic is a lot of talking too. We talk before, during, and after and fpr me that makes the whole thing better.

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    1. Thank you, Kat. That's how I feel too with correction. It lets us move past it. He cares enough to take us past those things, and that is a marvelous thing!

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  4. What a lovely post and even though we don't do discipline if we did it would probably happen a lot like you described. I have no desire to be humiliated and he has no desire to humiliate me.

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    1. Thanks very much, faerie. It sounds odd, and I'm sure anonymous would be trembling in his/her boots, but being loved in this way, being guided, being totally in his hands, is a safe and lovely feeling. He is a most honorable man, and it is I count myself among the luckiest of the lucky.

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  5. Well said by both of you. Regards, SNP

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  6. It's interesting June. Even though you and I have slightly different kinds of relationships, sometimes the way you word things has me bobbing my head up and down. Thanks.

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    1. Thanks very much, Susie. It is interesting. Daddy and I have talked about it and we are truly a little of this and a little of that, but put ourselves closer to a DD dynamic, probably. Both of us really dislike labels anyway. We are who we are.

      The conclusion that I have come to, is that it's less about what we call our dynamics, it's how we interact with, feel about, and talk about our partners. We actually were talking about this last night. It's not a game for us, it is 24/7, this is who we are, and how we are. How we talk about each other here,is how we talk TO each other. He IS my leader, and beside our children, my greatest blessing.

      The bloggers I identify the most with consistently are the ones that express the same appreciation and respect for their men. We can certainly identify situationally with most other bloggers. Gosh this could be a post all in itself, lol.

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  7. Michael doesn't want to humiliate me either. As you said, being spanked can be a humbling experience, but it's never been a humiliating one for me.

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    1. Thank you, Grace. I think it has more to do with the interpersonal dynamic and communication rather than the lifestyle dynamic - and the intent. Ward's intent is to clear the air of things that could create distance, absolution and growth.

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  8. MMMmm we don't do discipline either, but even in the realm of kink / spanking / bondage etc there is no humiliation involved. BIKSS never wants to do that, and I have no interest in it either. HAving said that, some people need that feeling to get past whatever it is they've done wrong, or so I read. ..sometimes it's just about getting off on it as a fetish. Whichever it is, I like the way you describe your own dynamic. It's beautiful.

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    1. Oh, your name is easier now :)

      I respond to Ward on a level that I cannot even begin to describe, I don't know that that would have happened if there was humiliation involved. For me it is much more humbling to know that I have disappointed him, and disappointed myself in so doing. And the message - I know you can do better - makes me want to. I fear I'd be one of those rebellious girls if he was one who berated.

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