Waking Up Hard (Erotica)

It's 3am and I'm wide awake.
The sweet, soft echo of your voice
still rings through my head
even though I put down the receiver
and hit the "End" button hours ago.

The sweet softness of your voice
at the end of the day
transports me to a different place and time,
and in your arms
I find the sweet comfort that you gift to me.

Your submission is like
a succulent, ripe peach on a hot day...
the juice makes my fingers sticky
and my tongue yet longs
for more than a mere taste.

Beneath my hand
you blossom and flourish,
glow and sparkle
amongst the dull pallor of day to day life....

I turn in the darkness,
moaning and groping
for your beautiful, soft curves,
absent them I find succor in knowing
that soon we will bring each other
to the edge of the universe and back
in a passionate explosion
that will make the walls tremble and resound.

for now....
I woke up hard,
sleek and long and ready for you,
pulsating with life and energy
dying to spend deep within your loving warmth.

I can feel the softness of your skin,
I hear the soft noises
of passion's embrace slide from your lips
and it drives me to more.

Your breasts
are round and sweet,
your hips and thighs
as sweet as pomegranate.
You are as sweet as honey
under my tongue
and from one passion to the next..
I fill you

And in this moment
we are perfect and free.
Thrusting...
biting...
scratching....
claiming...
release.

We tumble head over feet,
dancing among the stars
in a sweet conflagration of total unity
and in that moment we become one.
My heart pounds against my chest,
my hands tremble
and when I uncurl I realize...

That it's 3am
and I'm wide awake,
rock hard and waiting
for the sweet soft echo of your voice...
I'm returned
and the magic that takes me has gone

I smile with the knowledge of our love
and I grow...

Ward ~ 3-2012

Just me

Those who know me well hear me say that phrase quite often.  I'm just me.I say it to friends, I say it to Ward. I say it when I am uncomfortable with praise or gratitude. I've never quite experienced them before.

I am just who I am - just me. I do what I see, what I feel needs to be done. I have a highly defined moral imperative. Maybe because I have seen and experienced a lot of suffering. If I can do something to ease the way for someone, I must. That's how I'm made. I can't turn a blind eye. But I don't think that's especially noteworthy. It doesn't take an effort. I don't have to think about it. It's just there. It would be uncomfortable for me not to help. I don't see that as especially special. I don't see me as especially special.

I frankly see myself with lots and lots of flaws (I'm all brave now, you see, because Daddy is not here). Ward has said from the very beginning that I was quite uncommon. What I heard of course, was 

Aren't you an odd little thing?

Ward takes great issue with that view. That's why one of my rules is 'no self-deprecation'. And he has decided that one of his missions is to allow me to see myself through his eyes. He said before he left (and in letters since) that he knows I have a hard time seeing it, but when he gets back he is going to show me every day how special and beautiful I am. I think that's a tall order. 

I do feel a shift, ever so slight. I don't feel special, but I feel....okay. I feel his influence. I hear his voice, even when he's not here. It's not something that may ever change completely. And it won't change in a thunderbolt. It's more like I am sand, and Ward is the sea. He gently and patiently and diligently, works, strokes, shapes my perceptions. 

 (the diligently working man is Ward!)

                                                                          

 I will never be the person who says 'I am fabulous!'. But I am maybe gaining some small measure of appreciation for perfectly imperfect just me

All give some, some give all

Dragon's Rose posted a beautiful story about being a military wife and that included a picture that said - Happy Memorial Day - just in case you thought it was National Barbecue Day.

Even if you don't agree with the reasons that we go to the places this country goes, or the why of it, remember that we are served by honorable men and women who believe with all their hearts in what they are doing, and believe with all their hearts that their actions protect you and I. They give their time, their blood, sweat, tears. Their sacrifice is great. They sacrifice time with their families, they sacrifice the things you and I take for granted. Sometimes they sacrifice their minds and their souls and a lifetime of the peace we take for granted. Sometimes, they give their lives.

The numbers are staggering. Thank a service person for their service. Remember those who have fallen and those missing still:

World War I
Total service members: 4,734,991
Total casualties: 116,516
Non-mortal wounded: 204,002
Living veterans: less than 25

World War II
Total service Members: 16,112,566
Total casualties: 404,993
Non-mortal wounded: 671,846
POW/MIA: 79,000+
Living veterans: 3,242,000

Korean War
Total service members: 5,720,000
Total casualties: 54,246
Non-mortal wounded: 103,284
POW/MIA: 7,500+
Living veterans: 3,086,4000

Vietnam War
Total service members: 8,744,000
Total casualties: 90,269
Non-mortal wounded: 153,303
POW/MIA: 1,700
Living veterans: 7, 286,500

Gulf War
Total service members: 2,225,000
Total casualties: 2094
Non-mortal wounded: 467
POW/MIA: 6
Living veterans:  1,852,000

Global War on Terror (includes those serving in Afghanistan and Iraq)
Total service members: 1,249,367
Total casualties: 6,018
Non-mortal wounded: 43,399
POW/MIA: 126

In honor of:
Major JJF, Jr. - 8-11-68 in Thua Thien, Vietnam - US Army Special Forces- served 12 years at time of death
Lt. Cdr PLW - 4-26-78 in North Vietnam - US Navy Fixed wing pilot - served 12 years at time of death
My Ward - US Navy Silent Service - 9 years, currently deployed

All US Military personnel past and present. Thank you for your service.

Psychological explanation for TTWD??

Here is something you didn't know about me. I go to school. When my then husband left my children and I for a girl half our age, I was shocked to say the least. I had planned on going back to school when my youngest was in school for midwifery or psychology. When he left, I wanted to remain available for my youngest as I was for my oldest, and thought that I could not do either and still be available for the boys. So I decided on computer information systems - what the fluff was that about?

It seemed the wise thing at the time. No clinicals, study from home, work and school both online, the boys don't suffer. At first it was not so bad. But gradually, I felt like I was beating my head against the wall. I disliked the business classes. I disliked the corporate environment. And after a while coding, instead of being fun - look what I can make the computer do,

became oh my God, it's eating my brain! It was like sitting in a room alone all day doing calculus - blech!

                                                    

It was absolutely soul-sucking.

I talked to Ward about it, and as supportive as ever, he told me to do what was going to make me happiest, even if it meant 'losing' time in obtaining my degree. And, happily as it turned out, I actually will be done one semester sooner, all of my CIS credits filled all my free electives. All I have to take are my core classes and in 14 months I'll have my BA in Child and Early Development. You can't do clinical work with a BA, but there is an agency in town which does crisis interventions in schools, and places at risk children with a counselor available through the school day. I will go to work with them as I pursue my Masters to do clinical work.

I have Ethics and Intro to Psych this session and I am carrying an A in both classes. I feel engaged, excited and invested. This week in psych we are studying emotion, stress and personality. And as I was doing some reading for class today I had this light bulb moment. Something I read equated so incredibly with TTWD that I had to share it. I know I'm not the only one that wonders why TTWD is a very real need for some of us.

Many of us have said we don't know why the spanking makes us feel better, it just does. I read the following passage and the note I made in my book was this: DD has health benefits! The passage reads:

     James Pennebaker and his colleagues  have conducted many correlational  and experimental         studies that demonstrate the advantages to our mental and physical health of opening up versus suppressing our feelings. This research team has found that simply talking about or writing about our emotions or our reactions to negative events [negative thoughts from our past and actions based upon our fears & doubts are what leads most of us otk] provides substantial health benefits. For instance Pennebaker and Beall randomly assigned students to write about either the most traumatic and stressful events of their lives or trivial topics. Although the students who wrote about the traumas had higher blood pressure and more negative moods immediately after they wrote their essays, they were also less likely to visit the student health center for illness during the following six months.

And a subsequent passage:
     Daily writing about one's emotional states has been found to increase immune system functioning.

WOW! So that means that those of us who are in DD relationships, where we communicate often and better, are open about our negative thoughts and feelings and also blog - are a pretty darn healthy bunch, emotionally and physically and have killer immune systems. Hmmmm, ya think we could advocate DD for it's health benefits ?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY!

Would everyone please join me in wishing Ward a very Happy Birthday!

I certainly wish that he was here to enjoy his birthday presents (some toys from cane-iac), and I make everyone a cake on their birthday, with a favorite character on it. I asked Daddy what he wanted on his cake and he said he wanted:

He should be here with me and the boys, but he is here:

I send him, in his daily letters the best posts of blogland, so he can stay connected. So if you will be so kind as to wish him Happy Birthday, I'll print it out for him.

Thanks!

The Pledge (Erotica)

The truth is
when I look at you
something changes in me.

Something I thought I had lost,
something I thought
 I would never find
appears in front of me
warm and writhing from my attention.

The prized gift
of love and submission
fills me
with the kind of pride
that some people
can only dream
and search a lifetime for.

The sweet softness of your skin,
the taste of your lips
and the warmth
that springs from you
inspire me to be more,

And this more
is what I long to give you.
I can only do my best,
and to that
I pledge myself to you
I love you...

Ward ~ 12-2011
**************************
Ward wrote this one for me, how lovely is that?

Transcendent

I was talking to a friend who is new to DD. She said I shine. She says Ward and I shine as a couple. It's not the first time that I've been told this. She tells me that when I speak about Ward, everything about me changes, my voice, my face, my mood. That's not the first I've heard that either. Even my kids see it. So in listening to my friend, the word transcendence came to mind. I know that Ward shines. He shines so brightly that he warms me, chases my fears and lifts the darkness from my heart.

I see it in other couples. I see it in the way the women talk of their men, and their lives and their loves. I hear it in Monster's Nightmare's posts, and our conversations, and when Monster talks about her. I hear it in Stormy's posts. I hear it in Christina's, and faerie's, and C's, and Jacquie's. I see it all over this wonderful community.

I began to look for the ways that we achieve that which others claim to aspire to. What do we do that is different from the rest of the world?

No, I'm not saying we're perfect. I, myself, am perfectly imperfect. What I am saying is that we give each other those very small and painless things, respect, love and forgiveness. They cost nothing, nothing more than the surrender of our false pride. And they make us rich and strong. They make us transcendent. We transcend ego as a result of love, service, non-egoic discipline, and undivided attention for another.

Absolutely, it is important to take care of, to nurture each other and our relationships. That entity that is created when two people come together is transcendent. It exists above this world and guides all our interactions both in the world and in our families. It is what carries us through the years, and it is from it that we draw our strength.

I am proud of my man. I am proud of the person that I am becoming. I am proud to be part of this community of extraordinary people who create light and positive energy so bright within their families that it spills over and blesses every one of us. We are transcendent.