Friday, April 19, 2013

Strength and Softness and Balance


                                                 

 Strength... The word has defined my life.  I understand it deeper all the time, and I respect it's something that I have had to have all of the days of my life.  When I was a child, I never measured up to the expecations of it... And now sometimes I have to learn that their are other things in life that mean so much more than mere strength.  I'm 6'4 275lbs and I am strong... sometimes, I let my youngest hang off of my arm and enjoy that expression of wonder and brightness that only exists in the very young. Still, next to mental, emotional, and spiritual strength, my physical strength is nothing. There are things I don't like to talk about, and I promise that I won't get into here, but I have definitely seen more than my share of hard times throughout my life. The battles of the heart and mind are the toughest for me and that seems to have been the case since I was young. Still sometimes I must remind myself that at times there are no easy answers and there are no shortcuts  when it comes to dealing with the minds and hearts of the ones that I hold dear, the ones that look to me for answers.


                                                                      

 Sometimes the physical expression of my strength comes in handy and in fact is quite useful.  I am a good one to know when there is moving to be done, I'm deceptively athletic and am often able to parlay these physical skills into completing work and work related task quicker and more efficiently. I am prouder still of the mental and  emotional strength that I am able to provide my family with. Our boys have special needs  and many times they need a stable, male influence that provides  mentorship, confidence, and a voice of experience. I know that they haven't always had that, and it thrills me when I am able to help them see the actualization of their own potential.  More than strength alone, I have also realized that somtimes, more than just goal oriented focus and a direct, stern approach, they also need my unconditional acceptance, patience, and wisdom.  As I pondered these things, It became abundantly clear that these concepts can and should be easily applied to a DD/TTWD relationship. 


                                                   


 Throughout our relationship, I have learned and discovered that sometimes my initial thoughts on a subject or experience often require a second look... We both put a lot of work into this relationship, and I am one HoH who is ready to admit that he cares enough to be worried about the message that he sends his Wife.  Sometimes I don't always communicate well... and while I'm not proud of the way that I've handled everything, I generally feel that we do a good job of giving each other the respect, honor and attention that we as individuals deserve, but also as a couple... Sometimes a direct, logic-oriented approach just isn't the answer. Sometimes we get the most mileage and growth by making ourselves emotionally available to each other when we are at our most vulnerable.  Our life is often hectic, loud, noisy, and full of interesting little twists and turns that often leave us frazzled... it goes without saying that a frazzled husband or wife does not make for a smooth relationship environment.  Thus, it behooves me, the HoH, to be mindful of his words and deeds and balanced in his approach to his relationship.
                     


                                                     



Sometimes being my June's soft landing place, her shoulder to cry on and her ear to listen when things aren't easy is a something that I am proud to be able to give her.  Balancing strength, discipline, love, and  reciprocity yields big benefits, and while I don't always get everything right... She loves me enough to let me learn, let me grow, and do the same for me when I need it... I really don't want to think about where I would be if it weren't for June.. Even when I am not at my best she shows me that she loves me, she doesn't just tell me, she shows that she has faith in me... faith in us and in turn, this gives me the kind of confidence that a HoH requires in order to be effective... I am blessed and thankful to be able to count on my June for love, support and understanding and I hope that she can say the same of me. 

                                                               


Finding the balance between strength and softness and recognizing these same qualities within each other is a very helpful tool when we are finding each other through stress and day to day life. It gives us a guide in the difficult times and highlights and accentuates the good times.  We hope that you all have an opportunity to see what Balancing strength and softness can do for your relationship... You won't be disappointed.


Her POV:

Have I mentioned how very much I like it when Daddy calls me 'his June'? How very warm and like an enchanted princess it makes me feel?...

I have never had any one I could depend on I was always the one who had to be strong for everyone. And it wore me out. I wonder sometimes that Daddy can continue to exhibit that strength of heart and of character I worry that it will wear on him as well. But he seems to thrive on it. And it is so lovely to be able to sink into him.

I know that we have very high and exacting standards for our relationship, but in all reality I think Daddy is too hard on himself regarding how he communicates. I have never had anyone who cares so deeply about hearing my concerns and communicating well.

And in those times when it is hard, when I shut down, and he pulls it out of me, and I'm sure he will run for the hills, he never does. He uses that strength to pull out those things from my heart, and then he holds me up when I am sure I cannot go another step.

I do have faith in my Daddy and slowly he's teaching me to have faith in myself. I am proud of my Daddy, and what he brings to our family. I am proud of how well we communicate, I am proud of this man who has been along so long, and never exposed to children, let alone sometimes difficult children, and a definitely difficult woman, can hold us up and steer us in the right direction as a productive, cohesive unit that moves with grace and unity.


22 comments:

  1. This is beautiful. You both have such amazing strength. You are a gift to eachother!!

    Hugs,
    Fiona

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    1. Hi fiona :) Thanks so much for your kind words. My strength lies in him.

      (((hugs)))

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  2. what a wonderful post....as with anything it takes time for a couple to reach this depth.

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    1. Thank you, Tiffany. It feels as comfortable as forever and as fresh as the first pounding of my heart all at once.

      (((hugs)))

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  3. What a beautiful expression of the individual roles you play in your marriage. Lovely.
    hugs
    lillie

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    1. Thanks so much, Lillie-Belle :) He is an exceptional leader.

      (((hugs)))

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  4. It's beautiful to see how you are growing together.
    Bea

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    1. Thank you for your sweet words, Bea :)

      (((hugs)))

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  5. I really loved this! You two have such a special love for each other! Hugs!

    <3 Katie

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    1. Thank you, Katie :) In all of my life there was no other love.

      (((hugs)))

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  6. Beautiful.

    We also have a high standard for operating within our "circle of two" and it can be hard to know where the balance is. We get there a little at a time, like you have. It's worth all the struggle. I loved this post because it is clear how he wants to always be reaching for another level, better leadership. I think my husband is the same way, willing to question himself to better achieve the balance of strength and tenderness.

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    1. Thanks very much, Stormy. I very much like that image - a circle of two. Because we never know what he career will require of us, we are very insular in the times we have together. I have never experienced it with another person, but the balance is almost instinctive with him. And we have our measures when the balance tilts one way or the other.

      Ward does as well, and it is astounding to see him always reach further. He asks more of himself than he asks of me, and that makes me want to give him all.

      (((hugs)))

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  7. Another great message, and a beautiful expression of your love and of your roles.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Thanks so much, Roz. I love reading when Daddy writes. It's ind of a window into the things he sometimes doesn't say.

      (((hugs)))

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  8. What a beautiful post, and how neat to have both POVs.

    Did you know that the Chinese character for "man" contains the characters for "strength" (the one you put here) plus the character for "field"? A man was someone who displayed strength in the field (think back to when most people farmed). A fitting analogy to your message here.

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    1. Welcome, Anastasia, and thank you so much for your kind words. We each lend our POV to the words of the other. It's a reflection of how we live.

      That's a lovely thought. I love the way the Chinese construct hànzì. And that is indeed a fitting one. Thanks so much for sharing. I have hànzì on the back of my neck, dī méi in Pinyan, which means "eyes downward in submission".

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  9. I love reading here and being able to share in your beautiful relationship. This is so lovely.

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    1. Thanks so much, Zoe. We're humbled, and pleased that you find something worthwhile here :)

      (((hugs)))

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  10. Thank you both for sharing such a lovely message and your wonderful relationship. Whenever I need comforting, I can come visit and feel the warmth and love you two are so generous to share with all of us.

    Hugs and Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Awwww, thanks, Cat :) It makes me happy to know that we can gift something small to you, who gifts all of us in blogland in a big way.

      (((hugs)))

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  11. The balance of strength and softness is what always amazes one about Daddy. He demonstrates both so easily when guiding our family it draws me too him in every way. One does not think she could have one without the other but she knows she won't have to ever worry about it either. Thank you for putting those feelings into words.

    June, your difficult comment caused a good laugh, that is just the last adjective that would come to mind when thinking of you.

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    1. thank you, dancingbarez, more difficult than I would like to be I'm afraid, though Daddy says it is just me expressing my need for him.

      It does me as well! It is wonderful to have that loved and safe feeling that comes from living under his hand and within his strength. I am most grateful, and I am glad that we could give voice to your feelings.

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