Saturday, August 18, 2012


I've been thinking - again - told you I was dangerous. In Change, Growth, Trust and Submission I asked, "The only worry that I have - and I ask him all the time - is this too much? Do I lean too much? Is the burden too heavy? Because having to do that, to carry that wears on me. But my man - he thrives on it."

I know that when he is away, when he cannot be here, when I cannot lean, it is daunting. I know that by the end of the day I feel like I've been run over a cheese grater a couple of thousand times, I'm numb and tired. I know there are a lot of us whose spouses travel, myself, Stormy, mouse, Grace, Riley. And as seems to happen so often, there is a vein of thought running through the community, and not necessarily in posts, but in our conversations with each other in the comments.

I need Ward. And it seems that needs grows proportionally with the growth of my submission. All of the bloggers I mentioned above have made similar observations, as well as faerie and Susie. The longer we do TTWD, the more I lean. In a world where it seems women are considered weak when they are dependent, we thrive as we become more dependent. That statement would outrage feminists everywhere.

Like so many of the words that have relevance to submissive women, the word dependent seems to bear a negative meaning. As defined in the dictionary, dependence is a noun meaning:

  1. The state of being dependent, as for support.
  2.  Subordination to someone or something needed or greatly desired.
  3. The state of being determined, influenced, or controlled by something else. 
  4. A compulsive or chronic need; an addiction.
Well that IS kind of bristly, isn't it? I personally dislike the word subordinate. And the rest of those are just not very much better. Ahhh, but wait...

     5. Trust; reliance. (reliance is defined as: The faith, confidence, or trust felt by one who relies)

Well, there we are. That sounds much more like us. I don't depend on Ward because I must. I depend on Ward because I trust him. I depend on Ward because he is honorable. I depend on Ward because I trust him more than anyone on this earth. I trust Ward with my life. I trust Ward with the children I brought into our relationship. I have faith in his leadership.

So, no, I don't feel less because I depend on my man. I feel blessed that I can. I enjoy it. And that seems purely selfish. So my worry, remains, not that I am dependent, but that it will exhaust my Ward, because it is not my aim to take away from him, but to fill him, to support him, to serve him, to love him with all that I am.

June honors me with her trust and faith.  Every day that we are together, we live for each other and her sentiments in this regard reflect that.  She often ask me if it's too much, to which I smile and reassure her that it is in fact not too much at all, and that it is my greatest privilege to be the head of our family. To guide, protect, nurture, love and discipline is my job and she enables me to do this so very well... even when I am away from home for long periods of time. Our dependence on each other is a beautiful piece of our life together and I wouldn't have it any other way.


  1. Thanks for both of your points of view. I ask my love that same question with some frequency. I appreciate a peek into someone else's thoughts on this subject.

    1. SirQsMLB, thanks so much. That's one of the best things I think about our little blogland community - that we can see we're not so odd with our thoughts, worries, concerns, wants, needs and desires. It's always wonderful to have some sort of concurrence, especially when it is something emotionally charged that we are struggling with.

  2. My husband feels the same way as Ward. He is most fulfilled when I lean on him, when I'm open and he much prefers me to be honestly needy than dishonestly distant. It is so hard to wrap my head around, the fact of all this and that he finds my tears feminine and sweet. I sure am thankful that he was made this way though, b/c I love it!

    1. Ward and I just had a conversation about that the other night, Susie, that I thought he liked that I was free enough to cry with him. His response is immediate and sincere, and very comforting. Yes, definitely, distance is not at all allowed,and Ward would much prefer a messy interlude than anything unspoken between us.

      My life experience has been that people turn away when you need. And that is hard to wrap my head around, too, this man softens so much and feels a genuine need to make everything right. Sometimes I don't know how to react to that, but his love and consistency has made that easier, and now it is something I am learning to accept with grace and gratitude, instead of fear and suspicion.

      I love it too, so very much, and I am so grateful for Ward's presence and strength in my life.

  3. Last night Michael said to me "You are mine. You belong to me." And he went on out expound on what exactly that means. When he finished I turned to him and asked "Is that how you want it?" And he replied "Yes, of course!" I smiled and snuggled into his embrace. Like you, it seems to me that it must be too much, that I must be a burden to him. But, that's not how Michael views it at all. I think it actually strengthens him when I lean on him. I'm not sure it really makes sense to me, but I guess we compliment each other, and it works, so I try not not question it so much anymore. ;)

    1. That should be "and he went on to expound" not "and he went on out expound." Ooops!

    2. LOL - I read it the intended way, funny how the brain works.

      Yes, it is hard, I think the same thing of Ward. The more I lean, the stronger he seems to grow and in fact says that it makes him want to be a better man, but he is the best man I have ever known. That is one thing I have to work on & we talked about that some today, accepting things he does for me with grace, because I don't want to be a drain. So I need to follow your good example :)


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